He knew she would react like this. Not that he could blame her. She had every right to be against the idea of Ste getting back involved with that "slimeball" as she put it. She knew what he was like, and how he treated people. She couldn't bear the thought of Ste coming back home one day, covered in bruises again. It broke her heart that he kept going back to him, and she tried so hard to make him see that Brendan was bad news. He was a man who, unlike Ste, could not change. But, like always, Ste didn't listen to her. He was old enough to make his own mistakes and learn from them. That's why they were going on this .. "date". Ste didn't want to rush back into that same old turn of events. Things could be taken slowly, at least. And the minute Ste got a whiff of the old Brendan, he would be out of there like a shot.
"Ste, please." Amy said, as Ste finally emerged. "Why can't you see what he's trying to do?"
"He's not trying to do anything." Ste shook his head, "Do you know that he's never asked me out before? Like proper. He never has."
"So?"
"So", he told her, "it means something coming from Brendan. We're gonna be in public. When has Brendan ever wanted to be with me in public?"
Amy seemed to consider this for a moment, "And how do you know he's not trying to worm his way back in? How do you know that the minute he knows he's gotten back in there," She tapped the side of his head, "he won't go back to what he was?"
"I don't know that." Ste put his phone in to his pocket, "But I promise you, right, if he does I'll keep away. Honestly this is his last chance."
"You've said that before. Then you came home the next day and could hardly move for bruises! That he caused!"
Ste winced as memories of fists pounding into his ribs repeatedly flashed through his mind. He shook them off, and breathed. "You need to trust me, Ames, I know what I'm doing."
She sighed. She knew she was fighting a losing battle here. "Make sure you do. Do you hear me, Stephen Hay? I don't want you to get hurt and I can't watch you go through all that again because of him playing with you like you're a toy."
"You won't have to," Ste hugged her tightly. "I promise."
"Okay." She sniffed. Ste knew she was crying a little. "Okay. Well .. have fun, I guess. And let him know that if he dares do anything to hurt you, he has me to answer to."
"I'm sure he already knows." Ste kissed her cheek lightly and put on his jacket. "I'll text you updates, yeah? That alright?"
"Yeah."
Ste smiled at her, and left. It had taken him a good couple of hours to decide what to wear. He didn't want to overdress, because he knew Brendan probably wouldn't, but he didn't want to look too scruffy either incase they were going to somewhere fancy. Brendan had a lot of contacts around Chester, a lot of contacts with posh fancy restaurants and clubs. Ste didn't want to end up looking like a mess while Brendan looked .. well, like Brendan. Smooth, and sophisticated. So he picked one of his best shirts (a dark purple one, that looked silky but wasn't) and his best suit trousers that he'd only ever worn a few times on really special occasions like Christmas and the kids' birthday's. Brendan was already waiting for him outside Chez Chez when he got there. Ste didn't recognize the car. He figured it must have been on of Brendan's loans from a mate that owed him a favour. The windows were tinted black, but you could still see inside under the right amount of lighting. Ste wasn't great with cars, so he had no idea what make it was. All he could see was that it was an expensive car. Real expensive.
It was much nicer inside, too. The seats were real leather, and they heated up as well. Which, at one point throughout the journey, made Ste feel like he'd had an "accident". Brendan cottoned on, and laughed.
"Heated seats," He pointed out, reassuringly. "Don't worry."
"Where we off?" Ste asked, brushing off his slight embarrassment.
Brendan took a hand off the steering wheel, and tapped his nose. "Ye'll see."
"That isn't fair," Ste sulked. "What if I don't like it?"
"Ye will."
"But if I don't, right, just think about it for a minute - you'll have to take me somewhere else and how daft is that?"
Brendan smirked, "If ye don't like it, I have other ideas."
Ste crossed his arms and pouted. "Fine, don't tell me."
"I wasn't going to."
Bastard, Ste thought. Always so bloody mysterious.
Eventually Brendan turned left and pulled into a darkened car park, next to a tall building. Ste looked up at the entire thing once he got out of the car. The building was well-lit, covered from top to bottom in dim yellow lights. He had no idea where they were, though. He saw a couple of people walk into the place. A tall woman, with flowing dark hair and a long red dress on and a man following her inside. He was wearing a suit, not too different from the one Brendan was in. A classy place, then. Ste thanked God silently that he was dressed almost appropriately.
"Where's this?" Ste questioned.
"I said ye'll see." Brendan opened the door, letting Ste go in first.
They were greeted by an elderly looking man, with a pair of thin glasses on.
"I'm afraid we have no tables available, sir." The older man said, looking at Brendan.
"Brendan Brady." Brendan simply responded. "I believe my arrangements have been discussed with ye."
"Oh. Yes, of course." The waiter's cheeks turned a bright pink. "Certainly. Right this way sir."
