A/N: This is a letter that Snape wrote to Lily on the tenth anniversary of her death. I was wondering what would be going on in his head this day, and I figured that the best way to express it would be through a letter. I was originally thinking that he would burn it in the end, but I decided that he should keep it. He probably has a collection of these, somewhere.

Enjoy, and maybe even review?

Dear Lily,

I know that you don't want to hear from me, and that even if you did, you wouldn't be able to read this anyway. But there's so many things that I never got to tell you, and I have so many regrets…I just need to get it all off of my chest. I don't know how long this will be, or how coherent—I can't really think straight right now, to be honest. I'm just going to start writing, and try to get it all out.

More than anything, I'm sorry. I know that it doesn't come anywhere close to making up for what I did, and what I caused you to go through, but hopefully it's a start.

I'm sorry that I called you a Mudblood all of those years ago. There's nothing I can say to explain why I did that; you've heard all of my excuses already. And they were awful excuses. Not a day goes by when I don't wish that I could go back and change that moment. If I hadn't done that, perhaps we would still have been friends…maybe you could have gotten me off of the dark path that I was on, before it was too late. Maybe you would still be here. Looking back, I now realize that alienating you that day was the first step that I took in causing your death.

There are no words to describe how I feel when I think about the fact that I am the one who brought about your death. Don't deny that it's true…for a long time, I tried to place the blame on others. I was running from my guilt, telling myself that I was innocent. I told myself that the Dark Lord was the one who had murdered you. Black had betrayed you. But I wasn't innocent, and I knew it. I had chosen the wrong side, even though you had warned me that I was headed for trouble. And I had told the Dark Lord the prophesy that caused him to hunt you and your family down. If I hadn't been so eager to please him, you would have been safe. He wouldn't have gone to any lengths to find out where you were…and he wouldn't have killed you that night in Godric's Hollow.

I'm the reason why you died, Lily. I can hardly live with myself, knowing that fact. I single handedly brought about the destruction of the one woman I had ever loved. There is nothing that I could ever do to make that up, to either of us. I can never fix it.

And I've done you more wrongs than that. Although I never like James, and you knew that, it was horrible that you had to see him die. I can't imagine what that must have been like, watching the Dark Lord murder your husband and knowing that either you or your son would be next. You were so brave…braver than I ever was. I just wish that you never would have needed to be that strong. Your last moments were terrifying…I never would have wanted that for you. I never wanted you to die. I never wanted you to be afraid. You were too good. You didn't deserve any of this. You deserved so much more time than you had, filled with happiness and people who loved you. My mistakes took that away.

And I have to apologize for something else. Dumbledore has asked me to protect your son, and I promise that I will. But I've met the boy, and I could never like him. The only part of you that he has inherited is your eyes. Everything else is like his father. Lily, I'm sorry, but I'm not protecting your son…I'm protecting the last part of you that's left within him. And the part of me that still wants to soothe my grief and claim my innocence says that if it wasn't for that child, you would still be alive. So I'm sorry that I can't love the only bit of you that I have left. I'm sorry that I wish he were dead, if it meant that I would have you back.

I love you, Lily Evans. I have since we were children. Even after all this time, I think of you every day. I was never brave enough to tell you how I felt while you were still alive. I was never brave enough to do anything for you...

Every day I regret my cowardice. I regret not listening to you while I still could. I regret everything. I lost you twice, by my own actions.

It will have been ten years as of tonight. Ten years since you were ripped away from this world, much before it was your time to go. Where are you now? I hope that it's somewhere nice. I hope you're happy. And I hope that one day you can forgive me.

With all of my love,

Severus

The Potions Master looked over the finished letter, a single tear running down his cheek. He carefully tucked it into his desk drawer, wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his robes, and swept out of the room. He had a fest to attend, after all.