(P.S. If you didn't notice I am not following the book lolz sorry not my type of thing)

Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat began to mow through the list of names of kids who needed to be sorted into teams. Applause erupted from tables of the house that gained the kid that was previously called.

"Caroline Abate."
"Gryffindor!"
"Evelyn Abbey."
"Hufflepuff!"
"Austin Abram."
"Gryffindor!"
"Odysseus Albertson.
"Gryffindor!"
"Pearl Amello.
"Ravenclaw!"
"Emmet Anderson."
"Gryffindor!"
"Myles Archilles."
"Ravenclaw!"
"Gwen Ayers."
"Hufflepuff!"
"Forrest Baxter."
"Gryffindor!"
"Kendall Bell
"Slytherin!"
"Vaughn Bloodworth."
"Slytherin!"
"Winston Bolivar."
"Ravenclaw!"
"Alabaster Brooke."
"Hufflepuff!"
"Jasper Burns."
"Slytherin
"Char Byrd."
"Hufflepuff!"
"Ebony Capello."
"Gryffindor!"
"Morison Carver."
"Slytherin!"
"Scarlet Chadwick."
"Slytherin!"
"Locke Cheshire.
"Hufflepuff!"
"Rogue Collins.
"Slytherin!"
"Blythe Cornelius."

While awkwardly wiggling my way through the gaggle of teeth-chattering first-years, I tried to keep my head held up high. My tunnel vision took over as I made my way towards the Sorting Hat.

Ms. Cornelius you are such a- (Sorting Hat)
Do they even wash this hat? No offense.
I hope they do I don't want to have lice!
A umm- (Sorting Hat)
For once we actually agree on something.
I think that calls for a celebration.
Don't overdo it
So your telling me that you don't want to treated to -
Well since you put it that way
"What I mean to say is that Ms. Cornelius is a..." (Sorting Hat)
Are we playing a guessing game?
No dipstick we're being sorted into a team.
Yeah there's Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw. (Sorting Hat)
What da fuck is a Hufflepuff.
I have no fucking clue.
Wait, we're sorted into different teams! Hey guy up there do not put me in the same team with her.
We can't be sorted into two different teams dumbass. They would have to cut us in half.
"Interesting you are courageous.." (Sorting Hat)
Meaning we have the balls aka audacity to-
Are you implying the fact that I have male gentile?
I'm guessing you didn't hear the 'aka' part.
I have a pussy. Kitty cat goes meow!
I don't think your pussy is suppose to meow.
What sound is it suppose to make? Ribbit? Woof? Cluck? Squawk? Neigh? How about Pika, Pika!
No more Pokemon reruns for you.
Can it whistle?
Why are you asking me these questions?
Because it's a free country!
No it isn't!
Your ruining my moment.
That was the whole plan.
Why wasn't I there for the meeting?
I can't work like this!
Was there a script involved?
Are we really having this conversation?
Am I really wearing any underwear today?
...Yes
Which one?
The one with the rainbow jellybeans
Pervert!
Am not!
Are too!"
The pussy is getting shaved.
I'm against animal cruelty.
Hypocrite.
Belieber!
Don't talk about my man like that! I'm the biggest Belieber!
Which now makes me the heaver.
You can copyright these nuts!
They're already labeled.
I swear to Elmo that-
Why to Elmo?
Because he's gong to own our asses in due time.
So who is Justin going to own?
Fuck, Elmo is a pimp! He monopolizing the children shows.
Barney and Dora get ready to take a knee for the team!
More like get ready to take any position that has a fee.
I know Dora's revenue won't disappoint me.
Why's that.
Have you've ever seen what is really in her backpack?
"Yet you cunningly play both sides of the fence." (Sorting Hat)
I think there are four sides to this fence, which makes it a room so are in or out of the wall. The first being me. The second and third being your ego. And the fourth side I guess belongs to this Blythe person we keep on hearing about.
Why do you make things so complicated?
Because it's fun.
Like murder.
In your dreams.
That's what Freddy Krueger is for.
Shut the fuck up you-
"Gryffindor!"

The sudden shout from the Sorting Hat silenced the voices in my head as I staggered my way towards a vacant seat at a Gryffindor table. I sat next to Jasper Burns, a quiet friend I made at Camp Ambrosia.
"Are you ready for tomorrow's performance?" I said, unfolding a crumpled piece of paper from my pants pocket.
"The better questions is are you?" Jasper said, biting his fingernails.
"We're ready.

