Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

4th July 2010

I walked through the door of our staff room with my cell in my hand. I was considering texting Bella tonight. Does that sound desperate? I only left her a few hours ago...

The television on the wall caught my eye; fireworks. I was shocked as I looked at the headline, 4th of July celebrations. How the hell can I have missed the fact it was the 4th July?

I frowned as I stared down at my cell. Thinking back to my conversation with Tanya earlier, I'm surprised she went into work today. I hadn't heard from her all day so dialled her number. After the sixth ring, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, you okay?"

"Hey. Edward. Yeah. I was just in the shower. You get to work okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry to disturb you. Just wondered how you got on at work?"

"Great thank you! It was just me, being the 4th of course but that was good. I got the majority of the work that had been backed up. God, I don't know what that place would do without me."

I smiled, this is classic Tanya. Always confident in her own abilities. And she has a right to be too. Tanya was the heart of that business, it wouldn't survive without her.

"I'll be home early, around 6am."

"Okay babe, I'll keep the bed warm."

"Okay. See you later. Bye" I hurried to end the call.

I scrolled to a new text before quickly typing a message. Happy 4th of July to you, Bee. Edward x

5th July 2010

I silently creep through the bedroom door to our en suite bathroom. I knew Tanya didn't need to get up til 7am and I didn't want to disturb her sleep. I considered sleeping on the couch but I don't just need to drag myself to the bedroom once Tanya was up and ready for work.

Working quickly to get ready, I pulled on my pj pants and white t shirt, walking out and climbing into bed as quietly as possible. As I reached to put my cell on the night stand, I knocked over an empty glass which fell to the floor with a low thud on the carpet. I turned to face Tanya to see if she had heard. She was facing me, staring straight at me. Oh crap.

"Tanya, babe. I'm so sorry for waking you." I whispered. "I was trying to be as quiet as I could but I knocked a glass over." I was rambling.

"It was empty you'll be happy to ..."

I was stopped short by Tanya grabbing my t shirt and pulling me towards her forcefully. Her eager lips captured mine as her hands found their way into my hair. I pulled her close to me, hands settling on her lace clad hips as we continued to kiss. Her tongue swept my lips as an invitation which I took readily. We hadn't been in this situation for a while, since before Alice and Jasper's wedding.

Tanya's hands started to roam down my back to my ass which she squeezed, digging her nails in lightly. We broke apart for a moment to look at each other. Her lust hooded blue eyes gazed at me as she tugged my t shirt over my head as I did the same with her satin vest top. Tanya pushed me to my back, my dick making a tent in my pj pants.

"I need you. Now"

Tanya grabbed my pants and pushed them down in one swift motion, her panties followed seconds earlier. She held my dick, pushing down and up a couple of times making me groan and grab the bed beside my head. Straddling my hips, she lowered herself on me as she started to rock back and forth.

I immediately felt my groin tighten; it had been way too long since this last happened.

"Tanya... babe." I said through gritted teeth as her hips ground against mine. "You need to slow down. I'm not gonna last long if you..."

My words just spurred her on to go faster and harder as I held onto her hips for dear life.

"Please babe, I'm gonna... oh god..."

Tanya reached down to down to rub herself to get her to her goal but it was too late.

"Fucking hell!" I yelled out. My orgasm ripped through me so quickly, I'm glad I was lying down.

Tanya slowed her actions and I knew she hadn't cum. Completely embarrassed by what had just happened, I covered my eyes with my arm.

"I'm sorry." My words mumbled through my arm.

Tanya huffed as she climbed off me.

"I'm gonna shower before work." She gathered her things and left for the bathroom. On hearing the bathroom door close, I peeked out from under my arm. How fucking embarrassing was that! Your girlfriend wants you and you come like a fourteen year old! I'm screaming on the inside. What the fuck was that about?

I rolled over and pushed my head in the pillow. A little while later, I heard Tanya exit the bathroom, walk around the room then leave. Neither of us speak. I groaned with embarrassment and dig my head further into the pillow willing for sleep to take me.

Friday 9th July

As I walked through the door, I remember Tanya was working late tonight. Dropping my bag to one side of the couch, I slumped to the other side placing my head in my hands. We'd not spoke a word about Monday morning since it happened. I knew Tanya was pissed off with me but she hadn't said anything. I stared at my ceiling for a few moments before I knew I needed to cheer myself up. And the first person who jumped into my head was Bella. My Bee; she always made me smile.

