Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)
I want to dedicate this chapter to my girls, Janine, Kirsty & Sam. It was such a lovely surprise seeing you for my birthday. *mwah*
I turned my face back down to my girl as she flung her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. "Edward, oh Edward… I love you… so much. Thank you."
My lips found her hair and neck, "I love you too. Happy birthday Bee."
Still Bella's birthday, 13th September 2010
The cab ride home was filled with comfortable silence as I held my Bee's hand in mine. Seth and his crew had arrived back at the park a couple of minutes before midnight to pack our night away.
Bella had looked almost sad that the night had finished but for me, it had only just begun. We were heading back to my place. I had asked Bella to stay with me tonight as we waited for the cab and she beamed at me as she accepted. I'll never get tired of her smile, it lit up my life now and nothing was going to stop us being together.
We pulled up outside my house and I paid the cab driver. Taking Bella's hand, we walked towards my house. I held my breath as my key turned in the lock and I opened the door. My hallway was bathed in soft lighting from candles that had been dotted around the surfaces, well every surface it would seem. Alice had outdone herself once again; did I mention I have the best sister ever?! Bella gasped softly as we entered my house.
"How did you …. Alice." She smiled at me and I couldn't help but return the gesture. I pulled her hand to lead her through to my living room and she sat on my couch.
"Do you want another drink Bee?"
"I better not Edward. I'm already feeling the effects of the wine from earlier and I don't want to be falling asleep yet, do I?"
She looked at me through her lashes and bit her lip. She knew what that look did to me. I bent down, took her hand and pulled her to me, our body flush to each others. My hardened dick pressed into her stomach. Bella moaned at our sudden contact as I groaned at the way our bodies fit so perfectly together. She was so perfect, we were perfect together. My hands gripped onto her hips as her hands wandered from my chest towards my shoulders, neck and into the back of my hair. I squeezed her hips impossibly closer to me. Our lips connected slowly in a sweet kiss but quickly turned passionate. My tongue brushed her lips and she opened her mouth giving herself to me. I explored her mouth and our tongues met again and again. She pulled back suddenly, breaking our contact to look at me. Her chocolate brown eyes were hooded with so much love and lust that I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. She wanted me, now. Her fingers at the back of my hair tightened as she pulled my head back down to hers when her cell phone rang loudly and scared the shit out of both of us.
"Fuck." I whispered to myself, my racing heart had almost jumped out of my chest. Bella still hadn't moved. She was breathing heavily as her forehead rested against mine.
"I better find out who that is..."
"Yeah."
We still hadn't moved and her cell was still ringing. She closed her eyes for a brief second before pushing herself away from me gently and grabbing her purse to get her phone.
I watched as her eyebrows creased as she looked at the caller id before she answered, "Hello?"
I could hear a male's voice on the other end of the phone but couldn't make out what was being said. Bella's expression changed as the recognition of the caller crossed her features quickly followed by a look of shock.
"Bee? Who is it?"
"Yeah... yeah I'm still here." She answered to the caller as she backed up slowly to perch on the edge of my couch.
"Bee?" I sat down beside her and pulled my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me. She looked upset. She blinked a couple of times and a small tear escaped.
"I'm so sorry Jake. I should have been there. I'm sorry..."
Where? She should have been where? Jake? I could feel the edge of panic try to seep in. She wanted to be somewhere else? She has to leave. On her birthday… birthday…
With one more sweet kiss on the lips, I tickled my nose with her and whispered, "See you tomorrow yeah?"
"Yeah. I love you Edward."
I smiled, "I love you too Bee."
Another soft kiss and we step away. Bella walked to her dad who was looking at me again. Charlie placed his arm around Bella's shoulders as he shouted to me again, "I'm really sorry Edward. I hope you'll forgive me..."
I gave him a small smile and wave to let him know he hadn't spoilt my evening entirely. I looked out to the peaceful sky just taking a minute for them before I heard the tyres on Charlie's police car pull away from the house.
The memory of my sixteenth birthday hit me so fast I thought I was going to pass out. She was going to leave me…. again. My arms fell limp by my sides as the panic swept through my body. My breathing came in short bursts as I leaned forward and placed my head between my knees to try and calm down. The action had become like second nature to me over the years. The room was spinning and my vision was blurred and becoming black. I heard a voice but I couldn't hear it properly. Then I felt it. The connection, our connection. Warm electricity seeping through my shirt on my back making my whole body tingle. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on my breathing. In… out… in… out…. I opened my eyes slowing to see my hardwood floor, not a spinning room.
