Two chapters in one day, because it was simply impossible for me to write chapter 4 without writing chapter 5, too. You would've gotten an update sooner, but I would've gone crazy. I value my readers, but I value my sanity more :)
Count To Ten
Chapter 5
Still Day 3…
„Breaking up with someone and then telling them We can still be friends is about as encouraging as saying Your dog died but you can keep it."
„I don't have a dog."
„It was just an example, B."
„I would be sad if I had a dog and it died. But I'd be even more sad if my duck died."
„Same difference."
„Shut it, Mercedes."
„Will something happen to my duck, San? The thought makes me sad."
„No, of course not. You duck will be fine."
„Are you sure?"
„I promise."
„I'm still sad."
Santana sent a death glare to Mercedes, and Rachel tuned out. She was sure that Brittany understood her telling Artie I'm with San now, but you're a great friend and I like riding you (as in sitting on your lap, in your wheelchair, cruising through the halls, went unsaid but surely that was what the girl had been referring to) a few weeks back wasn't that much of a consolation to the boy. Brittany might be living in her own little world at times, but she understood people, and the apologetic looks she sometimes sent Artie before taking Santana's hand spoke volumes about her grasp on the situation. Mercedes was trying to make her see things she already knew, probably because she was bored without Kurt there to gossip with (he'd claimed a doctor's appointment, but she suspected more of a Blaine appointment), but only succeeding in aggravating Santana, and Rachel didn't need to hear any of that.
Glee practise was about to start and Quinn was nowhere in sight and something about that bothered Rachel. Not that she needed Quinn to be there, of course. It was just an ordinary practise and Quinn was only one of about a dozen members. She'd expected Quinn to be there because it would only be logical for her to be there, as she was part of the club, and because she'd told Rachel see you in Glee three more times since the day before, but not for any other reason than that. Not because Quinn had been acting strange, nice, and Santana had told her someone was going to do something nice for her. Not because she wished the change in the cheerleader's attitude meant something more. No. Definitely not because of that.
But then, when Quinn finally shot through the door a second before Mr. Schuester called the meeting to a start, she suddenly felt lighter, and, admittedly, also a little hopeful. She heard Santana mutter coward under her breath and chose to ignore it. As it turned out, wait and see was another statement she suddenly agreed with.
„Mr. Schuester, I have a song I'd like to perform."
Wait and see just got a hell of a lot more interesting.
„Really, Quinn? That's wonderful", Mr. Schuester said, clearly as taken aback as the Gleeks in the room. Quinn hardly ever volunteered a song, opting to blend in the crowd instead. „Well, do you want to do it now?"
„Um, sure", Quinn nodded and got up to stand next to the piano. Santana and Brittany stayed seated, causing another surprised murmur to go through the group. Quinn had always either sung with a partner or with her two best friends as backup, but never completely alone. „So, uh, this is for someone special. I mean, this song is directed at a specific person. Not that this person isn't special, I mean, she…uhm…I just, you'll know what I mean. And who I mean. Hopefully. But it's pretty self-explanatory."
No one said anything, and Quinn just stood there staring at the ground, and Rachel couldn't take it anymore. „I'm sure it will be great." And it would be. No matter what Quinn would sing or who she would sing to, regardless of any hopes or preferences Rachel might have on that matter, it would be great. Rachel was convinced of this, and she tried to make her eyes and her voice convey that to Quinn.
Apparently, it worked, because she came out of her frozen state and with a wave of her hand she gave the sign for the music to start.
Three seconds in, realization hit Rachel like a ton of bricks. Everything made sense now, in a way it hadn't in a long time. This was it. The build-up was over. The questioning was over. It was all there in the first few chords. She saw everything clear. Because there was no way Quinn was singing this song to anyone else but her.
When we were growing up
You always looked like you were having such fun
You always were and you always will be
The confident and talented one
When you sing, people love you
They gravitate towards you
That's why I started to hate you so much
And I'd just insult then ignore you
The changed lyrics didn't go unnoticed by anyone, and Rachel felt tears spring to her eyes at the thought that Quinn had worked hard on this song to make it her own. To make it her confession. Her apology.
Gaining confidence, Quinn moved around the room, coming to stand in front of Rachel and taking her hand when she began the chorus.
I don't know why I felt the need to keep it up for oh so long
It's all my fault, I'm sorry, you did absolutely nothing wrong
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years
All the pain I've caused you
The constant flow of all the tears
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologize enough
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love
And if it's not too late
Could you please find it deep within you heart…
To try and go back, go back to the start?