With my smile still in place, I dug my cell out of my jean's pocket and scrolled down to Bella's name. My fingers hovered over the call button before pushing it.

Within two rings, she answered, her sweet voice fillings my ears.

"Hello? Edward?"

"Hey Bella. I hope you don't mind me ringing you. I haven't interrupted anything have I?"

I heard Bella mumbling as if she was talking to someone else in the room before she answered my questions.

"No. No. Of course I don't mind you calling. I just have a friend here but they're on their way out anyway. Two seconds." I heard Bella say 'Bye' and a kissing noise before she was back.

"Sorry about that. So? How are you Edward?"

"I'm okay. You sure I'm not disturbing you?"

"No silly! You're not. You sure you're okay? You sound tired and … pissed?"

I rubbed my forehead, Bella always was able to predict my mood; it was a little creepy at time when we when younger.

"It's just work" I shrugged.

"You sure?"

I didn't feeling comfortable telling Bella about my pathetic sex life so I chose to change the subject.

"Yeah. Bee? Are you doing anything this weekend? I'd love it if we could meet up again." I held my breath waiting for her answer.

"Well, I'm free tomorrow. Does that work for you?"

"Yes!" I said with excitement. I heard Bella giggle. Embarrassed, I could feel my cheek turned a shade of red.

"Sorry, that was a bit embarrassing." I admitted. "Yeah, I'm not working tomorrow."

"You have no other plans... with your fiancée?"

"No… wait what?" Shocked to hear Bella say fiancée, I fell silent.

"Your fiancée? You don't have plans? I just thought with it being a weekend and especially with you having the day off you'd me spending time with her …."

The silence stretched on until Bella spoke again.

"Edward? You there? I'm sorry. I … It's none of my business … I'm sorry … I..." I heard Bella swear softly under her breath.

"It's okay Bee. I … Well, I hadn't realised I'd mentioned Tanya." I cringed. Talking about Tanya to Bella over the phone felt wrong, very wrong. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? At the bench? I think it's my turn to tell my story of the last ten years."

I had Bella take a deep breath, "I'm not sure I'm ready for all of it, to be honest Edward. But yeah, we can talk. At our bench."

Saturday 10th July

I was early today, half an hour early when I lowered myself to the bench. Again it was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining high in the sky as Bella caught my eye in the distance.

Her long hair caught the sun which highlighted the red streaks there. Her hair was down, at her shoulders, soft curls fell around for collar bones. I noticed she was wearing a yellow sun dress with white sandals. She looked stunning as she walked towards me, occasional looking up to see me staring at her. As she moved closer, I could see her bottom lip catch between her teeth, her eyes still fixed to the floor. I stood as she approached.

"Hey" she looked up at me as she came to stand next to me.

"Hey beautiful." The words came out before I knew it. A gentle blush coloured Bella's cheeks.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to..." I looked at my feet. I could believe I just blurted that out! Brain filter Edward! Come on!

"But it's true."

Bella shyly smiled at me, "Thank you." she whispered. I smiled back at her.

We sat in unison, the same positions as the weekend before. The playground was busier than last week. Several kids on the swings and slide. One little girl in the sandbox.

I nodded toward the sandbox, "Remind you of anyone?"

Bella smiled towards the girl, "Oh yes but I always had my best friend with me." She elbowed me playfully on my arm. Her touch left a tingling sensation as I clutched my arm in mock horror.

"God, your elbows haven't got any less boney have they?" I chuckled.

"Nope" she popped her 'p' as I chuckled again.

"Oh, I've missed this. Really missed this."

"Edward, I know exactly what you mean."

We continued to reminisce about the good old days of our childhood but before long, I knew which subject I needed to approach.

"Bee. How did you know about Tanya, my… er fiancée? I've gone over and over last weekend and I know I didn't mention her…" my voice lowered near the end.

Bella turned to face me, searching my face.

"I saw an article in the Seattle Times, a few months ago, when I first moved back. It was the business section, budding talent, I think it was called. I saw your name. Fiancé of Tanya Denali, Dr Edward Cullen." She gave me a small smile, "That's how I knew you had made it as a doctor."

"Oh.". I didn't know what to say so I went with my automatic reaction to ask about Bella about her past. "What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"You have a great boyfriend I bet." I wanted to smack my head with my hand. I didn't even want to know.

"Er, well ..."

"Sorry" I interrupted. "I didn't mean to pry."