The voice beside me, the one I know better than my own sounded calm. "That's it Edward. In… out… breath baby, come back to me." I swallowed hard before raising my head slowing to be met with a beautiful pair of brown eyes. Wide scared eyes which I'm sure mirrored my own.
"Oh Edward!" Bella flung her arms around my neck, "I thought I was losing you." She whispered into my ear.
"I thought… you…"
"Edward? What's a matter baby? Please talk to me. Please, I'm here, talk to me." She pleaded.
I swallowed thickly, bracing myself for this answer, "You wanted to be with Jake on your birthday..." It sounded so pathetic to my own ears; I wanted to take back the words as soon as they left my mouth.
"Of course not." Bella took my face between her small hands and pulled me within inches of her own face. Her eyes searched my face for answers to all the questions I'm sure she was thinking at that moment. I just stared into her eyes, not really believing she was still here with me. I expected to open my eyes and she'd be gone; she'd be nothing more than a wonderful dream I've been having and I'd just been woken up to my real life, my real nightmare, a world without her in it.
"Edward, there's nothing more than I've wanted to do over the past ten years than to spend every birthday… every day with you. What makes you think…" she trailed off as her face changed from one of confusion to realisation. She gripped my cheeks to stop me as I tried to look away from her, ashamed of my own insecurities. "Edward, I'm not going to leave you. Ever. Unless you tell me to leave, I'll always be in your life."
"What about Jake? Wasn't that him on the phone?" Bella sighed as she dropped her hands from my face, pulling them into her lap and playing with her own fingers.
"Yeah. Edward, Jake's dad had a heart attack. He's okay, Jake's at the hospital with him now. That's why he was calling. Billy's been like a second father to me since I met Jake and he knew I'd want to know no matter what time of night it is." She sighed again before continuing, "I'm sorry. It was the first thing that popped into my head. That I should be there, helping. I'm sorry; I didn't mean that I wanted to leave you Edward. I won't ever ..." Bella's bottom lip trembled and I felt like a complete moron. She needed me and I was the one being comforted by her. I'm a complete tool.
"Bee, I'm so sorry." I scooped her in my arms and hugged her as she cried for Billy. We rocked back and forth for a long time as I continued to try and support her, stroking her hair, arm and back in circles until her tears ran dry.
"I'm sor-" she croaked but I cut her off. "No Bee. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who needs to apologise. I'm the idiot. I can't believe how selfish I am. I-"
"Edward Cullen! You are not selfish. Don't you dare say that!" She huffed.
"Well I feel a complete selfish ass at the moment." I grumbled. I glanced over to my clock to see it was gone 1am in the morning and Bella was supposed to be working in the morning. "Bee, you need to get some sleep baby. But I think we need to have a talk about everything. About the time we had apart specifically. I know you've told me what happened but I think I need to tell you exactly what happened to me. I know you know about my panic attacks but-"
"Shhh Edward. Yes I think that's a good idea but not now. What are we doing this weekend?"
I smiled for the first time since Bella's call. She said 'we'.
"On Saturday evening, I have a date with my girl at the university's observatory."
Bella smiled back. "Well how about before the star expedition we go to my place, I'll cook dinner and we'll talk. About everything and anything we want. You can stop over after we get back from the observatory?"
"That sounds good. Bee?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we have lunch with my parents on Sunday? I think I owe them an explanation."
"Explanation?"
"Yeah, my dad helped me get things organised for the park but I didn't want to just tell him about us in his office. I want us both to tell them we're together. I know my mom will be thrilled for us, I just know it."
"Sounds like a plan." She smiled again.
"Come on." I stood up and tugged at her hand. "Let's go to bed. I have work tomorrow."
We blew out all the candles and climbed the stairs together. I opened my bedroom door to reveal more candles and rose petals in the centre of my bed in a heart shape.
"Wow Alice really went to town tonight with all this."
I turned to Bella as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thank you Edward. For tonight. I loved every second of it."
"Do you want a ride to school in the morning?"
"Yes, that would be great. Thank you."
We stripped off our clothes quickly and I gave Bella one of my t shirts to wear for bed. Alice had picked up some of Bella's work clothes which were hanging on my closet door ready for tomorrow. Bella set her cell on my bedside table in case she was to get another call but it sounded like Billy was fine. We jumped into bed together and I leaned over to set my alarm then I took my girl in my arms. Her head tucked into the crook of my neck as she kissed me under my ear.
