Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

I pulled her to my shoulder and held her tight. "Please Bee." I whispered into her hair and kiss it, "Please tell me."

She seemed to be struggling to get her voice to work. She opened and closed her mouth before the words finally complied and left her in an audible gasp.

"James… he's …he's dead."

This was not the news I expected to hear. James. James Johnson. The murderer that had caused Charlie to run with my Bee to keep her safe. The man who had terrorised my Bella's life for such a long time, the reason we'd been apart for ten years. James.

I hadn't moved since the news had fallen from Bella's lips. I was frozen to the spot. We both sat there completely still, in silence, hardly breathing letting the news sink in. James. Who was on the phone? An old cop buddy of Charlie's? Why did they tell Bella? How did he die? In prison? Did he ...

I was pulled from my own thoughts as I felt Bella begin to tremble in my arms; her breathing was shallow and harsh.

"Oh my God ..." Bella began before a painful sob racked her whole body and the tremble became more prominent. She was literally shaking in my arms from fear and in that moment, I came to hate James even more than I'd ever thought it would be possible. Even from the grave, he caused this damage to my beautiful Bella; my strong girl was reduced to a quivering shell. Pushing my anger down, I pulled Bella onto my lap wrapping her in my arms and rocking us both back and forth.

"You're okay beautiful girl, you're okay. I love you. I'm here. You're okay. I love you." I chanted these words over and over again. "You're strong Bee, don't you ever forget that." My whispers of encouragement seemed to work as her sobs quietened and her shaking was less violent than before. If I could find a way to bring him back from the dead, I would and then kill him myself for doing this to her.

I caught her face in my palms wiping the tear tracks away from her cheeks away with my thumbs and then lips. I kissed ever inch of her pale face trying to replace the sadness in her eyes with the sparkle I loved so much. I knew hearing this news would bring back sad and fearful memories of Charlie and our past. Charlie. He must have been terrified at the thought of putting Bella in danger from that mad man. A physical shiver ran down my spine. What if James had got to Bella while she was away from me? What if he had managed to kidnap her or worse? My mind was wandering into dangerous territory and I had to stop before I had a panic attack. No, I had to be strong for her. She needs me. She's okay, she here, with me.

The feeling of Bella's hands on top of my own that were still holding her cheeks brought my eyes back in focus to look at her. She looked into my eyes attentively as if she knew exactly what I'd been thinking. I gave her a small smile and kissed her gently full on her mouth. She really was the most amazing creature I ever had the pleasure of sharing so much with. I was blessed to have Bella in my life. She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry for freak-"

"Bee, don't. You don't have to apologise for feeling the way you did when you heard that sort of news. I understand."

She lifted her head to look at me and gave me a shadow of a smile before placing her head back on my shoulder. We sat like that for a while, wrapped up in each other.

"I'll get you some hot chocolate Bee. The sugar will make you feel better."

She nodded as I reluctantly placed Bella on the sofa and quickly made her drink. On my return, I found she had laid down with her eyes closed. She looked physically exhausted.

"Bee? Your drinks here." I whispered kneeling by her head, stroking the loose strands of hair away from her face. She opened her eyes before didn't move.

"Edward. Will you lay with me?"

"Silly Bella, you don't even need to ask but let us lay down on our bed. You'll be more comfortable." The love that shone in her eyes when I reversed her 'silly' nickname for me onto her made my heart clench in my chest. I love this woman so much. Before she could move, I scooped her up in my arms bridal style and walked her into her bedroom, laying her quietly in the centre of her bed. She didn't let go of my arm as she turned her back to me and I settled down behind her. Grabbing her spare blanket from her side, I wrapped my arms and the blanket securely around us both.

"I love you Edward."

"I love you Bee. I'm here when you want to talk." She nodded sleepily. I didn't want to push her. She would talk to me, I was certain of it but she needed time to recover from the news.

I listened to her breathing until I knew she was asleep.

