A/N: Disclaimer on chapter 1

A/N: In chapter 3 I said that it was a 5 year old Noah Puckerman who watched his father abuse his mother this has been changed to 10 years of age.

A/N: OMG I just realised on my first chapter I wrote that Puck slept with Finn (I totally changed it) instead of Quinn I didn't even realise. Sorry but just to clarify its Quinn

A/N: Response to reviews at the bottom of this chapter.

A/N: Not happy with this chapter but I can't make it better so…

A/N: The last episode of Glee was kind of angsty… what do you guys think about it?

…GLEE/IS/EPIC…

Previously on Maybe the time:

"I know about you, about the baby you lost" Puck felt himself become angry as was his signature response when someone mentioned Beth. "No please don't go I need to show you something" Rachel said but her voice sounded strained because of the crying she pulled out a picture from her back pocket and handed it to Puck and he looked at her in disbelief it was an ultrasound picture of a baby. "That's my baby I lost mine too" she took a deep breath and waited for his reaction.

Chapter 4

"What do you mean?" He asked shocked. He had honestly believed that she was Miss Perfect, kind of like Quinn before she had Beth. She held that proud air around her and Puck couldn't believe it!

"I had a miscarriage Noah" She told him breathily between her tears.

"Beth's not dead"

"But you still feel it don't you?" she asked him and he looked at her puzzlingly "You still feel the emptiness inside you, you still feel like your heart is burning every time you see a little baby on the street and you wish that it was your baby but it can't be it will never be, you still feel the pain that you wish will go away but it doesn't, please Noah tell me you feel that way I can't be the only one please…" She cried and Puck felt unsettled and disturbed he could feel himself agreeing with her but years of closing himself off to people caught up with him and he did the only thing he knew how to, he ran. Well more like walked he just got up off the bed and walked straight out of Rachel's house he heard a gut wrenching sob from Rachel and he couldn't bring himself to look back and see this girl that was feeling the same way he was so he walked out of her house and straight into his car. He drove aimlessly for ages until suddenly he felt himself stop almost against his own wishes and he looked around to see the forest and he got out of his car and walked until he reached the lake he and Finn used to play in when they were young. This lake represented everything in his life.

"Noah gimme back my ball!" Finn had shouted to his 9 year old friend with an extremely red face.

"Why don't you come get it?" Noah asked teasingly as the other boy began to chase him and Noah began running up and down but he didn't count on Finn's long legs helping him catch up. Then the two boys began fighting, nothing serious just both of them roughing each other up. Suddenly Noah heard Finn cry out and saw that he had a scratch, instantly he began calling for his father who was with them and his dad began to inspect Finn's knee. "Is he gonna be okay?" Noah asked worriedly and his dad looked up "Course he is it was just a scratch" his dad reassured him and Noah gave Finn a wide grin. "'So dude we cool?" he asked Finn and Finn had just smiled at him

"Course we are we're bros right?" and he held up a closed fist and Noah hit it with his fist.

"Yeah now get up I feel like a bloody girl" Puck said, even at 9 years of age Noah had a very potty mouth inherited from his father.

Puck wiped a few angry tears from his eyes and he wondered why things could not be like they were then. No girls, no drama, no complications and definitely no babies. His dad was still at home then and they were happy. Suddenly he noticed a thin figure sitting on the edge of the water and he realised with extreme guilt that it was Finn. He didn't know what to do until Finn turned and saw him. He gave him a look with his bloodshot eyes and it literally conveyed everything. I hate you, we we're bros, how could you do this to me? What happened? He could almost hear Finn screaming these things at him and he knew that to go forward would only cause more damage so he drove away.

The next day Puck woke up with only one thought on his mind. Rachel, he'd dreamt about her. No not that kind of dream. He'd dreamt that he walking on a dusty road covered in bones and it seemed endless and torturous but then another road appears to what seems like a city but it's all blurry so he can't be sure and there with her arms outstretched is Rachel and she wants him near her but he doesn't go closer instead he decides to carry on walking the road of bones. He had no idea what it meant but he thought it meant he should move on and face his demons and know he knew what he wanted to do and for the first time he felt a little hopeful and apprehensive. How would she react to him after yesterday he'd left her? He felt guilty but fuck! Rachel had just thrown that at him and then it was like she was psychic she knew what he was feeling. Truth be told… He was lonely. Sure his old friends would maybe accept him back and yeah he knew a few co-eds that wouldn't hesitate to jump into bed with him but he needed a friend (and no he wasn't a pansy for admitting it, cut him some slack he just had a kid). Someone who got him and he thought that he may have found it in Rachel if she's accept his apology. He got out of his house and began the walk to Rachel's house. He kept thinking about what he was going to say but when he was standing there in front of Rachel's house he realized that he just needed to say what he felt and winced inwardly, damn this was gonna be painful. He tried to remember the last time he'd had a heart to heart with someone and realized that it had been when his dad left and he was ten and his mum had been crying. He stood nervously and knocked on the door and Rachel opened it. She was wearing a pair of purple silk pyjamas, a sleeveless purple vest and trousers of the same colour. Her hair was unruly and Puck couldn't help thinking she looked beautiful NO! He thought he was here to be her friend not anything else.