"I love you Bella. Try and sleep well."
"I love you too Edward."
We held each other until we both drifted into a peaceful sleep.
I woke from my peaceful sleep to my alarm beeping at me. Once I'd blindly reached out to smack the shit out of it, I turned back to cuddle up to the small, warm body that was next to me. Waking up to having Bella in my arms was the best experience ever. My fingers ran up and down her spine. Bella's moaned softly as she turned to put her back to my front. She pulled her ass into my crotch and this time, I was the one to do the moaning. My morning wood was pressing into the small of her back. Bella's wiggled her ass a little before I heard a small giggle coming from her.
"I know you're awake Bee. Stop your teasing lady." I warned.
"Hm, whatever do you mean?" She said as she wiggled again so I grabbed her hips to still her, lowering my lips to her shoulder where I left open mouth kisses leading up to her ear.
"You're a naughty girl Bee." She giggled again but as my fingers crept from her hips and reached her centre, she stopped her giggling; in fact I think she stopped breathing.
"Do you know what happens to naughty girls Bee?" I said while my fingers slipped between her thighs and dipped between her folds. Bella moaned and arched her back slightly when my fingers started to slowly swirl her clit, edging towards her entrance. I sucked her ear lope into my mouth and bit down gently. "Mmmmm Bee, you taste delicious." I pulled my fingers from her and brought them to my mouth. I closed my eyes in absolute pleasure as I sucked them clean. "All of you… mmmmm." Bella watched my actions from over her shoulder as she groaned again.
"God Edward! That was so good." I continued to kiss her shoulder but the alarm clock numbers caught my eye. "As much as I've like to stay here all day Bee and do this" I pushed my dick into her back for emphasis, "what time do you need to get to school?" I think she caught on as she looked at the numbers too and huffed in frustration.
"Shit, I need to get going. Can I use your shower?"
I gave her a look to tell her she didn't need to ask. She quickly kissed my lips and scooted in my bathroom.
I gave her a ride to school as I promised so I could spend a little bit more time with her. I glanced over to see her fidgeting with her cell on her lap and she was biting her bottom lip.
"Bee? If there was any change to Billy's condition, I'm sure Jake would have called you. He'll be okay." I tried to reassure her.
Bella sighed and put her cell in her purse, keeping her face downcast. "Yeah. I know. I just wish I could go and see them both instead of working. My mind's not going to be clear until I know Billy's okay."
I reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'll go check on him before my shift starts in an hour. Okay? I'll let you know my prognosis." I squeezed her hand again. "I'm a doctor you know." She giggled and all in the world felt better again.
I pulled in the school's parking lot and parked turning to face my girl. "Try not to worry all day Bee. I'll let you know if there's any change, I promise. I'll keep a close eye on him."
Bella gave me a small smile and kissed me before exiting the car, waving one last time before entering the building. It didn't go unnoticed by me that she didn't answer me when I told her not to worry; she'll be worrying all day knowing Bee. I sighed before pulling out of the lot and towards work.
I arrived from my shift early to go and checked on Billy as I promised. I saw Jake first pacing outside his father's room.
"Jake?"
"Oh hey man." He didn't stop his pacing before I grabbed his shoulder to hold him still.
"You okay Jake?"
"Yeah, well no really. The docs in with my dad now 'assessing' him." He made quotation mimics with his fingers on the word assessing.
"Who's his doctor?
"Doctor Jenkins." I smiled. He was a good friend of my dad's and had taken me under his wing when I first start working here.
"He's in the best hands. Doctor Jenkins is the best doctor in here apart from my dad."
The door opened then as Jenkins stepped out. "Mr Black, your father's asking for you. He's doing well and should be able to return home in the next couple of days. I want to keep him here overnight to continue to monitor him." He gave one nod to Jake.
"Okay doc. And thanks. And thanks to you too Edward."
"No problem Jake. I'll be back later to check on you two."
"You under orders?" He chuckled. "Tell Bella to stop worrying and hey man, sorry to call so late last night. I panicked and just need to talk to someone. Bella's always that someone for me. Sorry if it ruined your night."
"Jake, it didn't. It's okay."
"'Kay. See you later then."
He joined his father after shaking Jenkins and my hands in turn.
"Edward my boy. You know the Blacks then?"
"Sort off. Long story Dr J."
He chuckled. "It always is with you Edward. It always is."