Go back to the start…
Her vision was clouded by her tears, but she swore she saw Quinn crying too. But she never faltered in her singing, belting the lyrics out with emotion. She'd cried once before during a performance - Keep Holding On had hit so close to her heart that she'd giving up on singing and instead just mouthed the words, looking up to the ceiling. Not this time, though. This time her voice was strong and insistent and her eyes never left Rachel.
I've been so evil with my constant invasions
And you made it so easy for me
You'd always rise to the occasion
I'd always pull you up on everything you would say
I didn't know how to stop
Messing around with your head
I don't know why I felt the need to keep it up for oh so long
It's all my fault, I'm sorry, you did absolutely nothing wrong
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years
All the pain I've caused you
The constant flow of all the tears
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologize enough
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love
And if it's not too late
Could you please find it deep within you heart…
To try and go back, go back to the start?
Go back to the start…
It was a surreal experience. She heard nothing except Quinn's voice and the melody in the background, and she saw nothing but Quinn, Quinn looking at her, Quinn singing to her. No other Gleeks joining in or throwing each other looks, no Mr. Schuester adding words of approval, no noise from outside the bandroom or Santana and Brittany high-fiving each other. There was nothing except Quinn and the music, and that was all that she needed. In a way, it was all she wanted.
This is not just a song
I intend to put these words into action
I hope that it sums up the way that I feel
To your satisfaction
I don't know why I felt the need to keep it up for oh so long
It's all my fault, I'm sorry, you did absolutely nothing wrong
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years
All the pain I've caused you
The constant flow of all the tears
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologize enough
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love
And if it's not too late
Could you please find it deep within you heart…
To try and go back, go back to the start?
Go back to the start…
Go back to the start…
Go back to the start…
During the last rendition of the chorus, Quinn had been standing next to the piano again, but as the last words faded out, she was suddenly once more in front of Rachel. Her eyes were pleading and she repeated Go back to the start again and again and again, even when the music stopped and the words lost the melody behind them and turned into an imploring whisper.
„That was amazing, Quinn", Mr. Schuester said, but even his bad timing couldn't ruin the moment.
Rachel shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, trying to come up with something, anything, to say to Quinn that wasn't just a jumble of Oh my god and Of course we can start new and That was so amazing.
„I…"
„Tell me", Quinn encouraged when Rachel didn't say more.
And she wanted to. Really, really wanted to, but the second she opened her mouth again, she heard Santana's words in her mind. Don't give up on our plan…someone is going to do something nice for you…I don't want you to fuck it up…
And so Rachel did the only thing she knew worked with Quinn. She closed her eyes and counted.
1…everything is going to be fine…
2…just a few more seconds…
3…think about it…
4…don't scare her away…
5…there goes my rule of not crushing on her…
6…what if I dreamed all this?…
7…it's too good to be true…
8…but it's real…
9…so help me god…
10…finally…
When she opened her eyes, she was met with blue eyes staring back at her. Blue eyes that were…wait a minute…blue? Quinn's eyes aren't blue…oh fuck. A flash of red and white, Santana chasing after Quinn who was running out the door, Brittany's blue eyes filling with tears and her comforting hand on her shoulder as she helplessly watched the damage her silence had done.
„What have I done?", the diva cried, but it was only when Brittany replied with „I think you killed Quinn's dog" that she truly understood just how wrong things had gone. And in that moment, she wanted to kill Santana.
„What in Barbra Streisand's name is going on here?"
Of course Kurt would choose this moment to make his entrance.
„Santana Lopez is a dead woman", Rachel informed him, ignoring Brittany's disapproving look.
Suddenly everyone started speaking at once, but Kurt was experienced in gossip, and one look at the diva told him it would be her he'd get the whole story from. „Okay, everyone out!", he shouted. „Sorry, Mr. Schuester", he added when he heard the teacher clearing his throat.
„Kurt is right. Practise is over, you can all go. I'll leave you to it", he nodded to Kurt and Rachel.
One last pat on the back from Brittany, a few confused looks from her fellow teammates, a dirty grin from Puck, and then they were alone. And after about five minutes of watching Rachel Berry fume in passionate anger, Kurt just had to ask: „So…what's got you in such a mood?"
A few classrooms down the hall, Quinn and Santana were sitting in silence. One of them was crying, the other one clenching her fists. How had this happened? Why had the dwarf ruined everything? Quinn had been singing her heart out and she just sat there, letting it wash over her, not saying one damn thing and leaving Quinn hanging. Couldn't she have at least said something? Everything would've been better than that defeating silence. Really, of all the times she chose to be quiet, did it have to be…oh god. Oh fuck. Oh no no no no no…What had she done? What had she been thinking? How could she not have seen this? How could she not have realized…? She knew why. Because she was Santana Lopez, and she rarely took responsibility for her actions. Sure, she was always honest about it when she played a prank or ratted someone out or set out to hurt someone. But when it was not intentional? When was truly sorry for fucking up? Not so much. And so she'd spent the last twenty minutes cursing Rachel instead of thinking about her own part in the whole thing. She was the one who told Rachel to act exactly the way she had acted. Rachel had trusted her. Quinn had trusted her. And everything went downhill.
