Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right, I never stopped to think of you, I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win. You are the antidote that gets me by, something strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is "I'm sorry for the way I am, I never meant to be so cold."

-Cold
Crossfade

Izaya was numb, that much he knew, because being numb was easier than dealing with whatever else he felt. The cell phone vibrated in his hand. Celty. Asking him what he's going to do. 'What do you want me to do?' he almost responded, angry with it all. Instead he dropped his arm back to his side and ingored the text, his body ached from laying flat on the carpet, neck craned to look out the window littered with rain drops and spray.

A big black dog sat in the swivel chair behind the information broker's desk, it's head rested on the back, intently joining Izaya in his blank window staring. It's ears twitched now and then, a yawn betraying it's cluelessness.

Izaya sat up slowly, running a hand through his hair. He was going to forget.
He wanted to go back in time. He wished he did carry the passed out kid to a hospital. Then left, without knowing her name or her knowing his or fuck. How was he supposed to know this would happen? And why, why on earth, did he care so much?

'She's your friend.'

A hand went up to his face, he didn't have friends. He had casual business partners.
Shinra included. Celty too. He knew Shinra from High School. He knew Celty from Shinra, his hired delivery Dullahan service, the irony usually would have made him laugh. But he wasn't acting like he usually did.

'It's her fault.' he wanted to convince himself, he wanted to be angry, he wanted to find an emotion he was familiar with. Not this foreign feeling, not this pain, this guilt. He didn't want this, anything but this.

'Not going to go find her, not your problem...anymore.' Izaya hissed at his lies. Mistakes weighed on his shoulders, he doubted even Shizuo's strength could carry what he did right now. 'Shizuo is looking for her. Do you really want him to find her?'

"I don't care." he whispered to his own thoughts, "I don't care."

Yoite snorted.

….

The blond was soaked to the bone, his throat hoarse from yelling, his face stung from the rain pelting down. Thunder crashed around the city, Shizuo swore, again.

….

Masomi Kida hid in his hood, grumbling about the shitty weather as he turned into an alley. Taking a spot leaning against the brick wall, one leg up to support himself.

"I'm hangin' here until this blows over, ridiculous." he muttered, wiping the screen of his wet cell phone against his chest to dry it. "Stupid stupid stupid stupi- hey!" he pushed off the wall and strolled over to the heap of clothes hiding behind a dumpster.

A crack of thunder and a flash of lightening, the heap shivered violently.

Masomi frowned, "Are you homeless or something? Am I intruding? Because if this is your living room I can totally leave." he said airily waving his free hand like it was nothing.

The heap didn't answer him, but grabbed it's left leg, which 'chinked' slightly.
Kida's eyes widened, "...Emi?" he asked tentatively.

She turned her head, to finally pay attention to the boy her age talking to her, "We met...that one time." he explained.

"...yeah, yeah we did." she said quietly, Masomi strained to hear her over the drumming rain.

"What are you doing out here? I mean weren't you staying with Izay- oh."

It dawned on him, Izaya, right.
Kida's frown deepened and his eyebrows scrunched together. It was really a matter of time before something like this happened, he shouldn't be surprised. "Are you hurt?"

Emi shook her head.

"Well uh, can you walk?"

She shook her head again.

"Are you hungry?" He smirked at her, trying to lighten this dark mood. The weather was not helping his cause.

Emi grabbed the side of the alley wall, and attempted to stand, her metal leg giving out, Masomi caught her other arm and helped her up, "I-I am actually." she said, apologetic, 'I haven't eaten in days.'

"C'mon, it's okay, I'll buy." He turned his back toward her and crouched a bit, she wobbled on her flesh leg for a bit before crossing her arms around his neck and letting him carry her piggy back style. "Don't choke me okay? I'll drop you." Kida grinned mischievously.

...

Izaya's heart thudded dully in his chest, tormenting him. His back hurt like a son of a bitch, Yoite was still guarding the furniture like he owned the place, and frankly, the information broker was not interested in arguing with a 98 pound beast.

"You want the house? Fuck it, you can have the house!" He snarled at the dog from his seat on the floor, leaning against the back of the couch, Yoite wagged his tail gleefully. "I'm getting rid of you first thing tomorrow. You ate my cell phone charger. My cell phone charger. What the hell makes that even edible?" he grumbled, dejected. Even the dog was against him.

'She was so nice, and pure, even though you could have been classified as an asshole and indifferent the whole time...harsh and cold.'

"Not all the time." Izaya told himself, his tone unsure.

'Most of the time.' He sighed heavily in defeat.

It was true, he often treated Emi like a nuisance and he wasn't the most friendly person, but he did like having her around. He enjoyed the company, he liked having a friend. He missed her, things weren't the same when she was gone. 'Does she know that?'

Izaya's crimson eyes blinked, and realization settled over him. Did she know? He never told her outright, he just assumed it was obvious. Did she know that he missed her? That he didn't want to leave her at Shinra's? Did she know that he was thinking about her all the time? Did she know that a few nights ago he left the scene when he saw that the girl he was going to manipulate into joining a gang had hair that reminded him of Emi? He couldn't bring himself to do it, so he walked away. How was Emi supposed to know any of this when he gave her the cold shoulder more often than not?

Izaya took out his cell phone and texted Celty back, 'I'm looking.'
He hit send and stood up, cracked his back and turned toward Yoite, who was now leaning forward in Izaya's swivel chair, ears upright and alert. "C'mon. I need your nose for a bit."

...

I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep. It always seems to get to me, I never really wanted you to go. So many things you should have known. I guess for me there's just no hope, I never meant to be so cold.

-Cold
Crossfade

No. There is nothing 'there' with Masomi and Emi, he's just being a nice person and helping out. Buddiessss ftw okai guiz? If you haven't got it yet, and want confirmation- Izaya loves Emi, Shizuo likes her. If you're getting sick of the song lyric thing at the beginning and ending let me know, I can ditch em'. Sorry about the short chapter, it's mostly just Izaya's thoughts for a bit so blah.