I drifted in and out of consciousness for a couple of hours as the room grew darker with the setting sun. It gave me time to think about everything Icy blue eyes invaded my mind before I pushed that particular thought back down. I hadn't told Bella about that; I didn't want to worry her. Not that there was anything to worry about, I still wasn't sure if I actually saw Tanya that night. I'd definitely not seen anything of her since. No, it was just my active imagination. I glanced at Bella's alarm clock to see it was seven in the evening. We needed to get up. I was working tonight and I wanted to make sure Bella was okay before my shift.

"Bee?" I whispered as I kissed her cheek then her neck. "It's seven, we need to get up … I need to leave for my shift in a while." I continued to kiss her until she stirred. She turned slowly to face me then buried her head in my chest.

"Okay." She whispered back, the sadness in her voice broke my heart.

"I just need to make a phone call Bee. I'll be in the living room, join me?" She nodded as I kissed the top of her head, removed myself from the comfort of her embrace and walked into her living space. As soon as I was far enough away from Bella and sure she wouldn't hear, I quickly called my dad to pull in a favour. I hated asking him to use this position to help me out but this was needed. Bella needed me here tonight. I wasn't going to leave her this soon. And when I did, I needed to know she'd be okay.

My dad sounded concerned but said he would get my night shift covered. I promised I'd call him the next day to explain.

Bella wandered into the room looking lost in thought. I walked to her and pulled her in my arms giving her a tight hug. Her arms locked around my waist and she squeezed me.

"I'm so glad you were here Edward."

I kissed the top of her head, "So am I." I pulled back to look at her face. Sadness was still the dominating feature and that needed to change. That dick was not going to knock my girl down ever again. Stepping back once, I took her hand and tugged her to the sofa where we sat down.

"I'm not going to work tonight Bee. You need me more than the hospital."

"No Edward. I... I can't let you do that."

"Yes you can Bee. Plus it's already done."

Bella was silent as a faraway look passed over her once again, her eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Bee? Please let me do this. For you and for my sanity. You're my girl; let me take care of you. Please. I want to be here when you're ready to talk about that phone call. I know it's selfish of me but… I want it to be me who you tell, not Jake, my mom or Shorty cause I'm at work. Me..."

I trailed off, embarrassed by my confession. I knew Bella needed to tell Jake, Mom and Alice what had happened. She was really close to all three of them but I was the one that I wanted her to know I was always there for her, no matter what.

Her eyes came back to focus on me as my little speech started. By the time I'd finished rambling and looked away, she grabbed my head to stop me looking away from her.

"Edward… oh my silly Edward. I love you. More than anyone, more than anything. I will always tell you everything Edward. You are my life now, why wouldn't I?"

At that exact moment, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with the woman in front of me. I would ask her to marry me and we would have kids. We'd grow old together and I'd die a happy old man. We may have been separated for ten years but my heart had always been with her, it had been with her since we were six.

My lips connected with her instantly as I poured all the love, hope and future into it. Before long, Bella had climbed onto my lap, her knees straddling my lap. Her fingers wound tightly into my hair as she pushed my head back to give her better access. My fingers dug into her ass, kneading her flesh. Bella's lips left me, shifting slightly so her forehead was pressing against mine.

"Edward. I need you. I promise we'll talk but I just… I need you now. Touch me. Please."

My girl didn't have to ask twice. I nodded as my mouth descended on her again. I moaned as her hips began a circular motion. I could feel her hot need pressing through the thin cotton material of her yoga pants straight onto my dick that was straining to be released from its confines. Bella groaned and her motion became more needful; the denim of my jeans obviously giving her some friction she desired.

"Touch me Edward." We were panting so we started to fumble with each other's clothes. I silently thanked God for elasticated waist bands as my hand slid quickly and smoothly into Bella's pants. I pushed her panties to the side and cupped her bare centre before sliding my fingers along her slit and sinking two fingers into her. She was so wet I could have come right on the spot. Bella gasped before attacking my mouth again, forcing her tongue passed my lips. She pushed her hips into my hand encouraging me to continue to touch her this way. Her hands tugged on my hair to the point of pain which did nothing but make me want her more. I needed more. My hand left her pulled her t-shirt over her head. Bella reached to unclasp her bra; maybe I wasn't quick enough. I want to worship her body but Bella had other plans.

