I pulled her arm across my chest gently so she was hugging me and I turned my head so we were looking straight at one another, "Yes we do."

Friday 24th December

The first Christmas we'd had together in ten years looked to have started in the worse way but since Bella had been home from the hospital, she was getting stronger, physically. She had always been strong mentally. She was now walking normally and only needed pain meds to take the edge off if she did too much, like her Christmas shopping day with Shorty. Yes shopping 'day'. I'd told her just to do an hour but Bella wanted to do all her shopping at once so she spent the first hour going crazy. She was so tired after just that hour, she spent the remain of the day sat at a coffee shop in the mall while Alice ran to each shop on her behalf. Alice didn't mind but I was so pissed at Bella from not just coming home. She was just so stubborn, some things never change.

When she finally did make it home, she was tired. I gave her a stern talking to until she started to kiss a path down my neck to my chest and her hands slipped beneath the top of my jeans. Suddenly my mind got fuzzy and I wasn't quite sure why I was mad. Hey I'm a guy, what do you expect?

Since we'd been home, Bella had tried her best to break me on the sex veto. I'd almost caved the night before when she slipped off her couch to kneel in front of me, unzip my jeans, pull out my dick and put her mouth on me. I had a real fear of feeling like I was going to do what a sixteen year old with his first blow job would. I wanted her so badly. But I held it together and once my very quick and powerful orgasm was finished, I scooped Bella in my arms, marched into her room gently placing her on the bed before worshipping her body as it deserved. Bella still had a dressing to her left side but it was healing well. I was still being her own personal doctor and changing her dressing for her every two days. The first day at home when I had done it, Bella didn't want me to see her developing scar but I told her it was now a part of her so it too was beautiful. I gently kissed her side each morning and each night wishing I could take it away.

A couple of days ago, we decorated Bella's apartment with a small Christmas tree and other Christmassy trimmings. We still hadn't been back to my house and with Tanya's history there, I didn't want to. I'd already spoken to Bella and we'd agreed to put my house on the market and stay at Bella's until we'd found a house of our own. We'd been looking since we'd been home but not seen anything yet but I knew we would find the perfect house soon.

I was sat at Bella's small kitchen table wrapping my last few presents before Bella got home from Jake's. She'd asked me if it was okay to go on her own to deliver our presents and I agreed as long as she let me drop her off and she got a lift back from Jake. I think she needed some alone time with him. Since she'd been home, her time with Jake had been limited to him visiting when everyone else was here. Emmett, Rose and Benjamin had visited more than anyone else. I think Emmett felt guilty that he'd not been able to visit her in hospital much because Benjamin wasn't allowed plus he didn't feel comfort with Rose getting too upset seeing Bella in the way she was with her being pregnant. They had more than made up for it over the last week, not that it bothered Bella, she completely understood as did I. Rose had been over each day with Benjamin who was getting very excited about Christmas. I don't think he really understood what was going to happen but every time I said 'Santa Claus' he'd start clapping his hands and giggling. I think that may have something to do with Emmett, big kid.

I opened the box of my last gift for Bella before I wrapped it. A new charm for her bracelet. It was two hearts together, the left one had the letter B, and the right side had the letter E and underneath both of them was the words, 'Forever'. I smiled again at the charm. I knew Bella would love it. I wrapped the small box and placed it with the others, most of them were for Bella of course. I think she was going to be annoyed with the amount I'd got but after almost losing her, I wanted to spoil her rotten.

I heard a car horn moments later before the front door opened to reveal a smiling Bella in her winter coat.

"Hey."

I rose from my chair crossing the room to sweep her up in a hug remembering not to put too much pressure on her left side. I kissed her full on the lips before she could answer.

"Hey," She said breathlessly, "What's got into you?"

I shrugged, "Just missed my girl. You had a good time with Jake?"

She nodded with a grin on her face as she removed her coat, "Yes I did. Sue came over for the last half an hour too. We had a really good chat. You were mentioned on several occasions."

"Hope it was all good stuff?" I teased.

Bella scoffed, "You know it was. Jake and Sue both say hi by the way and Jake said he'll see you the day after Christmas Day for the boys night out."

Since all the Cullen boys and Jasper had been old enough, we had always spent the evening of the day after Christmas Day together. I asked Jake to join us this Christmas because I think he'll be in our lives from now on.

So Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Jake and myself would be spending the evening with some manly Christmas drinks. We'd asked Uncle Robert to join us but he wasn't sure if he could make it. Aunt Janine didn't like it when he got drunk with us 'rowdy lads' and stumbled home. I, on the other hand, found it very very funny.

"You sure you'll be okay with Mom and the girls while we're out? I can stay in if you want me to." I still hadn't left Bella for more than a hour or two, like today, since the accident. A whole night away from her made me nervous but I knew she would be safe.

Since the incident, Victoria and Tanya had been been charged. Victoria had been sectioned so she had been taken to a specialist hospital before her trial. Tanya had tried for bail but as she was trying to escape the country when she was caught, she was refused. I knew neither of them could hurt Bella.

"I'll be fine, Edward. How many times do I need to tell you? Silly Edward."

She wrapped herself around me as we sat on the couch. She placed her head on my shoulder. Within seconds, she had sat upright again.

"Edward, why is there like ..." I could see her counting the wrapped presents on the kitchen table, "over thirty presents on the table?"

"It's Christmas, Bee. At least half of them are for the family..." I trailed off knowing it wouldn't take long for Bella to realise how many I'd brought for her.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! I told you not to buy too many presents for me. I don't need anything. I have you."

"But I want to Bee. Let me spoil you. It's one day of the year... please?"

She rolled her eyes as she snuggled back to me, not saying anything else. I took it as a win so I couldn't help the large smile that spread across my face.

"I love you, Bee."

"I love you too, silly man."

Saturday 25th December

Christmas Day morning we woke to a light covering of snow, it was perfect. We sat in front of our Christmas tree opening our presents. I got a full new wardrobe thanks to my mother and sister; oh I loved Christmas.

Bella had brought me too much, no wonder she hadn't kicked up too much a fuss when she saw her presents. She had brought me some clothes too. She'd brought me a Muse concert tee and when I unfolded it with excitement, a white, blank envelope dropped out.

"What's this?"

"Open it and see."

I ripped into the envelope which revealed two concert tickets for their tour next year.

"Oh my God! Bee! These are awesome! How did you ..."

Bella was smiling, "Jazz may have helped with that one."

"Thank you beautiful." I kissed her full on the lips. After more presents of cologne, new sneakers, a leather wallet, and a blu-ray player, which I think she actually brought for herself as one of the discs she brought was Titanic, we cleared the paper to start on Bella's gifts.

I kept her charm to the side until last. She opened the perfume, earrings, necklace, gorgeous underwear to which she raised her eye brow to me.

"What? I just want my girl to feel good. Nothing wrong with that." She didn't look convinced as her fingers ran along a sheer black lace baby-doll which left nothing to the imagination. Her fingers curled in the straps as she lifted it to put it against her chest.

"What you think? Maybe I should wear this tonight when we get home?" I groaned. There's no way on God's green earth I would be able to resist her wearing that. She took one look at my face before she smirked.

"Yes, this will be my Christmas night outfit." She knew she had me.

"Bee, no teasing. I need to get through the day first. A hard on while having Christmas dinner with the family may be difficult to explain."

She smirked at me again before putting the baby-doll back in its box. Maybe I'll have a final present to open tonight.

Before we got going to my parents, we decided to have a slow stroll in the winter wonderland that our park had turned into with the snow. It was beautiful, just like the woman who was with me.

We arrived at my parent's house later that day ready for Christmas dinner. We were the last to arrive. Benjamin was playing with his new toy truck in the middle of the living room.

"Eeeee!" He squealed when he saw me walk through the doorway.

"Hey little man. Merry Christmas. Did Santa Claus bring you everything you wanted?" He nodded.

"Yes he did Uncle Edward, in fact I'm not sure how Mommy and Daddy are going to fit it all in our house." Rose joked.

"Well, here's another to add to the list." I turned back to Benjamin, "I think Santa took a wrong turn and left this at our house instead of yours little man."

He reached up to take the present, "Ta." I smiled as he grabbed at the paper to reveal the large chunky police car. I'd seen it and it reminded me so much of my old one that I'd got for my sixth birthday. When I'd shown Bella, she had had tears in her eyes.

"This from me and Aunty Bee."

