Here again :) Just a quick note to thank everyone who has read my story - I love you all! A word of warning : this chapter is sad :(

Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

31st December 1998 (New Years Eve)

Mom and Dad decided to throw a party this New Years Eve which meant that I would spend the evening with Bella. Alice would be there but Emmett was sleeping at Paul's house; I didn't think Mom wanted to have to keep an eye out for him getting drunk or something while she had guests. Don't get me wrong, Mom and Dad love Emmett but he is getting close to uncontrollable.

Charlie was invited too but he had to work a night shift so Bella was stopping over. Mom told me that it would be best for Bella to sleep with Alice in her room which I was fine with.

After hearing Mom worry over the cakes for the third time, I was saved by the doorbell. I raced to get it but was beaten by Alice, opening the door to Charlie and Bella.

"Hey Bee! Charlie!" I shouted over my sister's head, waving.

Bella stepped in my house after giving Charlie a parting hug.

"Hi Edward, you excited about the party?"

"Yeah, thrilled" I rolled my eyes, sarcastically.

She slapped my shoulder playfully before her, Alice & I made our way to the kitchen.

Mom was really busy as Dad didn't finish work until later in the evening. So Alice, Bella and I helped Mom butter bread and put chips in bowls; the usual party food. The party was due to start at eight pm so at six pm, Alice chirped up.

"Come on Bella. We girls need to start getting ready!"

"But the party doesn't start for another two hours Shorty; surely you don't need at much time to get ready?"

My sister just looked at me like I was stupid followed by an exasperated "Boys!" and a roll of her eyes. Alice had squealed in delight when Bella said yes to Alice's experiments of hair styles and make up for the evening. Bella seemed to regret her decision immediately when Alice started clapping and bouncing on the spot. They had been shopping for party outfits for weeks and every time I'd asked either of them how it had gone, they wouldn't tell me anything. I watched as my big sister dragged my best friend up stairs to start what seemed to be a marathon of hair, make up and party outfits.

Bella looks over at me like she wanted me to help her get out of it but just shook my head. No way am I getting in Alice's bad books over hair and make-up; I knew better.

So after the girls had been upstairs for a while, I told Mom to go get sorted and I would get ready after.

Mom only took a few minutes to fix her hair and change so I could do the same. Yeah, yeah, being fifteen, I liked a little wax in my hair to make it stand up especially at the front. I dress in the new slouch jeans and designer tee shirt my Aunt Janine got me for Christmas. I didn't feel the need to get all dress up for a party at my house.

Mom was wearing a simple black dress that had a sparkly buckle detail at the waist. It was knee length and was matched with her favourite black heels. Her honey coloured hair was up in a bun; she looked elegant. My dad obviously approved as he stepped inside from work, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her full on the lips. Ew! I rolled my eyes as I looked away; mentally telling myself that my mom and dad had only had sex three times to get their three children, no more. After Dad unwrapped himself away from Mom, he too went rushing upstairs to get showered and changed.

It was now quarter past eight and the first guests arrived; some of Dad's colleagues from the hospital. Mom greeted them and offered them a drink. I lingered by the stairs wondering how much longer it would take for two girls to get ready for a house party. Dad had already passed me wearing a short sleeved pale green shirt and beige trousers; his blonde hair neat and tidy as usual.

I was just pacing the hallway for the thousandth time when I heard giggling at the top of the stairs.

"At last!" I huffed, "Come on Bee, Shorty. Get a move on, people are already here!" I looked at my watch to see it was half past. I looked up to see Alice closely followed by Bella. I was just about to voice my opinion that Alice's dress was much to short when Bella moved to stand next to Alice, instead of behind her. Once my eyes locked on to her, I didn't see anyone else. She was stunning. Her hair was down; the soft curls rested down her back. Dressed in a simple black dress that hugged her figure, I watched in amazement as she descended the stairs gracefully. The sparkle of the dress matched the sparkle in her eyes as they found mine. My eyes drifted to her shoulders, taking in the black string straps that exposed her beautiful, delicate collar bones. My eyes quickly wandered further to see the fabric of the dress fit her small waist perfectly and stopped just above her knee. Soft black ballet pumps finished the outfit. My eyes found hers again but this time; she blushed, bit down on her bottom lip and looked down to her feet as she stepped down the last step. Her hair fell forward, over her tiny shoulders, obscuring my view.