She ripped my t-shirt from my body before quickly reaching for my belt, unbuckling it swiftly and unbuttoning my fly. I promptly captured one of her nipples in my mouth. Bella threw her head back, momentarily forgetting her mission to rid me of my jeans. I reached to pinch her other nipple with my fingers as my other hand sprayed on her back to push her to be closer to me.

"Edward!" She growled at me pushing back from me enough to make my mouth detach from her body so she could continue her work on my jeans. Awkwardly she pushed my jeans and boxers over my lifted ass and down to my knees. While she was preoccupied with her mission, I had one of my own. I pulled her pants and panties down. I'd never felt so turned on as she lifted one of her legs so I could slide her out of one of the legs of her pants. I groaned as Bella groped my dick in her hands before lining my head with her entrance. With an abrupt push down, she lowered herself on to me. I wasn't going to last long at this rate. I groaned her name with absolute pleasure as she pulled up then pushed down hard on me. I burrowed my fingers into her hips slowing her rhythm so I wouldn't explode too soon. My mouth sought out her nipple again as I sucked hard. Hearing her yelp then moan so loud her neighbours surely heard spurred me on. My orgasm was building and building; my balls so tight my legs started to shake.

"Fucking hell! Bella! I need you to co-"

I didn't need to finish my sentence. Bella began to quiver on top of me as her walls clamped out suddenly rendering me speechless.

"Yes … yes … YES!" She screamed. The feeling of Bella coming tipped me over the edge as I jerked and spilled into her. Her moments became lazy and finally collapsed on to my shoulder. With the little energy I had left, I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight. As stayed like this for a long time. Our breathing returned to normal as I lazily dragged my hand up and down Bella's back. She shivered which was my cue to make Bella more comfortable than straddling me naked on her sofa. I kissed her shoulder before pulling out of her, both moaning at the loss of contact.

I pulled her to her feet. "Shower?" She bit her lip then nodded. I felt lust fill my senses again with the sight of her lower lip caught between her teeth.

"You're playing with fire Bee." I gently pulled her lip free from her teeth, running my thumb across her bottom lip. She grabbed my hand and pulled my thumb into her hot mouth. Sucking it hard and looking at me through her lashes, I knew what she was doing but I couldn't resist her. Not now; not ever.

"Shower… now." She released my thumb and turned to walk in front of me. I slapped her ass. She gasped and turned to look over her shoulder at me, "You just wait til I get you in that shower." I could see in her eyes that she understood my promise fully.

On entering her bathroom, she stepped into the bath and I quickly followed. I wasted no time. As soon as the water was flowing, I pushed Bella up the tiled wall and groaned into her mouth. Her legs automatically lifted from the floor and circled my hips. My now hard dick slipped back into her effortlessly like it was the most natural thing in the world; we were made for each other. I kissed every inch of her I could reach as my movements were strong and steady. I worshipped her body as it should always be. She was the most amazing person and I loved her so much.

"I love you Bella." I continued to thrust long and hard into her. I pulled one of her legs from around my waist to place it on the edge of the tub. Bending my knees slightly changed the angle of my thrusts to hit her sweet spot. Bella's legs started to shake, a sure sign she was as close as I was.

"I love you … so much … Bella, Bee …. BEE!"

"Oh God EDWARD!" We came together as I continued to unevenly thrust into her prolonging both our orgasms. I groaned into her shoulder as I pulled out of her for a second time.

"I love you."

"I love you too Bee." I grabbed her shower gel and started to lathe my hands together. We washed each other's bodies with gentle, soft touches. Once we had finished, I washed Bella's hair enjoying the feel of my fingers on her scalp. Once we were clean, I grabbed a couple of towels from the rail and wrapped us up. Walking back to Bella's bedroom, we dried each other and slipped on our night wear.

