Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

25th July 2010

"I … I've …. Well …." I told another deep breath as I whispered, "Bee's back."

Mom gasped as she said her name, as if she was testing the water with me.

"Bee? Bella?"

I looked at her properly for the first time to see tears welling up in her soft eyes. Then she started to shake her head as she hushed her next question.

"How long?" Tears started to flow and her lip trembled.

"Oh mom. Don't cry. Please don't cry" I pleaded. My previous angry state now melted at the sight of my mother looking so sad. I tried to wrap her up in a hug but she shrugged me away.

"How long?" She continued with more authority in her small voice.

Cautiously, I took her hands in mine, soft rubbing circles into the back of her hands.

"She moved back in April after ..."

Shit. Do I tell her about Charlie? Can she cope with that on top of the news I've just given her?

"After what?"

"Mom? I think you need to sit down." I tugged on her hands to lead her to one of the dining chairs in the kitchen. I glanced over at the door on hearing raised voices but I couldn't concentrate on that now, I needed to tell my mom the whole story; she deserved to know it.

Once sat, I sighed looking down at our still joined hands as my shoulders sagged.

"I should have told you this earlier. I'm … I'm so sorry Mom." I looked up to see her slow tears continue their tracks down her cheeks.

Taking a deep breath, I started from the beginning. I told her that Bee had shown up at Alice's wedding to give me my birthday card and the letter. I explained that I was confused so I didn't tell anyone. I told her that she was at the park on Dad's fundraiser day. How we talked a little and how Alice had seen us. On mentioning Alice's name, Mom gasped.

"Alice knows? But you didn't tell me?" The hurt in her eyes was unbearable.

I started to see my hands tremble as I fought to stay in control of my emotions.

"I'm so, so sorry mom. Sorry. Sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I was trying to protect you … and myself." I slowly shook my head as it hung in shame. "I'm sorry" I whispered.

After a couple of fleeing seconds, warm, familiar hands cupped my face and lifted my head so I was staring at her, her eyes was glassy, still brimming with tears.

"No honey. I'm sorry. I …" she sighed. "It was selfish of me to react that way. To question your decision, I'm sorry. Oh, that must have be so hard for you."

With those words, she enveloped me in a hug which made me feel like a boy again, comforted by the loving embrace of his mother. I didn't realise I'd started to cry until I felt the moisture gathering in her shoulder. I buried my head into the crook of her neck, trying to mask the sound of a sob at had long needed releasing.

"Shh, honey. Oh baby, it's okay." She rocked me gently in her arms as I continued to pour every emotion I'd experienced over the past month. All the pain, hurt, longing, excitement, happiness, laughter ran through me so quickly and I let it.

I calmed myself and pulled back from my mom to continue the rest of my story.

"Mom, I need to give you some other news about Bee. About Charlie."

"Charlie?" she voice faulted.

"He … he passed away, six months ago. He'd been sick for some time."

"Oh no" she whispered as her tears returned. "I didn't even get to say goodbye...Carlisle ..." she turned to look towards the living room.

"Your dad will be heartbroken. They were good friends for such a long time."

I stared in my dad's direction. It didn't even occur to me that Charlie and Dad were friends, really good friends at that. I suddenly felt very selfish. Realising for the first time that Bella and Charlie's sudden departure must have been tough for everyone, not just me. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings for Bella that I hadn't even thought on how mom and dad must have felt. To have their best friend and his child, who they treated as their own to just disappear with no reason to why.

My mom's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "I'll tell him, tonight. When we're alone. Can you tell Bella we send our love if you see her again and let her know Charlie will always be in our prayers? He has been for sometime ..."

Another prang of guilt hit me as I realised I hadn't told her about our regular weekend meetings in the park.

"Mom. I've been seeing her every weekend. We've agreed to try and be friends again. I'm sorry. I've been completely selfish about everything. Just thinking about me again." I shook my head, looking at my lap.

"I saw her yesterday. We talked about you and Dad and everyone else" I nodded towards the door. "I think she'd like to see you again... if you would."

"Oh Edward. Bella was like my second daughter. I had big hand in her upbringing. Charlie tried his best but sometimes …. a girl needs a mother."

My thoughts drifted back to our summer holiday in Florida were Bella and Mom spent a whole day together talking, about me.

She continued "Of course I want to see her again. If she does."

I smiled, "I'm sure she does."

I hugged her once more before she got up to grab a tissue, wiping her face.