I knew Alice was stood right next to me but I couldn't see or hear her. It was just me and Bella. I reached my hand towards Bella's beautiful face, tipping her chin up so she was looking at me, feeling the familiar tingle and pulled her bottom lip free of her teeth. Sweeping her hair back over her shoulders, I spoke softly, "You look beautiful Bella". The word 'Bella' passed my lips before I realised. Bella noticed my slip up too; her eyes got real wide as if she was looking at me for the first time, then she gave me a shy smiled and my heart melted.

Since our summer holiday, I'd not been able to stop thinking of Bella and our friendship. I knew that since then how I saw Bella and how I felt about Bella had changed. I had always cared deeply for her since the day I meet her in that sandbox; she was my best friend for life but now, there was definitely something more for me. And stood here, watching Bella, I just knew what it was, I love her. I love my Bee, my Bella.

"So whatcha think Edward?" Alice chimed in her ear. Alice gave a twirl as she pulled me out of my Bella-induced haze. I smiled at her, and then frowned. I was right before; the purple dress she was wearing was too short. But I didn't have the heart to put her down so I smiled again, "Looking great, Shorty"

Alice smiled as my eyes locked back onto Bella's. Alice then bounced into the kitchen dragging Bella along with her, her eyes never leaving me 'til I couldn't see her any more.

I sat down on the last step, while the realisation really sunk in. I loved Bella. And thinking back, I had for some time. I must have been sat there for a while with a goofy grin on my face. Then my hopes crashed when I realised that Bella was still seeing Mike Newton. She wasn't mine. I could have cried as my chest tightened at the thought of Mike and Bella kissing and holding hands. I put my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair, as I tried to calm my racing mind and racing heart. Closing my eyes for a second, I smiled as I remembered Bella's shy smile.

Opening my eyes and sitting up straight, I jumped a little when I saw Alice in front of me, leaning in the door way. "Jesus Shorty, you scared the crap out of me" I spoke in a quiet voice.

Alice straightened to and smiled at me, "How long?"

"What?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "I'm not stupid Edward …. how long?"

I gave her a confused look as she sighed and came to sit next to me, placing a hand on my knee. "How long have you been in love with Bella?" she asked softly.

I gasped and looked down at my feet. How the hell did she know?

"Edward? The way you looked at Bella tonight … it was pretty obvious you see her as more than a friend, even a best friend…"

"I … I"

"It's okay little brother" Alice said as she placed her arm around my shoulders, "It'll all work out in the end. You need to talk to Bella though"

I just looked at Alice "How do you know it'll be okay?" I whispered.

Alice gave me a soft smile, "Believe me, it will". She gave my shoulder a pat then got to her feet trying to pull me up with her. This didn't work.

I chuckled, "Hold on there, Shorty. Don't strain yourself." I got to my feet as I whispered, "Thank you" in Alice's ear. She smiled as she skipped into the kitchen. After a couple of deep breaths, I walked into the kitchen, trying to find Bella. I found her chatting to Angela in our living room. With another deep, steadying breath, I made my way over to the two of them.

"Hey" I said softly greeting them both but I only looked at Bella.

"Hi Edward" Angela said brightly, "Where have you been?"

"Urgh just helping Mom in the kitchen" I peeked at Bella while I lied. She was looking down at her feet, again. "What you two been up to?" I asked.

"Oh we've just been talking boys" Angela shrugged, "The new guy, Ben, he's gorgeous" Angela who was wearing a blue party dress, her long black hair down over her shoulders, had a far away look in her eye.

"What about you Bee? Mike?" As soon as the words came out, I knew I shouldn't have asked in front of Angela. Bella looked straight at me and opened her mouth, but we were interrupted by my dad announcing the buffet was open.

"Oh, I'm starving, come on!" Bella said as she pulled Angela towards the kitchen. I was left just watching her go.

For the next couple of hours, Bella avoided me by any means she could. Why didn't she want to talk to me? If we were in the same room, I'd been constantly staring at her; making sure she was okay from a distance. After the buffet, Dad turned the music up a little so people could dance in our living room if they wanted.