He led them both through a maze of tables, through the kitchen, to a more secluded room filled with individual booths. Ste could see people sitting in them, talking amongst themselves in hushed tones.
"Here you are, sir." The man opened the booth curtain for them both. "May I get you some water?"
"I'm fine with beer, me." Ste mumbled to Brendan before sitting down.
"Ye heard the man, two beers."
"Of course." The waiter smiled, and swiftly made an exit through the double doors.
"Ere it's dead fancy, this." Ste whispered, excitedly. "Look at all these forks!"
"People eat with forks."
"Yeah but look," Ste held one up, "How big is that?"
"It's a salad fork."
"Does that mean I can't eat me dinner with it?"
"Ye can eat with whatever ye like, Stephen. Relax, yeah?"
Ste smiled briefly, before looking back down at the multiple utensils. The waiter soon returned with their drinks, and asked if they were ready to order. For starters, Ste didn't want anything but Brendan and his appetite couldn't resist from ordering some onion rings, with a plate of chips. For their main course, they both ordered the Spaghetti Bolognese (with another side-order of chips, for Brendan).
As usual, Brendan's table manners were kept to a minimum. Ste poked at his food, sniggering every time Brendan got a little bit of sauce on his moustache.
"You eat like a pig."
"Ye eat like a woman."
"Been on dates with many women, have ya?"
"Fair point."
Ste twisted some spaghetti onto his fork neatly and stuffed it in his mouth, "Proper weird this, innit?"
"What is?"
"This." Ste pointed between the two of them.
"Why?"
"Come off it, Brendan. You know why."
"Enlighten me."
"Well we've never been out before. Not properly, like this, have we?"
"I suppose."
"And last time we went somewhere, you did a runner."
Brendan shrugged. "Things have changed since then, Stephen."
"How, though?"
And this is where things, for Brendan, started to get a little bit difficult. A little bit too personal. Where he had to go inside that box, inside his mind, and pick out some things to say. Things that had to do with feelings, and not just Ste's, but his own. A part of him that wasn't the most simple thing to talk about. He didn't function like ordinary people. His feelings weren't as straight-forward as Ste's, or as other people's and how they felt about someone. He couldn't just open up, and say how he felt or what he thought, for fear. Fear of being rejected, or turned away into the cold. Prison had shown him a lot of things. But with Ste .. Jesus with Ste, so many things had changed while he was in there. When he came out of that hell-hole, he was a changed man. He was dead-set on revenge, and nothing more. He wanted to get Warren out of the way. Make the bastard pay for what he'd done, and once that was over with - he could resume to his normal life and go about his days like he did before. With everyone, and he planned to include Ste in that. But when he saw him for that first time .. fuck, he couldn't. He looked at him, and all he saw in his mind was Ste thinking he was guilty. Thinking he was capable of such awful things, and he wasn't going to lie - it hurt. Stung like a bitch, right in the chest. Right where he wasn't used to feeling pain. It wasn't a physical pain; something he was used to and could get over. It was emotional, and he couldn't fucking stand it. He was slowly being suffocated by his feelings for this boy. This boy who didn't trust him enough to stick by him when he really needed him. And he was Brendan Brady, he didn't need anybody. But he needed him. So badly. That place, it was brutal. It was like a never-ending nightmare. And he wanted to wake up, to a place he knew. A warm place he could be comfortable in. A place he was accepted for what he was, and who he was. A place with someone who saw through all the bad things, and saw that one good thing. That one genuine thing in him, that nobody else but he could see. Yet he didn't have that. He didn't have that place, or that person. It had all gone. Ruined, destroyed, completely disappeared.
Ste was still looking at him, still awaiting an answer, with those big blue eyes. Ones Brendan often thought could see right through him, deep into his soul. They sucked him in, did those eyes. Made him feel like .. anything was possible. Anything and everything. This, now, where they were. This thing they were doing. That was possible, because of him. Because of the effect he'd had on Brendan's life. Never, in a billion years, could Brendan have seen himself doing this - with another man. But not just any man. Ste wasn't just "any man" at all. He was different. Ridiculously so. And Brendan hated that. That difference he could see so damn obviously when he looked at him. It was an unnerving difference. One that forced Brendan to admit to all these things he had been running from - for years. But sometimes .. just sometimes the difference in Ste would be comforting. That, maybe, he could get through this. Maybe it was possible after all.
"Brendan?"
"Are you wanting dessert, sir?"
Brendan looked over at Ste, snapping out of his daydream, waiting for his answer.
"I'm alright, ta." Ste said, "Another beer though, please."
"No beer." Brendan said, casually. "Fetch us yer finest red wine."
"Right away, sir." The waiter took their empty plates, and disappeared again.