"Oh would you look at me. What a mess." She looked through the mirror. "Yes I am" she chuckled as she looked at me. Grabbing a tissue, she walked over to me and gave it me.

"Thanks Mom."

My mind returned to the earlier conversation about Tanya and her new job … in New York. Thousands of miles away from where I wanted to be. I couldn't remember Tanya saying anything about a job, just an opportunity to meet others in her work.

"You don't want to leave her do you?" Mom came to sit near to me again.

"No I don't but if she has her sights set on New York..."

"I wasn't talking about Tanya, honey. I was talking about Bella."

Her words hung in the air between us. I tried to deny it but I couldn't. Now Bella was back in my life, I didn't want... no I couldn't let her go.

I slumped further into my seat. "No I can't let her go, not again."

"Edward. Honey. Please be careful. You have a different life now and a fiancée. I don't want your heart broken again. I'm afraid the pieces would be too small for me to pick up a second time."

"I appreciate your concern Mom but I'm okay. Bee is my friend. That's all." She wasn't convinced, I could tell by the way she looked at me. And with everything that had happened over the past month, I'm not sure what I believed myself any more.

"Have you told Tanya about Bella? Who she is? What she means to you?"

"No" I said quietly. "But I will. I think we need to talk."

Mom nodded her agreement as I turned towards the door.

"Sounds like its all gone quiet in there. We should get back."

We both walked through the door to see Alice and Jasper had gone as was Tanya.

"Where's Shorty? Jazz? Tanya?"

I was meant with silence. Dad was the one that finally spoke.

"Alice and Jasper decided to go home. Edward, you need to go talk with your fiancée and then your sister about what happened today."

"Why? What happened?"

He replied with a sigh, "Just go home Edward and talk to Tanya."

The taxi ride home had given me some time to think. I had racked my brain to think of Tanya ever talking to me about moving to New York but came up with nothing. I'm sure that Alice and Tanya had had a shouting match earlier at my parents over this but I was too drained after spilling my guts to Mom to feel anger towards either of them.

I walked through the door of our house to the sound of crying. Tanya was sat on the couch, crying. I don't think I've seen her cry, ever.

"Hey babe. Shh don't cry." I moved to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"Why doesn't anyone believe me!" she cried out. "We've talked about me and New York for the past couple of weeks."

"I know we have but I didn't realise that there was a job opportunity at the end of it all. I thought you were just going for experience, networking and so on."

Tanya looked up at me, her eyes shined with tears. "Don't you want me to take the job?"

"What? Of course that's not what I'm saying. I'm just … a little surprised that's all. We'll make this work."

"You don't want to come with me?"

"I …I don't know Tanya. I've always been here. All my family and friends are here. They've supported me though some pretty dark times in my life. I don't think I could just leave them."

She rose to kneel on the couch beside me, "That's what I thought. That's why I said September so you can sort your things out."

I shook my head, "Tanya, it's more complicated than just sorting a job, this is my home, my heart belongs here."

I looked down to see Tanya fiddling with her engagement ring, "So your heart doesn't belong to me. I thought we'd be okay ... as long as we'd be together."

I looked down at my lap, not sure what to say next. She was right. My heart should belong to her but I wasn't sure any more. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I told her the truth. "I need some time Tanya. To put my head right. I've had some news over the last few weeks …." I trailed off realising I had to tell Tanya about Bella. Maybe not all of it now, but more than what she knows.

"You know I've been catching up with an old friend at weekends?" She nodded. "Well, this friend was my very best friend when we were kids, before Jazz. She was part of the family."

Tanya gasped at the word 'she'. Shit! She's going to blow this up to be more than it is.

"She? Who is She Edward?"

"She's Bee, I mean ...Bella Swan. She was my best friend from age six 'til we were sixteen. We grew up together. She was taking away by her father ten years ago. … she just disappeared … " I shook my head to stop the dark shadow trying to engulf me once more.

"So she was your best friend? When you were younger? What does she look like?"

"Yeah she was" A small smile played on my lips. "My very best friend. And I think we're friends again now"

"And ..." Tanya edged.

"What does she look like? … Well, she's petite around 5 foot 5. Long brown hair and b... brown eyes." I had to stop myself from saying beautiful brown eyes. I didn't want Tanya getting the wrong impression.

"I have a photo of her when she was younger, two minutes."

I rushed upstairs to grab my memories box and pulled out the album of photos from my sixteenth birthday. I hadn't looked at these pictures for years but over the last couple of weeks, I'd done nothing but look at them ... a lot. Bella had asked I bring them with me next week. I pulled one picture of Bella sat on her own on our couch, ran downstairs and passed it to Tanya.