I glanced around the room trying to find Bella again when I saw my favourite Aunt and Uncle dancing rather close on our make shift dance floor. My Aunt Janine and Uncle Robert were swaying slowly, arms wrapped around one another; it looked like they were whispering. Aunt Janine was my mom's youngest sister. She and Uncle Robert didn't have children of their own so they were always spoiling the three of us. People have always said I looked a lot like my Uncle Robert despite us not being related by blood. I smiled as I saw them rub their noses together; they were so cheesy. Then I saw Uncle Robert glance up towards our ceiling. I followed his look and sure enough, there was a sprig of mistletoe hanging there. Mom said it would be fun to see how many people saw it. I looked back down at Aunt Janine and Uncle Robert to see them kissing. I was almost as bad as watching Mom and Dad. I looked away, a bit embarrassed.

"Edward!" my Aunt Janine said cheerfully. I hadn't realised she had broken away from Uncle Robert long enough to notice me.

"Hi Aunt Janine" I gave her a small hug, "You okay?"

"Fabulous dear, great party! I see you liked your Christmas present." she nodded towards my outfit.

"Yeah, it's great thank you." I was distracted as I looked around for Bella again.

Aunt Janine leaned into my ear and whispered, "I think she went to the bathroom" then she winked at me.

After giving her a small smile of thanks and nod towards Uncle Robert I made my way to the stairs. I needed to talk to Bella, on her own. As I climbed the stairs, I heard the flush of the toilet so I quickened my pace. I reached for the bathroom door at the same time it was opened by Bella.

"Oh Edward. I'm sorry. You haven't been waiting long have you?" she seemed awkward as I lingered in the door way.

"I need to talk to you... alone".

"Ummm … Angela's waiting for me so I need to get back ..."

"Bee, please..."

"But Angela…"

I rolled my eyes, talk about excuses, "She'll be okay, I'm sure."

Before she could argue again, I grabbed her hand. The tingle was back when I touched her skin; a warm fuzzy feeling. I pulled her towards my room and although she was hesitance at first, she let me lead her willingly.

Once in my room, we both sat on my bed, facing one another. Bella knelt; making sure her dress was tightly tucked underneath her. This didn't feel weird; we did this nearly every weekend, chatting, doing homework, watching television, and reading. But tonight, I needed to tell her how I felt but I didn't want her to feel guilty because of Mike; even though I hated his guts. And I didn't want it to affect our friendship. To be honest, I had no idea where to even start.

After a couple of minutes struggling to formulate the right words, Bella spoke.

"Edward? You know you asked about Mike earlier… Well, I'm sorry..." she looked down at her twisted fingers in her lap, "Sorry for not telling you earlier but I was scared..."

Looking back at me, "I broke it off with Mike before Christmas" I almost couldn't hear her; she was speaking in such a small voice. Then she pleaded, "Please Edward, please don't be mad at me!" She looked frantic, searching my eyes.

"Bee, I'm confused." I frowned, I didn't understand. Why would I be mad?

Again, Bella looked down at her lap and spoke softly, "I kept a secret from you and I told myself I would never do that again after the pool party you had for your birthday, remember?"

"I remember… but I'm still confused. Why would I be mad?"

Her eyes were still down, "Because... I broke it off with him because… he was seeing Jessica behind my back ..."

"What!" I roared.

"This is why I didn't tell you! You'll over-react and do something you'll regret… I'm not worth it, Edward."

"Excuse me!" I couldn't believe my ears, I pulled on my hair in frustration, "Did you just say you're not worth it? What the hell, Bee?" I was mad; Bella was right. But it wasn't Bella or Mike I was mad at, it was myself. How could I have let this happen? I should have seen this. I should have told Mike fucking Newton that Bella was too good for him and then I should have told him to back off.

"I'm sorry Edward..." I saw a tear fall from her cheek.

"Beeeeee… don't cry, he's not fucking worth it! Scum bag!" Bella started shaking her head.

"Bee, look at me." She still didn't move so I got to my knees and crawled over to her as close as I could get.

"Bee?"

Still nothing as I placed my hands on her thighs.

"Bella?" I whispered. Bella seemed to hold her breath for a second before slowing lifting her face to look at me.