'As if you could be friends with a girl' a voice in his head whispered making him doubt himself.

'You tried being friends with Quinn and look how that ended up' the voice continued but before he could argue back Rachel spoke "What are you doing here?" her voice was harsh and he felt even more guilty but he knew he had to say this

"I'm sorry I left yesterday"

"Huh?" She said she'd not been expecting that.

"Yes it was too hard"

"So you ran" She deadpanned.

"Look Rachel I don't even know you but yesterday… fuck you knew how I've been feeling and I never tell anyone how I feel ever and even though I tried to ignore everything I still feel this bond with you and I know that I'll probably upset you or mess things up because let's face it I am a shitty friend, but I'd like to try so?" He felt so pathetic but he saw a faint smile flicker onto her face and she opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. "Noah I don't expect you to come in here and tell me everything" Her breath caught "I just need someone who understands you know? What it feels like and you do! Because yesterday when I was saying all that stuff the look on your face told me that you do and no one else understands and I can't be bothered to pretend that I'm okay around people because I'm not! It hurts" Puck nodded and then a heavy silence fell upon both of them when Puck abruptly broke it "Rachel are you allowed to go out I want to show you something"

"What?" She asked

"Surprise" She huffed but nodded

"My dad's aren't here, I can go but wait for me to get dressed" he nodded and she went upstairs and he looked around the living room. There were 2 cream sofas with red and red a whited striped pillows. The walls were cream as was the carpet the table was white with a bowl full of dried rose petal. There were shelves with sets of books on them and a huge 50 inch TV. The berries were loaded from the looks of it. Suddenly Rachel came down; she was wearing a dark green based playsuit, completely covered in miniature flowers, short playsuit. She had sunglasses on and was wearing brown gladiators. Her hair was out and she looked breath-taking. No Puckerman stop having these thoughts, Rachel is a friend, a friend! He reprimanded himself. Then Rachel smiled at him and said "Why don't we get a move on!" and he smiled back. Like legit smiled, Puck does not smile he smirks or grins but he smiled at her. He buried the feelings deep in him and quickly smirked at her "Of course hot stuff" she blushed lightly. He drove and Rachel chatted animatedly to him on the way there. He was surprised about how fast they had moved past the initial awkwardness of the situation. "Noah… Noah! Are you even listening to me?"

"Course I am babes you were going on about how you'll die if you don't get Tony by the way who is that guy?" Rachel looked at him in shock

"You're joking right?" she looked so serious Puck felt a little worried "You don't know what a Tony is?" Puck nodded "You've been depraved! If you ever come to my house I'm giving you a musical theatre education"

"Translation: you want me to watch a load of chick flicks that'll make me grow a mangina" Rachel thought for a moment then nodded "You could say that" She grinned at him.

"No! Never! Friends don't make other friends writhe in pain as they watch the worst made movie musicals on earth" Rachel looked really angry.

"I resent that!" She said and pouted at him. Damn her and her cute pout Puck thought as he looked at her sitting next to him. And he decided that he would try to resolve the situation.

"How about a compromise" Rachel's eyes lit up.

"Like we watch one musical then one of your films that has a whole load of violence, obscene amounts of blood and female nudity and very little plot with a side of comedy? I agree!"