Slipping beneath the cool sheets of Bella's bed felt heavenly but making it so was the angel lying beside me. After ten minutes of finding a comfortable position for both of us with her cheek pressing against my chest, Bella started to speak.

"Edward?"

"Yeah love?" Another minute silence between us before she continued.

"The phone call was from Detective Clearwater, Sue Clearwater. She was one of the only people we stayed in contact with once James was put behind bars. She even came to Charlie's funeral..."

Guilt swept over me. I should have been there... but I didn't know... I heard Bella take a steadying breath as she continued.

"She was a true friend to Charlie as well as a work colleague. She helped me decide to come home... to you. She knew… she knew I'd want to know… and she knew I'd want to know from her."

Bella's shoulders shook slightly and I hugged her tight. I could feel her tears seeping through my t-shirt but I didn't care. I just wished I could take away her sadness.

After another deep intake of breath Bella started to speak again, her voice was unsteady. "You'd like Sue. I need to invite her over to meet you..." She was stalling but I let her because she needed to do this her way.

"She told me…" Another deep breath, "She told me he'd taken his own life. She didn't give me any specifics… I don't want to know… she just thought I'd want to know that they was no way he would ever hurt me again... but…" She was silent for a while.

"But?" I edged stroking her hair.

"But… I feel… sort of cheated. He should be rotting in jail for what he did to my dad… what he did to me… what he did to us… and now he's got off the hook. I hate him Edward… really hate him." The anger in her voice didn't surprise me, I felt the same.

"Does that make me a bad person Edward?" She whispered. How could she think that? After everything that man put her through, how could see think that?

"No Bee. It doesn't. It makes you human. I feel the same. That doesn't make you a bad person… not at all… just human."

I pulled her impossibly closer to me. "Bella, you're safe. He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here. You're okay."

"I know I am, as long as you're with me."

25th November 2010 : Thanksgiving

The last month just flew by. Bella talked with everyone to tell them the news about James. Everyone had a similar reaction, shock, anger, resentment. Jake was particular angry and at first, I was pissed at his reaction. He talked about his responsibility to protect Bella from harm and that grated on me. It wasn't his responsibility, it was mine. She was mine. I knew my reaction wasn't justified. Jake had looked after Bella when I couldn't but that didn't stop the caveman feelings I was having.

When speaking with Bella after the phone call, she told me more about the times that Jake had 'overacted' in certain situations; Bella's words, not mine. I found a new edge of respect for Jake when Bella told me the story of Jake making sure she was okay especially when it came to men. Bella had never really talked about relationships she'd had while we were apart. I knew she had a couple but no great details and to be fair, I didn't want to know. That was the past and that's where it stopped but I was grateful she had Jake to look after her.

He reminded me… of me. Maybe not now but me at six. Bella's best friend who would do anything for her. She was still my best friend but what I felt for her as well as friendship was absolute and utter devotion. I loved her and I was going to marry her; the blue Tiffany's box in my box of memories proved that. I just needed to find the perfect way to ask her but nothing seemed enough to show her how much I loved her and that I wanted to make her mine forever.

When I'd told my mom and dad my plans to ask Bella to marry me, she cried and my dad beamed at me before they both pulled me into a tight group hug. I showed them the ring I had picked out; the 18ct solitaire diamond Tiffany ring was perfect for my Bee. I wanted to tell Shorty and Jazz; it felt strange not to. I'd always been closest to my big little sister and Jasper was my best friend but I wanted both Bella and I to be able to tell them together. I swear Alice knew something anyway; she always seemed to pick up on my mood.

We arrived at Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving dinner early because Bella insisted on helping Mom with the cooking. The good thing was Emmett, Rose and Benjamin had also decided to come early so while Bella, Rose and Mom got the dinner sorted, I got some quality time with my favourite nephew. He was growing up so fast it was hard to keep up week to week. He had just started to walk on his own. He was just so cute toddling along between me and his daddy in the living area. He was squealing and giggling as he managed to successfully make each of his six step adventures between the two of us sat on the floor. I couldn't help but think of our future with my son or daughter or both running throughout our family home, laughing.