I reached out with one hand, tucking her hair behind her ear. I wiped the lone tear that collected on her pink cheek then cupped it. A feeling of déjà vu settled over me; we had been here before, last summer.

I spoke softly "Bee, please listen to me. Mike is not worth it. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not mad with you either, just myself. I should have seen… doesn't matter" I shook my head.

"Bee, I need to tell you something. Something that's real important that you know." I took a deep breath, it's now or never.

"I… I really cared about you, you know this, right? Since this summer, by the pool, you know… well, I've not been able to stop thinking about it. I know that you wanted to forget about it but I need to tell you this, 'cause if I don't, I think I'll explode or something"

My hand left her face as I took both her hands in mine, both resting on top of her thighs, "I… I think… No, I know…"

I was interrupted by the sounds off fireworks. Glancing at my clock, I could see it was midnight. I turned back to Bella to see she had closed the gap; her lips were so close to mine, I could feel her breath fan across my face.

"Happy New Year Edward" she whispered as her lips lightly touched mine. The fireworks outside were nothing matched to the fireworks going off in me; my mind and body were on fire. Once Bella's lips left mine and the initial shock wore off that she had actually kissed me, I leaned towards her and pressed my lips against hers; this time more firmly.

I had no idea what I was doing; this was my first kiss. My finger tips reached up, skimming her collar bone and curling around to hold her neck. Bella reached for my t shirt and screwed her fist in it. Her other hand reaching to grab the back of my hair.

I couldn't help the soft moan that came from me as I felt the tip of her tongue touch my lips. I opened my mouth to this invitation. Bella slipped her tongue in my waiting mouth and I moaned again, more loudly. Warmth spread from my chest down to my groin; that familiar tingle was back in full force. Sitting up on my knees, Bella did the same, this kiss was getting hot and wet.

As Bella pulled the back of my hair, I broke the kiss. We were both breathing heavily as we stared into each others eyes. Within seconds, we were kissing again. I pushed my body next to hers as we both fell back on my bed. My body was now flush against hers, lying on top of her and I'm sure she could feel my hardened dick digging into her inner thigh. I broke the kiss again, this time though embarrassment. I could feel the red crept from my neck to my cheeks.

I scrambled to sit up quickly and got up off the bed. I walked to my window, sat on my chair and looked out to view the beautiful fireworks. I was struggling to control my breathing and embarrassment. After a few seconds of slowing my breathing, I turned to face Bella. She was sat on the edge of my bed, looking straight at me.

Looking down at my feet again, I dragged my hair through my hair. "I'm… I'm..."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" Bella spoke in a quiet authoritative voice. "Don't you dare say sorry or I'm gonna scream!"

My eyes found her again as I looked at her in shock, "I mean it!" Bella continued with her rant, "Don't you dare! I've been waiting way too long to do that so don't you dare ruin my first kiss! Our first kiss!"

Huh? Bella's first kiss? "But what about Mike? You must have kissed him; he's your boyfriend ..."

"Was" Bella stated flatly, "Remember?"

I frowned at her "But... I don't get it..."

"Edward" Bella sighed as she stood and started to walk towards me. I sat straighter in my chair as she got closer. She slipped into my lap and placed her hands around my neck, pulling my face to be within inches of hers.

"It's always been you" she whispered, "Always."

I felt like all my birthdays and Christmases have come at all as I looked into the most beautiful pair of eyes I'd ever seen as her words sunk in. I knew this was the moment.

"Bee. Bella. I love you. I think I always have."

A slow smile spread on Bella's face; it was infectious as I started to grin too.

"So you love me huh?" Bella asked, tightening her grip on my neck.

"Yep"

"Well, it's a good thing I do too isn't it."

I was too shocked for words.

"I love you Edward, so much." Then Bella kissed me again, soft and gentle. Bella broke the kiss within a few seconds then snuggled into her neck. We both sat, wrapped up in our love for each other as we watched the fireworks. This year is gonna be one I'll never forget.

20th June 1999 (Edward's 16th birthday)

The past six month went by in a flash. A very happy flash. Alice could stop squealing at the news that Bella and I had 'got our acts together' as she put it. Apparently, Alice had known for years that Bella and I were prefect for each other, it just took us a while to figure that out for ourselves.