"Oh. She's …. sweet. It's good that you've seen her again. With her leaving so suddenly, I can understand why you would an explanation. You have it now, right?"

"Yes I do but I don't wanna talk about that." I wasn't ready to talk again today about Charlie and the mess he made. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

"Tanya. I think you should take the job. I mean it's what you've always worked towards. But ..."

"But ..."

"I'm not sure if I can leave here … yet. I need ….." Tanya interrupted,

"Oh Edward. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You'll not regret it. Of course I'll give you take some time to sort everything you need to. Just think. A new life. A clean break from those grim memories. We'll visit everyone, don't you worry."

The words grim memories hit me hard as I tried to stay focused on the conversation. I managed to nod before Tanya was hugging me and started to call what seemed like everyone in her phone book that she would be moving in September and I would be following her by the end of the year. I guess my fate was sealed.

28th July 2010

"No it's not Edward. Hell no."

"Shorty" I knew I was whining but I really didn't want to discuss this anymore.

It had been three days since Tanya's announcement at my parents. Tanya was so happy about her impending move to New York. I tried to talk to Tanya about me needing to think more before making the final decision but I was just meet with 'take as much time as you need' with an undercurrent of 'you're coming'.

Alice's protests pulled me out of my musing.

"Edward. Listen to me. I know you think I'm going all big over protective sister on you again." I raised my eyebrow to challenge her.

"Okay, maybe I am a little. But Edward, can't you see she's rail-roading you into a decision you actually haven't made. What about Mom? Dad? Your family Edward? Little Benjamin won't be so little for much longer."

I frowned.

"Shorty, that's not fair. Don't use Ben against me. Of course I want to see im grow up if I can, but … I have a life of my own and I need to start living it."

"Okay Edward, tell me this. Do you want to move to New York?"

"I …. I ..." she had me and she knew it. "I just don't know the answer to that question yet Shorty."

"I knew it! You don't want to go."

Alice was starting to piss me off. Anger was bubbling beneath the surface.

"I didn't say I didn't want to go. I'm not saying I'm staying either."

My words were met by Alice's stunned face before she turned to sit on my couch.

"You don't want to stay?" she whispered.

Groaning, I sat next to her, placing my head in my hands.

"I didn't say that either Shorty. I just … I just don't know. It's all I've thought about since Sunday. I need some time to think and make a rational decision for what's best for me."

"What about Bella?"

Raising my head from my hands and turning to face her, I gritted my teeth.

"What about Bee?"

"You'll hurt her. She's just found you again and now she'll lose you … again."

In the calmest voice I could muster through the want to scream at her, I replied.

"Alice, don't. Do not use Bee against me. That's not right or fair."

She laid her hand on my arm.

"Edward. All I'm saying is sometimes you can't just make a decision with your mind; you need to make it from the heart."

My heart rate picked up as I put my head in my hands again.

"Yeah I know."

31st July 2010

"Edward!"

Bella shouted my name from across the park, waving frantically.

I gave her a small wave and smile but otherwise kept my head down. My stomach had been doing somersaults all week. I decided I needed to tell Bella about New York, gauge her reaction; maybe it would help me make my final decision. What final decision? You've more or less told

Tanya you're going!

Shaking my head to try and clear my jumbled thoughts, I heard Bella plop herself next to me with a happy sigh.

"Edward. So good to see you, I've missed y…. Edward? You okay?"

She must have sensed my shitty nervous mood.

"Hey Bee. I'm o … actually I'm not sure if I'm .. I"

Placing my head in my hands, I whispered, "Why is this so hard?"

"What is it Edward? Do you … don't you want to .." I looked up to see Bella shaking her head with a sad look on her face.

"Oh Bee, I'm sorry. I've dampened your good mood."

Bella squared her shouldered and turned to face me, grabbing my hands in the process and pulling them into her lap. Over the last few weeks of us meeting each week, we had grown more and more comfortable with each other again but this type of contact was new again.

I gasped as her fingers gripped mine, the tingle back in full force.

"Edward? I'm a big girl now. I've had some real shit in my life so far beyond my control so I can take it. What you need to say, just say it. Please."

"Tanya's got a job in New York. She's moving soon."

Bella's eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before she composed a calm face. Her words were a whisper.

"And you're going with her."

"I … I … Fucking hell, what's wrong with me?"

My suddenly outburst made Bella jump but she didn't tell me go; our hands still entwined with each others.