It was 9pm when I'd almost finished my second twelve hour shift this week. Lucky for me this meant that I got this weekend off so I could spend it with Bella and the rest of my family.
I'd been to check on Billy and Jake a couple of times throughout the day and continued to text Bella to confirm Billy was doing well. Jake had introduced me to his father, Billy. I could tell that Billy knew who I was to Bella, the boy she grew up with, loved but then lost. On my second visit, while Jake excused himself to use the bathroom, Billy told me in no uncertain terms that I better look after Bella or he would kick my ass. He said he made it his duty to be a fatherly figure for Bella over the last few years. This made me happy that Bella did have family outside my own. I chuckled when I realised that Billy and Charlie were a lot alike. I think they would have been great friends if they had got to know one another.
The sudden thought of Charlie sparked an idea and one that I knew Bella would like. I remembered Bella's face when she talked about her father and being away from me with him. I knew that all those thoughts and feelings would be aired this weekend. I knew I wouldn't like hearing some of the things I'm sure she'll tell me but I resolved myself to be strong, for her.
The rest of the week flew by. I managed to call Alice on Wednesday and postpone the 48 hour rule of telling her what was going on. I was one hundred percent positive she already knew especially after Jasper called on Tuesday evening.
"Hello E, long time no speak."
I instantly felt guilty that I hadn't spoke to my best friend in such a long time. The problem was I had Bella on my mind constantly and I just sort of forgot everyone else existed. I needed to fix this; to had to learn how to balance my life more now I knew that Bella was a permanent person in it. She had promised she wasn't going anywhere, that she loved me and I believed her.
"Hey Jazz. Look, I'm sorry man."
"Hey stop with the guilt trip, I was only teasing. So... what's up?"
I knew at that point what the purpose of this phone call was.
"The sky, Jazz. That's what's up. Where's my annoying big, little sister hmm?"
"Oh come on E, give me something! She'll have my nuts if I don't get something from you." Jasper whined.
I sighed, "Okay Jazz …. I love Bella."
Jasper laughed, "That's all you're giving me! Fucking hell E! I knew that already. God, I've known that for the past ten years." He chuckled before continuing. "E, you know I love you as my own brother. Please be careful, I don't want to have to pull your head out of your ass again if your heart gets broken for a second time."
This made me smile. Jasper was the one that helped me move on with my life, even though I know now that I never really moved on fully.
I told Jasper I would call Alice the next day. I left out the fact that I wouldn't tell her everything like she wanted. I told her to come to the family dinner on Sunday that I've arranged with my parents. I called Emmett too so that he, Rose and Benjamin would be there.
In a blink of an eye it was Saturday and I was driving to Bella's apartment. She opened her door and I laughed. She was head to toe in flour.
"Bee, what the hell have you been doing?"
She gave me the stink eye and marched back to her kitchen with a huff.
"Oh come on Bee! I was only kidding. Oh my God, that smells soooooo good."
"Flattery won't get you anywhere Edward Cullen."
I walked into the kitchen, she was kneading and rolled pastry on her worktop. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close and resting my chin on her shoulder. I kissed the side of her floured neck gently then licked it.
"Mmmmmm."
She stopped what she was doing and turned quickly in my arms. Her floured hands grabbed my cheeks as she gave me a passionate kiss. Her hands slid into the back of my hair to pull me closer before her tongue swept over my bottom lip wanting access. I eagerly opened my mouth as I pulled her hips to steady myself. She stopped way too soon for my liking and side stepped me. I looked at her smug expression with confusion.
"Why Edward, what the hell have you been doing?"
I looked down to my chest to see flour everywhere. I turned my head to look in her kitchen mirror see it was there too. On my face and in my hair. Bella giggled, "You look like a ghost!"
"Oh you little ..." I launched myself at her but she was quick to squeal and run toward her living room. I chased her around the room never ever trying to catch her; I was having too much fun in the chase. She stopped placing the couch between the both of us. I tried to reach for her again, a huge smile plastered on my face. My Bee being happy and smiling was the best thing ever.
Suddenly, the smoke alarm started to ring out and Bella's face fell. "Oh shit! The steaks!"
She ran back towards the kitchen shouting a string of 'shit's before I saw a cloud of grey smoke bellow from her kitchen.
"Bee, you okay?" I rushed to help. Once I got into the kitchen, I started to cough. The smoke was everywhere. "Bella?"