Bella nodded. I could tell she wasn't comfortable talking about her relationship with whoever she had and to be honest, neither was I. The thought of Bella with another man made me feel uncomfortable too.

"So how's your dad? Still in Forks?"

Bella wrapped her arms around herself, tucking her head in her chest.

"Bee? What's wrong?" I said slowly.

Bella shook her head slightly, still covered by her arms.

"Bee? Are you crying? What happened? Bee?"

I heard a quiet sob come from her small form and I couldn't take it anymore. My arms immediately circled her as I pulled her gently to my side. She clung to my nearest arm, her head resting on my shoulder. I stroked her arm in a soothing motion, up and down. I could feel the goose bumps on her arm.

"Oh Bee. Shhh. I'm here. You're okay"

I rocked with her and paused for a moment before placed a small kiss to the crown of her head. She shivered. I gulped as I realised that we were locked in a embrace, one which reminded me of a time long ago.

I heard Bella sigh as she tilted her head to face me. She looked so sad, her beautiful eyes were puffy as the tears continued to slowly flow down her delicate cheeks.

Her face was so close to mine, her sweet breath fanned across my face making it tingle. My eyes were drawn to her lips, soft pink full lips. I could feel the tension in the air as I look back up to her eyes to see such sadness; I felt my heart was breaking again.

Suddenly Bella's eyes widened and she tucked her head down into her chest, breaking the connection. Disappointment flooded through me. Then the alarm bells started. It dawned on me that I had subconsciously closed the gap between us. I was drifting towards her like a magnet, not even realising. I was going to kiss her. Oh no.

I continued to hold her close as she took large relaxing breaths. I was anything but relaxed. This can't happen. The mix of emotions whirling through me was confusing and disorientating. I took a couple of deep breaths trying to calm myself. I could see my arms had started to shake lightly and my breathing became shallow and rapid. Oh shit, no not now. I despairingly tried to hang on as I could feel my panic attack rising to the surface.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I unravelled myself from her as my hands gripped the edge of the wood bench. Squeezing my eyes closed, trying to empty my mind and concentrate on the simple task of bring air into my lungs at a slow and measured pace. Luckily, my experience of managing my attacks helped as I started feeling back in control of myself.

I peeked at Bella out of the corner of my eyes to see her sat up straight on the bench, staring at me. She looked concerned.

But before she could ask again, I answered her question, "I'm okay. I …"

Letting my eyes close again holding my face up to the warm sun, I told her the truth, trying to catch my breath.

"I… I have panic attacks… since… I should have told you... sooner. I'm sorry. I just need some time ….. to calm down then …...I'm fine. Sorry."

After Bella didn't response, I chanced looking at her. She looked so lost. My lost Bee.

"I'm… I'm… it's my fault. Oh my god, you must hate me." she shook her head.

Anger bubbled to the surface quick as my impending panic attack forgotten.

"Bee." I warned. "Don't."

"But... Oh god. I'm … I'm so so sorry. You'll never know how sorry ..."

I interrupted "Bee. Stop."

She moved to say something else but I stopped her. "I mean it Bee. Do not blame yourself. You were sixteen and … it wasn't your fault." It was Charlie's. Charlie.

I was cautious with my next words, "Bee. What happened to your dad?"

Her voice was nothing but a whisper. "He passed away, six months ago. He'd been ill for some time."

She looked up to look at me as she continued.

"I know this sounds awful but I'm glad he's not suffering any more. I couldn't bear it."

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she offered a soft, sad smile.

"He hated himself you know, for dragging me away from Seattle when we both loved it here. From taking me away from your family, from your mom 'cause Charlie always said she was my second mom. From taking me away from you, my best friend."

Her words lingered in the air for a few moments. I didn't know what to say. .

"He told me. He told me to go find you. To go and find you and your family. To live my life to the full and be happy." She smiled again, a little brighter than before.

I suddenly found my voice, "You found me Bee."

Bella bit her lip and looked down, "Yeah I guess I did."

25th July 2010

We arrived at my parent's house early afternoon. Alice and Jasper had been back from their three week honeymoon for a couple of days. They were suffering from jet lag so this would be the first time meeting up since they got back.

The whole family would be there to celebrate Alice's birthday which she had celebrated while they were away. As we walked through the door, my mom almost ran to me and squeezed me so tight I grasped for air.

"Mom. Can I … Can't breathe."

"Oh honey, I've missed you. It's been too long since you're last visit. You need to visit me more often, yes definitely more often. Let me look at you."

"Mom." I complained. "It's only been two weeks."

