Life Goes On ... (Part One)

Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

8th June 2001

Graduating high school was a low key affair for me. I was lucky to be accepted into a fantastic Summer school last year where I busted my balls to catch up so I could graduate on time and I did.

Concentrating on school was a great way of not thinking of her. I was still having regular monthly sessions with Leanne, my therapist. I had also been accepted to go to study general science of the University of Seattle in preparation for medical school.

20th June 2001

My eighteen birthday. That I spent in my room, under the covers ... once again.

1st July 2001

I attended the Annual Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser this year. I didn't attend last year but neither did any of my family. Knowing now that it almost didn't go ahead because of me made me sick to my stomach. I had almost ruined everything my dad had worked so hard to put together.

The fun day was not so fun for me. It was in the same park as always. I didn't move away from my mom's side the whole day. I couldn't look at the swings or the sandbox; the images and memories of her being so strong here; where we first meet all those years ago. But I got through it, just.

3rd September 2001

I started school again and dived straight into it; loving that my brain was yet again occupied.

The second week of September was bad as it has been for the past couple of years. I spent the 13th, her birthday at school, head down not talking to anyone. To be fair that was the same as always. I was finding it hard to make friends. I only really spoke to my family and a few people in my classes if I had group work.

Alice had moved away this year to Washington. She was studying to become a teacher; she'll be fantastic at that. I really miss her. Emmett was still at home. He was fifteen now, doing well in school and head over heels for Rose. He didn't parade his love in front of me which one day, I'm sure I'll thank him for but it was pretty obvious that Rose was the one for him.

I continued to work hard in my studies and quickly found myself the top of my class. The harder I worked, the less I thought of her and the pain slowly turned into a lonely, emptiness void in my chest.

3 years later... 6th September 2004

I excelled in my studies so much that I managed to finish my pre medical school education a year early and therefore I started my MD program at the University of Washington School of Medical Science in 2004. I was twenty one and wanted nothing more than to make my dad proud of me.

My first week at med school was orientation, a week of introductions to the building and the people. As I sat in the lecture hall on my first afternoon, I had a serious bout of anxiety. I was feeling light headed and my breathing was shallow. I'd been wondering what medical school was like for the past three years. I knew I would be nervous but I didn't expect this. I was on the brink of seriously freaking out when a warm hand clasped my shoulder which temporary pulled me out of the black spiraling feeling that I hadn't felt in some time.

"Hey man, you okay? You look kinda green?" I didn't recognise the voice so I looked up. In front of me stood a man around my age, blonde hair that was a little untidy, blue eyes and a small smile.

Embarrassed, I looked down at my lap, "Erm, yeah, thanks."

He gave my shoulder a small squeeze before letting go and moving a little to my right, "Is this seat taken?" he asked.

"No"

He sat down next to me then started to unpack his stuff. He turned slightly in his seat and held out his hand, "I'm Jasper by the way, Jasper Whitlock."

I held my hand out and shook his, introducing myself, "Edward, Edward Cullen".

He gasped, "Is Carlisle Cullen your father?"

I rolled my eyes; everyone in the whole of Seattle seemed to know my dad, "Yep" I chuckled.

Jasper let out a low whistle, "Got a lot to live up to... no wonder you looked sick to the stomach a minute ago"

I felt sick again, "Yeah, thanks for reminding me" I mumbled.

Jasper chuckled, "Oops, sorry man".

I looked back at Jasper who had a grin on his face; it was infectious, I just couldn't stop smiling.

After we sat for an hour and got presented with an onslaught of clubs, groups and other extra-curricular opportunities which gave me a headache, we had the rest of the day off. Jasper asked if I'd eaten yet which I hadn't so we walked to a small coffee shop on the edge of campus.

It seemed Jasper really liked to talk so I let him. He reminded me of Alice. I was smiling as he was telling me he was twenty two and originally from Texas but moved to Seattle a couple of years ago. A couple of weeks ago, he had rented a room in a large house 2 blocks away from campus that he loved.

"This house is fantastic! You need to come and take a look. Where you staying? Do you need a room cause I think there may be a couple left but they won't be there for long cause they're that good…"

He kept talking about anything and everything. Even though he was studying to become a doctor, he was a musician at heart. He told me how he played the guitar and was hoping to do some small gigs soon in a few bars.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled this much at school, away from the safety of my family home.