„I'm sorry", she breathed.
„It's not your fault", Quinn sniffled.
„Yeah, no, it really is, Q."
For a while, neither girl said anything, but something in Santana's voice had alerted the blonde. She turned to take a good look at her best friend and took in the dejected expression.
„What did you do, Santana?"
„I sort of told Rachel to not say anything to your song."
„You WHAT?" In the blink of an eye, Quinn was up, the HBIC mask firmly in place. „You told her I would sing to her? And you told her to not react? I thought we were friends!"
„I just wanted to help!", the Latina shouted.
„How was that supposed to help?"
„It was easier for you talking to her this last week, wasn't it?"
„Explain." Her voice was void of emotion. She wanted to hear this, and then she would decide how she felt about it. Explanations first, feelings later.
„You planned this thing for her and Brit and I wanted to help."
„Brittany was in on this?" Of course she was. The two were a packaged deal.
„When we saw you trying to have a normal conversation, and failing at it, we decided that we should do something. I mean, singing that song was a great idea and all, but I just thought if you both were kinda friends before you did your thing, she'd be more receptive."
„I can see your point."
„So I told her that shutting up once in a while would make people like her more."
„You what?" Change of plan. Feelings first, explanations later. „What the hell, Santana? Do you need to insult the girl every chance you get?"
„Yes, well, she didn't really like the idea either."
Quinn scoffed. She could imagine how that conversation went down.
„So we compromised on her counting to ten before saying anything. It worked. I mean, it didn't really, not on anyone else at least, but on you it did."
„Did it?"
„You said yourself that you felt talking to her was easier this week."
„Yeah, but I didn't…" know. She didn't know. Sure, she'd noticed something was different, but she'd thought it was her own courage that made the difference.
„I really only wanted to help." And she'd learned my lesson. Brittany could pout at her all she wanted, she was never helping anyone ever again.
„I believe you, S. You said it didn't work on anyone but me?"
„Everyone else was either angry or impatient with her. But she wouldn't give up. It worked on you and that was enough for her."
„Really?"
„Yeah. And because it worked so well, she stuck to her rule today in Glee, too."
„But she liked it? She did it because she forgives me? Because she wants to give us a shot at a real conversation about this?"
„Uh…I don't know exactly…I just…I told her someone was going to do something nice for her and to not fuck it up or I'd hurt her", Santana admitted, and then she covered her ears as Quinn screamed in frustration.
„By not fuck it up you meant not speak, am I right?", the head cheerleader growled out.
The Latina only nodded. Words were overrated when everything you said made the whole you were digging for yourself deeper.
„Are you trying to sabotage my life?"
„It was a good plan!"
„No, it was a dumb plan!"
„I. Was. Just. Trying. To. HELP!"
„We're talking about Rachel Berry! What good can come of telling her to shut up?"
„You tell me! You were content with it the whole week!"
„I would've talked to her anyway! I like her! I've liked her before she counted to ten! It made things easier but that doesn't mean I would've given up!"
„Her ramblings give you headaches!"
„Her rambling is cute!"
Utter silence, then „When did that happen?" from a dumb-founded Santana.
„I don't know", Quinn said in an equally quiet voice. „It just did. I don't want her to change."
„I'm beginning to get that", Santana sighed. „We're going to fix this, okay?"
„Yeah? How are we going to do that?"
„I have an idea", the Latina grinned.
„Heaven help us…"
Back in the band room, it was completely silent, which shouldn't have come as a surprise. Rachel was all talked out and Kurt was speechless. Silence was absolutely logical. But Kurt felt like there should be noise. Like the sound of a car crash or a plane starting or people shouting or – probably the most fitting – some kind of soundtrack. Because this story? Total movie material. Especially when the door flung open and an angry Santana Lopez walked up to them, completely ignored him, took Rachel's arm and dragged her out. The last thing he heard was "One week! You knew it was bad advice and you still followed it for a whole week! What's wrong with you? We're going to fix this! Right now!"
He chuckeld to himself and went to pick up his things. When he turned back to the door, he came face to face with the last person he expected to see in that moment. The smirk on her face was unexpected and a little bit unsettling. „Kurt", Quinn said, her voice sweet. „Just the person I was looking for."
The song is Back To The Start by Lily Allen :)