Today:
Take it off by Ke$ha

Tomorrow:
Demonstrate Muggle sports
Dressing Room by Breathe Carolina
1Moves like Jagger (Masquerade) (colorful masks, dresses, ties, and suits)
2 Hey Ya - OutCast (circus) (Rainbow hair, leg/arm warmers, party gags, loosely fitting clothing, red nose)
3 Take over control (Geek)(tape on glasses, suspenders, high waters, pocket protector)
4 Party like a rockstar (Rockstar) (hair dye, punk style clothing, heavy or no makeup)
5. When I grow up (sport attire) (any sport jersey/uniform, shorts, sneakers)
6. Ghosts (dead) (fake blood, ripped clothing, potion to fade like a ghost, be flexible)
7. We found love Rihanna (toyland) (strings, stickers, fake price tags, be stiff then so spring to life)

Hufflepuff!"
"Ebony Capello."
"Gryffindor!"
"Morison Carver."
"Slythe..."

As soon as all the other first years were sorted into a house the tiles on the floor once agin disappeared as black and white static took over its surface.

"Lets pick up the pace. This will motivate you guys." A red headed girl said, unplugging her headphones to her Ipod. A club remix of One Republic's Apologize blasted from it.
"Can't resist the rhythm. Curse you." A tall blonde girl said, picking up speed.
The seven students slowed down and sped up to playfully pass on the dancing bug for three minutes.

"We had some all-star Quidditch players with us today from the summer that played against other schools and won the championship! And although it may be heart wrenching to find our wacky teammates split up I'd like to acknowledge them as a whole." Madam Hooch said, making a two sided white screen appear.
Seven teens clad in dirty Quidditch uniforms stood in a row facing Madam Hooch.
"For sustaining the most injuries this summer give it up for Joker Jojo!"
"Thats my boo!"
"Get it Jojo."
"I'm still limping!" Jojo joked causing everyone to laugh.
"You can never get a ball away from her. She'll do stops, spins, and loopy loops to prevent you from scoring. Where's our Dizzy Izzy!"
"Thats out Izzy."
"She's always busy."
"Keep an eye on her in Quidditch and you will get dizzy."
"He swats away Bludgers as if they were flies; he is the reason why our Seeker joined this team. Give it up for the Man of Steele!"
"Your not off the hook yet; I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks."
"Awwwwwwwwwww!"
"No one's holding up a cue card; stop making that noise!"
"She is the only blonde in the group and is a proud Beater; where's Blondie!"
"Barbie better watch out, Ken likes his girls rough."
"Forget that pink corvette, Blondie rides a Firebolt."
"This one now doesn't particularly like to land on the ground, but instead likes to plow into the stands of screaming fans. After twice knocking out the same professor, he was still committed to be apart of this Quidditch team even through the long detentions he was served. Give it up for Accelerator!"
"They really need to invent brakes for brooms."
"And an air bag!"
"What a coincidence you hit the same professor twice huh?"
"Weren't we suppose to have a quiz that day by that very same professor?"
"I plead the fifth."
"This girl puts the pep in most of your steps. When I said you had to do a lap around the entire school on foot she was the one dragging most of you to the finish line. This fiery redhead won't let you say, 'I can't'. Give it up for Caffeine!"
"No need for Duracell batteries, we have this energizing bunny!"
"On her worst days she only gives a hundred ten percent!"
"Whenever any one of us is in the infirmary she's the first to visit."
"There is a lot we can say about the last person. The first day of flying class she nearly gave me a heart attack when she stood on her moving broom instead of being seated. The reason she joined this team was to extract revenge on a certain Beater when a defected Bludger socked her square in the jaw while she was in class. There is no competition when the Snitch is released, but she also watches out more for people who even aren't on her team. Give it up for miss Watt!"
"Fast as lightening!"
"She can become very frightening."
"It's always a standstill when your after the Snitch. You do a great job at keeping the announcers, the audience, and players very entertained!"
"I have a challenge for you guys. One day next year I might scoop all seven of you up and pin you against Hogwarts' own Quidditch teams. Your not betraying your sorted team your just going to kick their ass!"

"That was the worst accident ever."

"Watt's face looked like Freddy Krueger's face."

"I don't think she's coming back for the rest of the summer."

The screen faded to black.

"She my not be back for the summer but I know someone whose definitely going to be there for the school year. This is an insider: "You know my twin!"

A flash of lightning hastily revealed my face on the black screen with a girl that mirrored the exact physical features I had ,except for the hair. Her hair was blonde with black stripes.