"Bee. I'm not sure if I want to go … to New York .. with her."

Bella moved slightly towards me.

"And why is that Edward?"

I stared into her eyes. Beautiful big brown eyes searching mine for something. An answer maybe.

"Do you think I should go?"

Bella bit her lip and looked down at our hands as I did the same.

"You know I can't answer that question Edward." She mumbled something after but I couldn't hear what she said.

I lifted my head as she did to look into her eyes again. I looked at her lips, she was still biting it. Something's don't change. No they don't. Looking back at her eyes, she was closer than before. Not sure which one of us moved, maybe both of us.

"Hey Bella!" A booming voice made me move away quickly and disconnect myself from our bubble.

Bella's cheeks were flushed as she smoothed out her top and stood. She swayed a little but before I could react, a huge pair of arms wrapped around her.

"Hey Jake. Thanks. What you doing here?"

Jake? I looked at the guy. He was tall, muscular and looked like a Native American. Short black hair and dark eyes roamed Bella's small form before he spoke again.

"You forgot this." He handed her small black bag.

"Oh I completely forgot. What would I do without you?"

"Baby, you'll never get rid of me." He picked her up off the ground in a giant bear hug then kissed her, square on the lips.

My stomach lurked at the scene in front of me; watching Bella being like this with someone else made me want to be sick and rip his head off. Bella brought me out of my thoughts.

"Oh Edward. This is Jake. Jake. This is Edward."

"Hey man. Heard a lot about you." He held his hand out to me.

"I haven't." I mumbled before reluctantly shaking his hand.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then. See you later Bella? Normal time?"

Bella looked at me and bit her lip before sighing and turning towards him.

"Yeah, see you later Jake."

He hugged her again. Just rubbing it in. I knew I was being bitter and I shouldn't be. If Bella had someone special in her life, I should be okay with that, right? So why did I feel like I'd just been kicked in the chest, hard.

"Edward. I need to explain ..."

I interrupted. "No need to explain Bee. I get it. It's fine. You don't have to tell me anything.

"But .."

I interrupted again. "Bee. Stop." I was getting aggravated. I didn't want to think about Bella 'with' Jake. The sick feeling was returning. I needed to take my mind off the current situation.

"Hey, you fancy going for something to eat? I know a little cafe ten minutes walk from here?"

"Yeah, that'll be nice."

We walked and talked about anything that I could to get my mind anyway from thinking of Bella and Jake … together. Once at the cafe, we ordered sandwiches and had a coffee.

"This is nice." Bella commented. I gave her a smile.

"I was thinking the same thing. Nice to be in the real world with you … so to speak. Away from the safety of the park."

Bella sighed. "Yep. Oh I need to give you this."

She handed me the black bag with Jake had given her.

"What is it?"

Bella shrugged. "Nothing much. I hope you don't mind but I bought Alice a birthday gift. I know it's late and I know she's mad with me so .. I … I just want her to know that I still think of her too. And your mom and dad..."

"I told her" I whispered. "My mom. About you being back. About Charlie. You don't mind do you?"

She shook her head as she gave me a sad smile.

"No I don't mind. She has a right to know."

"She wants to see you." I blurted out.

"Oh." She looked like she was deep in thought. Her eyes bore holes in our table, her eyes brows knitted together. Her lip caught in its familiar place between her teeth. She looked so sweet. My mind drifted back to Tanya's description of Bella when she saw her picture.

Bella finally spoke "I'd like that."

"Great. She will be happy."

"In a couple of weeks, yeah? Let me prepare myself even though I'll burst into tears as soon as I see her." she chuckled. "May be best to meet in the park again."

"Yeah, I'll ask her."

"Can you ask if Shorty .. I mean Alice will come too? I want to explain to her too."

"Explain?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I just want to let them both know what happened and that I'm sorry."

"Beeeeee" I whined. "You don't need to apologise, to either my mom or Shorty."

Bella kept her voice small, "But I want to."

We continued to eat in silence so I took this time to think about New York. Maybe I should go. Bella would be fine. She has Jake. I visible shuddered ran through me. I looked back at Bella. She was picking at her sandwich not paying any attention to me. Probably thinking of her date with Jake tonight. Bastard! I wonder whether he's pissed at her seeing me each weekend. That thought made me smile.

"Bee? You fancy meeting up during the week and doing something? I dunno, like go watch a movie?"

"On a school night?" she giggled.

"Haha. Very funny Bee. Yes for you, a school night."