"B! B! B!"

"Did a gorgeous little man call me?" Bee walked into the room. Benjamin got to his unsteady little feet and practically sprinted to get to Bella. He ran into her legs and put his hands up to her, wanting to be lifted.

"Benjamin, you know Aunty Bee shouldn't be lifting you." Emmett scolded. I picked Benjamin up and he pulled Bee and me into a group hug. As we were both wrapped up in Benjamin's little arms, I longed for a baby of our own. I knew we weren't ready yet but once we were married, we both wanted to start a little family of our own.

After Christmas dinner, I could hardly move, I'd eaten so much. After a much needed rest of the couch, Mom shouted for our attention.

"I just wanted to say it's so good to finally see all my family together, all happy and healthy. Bella, you gave us all a scare but we're all so glad you're fighting fit." I smiled as Bella grabbed on to my t-shirt embarrassed.

"So it's Cullen Christmas tradition time!" My mom looked directly at me.

"Huh? We don't have a tradition at Christmas mom. We eat then crash."

"Ah, but that was before Bella was back in your life. You remember what we use to do every Christmas when you kids were growing up?"

No she can't mean that... It had been such a long time...

I saw my Dad in the corner of the room pulling out our old piano. "Mom, I haven't played in years plus that old thing will make a real din if it hasn't been tuned."

Mom smiled, "But has been tuned Edward, last week. That old piano is just fine."

I watched on as Dad pulled the cover off to reveal the old piano that I loved to play so much as a kid. I hadn't touched it since Bella had left.

"But I'm so out of practise Mom, it'll sound awful."

"Bet it doesn't." Bella smiled up at me, "Go on... for me?"

She knew I could never say no to her. I smiled. "Okay, for you Bee."

I walked over to the piano stool and sat down. My old music book was on the stand, opened at the beginning of the Christmas selection. I pressed a couple of keys, unsure of how it would sound. When Bella had left, music didn't interest me anymore, but now she was back, sat at the piano, I wanted to play, for her, always for her.

I started slowly. My fingers familiarising themselves with the keys again. It didn't take too long before I was in full swing. Bella came to stand behind me, her arms around my neck as we all sung along to Jingle Bells. I looked up to see Emmett and Benjamin clapping along to the music, Benjamin had a huge smile on his little face. Rose was looking at them smiling. Alice and Jasper were sat together looking at each other, smiling while singing along. Mom looked like she was trying to hold back tears of happiness as she held onto Dad's arm. Dad looked proud. I'd missed this without even knowing. What a great way to celebrate my first Christmas back with my beautiful family.

That night, once we said goodbye to my family, we got a cab back to Bella's apartment. She was pretty tired after the long day so when we got in, we both agreed we would go straight to bed. I was lying in the bed reading my Christmas present from Jasper, 'Why Do Men Have Nipples?'

Jazz thought I'd love it because it was compiled by doctors to, and I quote, 'answer all of those questions we all want to know the answer to but are either too embarrassed to ask or don't know anyone that can give us the answer'. I was currently on the chapter that read, "Why do men wake up in the morning with an erection?" I was chuckling to myself when I heard the bathroom door click open to reveal my very gorgeous fiancée dressed in nothing but the very sheer, black lace baby-doll. She was stunning.

"So, what you think Edward? Like your present?"

My dick hardened at her mere words as I slowly put my book on the night stand.

"Bee, you look good enough to eat." I automatically licked my lips before continuing, "But you know we shouldn't."

Bella sauntered her way over to me, swaying her hips which really didn't help my decision of trying to get my brain to rule over my dick.

"Bella, please don't tease, it's not fair."

Once Bella reached the bed, she knelt on it and slowly made her way to straddle my lap. She felt so good.

"Who said everything about teasing Edward."

She lowered herself onto my crotch painstakingly slowly. She wasn't wearing any panties and the only thing between us was my boxers. I wanted her so badly.

"But Bella," my voice was a husky whisper, "we shouldn't." My hands found her thighs and without me even thinking, I had started to draw small circles there. Bella shivered and I knew she was as turned on as I was.

"There's that word again... shouldn't. But shouldn't isn't can't ... We can go slow Edward, really slow."

Oh God, I was a goner. The way she was sat in my lap, her bottom lip between her teeth, looking at me through her lashes. She knew I wouldn't be able to resist.