"Dada! Dada!" Benjamin squealed as he made the journey once again between us into the arms of his daddy. Emmett swept him up in his arms and hugged him tight. "You go little man!"

"I still can't believe he's walking now, Emmett. He's growing up so fast."

"Yep, they grow up way too quickly." He said as Benjamin struggled to get out of his daddy's grip so he could walk to me again. Once he reached me again, I scooped him up in my hands and pushed him up to the ceiling before lying down on my back with Benjamin in my outstretched arms above my head.

"Oooooo look at you Ben! You're flying! Like Superman!" Benjamin giggled as I moved him back and forth a little making aeroplane noises at the same time. I pulled him back to my chest and his chubby hands grabbed my cheeks. I laughed as he pushed my face so my chin was in the air and I could see behind me, although everything was upside down. I looked back to see Bella leaning in the door frame between the living room and the kitchen with a large grin on her face.

"Hey look Benjamin, it's Aunty Bee!"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Benjamin squealed as he sat up on my chest with his arms reaching out to her. Sitting up again, I watched Bella swoop down to grab him, perching him on her hip then tickling his side. He giggled uncontrollable before pointing to the floor to be put down. She steadied him on his little legs before he walked back towards his daddy.

"Shorty's on her way over with Jasper. Dinner will be ready in half an hour." I jumped to my feet and walked over to her, kissing her gently on the cheek.

"Thank you for helping out today Bee. I know Mom and Rose appreciate the help." Bella smiled back at me holding on to my upper arm. "I've enjoyed helping." She kissed my cheek, "Now go and clean up before dinner."

We were all sat around my mom's huge dining table as we did most Sunday's with a magnificent Thanksgiving dinner spread out in front of us. It looked and smelt fantastic. Turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, cornbread, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. Mom had outdone herself once again with some help from Rose and Bella. Shorty had provided dessert this year, her famous pumpkin pie.

Before we began our meal, my dad handed out the leaf shaped green, orange and brown pieces of paper where each year, we would write on what we were thankful for. My mom would pin them up on the kitchen door for the next year. I couldn't remember a time when we didn't do this. Bella hadn't spent a Thanksgiving Day with my family for the last ten years but I could see the sparkle in her eye when she saw the brightly coloured cardboard box covered in pictures of turkeys and leaves that Alice, Bella, Emmett and I had made when I was eight. I grabbed some of leaves and wrote my thanks on them. The first simply said, 'My Bee.' The second said, 'My future.' The third read, 'My family.' Once my mom had collected the leaves back, she pinned each one of the door reading out loud each one.

Mom reached in the box to get the next one when she gasped bring her hand to her mouth. Her eyes became tearful as her head whipped around to look straight at Emmett.

"Emmett?" He nodded, a huge smile creeping onto his face as he placed his arm around Rose's shoulders. I looked back to my mom confused.

"Oh my..." She smiled through her tears before launching herself around the table to give them both a huge hug. As Emmett was sat next to me, I could see the crumpled piece of paper in my mom's grip which simply read, 'My second child.' I looked to see Mom kissing Emmett's face before she moved on to Rose.

"You're having another baby?" I asked. I couldn't stop the grin growing on my own face at the news. Rose nodded. "Yes. He or she is due in May." All of a sudden, everyone was on their feet and hugging both Emmett, Rose and Benjamin. Alice caught my eye as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Her face looked happy but her eyes told another story. She looked torn. She caught me looking at her so I mouthed 'You okay?'. She just smiled and nodded; again it didn't reach her eyes. I was brought out of my silent conversation with Alice by Bella kissing my cheek.

"Uncle Edward again huh?" I smiled and nodded but I couldn't help but think about Alice. I glanced at Jasper who was rubbing Alice's arms in a soothing motion. He kissed her cheek then whispered something in her ear. Alice nodded, giving Jasper a tight lipped smile before settling back into her seat at the table.

