Author's Note: Anyone miss me?
Count To Ten
Chapter 7
"I think we need to talk."
But when she opened her mouth, nothing came out, and Quinn seemed to have the same problem. The words were there, but there were just too many of them. So many things to say, so many things to ask, but no idea how to string two words or more together and form an actual sentence.
"I think we need to talk."
And they really did, but would it change things? If it did, would it change them for better or worse? She had decided to not plan this conversation, but now she was at a loss. It was the control freak in her that freaked out and the teenager that was scared. Where was the part of her that just talked?
"I think we need to talk."
The words just wouldn't come. It wasn't a matter of putting herself out there with words she was afraid to say, and it wasn't a matter of being diplomatic or honest or straight-forward. It was simply a matter of not knowing what to say.
"I think we need to talk."
But then, Quinn had found the words, hadn't she? With that song – that wonderful, amazing, emotional song – she'd put herself out there, in front of the whole Glee club, and she'd known exactly what to say. In that moment, Rachel had had the words; in that moment, there had been no doubt in the diva's mind about the conversation they'd have ten seconds later. Now, though?
"I think we need to talk."
Quinn had been crushed by her lack of reaction. She'd risked something and had it all been thrown back in her face by ten seconds of hurtful silence. Could she make this right? Could she find the needle in the haystack – the right thing to say out of all the words that swirled in her head?
"I think we need to talk."
Looking at Quinn's face, studying her nervous expression, she knew the other girl was looking for words as much as she was. She had disappointed the blonde and still, here she was, trying to fix things. Trying to talk to her. And with that, Rachel made a decision. She wasn't going to waste her time finding the perfect words. She was going to shoot straight from the heart. She was going to…
"Are you ever going to say anything? After all this build-up, this is really anticlimactic, you know?"
"Maybe they've skipped talking and already went on to much more enjoyable ways of communication. Maybe they can't talk because their mouths are otherwise occupied."
"Kurt! Santana! Don't you have somewhere to be?", Rachel shouted.
Quinn, for her part, just stood there grinning, and Rachel felt a weight lift off her chest. Maybe this wasn't going to be a total disaster.
"Those two are just…", she trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence with insulting anyone.
"Oh, yeah", Quinn nodded. "Totally." Then, turning her head towards the door once more, she raised her voice. "We're fine doing this on our own, thank you very much!"
They heard grumbling and something that sounded suspiciously like a foot being stamped on the ground, but then there was silence.
"We are?", Rachel looked at Quinn questioningly.
"What?"
"We're fine doing this on our own? Are you sure? Because our track record isn't exactly great", Rachel clarified.
At that, Quinn looked to the ground, her voice much smaller than it had been before. "So you didn't like my…-"
"I loved it", the brunette interrupted. "I'm sorry; let me correct my statement: I don't have the best track record. My reaction was-"
"A little disappointing, but only because you did what Santana told you to", Quinn said quickly.
"So you were right", Rachel smiled.
"I was? I mean, what about?" There really was nothing more adorable than a flustered Quinn.
"We are fine doing this on our own. It's them meddling that makes things complicated."
They were silent again for a while, but this time, it was much more comfortable.
"You said you loved my song", Quinn finally said.
"I did. It was…amazing. It was…I was…I wanted so badly to tell you…"
"It's okay."
"No, it's not", Rachel disagreed. "I'm incredibly sorry I left you hanging. You did something great for me and I never wanted you to feel like it wasn't appreciated. Because it was…is. Immensely so."
"Does that mean you forgive me?"
Did she really have to ask that?
"Do you really have to ask that?"
"Well, someone pointed out to me that you've apparently forgiven Santana without her ever apologizing."
"That should tell you something."
"It tells me you forgive too easily", Quinn shrugged. "But other than that, it doesn't really tell me much. It doesn't tell me where that leaves us. It doesn't tell me what you want to do about this now. It doesn't tell me how you feel about this…us."
"You care about that?", Rachel asked, truly wanting to know.
"I care about you", Quinn admitted.
Really, Rachel thought, why was I worried about what I'd say? She says all the right things.
"I care about you, too."
"Really?" It wasn't exactly disbelief that clouded Quinn's voice, but there was so much surprise in there that Rachel seriously wondered how the blonde had expected this all to go down.
"Yes", Rachel simply answered, her tone leaving no argument. "I'd have thought I'd have made that clear over time. Even if I didn't, I just forgave you. I may forgive too easily, but only when I care."
"So you care about Santana?", Quinn said, half joking, half curious.
Rachel had never before noticed how clearly she could hear Quinn's emotions in her voice. Maybe it was a recent development, or maybe she'd never paid enough attention. Or maybe Quinn was finally letting her see her true self. Whatever it was, she was going to make the most of it. "I care about everyone in Glee club", she said matter-of-factly.
"Oh." Dejected.
"About some more than others."
"Sure…" Evasive.
"You fall into the 'more' category."
"Oh?" Cautiously hopeful.
"No, that's not right."
"Oh." Dejected again.
"You have your own category."
"I…" Stunned. Unsure.
"I've forgiven you just like I forgave Santana. But it's a different situation – a different feeling. I want much more from you than that song-"
"I can apologize again if you-" Hurried.
"No."
"No?" Confused.
"No, that's not what I meant. I don't want you to apologize and have that be it. I want to apologize, too, because I'm partly at fault for our bad relationship. I want you to accept that apology and forgive me. And then I want us to make something of this – in whichever capacity you're comfortable with. I want us to have something that's more than being in the same club. Because I care about you more than that."
"You want all that?" Relieved.
"If you want it."
Rachel had never looked more shy, and Quinn had never been more elated, and it was then that they both noted how close they were standing to each other.
"I never thought…", Quinn started.
"Thought what?"
"That I'd be that lucky", the blonde whispered.
"Oh Quinn, I…", Rachel breathed, but she didn't get further than that.
"Hey girls, are you okay? The jazz club needs this room now, so I hope you've sorted whatever was going on during Glee. Next meeting is Monday, alright?", Will Schuester said, having suddenly come up behind them and shoving them out the door.
As far as he was concerned, the matter was closed.
As far as the two girls where concerned, he was a dead man.