"I'm okay." She was coughing too. "Don't think I can say the same for the steaks." I coughed again and waved my hand in front of me to clear some of the smoke as I saw Bella open her kitchen window. She stayed by the window and I walked over to her placing her hand in mine. "Sorry."
"Bee, no need to be sorry. It was my fault. I was distracting you."
Bella chuckled, "Yeah, it was a very nice distraction though."
I smiled, "Take out?"
Bella sighed and nodded, "At least we'll have home-made dessert. I have to finish the pie though."
"Sounds perfect."
Once the smoke had cleared, Bella continued to make her pie and I called for Chinese take-out. Thirty minutes later, we were both sat cross legged opposite each other on the floor eating and talking. As I had promised to myself, we talked about everything. We had decided to talk and eat so it wouldn't be so awkward.
Bella started by telling me her story again. Most I had heard most of it before but now being more comfortable with each other, she went into details of how to felt when she realised she wasn't coming back. How to felt when her dad first told her about James. She described the moment she found out James had been caught and put away as a huge weight of her shoulders. She spoke of Charlie and their last moments together. I listened to her words, thoughts and feelings and wanted to comfort her, love her forever.
Before long it was my turn for the talking. I described to her my thoughts, even though they were fuzzy and feelings the day I found she had gone. I told her about me running to her house and my dad pulling me off her old house door kicking and screaming. I told her about the dark days and nights that followed. The nightmares I used to wake up screaming at after she had left me. I told her how lost and broken I was. I told her about my months of being locked in my room refusing to talk to anyone and not eating as I should have. I talked about the guilt I still have making my mom practically sick with worry and Alice missing out on the original university she had wanted to go on. I told Bella about how getting back into school helped me focus on something positive in my life but that I started having panic attacks. I talked about Leanne, my therapist who I owe so much to; I don't think I would have made it this far without her. I talked about my first days at university and meeting Jasper. And how he became my best friend. I told Bella that I still feel guilt now that I wanted so desperately to replace her with someone else, anyone else. Lucky for me, Jasper just wasn't someone. I owed so much to him too.
I talked about my first sexual experience which was a hard of a lot harder to talk about with Bella that I thought it would be.
"I wanted it to be you, you know..."
We were now sat side by side on Bella's couch. I had Bella's hand in my lap as I was playing with her delicate fingers. I heard Bella sigh. I looked at her face to see a small tear escape. She had shed a few while I laid my heart and soul out open for her this afternoon.
"I know Edward. Because I wanted you to be mine too."
I gave her a sad smile as I continued on talking about how my life had turned out. I talked about the Christmas party I met Tanya at. I really wanted to skim that part of my life. Those three and a half years were full of emptiness that I didn't even know I had at the time. But I had promised myself I was going to tell Bella everything so I did. The times I shared with Tanya. The engagement and moving in together. That I followed my life as it came to me and that I didn't really look to the future. When I was engaged to Tanya, I never looked into my future to see us as a family with kids and a dog.
"I never bothered about my future until my past came crashing back in my life." I grinned as she did.
"And by past, I suppose you mean me?" She questioned cocking an eyebrow at me.
I laughed. "Yeah, you. The long lost love of my life. The one I never could let go of."
Later that evening, I was at my girl's side as she was looking out of the observatory's telescope mesmerized by the star she was looking at. One of the technicians had helped us set up so we were looking at her star, Isabella Marie Swan. It was amazing to know that we were looking at something all those millions of miles away but it was right there.
I swallowed heavily before asking the technician to look for two other coordinates along side each other that I had written down. Bella just gave me a confused look.
"Yeah, I sort of got you two more." She looked down at the piece of paper I was holding to see her two other stars, Charlie Swan and Renee Swan.
Bella looked up at me with tears brimming in her eyes.
"Is this okay?" I asked tentatively.
She just nodded as the first tear fell. The technician left us then and I pulled Bella close to me, cupping her face with my hands and wiping away her tears with my thumbs. She looked deep into my eyes before whispering, "Thank you."
We both turned to look into the telescope, together. Both stars were sat alongside each other shining down at us. And I hoped both Renee and Charlie were doing the same.
So what do you think? Edward's such a sweetie :) Thanks to my awesome beta, SweetLovinCullen for beta'ing this so quick that I was able to post tonight. If you haven't already checked out her stories, you can here: http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2206640/SweetLovinCullen
I've already started chapter 17 so I'm hoping to post in the next couple of weeks. So until then ...