School was a much more fun place to be with Bella at my side as my girlfriend. Yes we were officially girlfriend and boyfriend. I even double checked with Charlie that he was okay with us before telling everyone and anyone that would listen to me. Charlie was hesitant at first but soon came around to the idea Bella and I were in love. Yeah I was in love, head over heels for my girl, Bee. I was worried at first that if we didn't work out, I would lose my best friend as well but if anything we got even closer, if that was at all possible.

My mom and dad were happy for us; my mom didn't seem surprised at all. My dad had another 'talk' with me now I had a girlfriend. I told him not to worry; Bella and I had all the time in the world to do… that.

Today, I was sixteen and my mom was throwing yet another party. Bella wasn't allowed to stop over any more. As much as my mom and dad usually trusted me, I don't think they trusted the teenage hormones. And I think they were right not to trust them to be honest.

So Charlie agreed to pick Bella up after the party was done, around midnight. Bella had joked she was starting to feel like Cinderella.

Mom had been good and not invited all my embarrassing relatives, just immediate family; Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett, Bella and some friends from school. Mom and Dad kept out of the way too which was good. Alice was nearly eighteen and she had a couple of friends over.

It was fun watching my friends lusting over my big sister and her older friends. I chuckled as I hugged Bella closer to my side. We had been dancing for a while but we were now cuddling up on the couch. Angela and Ben were swaying on the make-shift dance floor; they'd got together a couple of months after Bella and I had.

I looked round the room to see if people were having a good time. I saw Emmett hanging out in the kitchen. He looked to have gone completely off the rails, being caught early in the New Year smoking by Dad. He's was furious and grounded Emmett for weeks as punishment. Then in March, Emmett seemed to turn a corner; he wasn't getting in trouble at school and his grades started to improve. It wasn't until the last few weeks, we found out why. A new girl in school, Emmett's age. Rosalie Hale. Emmett had fallen for her and she seemed to have a real positive effect on him. I'd only met her once so far, in the school canteen when she was waiting with Emmett in the lunch line. She seemed nice and anyone who could tame Emmett's wild behaviour was a saint in my book.

Shaking my head slightly with a smile on my face, I could help but look down at my Bee. Nestled at my side in a gorgeous blue dress, she was making it really difficult for me to keep my dick in my pants. As I shifted to a more comfortable position, Bella looked up at me and smiled. Her smile could light up the whole world, it was that beautiful. I gently grabbed her chin and gave her a small sweet kiss on the lips before rubbing my nose against hers. I just could not smile when I was near her, she was my light. Her hand came down to grab my wrist pulling my hand away. On my wrist was a watch that Bella had given me for my sixteenth birthday. It was heavy and I think it cost her a fortune which I wasn't happy about but I loved it. She even had had it engraved on the back saying "It's always been you. Love, your Bumble Bee". I looked from my new watch to Bella's beautiful face as it lit up with pride.

When it got to around ten, Bella and I escaped together to sit outside for some alone time. Being alone in my room was strictly not allowed any more. It was a warm night which was perfect. As I sat in a garden chair, Bella came to straddle my lap. Her dress rode up her thighs as she did this. I placed my finger on the bare pale white skin there as I drew small circles; the tips of my fingers burning with desire. I slowly trailed my hands up, over the outer sides of her thighs, around her small hips and find a resting place on her ass. I could feel the lace underneath my finger tips of the light blue panties she'd told me she was wearing earlier. She was a tease. I gave her luscious ass a small squeeze and pulled her a little closer to me. I'm sure she could feel my hardened dick beneath her just screaming to come out and play. Bella giggled as I squeezed which made my love-sick grin return in full force. Oh I love this girl.

She bent forward a little so her breasts were right in my eye line, it would be impolite not to stare and comment so that's exactly what I did. "You have great boobs Bee" I whispered in case everyone was close. Again Bella giggled as my lips sought out hers. We were experts at kissing each other now; we knew exact what each other liked. Bella loved it when I took her lower lip in my mouth and gently nibbled on it. I loved it when Bella's tongue invaded my mouth; it was a win-win situation really.

We were getting a little hot and heavy for being outside when I hear our front door close with a bang and Charlie's voice, "Bee!"