"Beer was fine." Ste fiddled with his napkin. "You don't have to try so hard, you know."
"I won't next time."
"Oh, next time?" Ste raised his eyebrows. "Who said there would even be a next time?"
"So there won't be?"
"I didn't say that." Ste smiled, "But if there is, don't go taking me to Buckingham palace or anything like that."
"I'm not sure the Queen allows just anyone in her home, Stephen."
"I'm just saying," Ste shrugged. "a drink at the club would be fine. Unless you don't want us to be seen, then I guess places like this is good..."
"I didn't take ye to the club, Stephen, because I work there. It's like a-"
"Busman's holiday." Ste finished the sentence before Brendan could. "I remember what it means."
Brendan sat back and crossed his arms. "Go on, then."
"Er," Ste's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated. "Summat to do with going to the place you work for fun, cos it's not fun. Or summat."
"Nearly." Brendan let a smile play out on his lips.
Brendan had taught him what that meant, ages ago now. Right near the beginning. Brendan was quite surprised he remembered it, actually, considering how much he'd had to drink that night.
"We should go in a minute," Ste downed the last of his glass of wine. "Amy's going mad."
Brendan groaned, "It's not like yer out alone, Stephen. Yer with me."
"That's sort of the problem." Ste's face fell. "You can't really blame her after .. you know."
This again, Brendan thought. This fear he could see in Ste's eyes now, as he looked straight into them. That would never go away, no matter how much Brendan changed.
"That's not gonna happen again." Brendan muttered.
"No?"
"No."
"Why?" Ste's shoulders slouched a tad. "What's changed?"
Brendan was the one fiddling with his napkin now.
"Nothing." Ste argued, "And you know it."
"I've changed, Stephen." Brendan announced ever so suddenly. "Do ye really think I'd be here now if I hadn't? Seriously?"
No, Ste thought - but he just shrugged in response instead.
"If ye don't believe me, then okay, I'll take ye home right now, and that'll be it, we'll say no more about it."
"Or?"
"Or ye can trust me for once. It's yer choice."
"Okay." Ste decided, "Alright, I trust you."
"No ye don't."
"I can learn to. In time."
Brendan was okay with that - for now.
"We are gonna have to go, though. Amy's getting a bit funny." Ste put his phone back in his pocket, after reading the endless list of messages from his best friend. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah," Brendan took out his wallet and dropped a handful of notes onto the table. "Don't want her thinking I've kidnapped ye, do we?"
The drive back to the village was quiet, yet comfortable. They didn't speak much, if at all, but it didn't matter. They'd spoken enough for one night. Especially Ste, who was known for his constant chatter anyway. He sometimes got too carried away with his talking and it ended up annoying Brendan. But not tonight. Brendan seemed relaxed, despite being in a room with other people. It was like they weren't even there. Obviously the fact they were sat in a little booth with a curtain partially drawn across it was an advantage for the type of privacy Brendan liked. It was nice. Kinda intimate, too.
"I'll see ye around, then." Brendan slowed the car down when they reached Ste's flat.
"Maybe." Ste grinned at him, but it soon fell into a smaller smile. "I had fun tonight."
"So ye should have, the amount of money I spent."
Ste tutted, "You know what I mean."
Brendan stared straight ahead into the darkness. "Yeah ... yeah, me too."
"So what happens now?" Ste asked him, a little unsure. "Where do we go from here?"
"Well," Brendan looked at him again. "I think yer meant to go in there to the lovely Amy, and I'm meant to go home and go to sleep. Yer talking has worn me out."
"I meant with us."
Brendan sighed, "I dunno." The playful, sarcastic tone from his voice had gone now. "Where do ye wanna go?"
"I dunno."
"That answers that, then."
Ste undid his seatbelt, and looked over to the flat. He saw the lace curtain in the window move. Amy. Then looked back over at Brendan, then down at his hands. "We should just .. wait and see then, I guess."
"Okay."
Ste leaned over the seats, and planted a soft kiss against Brendan's lips, which only lasted a couple of seconds before he pulled back.
"Night, Brendan." He whispered, as he got out of the car and closed the door behind him.
Brendan started the engine back up, and drove off into the night. Ste could see him looking in the mirror at him before he turned the corner, and he smiled.
"Ste!" Amy hissed from behind him, "Do you have any idea how worried I was?"
"I'm fine." Ste laughed gently.
"So?" She stood in the doorway, waiting for Ste to tell her what happened. "Did he try worm his way back in?"
"Nope."
"What, really?" Ste could hear the surprise in her voice. "He didn't try anything on?"
"Not once."
"Wow." She sat on the edge of Ste's bed. "So has he changed, then? Has the impossible become possible? Tell me the details!"
"Amy Barnes," Ste laid down, and stared up at her. "You have no idea."