"Slow." I reached to tug her lip from her mouth and kissed her.

Her hands circled my neck and her fingers delved into the hair at the back on my head.

"Slow." She breathed through our kisses. I nodded as we continued to kiss. Soon we were both naked and desperate for each other. I insisted Bella stayed on top so she could guide our pace. Last thing I wanted was to get too excited and hurt her; I would never have forgiven myself if that had happened. I was being irresponsible to even go this far so soon after her surgery. That thought almost made me stop but when Bella positioned herself so my dick was at her entrance, all coherent thoughts left my head. When Bella slowly, oh so slowly, lowered herself onto me, I groaned, loudly and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

I held on to the tops of Bella's thighs as she guided our slow pace and rhythm. My orgasm was building and building. Bella's pace quickened and I'm sure I heard her wince. "Bee, you ... okay?"

Her reply was a moan, "Oh God yes!"

"Oh shit Bee, you feel so good."

My thumb swept along her clit and her rhythm faulted for a second before quickening again.

"Oh God, Edward... fuck... yes!"

I repeated my action again to which I got the same response. Our moans filled the room. We were hot and sweating when I knew she was close.

"Yes! Bee ... I fucking love you." One more flick of her clit sent her over the edge of orgasmic bliss. She clamped down on me and I followed her, spilling into her.

Bella slumped forward into my chest, breathing heavily as was I. Once I caught my breath, I spoke, "You okay Bee?"

Bella lifted her head to smile at me, "Never been better."

Tuesday 28th December

I'd just about got over the hangover that had plagued me for the last two days. The day after Christmas night, the boys had our night out and we'd manage to convince Aunt Janine to let Uncle Robert out. He kept us highly entertained throughout the evening. That man could not hold his drink. After just a couple of pints, he was hugging anyone, telling everyone he loved them. By the fifth, he was dancing on a table. He was in his fifty's but Uncle Robert had always had the spirit of a young twenty five year old lad.

Jake was laughing so hard he fell off his bar stool. His pint was knocked over in the process which ended up on my crotch so it had looked like I've pissed myself. But as I too had had too much to drink, I found I didn't give a dam.

When we all rolled in to my parents house at midnight, the girls had stopped up. Aunt Janine was there and within two minutes of us being home, Uncle Robert was dragged off, still smiling and waving at us like a mad person through the car window. Bella with help from my Mom made sure I'd got to our bed for the night before I passed out. I woke the next morning with the worse hangover ever; that's what Jack Daniels and lager mixed does to you!

Today, Bella and I were going to Forks to visit Renee and Charlie's graves. In all the excitement of Christmas and Bella being okay, I'd been a complete and utter ass and not thought about how she must be feeling. It was her first Christmas without her Dad even though she'd spent last Christmas by his hospital bed side; another reason why I wanted her home over Christmas. I'd approached the subject asking if she wanted to visit. She agreed so today we jumped in the car to make the journey to Bella's original home town. I'd never been to Folks before but I'd heard a lot about it growing up with Bella and Charlie. I clearly remember a seven year old Bella describing it as 'very green' and boy, she wasn't kidding. Well it was green and white as the snow had fallen.

We arrived at the small cemetery at the edge of Folks where both Renee and Charlie had been laid to rest. It broke my heart to think it I wasn't with Bella when her father passed. I never had the chance to tell him I forgave him for his actions. He thought removing Bella from Seattle was the best thing to keep her safe. I would have probably done the same if I was in his shoes.

I followed Bella as she clung to my hand, walking further into the graveyard. It looked oddly beautiful with the snow, like out of a fairy tale. Bella's hand gripped mine more tightly as she stopped in front of two graves side by side.

Renee Swan, Loving wife and mother was written on one, which was more weathered than the other; Charlie Swan, the best daddy a girl could ever wish for. I had to bite my bottom lip to stop the tears. I moved around Bella so she was stood in front of me as I wound my arms around her. She was slightly shaking and I knew she wasn't cold. I squeezed her gently and laid a kiss on her cheek, tasting her tears that had escaped. I knew she didn't want a 'sorry' so we just stood there quietly until Bella found her voice.