Bella broke away from me quickly to sit in the chair next to me, not wanting to be caught by her dad, not that I blame her. He's a police officer and carries a gun! Our hands never broke contact. I glanced at my watch to see it was only half ten. Frowning, I hear the back door open and Charlie come rushing out.

"Bee! Thank god honey, you okay?"

"Uh yeah dad. What's up? It's not midnight yet, you said midnight?"

"I know honey but something came up and we need to... go home"

Charlie looked at me and our joined hands and then to Bella.

"O... K... Can I just say good night to Edward then?"

Charlie just stood there looking at us. He still had his work uniform on. He looked real tired, like he hadn't slept in a while.

"Eh, sure but hurry." Then he turned to me, "Edward, I'm truly sorry." He stared at me for a couple of seconds, his expression was one of sorrow, then he went over to the back door where he waited.

"What's that about?" I whispered to Bella as we both stood to face each other.

"I'm not sure… he's been acting all weird for the past couple of days... anyway, forget him for a second. I want a goodnight kiss."

"That may be a little difficult with your dad staring at us" I nodded in his direction.

Bella looked over at her dad, rolled her eyes before fixed them on me, "Just pretend he isn't there" Bella spoke as she wrapped her arms around my neck placed her fingers in the back of my hair and kissed me. I felt a little strange doing this in front of Charlie but once I felt Bella's tongue, I'd forgotten he was watching. That's until he coughed, loudly bring us both back to the present.

With one more sweet kiss on the lips, I tickled my nose with her and whispered, "See you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah. I love you Edward."

I smiled, "I love you too Bee."

Another soft kiss and we step away. Bella walked to her dad who was looking at me again. Charlie placed his arm around Bella's shoulders as he shouted to me again, "I'm really sorry Edward. I hope you'll forgive me..."

I gave him a small smile and wave to let him know he hadn't spoilt my evening entirely. I looked out to the peaceful sky just taking a minute for them before I heard the tyres on Charlie's police car pull away from the house.

Going back inside the house, the party was coming to a close which was fine by me; it didn't feel like much of a party without Bella. After everyone had left, I helped Mom and Dad clean up a little before going to my room and crashing.

The next day, I woke later than normal, taking a quick shower and getting ready before making my way downstairs. Mom and Dad where both sat at our table when I entered the kitchen.

"Morning Mom, Dad..." I said as I looked in the cupboard to get my breakfast cereal. When neither of them answered me, I popped my head around to look at them properly for the first time. My mom looked like she'd been crying. My dad was holding her shoulder.

"Mom?" I rushed over to her, "You okay? Where's Alice? Emmett?" I looked around noticing they were no where to be seen.

"They're fine Edward" my dad answered.

"Phew." I shook my head slightly and sat down in front of mom, "So what's a matter Mom? You've been crying." I stated. She surprised me by taking my face between her hands and looking at me directly in the eyes. I could see my own worried expression looking back at me.

"Mom?" I asked again when she started to silently cry, big fat tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry honey" she whispered.

I shook my head loose of her face and stood, "What the hell is going on? Dad?"

"Son, I think you need to sit down."

"Why?" I said as I sat down with a thud.

"Edward, I have no easy way of telling you this so I'm just going to say it. We had a letter pushed through the door late last night… from Charlie..."

I stared at my dad, still not understanding what the hell was going on.

"He's had to leave town. That's all the note says. That he and Bella have had to left town, last night and he's asked us not to try and contact them or find them..."

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times but nothing came out.

Mom whispered, "I'm so so sorry honey" as her hand went to cup my cheek. I knocked it away as my brain came back into gear suddenly and I jumped to my feet.

"I... I need to go see Bee"

My mom was sobbing now, "She's gone Edward."

"NO!" I shrieked as I ran towards the door.

"Edward! Stop!" I heard my dad behind me.

"I need to go see Bee" I repeated not stopping for a second. I ran the whole way to her house in a daze. I was physically wheezing once I'd arrived.

Nothing looked different. Apart from the fact that Charlie's police car was still parked in the drive way. I ran to the door and banged on it. I had no idea what time it was as I continued to pound on the door screaming "Bee!"

I felt warm familiar hands on my shoulders. I shrugged them off. "Get off me Dad!" I bellowed. "Bee! Get your ass out of that house now!"