"Okay. What movie? Oh I wanna see The Last Airbender. It's just the cute lad from that vampire movie in it. He's nice."

"O …. Kay." She was smiling like a Cheshire cat. "Will Jake be okay with that?"

Bella looked confused, "With me shamelessly ogling the vampire man?"

"I didn't mean that." I rolled my eyes thinking back at her doing the same to Leonard DiCaprio ten years ago. "I meant you going with me?"

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"No reason." I smiled to myself. I knew if the shoe was on the other foot and I was Jake, I'd be pissed. This knowledge made me smile wider.

"Edward, is Tanya okay with you spending time with me with our previous..." she just swung her hand back and forth between the two of us.

"She's fine with it Bee. You're my friend. And we're going to the movies. That's acceptable isn't it?"

Bella sighed, "Yeah, yeah it is."

4 August 2010

We meet up at our local AMC the next Wednesday evening to watch the film Bella had picked. Bella looked as gorgeous as ever in a pale blue summer dress and flat ballet pumps. Her hair was down and she looked care-free in the evening sun. I dressed in my favourite smart jeans and a white designer t shirt.

I'd told Tanya I was meeting Bella to watch a movie and on hearing Bella's movie choice, she turned her nose up, not making any effort to guise her distaste. Not that I was bothered what we watched. I just loved spending time with her. I felt like all we'd talked about was the heavy stuff so far. Now with that out of the way, we could enjoy our time together. This was my mission.

Around half way through the movie, Bella tugged on my t shirt, whispering in my ear, "You want out?" I chuckled quietly, nodded as Bella took my hand and practically dragging me out of the dark room.

Once out in the box office near the snack bar, Bella let out a rather unlady-like laugh, throwing her head back and snorting. "Well that was bad, oh so very bad … apart from the vampire guy that is."

"Bee, you can't base a man's actor ability on the fact he's easy on the eye."

"Easy on the eye? Oh God Edward! What century are you from?" she was chuckling again. "Silly Edward." Those words made me feel all warm and happy on the inside. Remind me on good times.

Bella gave me her shy smile before realising our hands were still joined. She dropped mine quickly, almost guiltily. Without thinking, I threw my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to my side as we started to walk towards the exit.

"As the movie was … well shit." I looked down at Bella to see her roll her eyes at me. "I think you should buy me a drink. Compensation."

Bella hooked her arm around my waist, "I suppose so. First round on me then?"

I mock gasped, "First round? Thought it was a school night?"

"It is." Bella chuckled. "I'm gonna stick with Coke."

"Me too."

We sat in the bar until late talking about the movie, our work, even our family life. I didn't mention Tanya much and Bella rarely talked about Jake so the conversation flowed easy. By 10pm, we made the decision to call it a night. I drove Bella home. It's the first time I'd seen her apartment. I walked her to her door, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

"I had a great night Bee."

"Me too. Sorry about my shitty choice of movie. You can choose next time, okay?"

"Yeah. So … you want to meet this weekend? Or have you had enough of me for one week?" I smirked. She lightly slapped my shoulder.

"Silly Edward. I will never get sick of you."

"Oh is that a challenge?" I leaned against her door frame.

She leaned close to me, "Just try me."

We stayed close as the atmosphere in the apartment landing changed; I could physically feel the electricity cracking in the air. Her eyes were bright, her lips full and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Tanya. I froze and frowned.

I was snapped out of the haze by banging in her apartment. My frown deepened at the noise.

Bella turned to look into her apartment "Oh bloody hell Jake!" Turning back, she continued, "I have to go Edward. Saturday? Normal time and place? We can decide what we want to do once we've met?"

I reached up, not bothering that Bella's boyfriend was just feet away from us, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before gently cupping her cheek, "Sounds perfect."

Bella blushed, "Edward? I …" More banging, louder now cut Bella's words short.

"Argh. Sorry Edward. I really need to go."

I sighed. That douche is spoiling things. "Night Bee. Sweet dreams."

"Night Edward."

She softly closed the door before I made my way home.

Firstly, sorry sorry sorry for being a week late with this chapter, hope it was worth the wait. Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know I had a visitor last weekend. My very good friend and beta, SweetLovinCullen :) Too much drinking and not enough writing! Love you bb, thanks for all your support on this story. Just wanted to give a big *mwah* to Saz, Fennie & CC who have been reading my story from day 1 - love you girls!

I'm gonna try my hardest to get a chapter written and posted before I go on holiday on the 13th. I will try but don't want to promise.

As always, let me know what you think x