"Mom, Merry Christmas. I love you..." Her voice became quiet once more before she spoke again, "Dad, I found him, I found my Edward and we're getting married. God, I wish you were here, to see that sparkle in your eye when we would have told you. To see you scare the crap out of Edward by cleaning out your guns as you gave him the man to man speech."

I chuckled, I could just imagine him doing that.

"I want you to know that I'm happy, so happy now with Edward. He's my life and he'll take care of me... Well you already know that ..."she trailed off again before taking a large breath. She looked at me from over her shoulder and gave me a sad smile and a nod. Taking that as conformation, I slid my arms away from her as she bent down to place a set of flowers on each grave. When she was stood back up, I took her hand.

"Thank you Charlie... for believing in me. I will take care of her, you have my word..." I looked at Bella to see she was looking back at me. Our eyes locked, "I pinky promise..."

Friday 31st December 2010 (New Years Eve)

Bella and I had decided on a quiet New Years Eve in. We invited Jake, Billy, Alice and Jasper over too. Billy declined but Jake, Alice and Jasper were to come over. We knew Rose and Emmett were stopping in with Benjamin and baby bump. Mom and Dad were off to a swanky restaurant with some of Dad's hospital colleagues. I'd found out that Dr. Denali had handed in his letter of resignation. He and his wife were moving away. He had been crushed by his daughter's actions and it made me sick to the stomach that because of her actions, he felt like he couldn't continue working in Seattle. Dr. Denali had been over to see Bella on several occasions in the hospital and once since she'd been home to check on her progress and to apologise. We kept telling him that he wasn't to know and to stop blaming himself but it obliviously not enough for him to stay. The New Years meal was his farewell.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my daydream and into the present. "I'll get it!"

Alice and Jasper were at the other side with a bottle of wine and a pile of house brochures. Yes, since Alice had found out our need for a new home as soon as possible, she made it her personal mission to find it for us which was great really as Bella still wasn't physically strong enough to spend hours and hours travelling from house to house. We knew we wanted to stay local due to both our jobs and that we wanted a large house with a garden. She knew our budget so with that information, Alice had found many houses to which we were going to have a look at tonight.

"Hey Shorty, Jazz, come in."

Alice was about to say something when Jasper piped up. "Before she starts, I'm sorry E."

"Starts what?" Bella answered as she walked into the living room from the bedroom in the most beautiful midnight blue dress. It reminded me of something...

"Woah Bella, look at you! I thought we were staying in tonight?" Jazz raised his eyebrow.

"We are but as it's New Years Eve, I thought I'd make an effort. I can change if -" I didn't let her finish her sentence.

"No way! You look gorgeous, Bee. As always." I walked towards her and gently kissed her.

"Uh, are you two going to be like this all night because we have houses to look at? I need you both to focus." Stepping back from Bella, my eyes automatically focused in on Bella's dress neckline and how it dipped down towards her...

"Edward! Focus on the houses! Not your fiancée's chest!" Alice rolled her eyes at me, trying her hardest not to smile before waltzing over to the kitchen work surface and slapping the brochures down with a dramatic huff. I giggled as did Bella.

Alice shot me the death stare so I shut up with my hands up surrendering. "Okay, okay. Focus. On the houses... got it." I gave Bella an exaggerated wink and smirk. I heard Jasper laugh, "Not you too, come on... HOUSES!"

We were saved momentarily by another knock and the door swinging open to reveal Jake... and Leah?

"Hey you guys. Bella? I just wanted to come over to say I'm not going to be able to stop tonight." Jake placed his arm around Leah's shoulders and smiled, "We have some last minute plans."

Bella smiled and walked up to Jake who released Leah to hug my girl. "Okay Jake. You sure though. Leah? You're quite welcome to stay too."

Jake and Leah shared a look before Jake smiled and answered, "Thank you Bella but we just want it to be the two of us. You understand, right?" The worried look that passed over his face made me want to laugh and if I was Bella, I would have let him sweat. But this was Bella and she was always a big softie when it came to Jake.

"Of course it's okay. Thanks for dropping by." She kissed him on the cheek, "And happy New Year Jake. Love you."

"Love you too Bella. Have a good night. Edward." He nodded at me which I returned with a smile.

"Alice, Jazz. Rain check?"

"If Bella's okay, we're okay." Alice beamed at Jake and Jasper winked at him to which I could have sworn Jake blushed. Okay,what'swiththat?