Dinner was as good as it looked. After Emmett's and Rose's fantastic news, we all retired to the living room where we watched television and generally did very little. Alice still didn't look right so when she excused herself to get some air, I followed her. I found her sat on the bench in our Mom and Dad's garden.

"Shorty? Hey, you okay?"

I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. She looked up at me with that unconvincing smile. The sadness in her eyes was heart breaking. I pulled her to me and hugged her close, my head resting on the top of her head.

"You wanna talk?"

She didn't say anything but I felt her sniffles in my shoulder. "Alice, talk to me please?"

"I'm okay Edward. I'm just being stupid. I'll okay."

"You don't sound okay." We sat there in the cold for a few minutes in silence. "Is it about Emmett and Rose's news? The baby?"

At the word, 'baby', Alice broke into tears, sobbing into the shoulder of my coat. I rubbed her arm trying to comfort her. "Hey Shorty, it's okay..." I coo'ed.

"It's not okay Edward. I can't give Jasper what he wants. It's all my fault." She was full on sobbing now. "We've been trying since before our wedding Edward, for more than six months and nothing. I can't give him a baby. The baby we want so much."

"Hey, hey, Shorty, breathe... slowly." Alice's breathing evened out as she wiped her eyes with my coat sleeve. "Alice, six months isn't that long a time. People try for longer and when they think it's never going to happen it does. Have you been to see anyone? A specialist?"

She shook her head slowly.

"Oh Alice. Trying for a baby shouldn't be a stressful thing but I bet you're getting all worked up about this. Stress is no good. I know it must be hard especially after today's news but it still may happen all by itself. When you're least expecting it." Her breathing returned to normal as she clung to me.

"You want me to put you in touch with a specialist? You could talk to them but they won't do anything yet. Like I said, trying for just six months isn't all that long… even though it will feel like a life time." She nodded against my shoulder again.

"Feeling a bit better to talk?" Again, another nod. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here." More silence.

"Shorty? I can't remember the last time you were this quiet..." I pulled her at arm's length so I could look at her face, "I don't like it." That earned me the first genuine smile tonight; small but it was still there. "That's my Shorty." I whispered as I smiled back at her.

We rejoined everyone shortly after. No one made a big fuss; Bella just gave me a 'what's up' look so I smiled at her and mouthed, 'later'.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Bella had left to go to the bathroom and after ten minutes of her not returning to me, I found her in the kitchen looking at the leaves pinned on the door. She turned and smiled as I joined her, winding my arms around her waist from behind and resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Hey Bee, you ok?"

She sighed, "Yeah. Just thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

I chuckled, "About?"

"Everything. You. Me. The future..." She pointed at the leaf I'd written early. I turned my face into her neck and softy kissed her neck. I knew I needed to ask her. I needed to ask her to live with me, to marry me, to have my children. I wanted it all. And then it came to me… I knew exactly how to ask her.

Awwwww *grins* He's so sweet! Any thoughts on how you think Edward should ask Bee to marry him? Hope the explanation at the beginning of the chapter is a remind of who James is in this story - if you're still unsure, go re-read chapter 9 :)

Firstly, a HUGE thanks to you for reading my story. I love hearing from you and I even managed to reply to most reviews :) Thanks as ever needs to go to my bestie and beta, SweetLovinCullen - You know how much you mean to me bb *mwah*

I've been nominated for some Emerging Swan Awards ... SQUEE! My one-shot, Window of Opportunity (see my profile) was nom'd and I was also nom'd as best newbie author. The voting for both those categories have finished but *drum roll* Loved & Lost has been nom'd for Best Friendship/Family in the Full Length WIP category. I really love the friendship between these two in my story and would love you forever if you vote for it :)

You can vote now until Monday 5th Sept at the Emerging Swan Awards website : http:/emergingswanawards . blogspot . com/p/voting . html