"Edward, she's not there."

"Bee!" I screamed. My hands seemed to want to stop banging as I felt the warm liquid dripping down my wrists but I kept going until I was physically pulled kicking and screaming away from the door.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

My dad had me in a tight hold as we both crashed to the floor of Bella's front garden.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"Edward! Calm down please! You're scaring your mother."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I continued to chant as a sob broke lose.

I curled into a ball and started to rock in my father's arms.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no" I was chanting in a whisper now. And then everything seems darker and far away. And then, black.

One year later …

I still don't really remember anything of that day. I try not to think about it too much. I find the pain is less if I don't think... about anything... at all if I can help it.

I don't really remember the month after my sixteenth birthday. All I remember is staying in my room, a lot. I still didn't believe Bella had left. I remember asking Mom a bunch on times if I could go round to see if Bella was okay.

I could see Mom was worried about me; she looked to have aged years overnight. Same with my dad. Around a month after, I still hadn't been back to school and then the nightmares started. Searing, unbelievable pain ripped through me each and every night for weeks and weeks on end. It was excruciating and almost unbearable.

Around two months after my birthday, I remember looking through a mirror in the bathroom and not recognising the pale, thinned reflection staring back at me. I also remember not giving a flying fuck on how I looked as I crawled back into my room.

In September, the new school year was starting but I still had no want to go outside, never mind go to school. It was at this time when Alice burst into my room almost screaming.

"Edward! I can't take it any more! Mom and Dad have told me not to do this but I can't bear to this you like this any more. You need to come back to us Edward. She's gone and she's not coming back!"

I still didn't give a fuck until September thirteenth, Bella's seventeenth birthday. I should have been happy, becoming a junior at school with a beautiful girlfriend. Instead I was a sad, sorry mess. It was on this day, I snapped. Anger coursed through my veins. How the hell Bella could have left me? She had said she loved me. She lied. The watch Bella gave me for my birthday; the one I looked at and cried myself to sleep holding it, that I haven't been able to part with went crashing against the wall, quickly followed by several books and my bedside lamp.

From that day, I started to go out for hours, just wandering the streets. I started to hang with the wrong people. I skipped school and when I was grounded, I crept out of my bedroom window to just get away from everything and everyone. I was constantly angry with the world for giving me shit. I was off the rails. Dad tried to get me help but I wanted none of it. It seemed no one knew how to get through to me. I had completely closed myself off.

It wasn't until the Christmas of 1999 that I got a big slap of reality, right in my face, literally. My little brother Emmett waltzed into my room and laid a right hook on me. Of all the people to do this, I didn't think it would be him. It shocked me enough to realise what I was doing; not just to myself because that's still something that didn't bother me. It made me look at what I had done to my family. Mom looked like she hadn't eaten properly in weeks; she looked pale, thin and tired. Dad looked tired too. Alice wasn't smiling anymore, she wasn't her bouncy self. I later found out she was missing out on her first choice university because she didn't want to leave mom as she was in such a state... because of me. This information hit me hard.

That's when the loneliness, longing and depression set in and I found I needed to talk to someone, someone professional. Dad set me up with my therapist, Leanne. After a lot of hard work from her, I seemed to turn the corner in March 2000. My school agreed to take me back, but I had to repeat a year. I was glad I was given a second chance.

So here I was, on my 17th birthday, sort of back on more normal track after a year I wanted to forget. I was still working through my issues with Leanne and still couldn't talk about her to anyone but my therapist and I still couldn't say her name without the pain coursing through me but I had a small amount of hope for some sort of future.

I needed to give something back to my family who supported me. I knuckled down at school, still hoping to go to medical school. I still wasn't sure if I would ever be happy again or love again but I was now determined to try and find out.

So love it or hate it, let me know using the review button below. So Bella's been gone for a year now. Next two chapters will go through the other nine years of Edward's life before Bella showed up at the wedding. I may have a couple of surprises in store ;) It's likely to be 3 weeks before the next chapter but I'm hoping to post chapters 6 & 7 close together :)

Thanks again to my awesome beta, SweetLovinCullen, love you hunni! Her next story, A Desperate Housewife's Escape (in my favourites) has started! Gardenerward is gonna be awesome!

So until next time ...