"No it's not just been two weeks mister. I haven't seen you since Alice left."

"Oh... yeah, I knew that." I said trying to be casual. I realised that since Bella and I had been meeting up at weekends, I hadn't seen my family. I felt bad. Seeing Bella each weekend for the last month however made me feel good.

"What have you been up to? You look… good, less tired. Happy."

"That's because I am happy mom." I rolled my eyes at her. I noticed my Mom giving me a suspicious look. She knew I was keeping something from her. Her sixth mother sense was in overdrive. I need to tell her, soon.

Mom gave Tanya a small hello hug before we made our way into the living room. Alice and Jasper were on one couch with Dad, Emmett, Rose and Benjamin on the other.

"Hey everyone" I walked over to Alice as he stood and leaped to give me a big hug.

"Hey Shorty" I whispered to her and gave her a squeeze.

"Hey you." she whispered back. "Any news?"

I knew she was asking in her form of code if I'd told anyone about Bella. I shook my head slightly. I couldn't lie to Alice. I hadn't found the right time to tell Tanya the full story about Bella. I hadn't lied to her; I told her I had met up with an old friend and we were catching up, every weekend.

Sighing, Alice released me from her death grip. I reached to shake Jasper's hand.

"Hey man. I missed you guys. How was your honeymoon? London good?"

"Oh Edward. It was amazing" Alice squealed.

Emmett groaned from his seat, putting his head in his hands, "Edward! Why weren't you here like 30 minutes ago. I have to listen to the whole story again now..."

Alice proceeded to walk up to him and punch him in the arm. Benjamin giggled.

"Hey little man" I said as I scooped Benjamin in my arms. "You're quiet."

"He's been feeling sorry for himself over the last couple of days; he's been unwell, high temperature." Rose informed me.

I frowned down at his sweet face, "Why didn't you let me know? I could have taken a look at him."

"It's okay Edward. You're busy with work. We don't expect you to be our own private doctor."

"I don't mind." I said looking down at Benjamin's little face again; he looked tired. I looked back at Rose; she had a small smile on her face as she nodded.

"What temperature was he? You been giving him acetaminophen?"

Rose nodded and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I can't turn off the doctor in me sometimes." I passed Benjamin back to his mom; he snuggled into her chest and closed his eyes.

"So …" Tanya chirped up from her normal spot by the window of my parent's living room. "I have some big news"

Confused, I let her continue. I didn't know what she was going to say. She hadn't said she had news earlier.

"I got the call today!" Excitement shimmered in her blue eyes. "I have a position waiting for me in New York if I want it!"

I stood there stunned. What the fuck? I heard a couple of congratulations as Mom moved across the room to stand in front of me.

"You're leaving? I knew there was something you hadn't told me."

I shook my head, "Wait? What?" I directed my questions towards Tanya.

"My week I spent in New York. It was for a job. Remember. I got the call today to say they wanted to offer me editor of the celebrity section. I'm so excited."

I was once again lost for words.

I heard my own voice before I realised I was speaking.

"I'm not leaving."

"Of course not. Well, not straight away anyway. They wanted me to start as soon as possible but I told them that we both need to sort some stuff before we move. You need to sort a transfer to start. That could take months so I agreed September. We're talked about this. Remember."

Bee's birthday is in September. "I'm not leaving." I repeated. "I can't. I need …. No ..."

I could feel the anger rise from the pit of my stomach. I've just found her again. No! No! No!

"We'll discuss this later Edward."

I turned in disbelief and quickly walked to the kitchen. Walking, my fists clenched and unclenched as I tried to keep my angry inside. I reached the kitchen worktop and gripped it tight. I heard footsteps behind me, then a gentle hand on my shoulder, Mom.

"Honey? You okay?"

"No Mom I'm not." I tried to sound calm but it sounded more menacing through gritted teeth.

"You didn't know this news?"

"No. Well not that I can't remember. I've been a bit distracted over the last month."

"Oh..."

I squeezed my eyes shut willing my nerves to calm themselves. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this angry and… alive.

I let out a long breath and turned to face my mom, concern etched across her face. I tried to smile but it probably looked more of a grimace.

"I need to tell you something Mom."

She looked curious as she said, "Go on..."

"I… I've… Well..." I told another deep breath as I whispered, "Bee's back."

*Runs and hides* lol. Hope you all liked this chapter. Poor Charlie :( Click the button below and let me know your thoughts and theories. I love hearing from you.

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