Jasper was suddenly clicking his fingers in front of me, "Edward? Edward? Am I boring you? I'm sorry, I just like to talk"

"It's fine Jasper." I continued to smile, "You and my sister need to meet" I laughed, "You probably wouldn't be able to get a word in edgeways though"

"Oh yeah? She hot?"

"Urgh, she's my sister, I dunno"

"You have a picture?"

"Not on me. I'll try and remember one tomorrow" I shrugged. I watched as Jasper's eyes lit up.

"So what about you E? You don't mind me calling you E do you? You can call me Jazz if you want. All my friends do"

Friends after knowing each other a few hours? That seems kinda weird but okay.

"No I don't mind. Me? Well, I've been working real hard in school to get where I am. I'm twenty one. My mom's Esme and my dad's Carlisle Cullen," I rolled my eyes again, "but you ready know that. Ummm, I have an older sister, Alice, who I just told you about and I have a younger brother, Emmett. He's eighteen now and has just started Engineering college. He's not the doctor type." I chuckled.

"Tell me more about Alice." Jasper sounded like he was in a dreamy, far off place. I punched his arm playfully, "Hey, I've just meet you. For all I know your an axe murderer." Jasper plastered a face of mock horror on this face. After a couple of seconds of looking at each, we both burst into laughter.

I've found it so hard to make friends since high school but here I was, laughing more than I had in years with a lad who I met a few hours previously. Thinking of high school made my laughter faded as thoughts of darker times filled my head. I heard Jasper's laughter fade too but he didn't question my sudden change of mood, he just changed the subject and started to talk about music. I told him I played the piano since I was little but hadn't played for some time. He started talking about how we could be in a band together but I couldn't shake the thoughts of ... her.

Jasper and I had the same classes so at least I wasn't on my own for my first proper day. I soon realized that I had been very spoiled in school with my typically fifty minute class periods. We typically had four consecutive hours of classes at medical school.

On Mondays, these four hours were followed by a one hour lunch break and another two hours of lectures. And all of this happens in a single classroom. There were no off days during the week and it was really really tough to keep up.

After one week, I felt so overwhelmed that I began to question my desire to pursue a career in medicine. I'm so glad I'd meet Jasper because he was the one that kept me together on the early weeks. He was quickly turning into a really, really great friend.

When I got home on the second Monday, I was so exhausted that I dragged myself up the stairs to my room and crashed. The next day I woke suddenly in a cold sweat. I must have had a nightmare but I couldn't remember what it was. Going down stairs, I could hear the news on the television. I slumped on the couch and looked at the television. I could feel the colour drain from my face when I took in the date, Tuesday September 14th. I had forgotten her birthday. For the first time in 4 years, I hadn't sat on the 13th and been miserable. In fact, I remember laughing at Jasper in our lunch hour when he was talking about one of our lecturers.

I should have felt happy, relived but instead I felt guilty. What the fuck? I'm seriously screwed in the head. Maybe I need to go see Leanne again.

15th October 2004

By late September, I'd decided to move into the same house as Jasper so I could concentrate on my studies and I didn't have as long commute each morning. I just wanted to roll out of bed and within an hour be at school. Mom was in tears the day I left even though I was coming home most weekends. I hated to see mom cry; it reminded me of darker times. Alice was still away in Washington and Emmett was away during the week so I was the last to go.

I'd managed to conveniently forget a picture of Alice for Jasper for a month before I could take the constant asking anymore. I'd had a really tough day, no scratch that, a really tough week at school so luckily, we were at home, in the living area when Jasper finally got to see Alice in a picture of her 23th birthday, because I was really pissed off and on edge. Jasper declared he was in love and had to meet her.

"When she next home? Does she have a boyfriend already? How old is she again? She has the most amazing blue eyes..."

He was getting on my nerves, "Jazz, come on, quit it. You'll meet her when you meet her!"

"What kind of answer is that! I need definite answers! God I bet she's great in the sack..." It was then I exploded with anger.

"JAZZ! Shut the FUCK up! That's my sister you're talking about!"

"Oh come on E! You know I'm only messing. Chill out!"

"Just FUCK off! Now!" I marched toward my room and slammed the door. Two seconds later, Jasper was banging on my door, the sound was deafening. I stared at the door as I strange sense of déjà vu settled over me. I had a sudden flashback...

I continued to pound on the door screaming.

I felt warm familiar hands on my shoulders. I shrugged them off. "Get off me Dad!" I bellowed.

"Edward, she's not there."

