The Monster I Really Am

AN: Hey, sorry it's been sooo long. I just remembered two days ago I should prolly write a valentine story for Atton and Jayden. Also I thought of a perfect song for this chapter that Atton could sing :). I hope you enjoy it, please Review!

Song: I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner

I don't own anything except for the Exile's name, Jayden.

And thnx Crazkerz for the review!

Atton sat there, stretching, after a long night of no sleep. He stood up and went to the refresher. He looked at himself in the mirror, surprised by his reflection. He basically looked like crap. His chocolate brown hair was all over the place, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he had a horrible headache.

Jeez, what happened to me? I didn't even go to the cantina last night. He thought.

Atton glanced at his clock that read 10:31, and quickly got dressed. He was on his way to the cargo hold, where they kept the food when he ran into Bao-Dur.

"Hey," Atton greeted him, and then noticed the heart-shaped box of chocolates he was carrying. "Who are the chocolates for?"

"Oh, the general." Bao-Dur replied.

Atton raised his eyebrow. "I didn't know you had a crush on Jayden."

"Oh, I don't." Bao-Dur replied.

"Uh, ooookaaay. So, why the chocolates?"

"Oh, they are for Valentine's Day. I thought she deserved something."

Valentine's Day! How could I forget that? Atton thought, incredulously. Because you haven't had a girlfriend in forever. Atton smiled. Maybe I could tell Jayden about my feelings for her…

"Uh, I wouldn't give her chocolates." Atton said, thinking about the last time Jayden had a box of chocolates.

Bao-Dur looked surprised. "Why not?"

"I think she's allergic to them, so that wouldn't be the greatest Valentine gift for her." Atton explained.

"Oh, okay. I'll give them to someone else. So you gonna tell the general about how much you love her?" Bao-Dur smiled.

"What?" Atton exclaimed. "I don't love her! Well, I like her, but I donno if I love her."

Bao-Dur chuckled. "Whatever, just don't lie to her or yourself." He walked past Atton back to his room. Bao-Dur stopped suddenly, and then turned around.

"By the way you might wanna get her roses." He suggested.

"Oh, so when did you become the romance expert?" Atton asked, sarcastically.

"It was just suggestion, but for a while now." He grinned, and then left.

Atton sighed, considering Bao-Dur's idea. He turned around to face Mira, the former bounty-hunter.

"Get roses for who? Mical? I knew you two would get together sooner or later." Mira teased.

Atton almost barfed at the idea of him and Mical. "Mira, you are a sick person for evening mentioning that. I oughta smack you."

Mira laughed hard. "That's great, you smacking me. I could break your wrist before you even move. So, who are the roses for?"

Atton shook his head. "It's non of your business, really. And I'm probably not gonna get roses."

"They're for Jayden, right?" Mira asked, grinning.

Atton groaned. "If you knew, why did you ask?"

Mira laughed. "Oh, you know me, I love messing with people. But to tell you the truth, I think roses are a good idea. Jayden's into that kind of stuff. Then you can take her on a moonlit walk, and then declare your love for her!" Mira said this all dramatically, like a romance story.

Atton rolled eyes, "Yeah, great, thanks for the advice Mira." He started to walk past her.

"What? I was being serious, and dramatic." Mira responded. "Look, she'll like it, and you got to get away from Blondie to kiss her right? And Atton? Do it before him, would ya?" Mira then left Atton to ponder on what she said.

Atton smelled the roses he chose for Jayden. Atton had no clue what color she preferred, so he got a bouquet with every color in it. I hope this works, he thought as he walked back to the Ebon Hawk. Luckily, they were stationed on Dantooine and they could actually have a nice walk together.

Atton turned the corner quickly and ran into someone crushing the roses. Atton collapsed on to the person he ran into, and grew mad when he noticed the roses.

"Hey! Look what you did! Jeez, watch wher-"

The person he ran into was Jayden; he realized when she stood up brushing herself off. Jayden glared at him then realized who it was. Then she glanced at what he was holding in his hand.

"Sorry, Atton! I was going too fast. I'm really sorry about the roses!" Jayden apologized. "Who were they for, anyway?"

"Oh, uh… They were for you." He stammered, embarrassed. He held the roses up to her.

Jayden gaped at him in surprise. "Awww, Atton! That's so sweet of you!" She smiled as she took what was left of the flowers.

"You really like them?" Atton beamed.

"Of course! I can't believe you got me something for Valentine's Day." Jayden smiled, happily.

Atton blushed from all the attention he was getting. "Oh, well you know." He looked down to hide how red his cheeks were.

Jayden grinned, and then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Now I'm really sorry I crushed them."

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" Atton asked, rubbing the spot where she had kissed him.

"Oh, well," Jayden glanced at the setting sun. "It's getting kinda late. I was out looking for you."

"Yeah, it would be fun in the dark. We could have a romantic, moonlit walk." Atton said, trying to convince her and hoping he didn't scare her away by saying 'romantic'.

Jayden bit her lip, considering her decision. "Okay, let's go, Atton."

Atton took her hand in his and led her through the city to get to the plains. They walk quietly, taking in their surroundings as the moon rose higher and higher. The night was beautiful, with clear skies so they could see millions and millions of stars above them.

Finally, Jayden broke the silence, "Atton?"

"Yes?" He smiled, he loved the way she said his name.

"I know this may sound like a weird question," She paused, choosing her words carefully. "Have you ever been in love?"

Atton stopped walking, surprised by her question, then resumed when composed himself. He thought about it for a moment, trying to decide if he had ever been truly in love.

"No, I suppose I haven't been in love." He felt a little depressed after admitting that.

"It's okay. I never have either." Jayden said, sadly.

"Well, that's probably because you were a Jedi, and you weren't allowed t." Atton pointed out.

"Yeah," She responded, quietly. She walked over to a tree and sat down, still holding her roses.

Atton sat down next to her, and Jayden leaned against him. Well, I'm in love now, he thought, happily. Then Jayden looked up at him, with a confused look on her face.

Crap, I said that out loud, didn't I? Atton's eyes grew wide as he realized this. He was kind of afraid of her reaction. They were close friends, but what would she think of him being in love with her?

Jayden said nothing for a moment, just stared at him in surprise when she realized he was being serious though she asked, "Are you being serious?"

Atton smiled, sheepishly and nodded his head. Jayden then looked away from and off in the distance, thinking intently. Atton felt bad for freaking her out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it out loud. It's just…" Atton tried to find the right words. "I love you, Jayden. I know you probably don't feel the same way about me, but I don't care, and I don't blame you. You're beautiful, funny, smart, and a girl any guy could ask for. I can't stop thinking about and I can't believe I'm still talking." Atton finally managed to shut his mouth and let her think.

Jayden looked back at him, letting all the words sink in. "I love you too, Atton." She managed to say. "And you are a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you." Jayden smiled. "I guess I'm really lucky."

Atton almost laughed at 'you're a great guy'. She has no idea the monster I really am.