"See you all tomorrow?" We all nodded as Bella gave Jake a final hug. "Happy New Year guys, I think it's going to be a good year."

We said our goodbyes as Jake and Leah left hand in hand. "What's going on with those two, you know Bee?"

"I have a suspicion... but I'm not one hundred percent sure..." She walked over to me, placing her arms around my neck, her nose nuzzling my neck as she placed a single kiss there. God I wish we were on our own.

"What's that Bee?" I whispered. Bella whispered back, "Well, Jake was talking about -"

"Bella, Edward! We need to look at these houses! Stat!" Alice interrupted. I sighed, knowing it was no use fighting her.

"Later." Bella whispered into my ear as a kiss sending warm shivers down my spine. Her voice was full of promise and lust. Again, why did we invite people over this evening? Maybe we could sneak into her room. Hmmmmmm.

Alice spent the next hour going through the giant pile of brochures she had brought with her. She explained each house, where it was, and it's features; I was beginning to think she was in the wrong industry with fashion.

We were on the tenth ... or was it the thirteenth ... when one of the brochures covers caught my eye amongst the random pile on the kitchen work surface. I pulled it out and looked at the cover of the most beautiful cream house. The photograph must have been taken before winter because the grass was green and there were flowers in the front garden. I continued to stare at the picture, I could still hear Alice going on and on about the house she was talking about but I couldn't focus on that. Before I looked up, I could feel Bella looking at me. As we were sat side by side, I slid the brochure so she could see as well. A gasp made me look up at her. She was looking at my brochure with a look of wonder on her pretty face. She tentatively reached forward to take it and once she had it, she opened the first page. Inside we found pictures of the living area, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom but again it was the garden that caught my eye. Green grass with flower beds to the sides that narrowed to what looked like a smaller area; a private garden hidden at the bottom with roses and a white iron bench. It looked like something out of a story book.

"That's it." I turned to Bella, "That's it Bee." Bella didn't react at first, she was in a trance looking at the all the pictures. Alice had stopped talking as we all sat in silence, all eyes on Bella's reaction to my words.

Her eyes snapped to mine as she searched for something. "Bee? You okay?"

I noticed she started to shake slightly, "Bee, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Your side?" I slid off my chair to kneel next to her legs, my hands searching for hers. As I held her hands in mine, she spoke. "It's perfect Edward. It... it reminds me of my childhood home, the one in Folks. It reminds me of my mom..."

"Oh Bee." I got back on my chair quickly and pulled her to me gently, her head under my chin as I kissed her hair. I could feel her tears through my shirt as we continued to hug.

"Hey, we can leave if you want." Jasper said quietly. Bella sat up in her chair straight, keeping hold of my hands. "No, no, not at all." She quickly wiped away the moisture on her cheeks with one hand.

"I think we need to celebrate."

"This one?" Alice nodded towards the brochure still sat in front of Bella. Bella looked at me before I smiled and nodded, "This one."

"Oh I'm so happy for you guys." Alice jumped to her feet and ran around the table, double hugging us both from behind. "This house will be perfect; I'll set up a visit in a couple of days. You don't need to worry about anything."

"Thanks Shorty."

Alice released us and reached over to look at the brochure. She had a proud look on her face which suddenly turned into a very big grin, "Did you guys see the address on this one?"

"No, I didn't. Shorty, you didn't sneak in a house miles away, did you?" I would be pissed if she had.

"No, no little big brother. Look."

I looked at the address on the front, 3443 Blaine Street. Blaine Street, I knew that street... Where did I know it from... Then it hit me. I looked up at Shorty who still was wearing that shit eating grin.

"You know Edward?" Bella asked.

"Oh... wow... yeah, it's literally a block away from the park, our park. Bella's resulting smile could have lit up the whole city; it was so bright and happy.

I reached for the brochure again, placed my arm around Bella's shoulder and pulled her to me, "Home."

So that's all she wrote ... almost. Loved & Lost is one year old tomorrow so as a thank you to you all, I'll be posting the epilogue tomorrow evening :) Hope you all enjoyed this story. As always much love to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen especially as she betc'd this when she's not well *hugs & kisses*

I'll do a full final author's note tomorrow, so until then ... x