I screamed. My hands seemed to want to stop banging as I felt the warm liquid dripping down my wrists but I kept going until I was physically pulled kicking and screaming away from the door.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

My dad had me in a tight hold as we both crashed to the floor of the front garden.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"Edward! Calm down please! You're scaring your mother."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I continued to chant as a sob broke loose.

I curled into a ball and started to rock in my father's arms.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no" I suddenly realized I was in my room whispering 'No' over and over and over.

I hadn't told Jasper my past but as he burst through the door and saw me rocking back and forth on my bed, it was pretty obvious I needed to talk to someone else. I hadn't seen my therapist in over two years as I thought I didn't need her anymore. But I was wrong.

"Hey E, it's okay..." Jasper moved to sit next to me, placing his hand lightly on my shoulder, "You need to talk..."

I just nodded.

"Okay... does this have anything to do with..." he paused for a couple of seconds, "Bella?"

I gasped as I looked at Jasper in horror. I hadn't heard her name spoken out loud for such a long time. How does he know? How does he know her name? I can't even say her name out loud anymore. Hell, I can't even think it. I struggled to control my breathing as the hole in my chest started to crack and break open again with pain.

Jasper took one look at my face, drained on any colour, to know he was right. "Thought so" he whispered. "Hey, hey! E! Focus! Breathe slowly... in... out... in...out..."

I tried to breathe but I was losing control. Jasper's voice seemed far away so the darkness crept in and stole over me.

"E! God damn it!"

That's when I felt it, a sharp pain on my cheek. Jasper had slapped me. And it did the job. Jasper's face that had got blurry snapped back into focus as I clutched my cheek.

"Ow! That hurt dickhead!"

Jasper just smiled at me, "Welcome back E, you fucking scared me then. You sure you wanna talk to me? Maybe you should talk to a professional .."

"Jazz... How did you know her name? I ... I think ... I need to talk to a friend... I think"

"Okay but no more freaking out on me, alright?"

"I'll try" I whispered, now a bit embarrassed that I almost completely freaked out in front of my one and only friend.

Jasper brought his legs up to sit on them and took a deep breath, "You ... you talk in your sleep E"

I talk in my sleep? Really?

I gulped "And I say her name?"

"Yes, you only say her name, a lot. Over and over and over." he trailed off. I just looked at him trying to take this new information in.

Jasper then takes another deep breathe, "What happened to her E?"

"She... she left me... on my sixteenth birthday"

Jasper frowned, "Ah man, that's crap. Fancy breaking up with someone on their birthday, that just plain sucks."

"No it wasn't like that, when I say she left, I mean she left Seattle... with her dad. I don't know where she went and I haven't heard seen or heard from her since. She didn't even say goodbye..." I was desperately trying to choke back a sob but it was no good. I didn't feel embarrassed now. My chest was ripped open once again, the pain returning like waves of hopelessness and longing.

I sobbed into my knees for a long time. I was grateful that Jasper just let me. When I finally looked up at him, he looked sad.

"I'm sorry E. You obliviously cared for her"

I interrupted quickly, "I LOVED HER JAZZ!... I still do." I lowered my voice down to a whisper, "But she not coming back, she left five years ago. Even if it was her dad keeping her away, once she turned eighteen, why didn't she come look for me, or contact me? I would have if I were her..." I could the tears of rejection in my eyes again as I looked down at my lap.

"Jazz, my life has been on hold for so long... I don't want to feel like this anymore... I want to... move on?" I was more of a question for me and I knew the answer; I didn't want to but I had to.

I continued to tell Jasper more about her; I still couldn't say her name. Jasper listened and didn't push me for more information. I told Jasper how we grew up together and shared so much. I may have even smiled a little at my childhood memories of the two of us in that sandbox.

"You need a night out E, a fresh start"

"I'm not sure..." Jasper cut me off before the doubt could really set in.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. You need to start living your life E, you're a good person, and you deserve happiness." And I almost believed him.

The following night, we went out, to a bar. I've never been to one before. The year after she left me, I had tried alcohol, well vodka to see if it would numb the pain but it didn't. This was the night I went to a bar with my friend, had a few beers and felt more normal than I ever had in the last five years.

12th February 2005

Jasper and I had been going out at least once a month and I had started to meet other people. I found it hard at first; like I didn't really belong. Jasper, as always, was all smiles and chatting to anyone who looked like they were interested in what he had to say.

Jasper had come to see me at home during the Christmas break and had met my sister. There was an instant attraction; you could actually see the sparks fly. I had sent a picture of Jasper to Alice, after Jasper's request and Alice was interested, really interested. Watching them get to know each other for that week was great but the loneliness I felt inside continued to grow. They have been in constant contact on the phone, texting and emails even since.

I talked to Jasper a lot about her now and he told me that I talk less and less in my sleep now. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere and I was moving on.

Near Valentines, we had decided to go to a house party, Jasper knew the guys. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to be in a room full of couples but I found most people weren't paired up so I soon relaxed into drinking and talking with Jasper and a few others. One drink turned into two, two into three until I lost count. I felt very drunk and very happy.

The next morning, I woke in my bed with a banging headache. I was laid on my front when I opened my eyes to see I wasn't alone. Not moving, I closed and opened my eyes a couple of times to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Nope someone's with me, lying next to me. It wasn't until that person turned onto their back and faced me in their sleep that I realised it was a girl. A very pretty, half naked girl. I gaped at her. She had short blonde hair with three small butterflies tattoos on her shoulder. My eyes automatically trailed lower to her breasts. The sheet that was draped over us only from the waist down. I realised then that I was naked. What had I done?

She stirred as if she had felt my stares, slowing opening her eyes, stretching her arms above her head that did glorious things to her breasts.

"Mmm morning Edward" she purred. "What time is it?"

"Ummm" I managed to unglue my eyes from her chest and look at my alarm clock.

I hesitated in my response. "Seven in the morning?"

As she stretched again, she replied "I better make a move then. Thanks for last night Edward. It was really really great .." then she winked as she emphasised the 'great'.

"Oh and if you want to do that again" emphasising the 'that', "Just look me up".

I was too shocked to answer her as she got up out of my bed, completely naked and strolled into my en-suite bathroom, swaying her hips as she went. Nice ass.

I quickly turned over and sat up in my bed when she clicked the door shut. Rubbing my hand over my face roughly, I tried to recall last night. I remembered getting more and more drunk and having a good time but I couldn't remember anything about the blonde girl who was now in my bathroom getting ready to leave my room after … Oh My God! Did we? Did I?

Still in shock, I heard the door click open as the girl stepped out fully clothed.

"Thanks again Edward."

She just turned to leave when my brain kicked into gear, "Er, wait! I'm really sorry; I think I had way too much to drink last night." I was a little embarrassed to ask my next question, "What's your name?"

She giggled, "Kate and yes, you were definitely drunk last night" then she made she way back to my bed and leaned over to whisper, "but that didn't affect you when we got back here". She lightly kissed my lips then walked away and out the door, leaving it ajar.

Only a couple of minutes later, Jasper knocked quietly "Am I okay to come in E? She gone?"

"Yeah..."

Jasper opened my door to reveal the biggest grin I've ever seen. He leaned against my doorframe, grin in place, arms crossed across his chest.

"So... Kate eh?"

That seemed to snap me out of the daydream state I had been in since I woke this morning "How did you? What the hell happened last night?"

"You tell me." Jasper wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I looked down and shook my head. This can't be happening?

"Well I hear a lot of noise from this room last night..." he winked.

"Oh shit!" I placed my head in my hands.

Jasper frowned, "Not good? I'm surprised, I hear Kate's… well, you know, one of the good ones."

"I can't remember Jazz. The last thing I remember is being at the party. I can't remember getting home with Kate. I can't remember!"

"Woah, calm down E! It's okay, happens to the best of us."

"But that was... if we did... that was..." I swallowed then almost whispered, "my first time." Being a twenty-one year old virgin wasn't sometime I paraded around.

Jasper frowned; I could literally see the clogs going round for a few seconds before he looked surprised, straightening up and uncrossing his arms.

"Oh… I didn't realise .."

The silence that followed was deafening, yeah that's because the huge white elephant that is my virginity …. or now lack of it is in the room.

"So, yeah. Awkward. Change subject. Actually I'll go. It's too early away so, yeah..." Jasper rambled then almost fell out of my room.

Watching Jasper being so awkward made me smile.

Over the next week, my brain remembered more and more about that night until I could almost remember it all. And yes, the deed was done. A used condom in my bathroom bin confirmed that. I then made probably one of the biggest decisions of my life, I want to do it again without the alcohol and soon.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year!

So Edward met Jasper & now has a new best friend and his lost his V card :) Let me know what you thought by using the review button.

Thanks a million again to my super-duper Beta, SweetLovinCullen *mwah*

The next chapter will be the last one before the prologue and therefore we will be back in the present day. I'm hoping to post the next chapter sometime next week :) *fingerscrossed*