"I resent that" He said in a whiny voice trying to imitate her and she smacked him on the chest. They finally arrived she looked out of the car window "Where are we?" Rachel asked Puck

"We're not there yet" he said getting out of the car. The lake was situated deep inside the deeper woods of Lima. It was open to the public and a lot of people visited it but there was an area that was further up the woods that was really hard to get to and most people didn't know about it had been him and Finn's secret place since they were 10 and climbing through the forest. He opened the door for Rachel and helped her out. When she jumped out she ended up almost nose to nose with Puck and blushed before moving forward and telling him to lead the way. He took her hand and ignored the tingling sensation he felt when they touched and led her through the forest. They walked through the trees. Rachel and Puck walked side by side until they reached a little area. Rachel was breathless for a second. "Noah this place is amazing!" Suddenly Rachel saw two figures, one was a thin pale boy with black hair the other was a short girl with brown hair and she was wearing an enormous amount of plaid. They were both looking at Puck and Rachel in disgust "Come on Amanda we've got to go, there's too much filth here" She saw the taller boy say as he pushed past Puck. She was surprised to see that he did nothing in retaliation. Puck just looked very guilty and sad. When the tall boy had gone she asked quietly "Who was that?" she asked but then she noticed the sad look on his face "No you don't have to tell me don't worry" He gave her an unreadable look then he said

"No I want everything to be open with us" He said "I don't want something to come back to you that'll make you lose your trust in me or runaway"

"I won't" She replied firmly.

"Then let me tell you" She nodded and he began his story.

"When I was ten my dad left home, he'd been going off the rails for a year because he'd lost his job and he began hitting my mother" he ignored her gasp and he carried on "I felt so helpless and weak, he finally decided to leave us when he found out that my mum was pregnant with my sister! When he left I took up a lot of responsibilities, I started a newspaper round so that I could get more money for my mum while she worked 3 jobs. I felt like the whole world was on my shoulders and I needed a fucking break so I lost my virginity when I was 12 to a girl, I didn't really know what I was doing but it felt good so I carried on banging girls all the way through middle school. When I was 15 I started a pool cleaning business so I could rope in some cougars too"

"Cougars?" Rachel questioned confused

"You know desperate housewives whose husbands have left them alone" He said she winced but said nothing as he carried on "Finn always said it wrong and how I should find a girlfriend but I never listened"

"Who's Finn?" Rachel asked

"The guy that just left" She quickly silenced herself "Finn was my best friend since I'd been about 5, I guess you see that I screwed that up but that parts for later" he said bitterly Rachel sat there silently looking out to the water's edge but every few seconds she would turn and stare at him signalling that she was listening. He stared at her for a few moments she was so peaceful and serene. He began again "I guess you can say that it all changed last year, our Spanish teacher Mr Shu started the glee club, a show choir" He added when he saw the confused look on Rachel's face "the glee club in the school were losers in face they still are, I used to slushy them all the time"

"Slushy?"

"Yeah throwing slushys on people, losers in my school it's pretty common" he grimaced when he realised how much of a jerk he had been "So anyways Finn joined the club and at first we were all wondering why but then we realised that he had the hots for the lead Amanda, thing was Amanda was the biggest loser of them all, everyone hated on her coz she's a bit obsessive and crazy about being on Broadway, thing was Finn had a girlfriend at the time, her name was Quinn she was head cheerleader hot blonde I couldn't understand why he would want Amanda over her" Rachel sat quietly listening "Then one day me and Quinn were at a party and Finn had said he couldn't come because he had a glee club, me and her felt like he was picking them over us so we spent the whole time trashing them then me got up to a room and Quinn kept saying this like how she was fat and how that was why Finn was picking Amanda over her then she kissed me and I didn't push her away" Rachel looked shocked as she comprehended what it meant but she held her silence, Puck knew she wanted to say something to ask him why but she was silent and for that he was grateful "I guess I'd always had the hots for Quinn, she had this appeal you know? Chastity queen, Head cheerleader and most beautiful girl in the school but the thing was I just wanted to bang her but Finn had wanted her as his girlfriend, the keep forever and get married to girlfriend so I backed off but that night I was drunk and she was there and willing and I know I'm a jerk but that's just who I am"

"No Noah that's who you used to be, can you honestly tell me that you would do the same thing again even if Quinn hadn't ended up pregnant?" she asked and he considered it but carried on speaking "The next day Quinn was gone and we never spoke of it again, it was taboo we both had to pretend it had never happened but when Finn told me that Quinn was pregnant I knew it was mine, see Finn and Quinn hadn't even had sex"

"I'm not following" Rachel said puzzled

"He thought he got her pregnant in a hot tub! She picked a guy who thought he got her pregnant in a fucking hot tub over me!" Rachel grimaced how stupid did people get? "Anyways I confronted Quinn and I tried to step up she called me a loser, a Lima loser and she said I was never going to get out of this town!" Rachel put a hand comfortingly on his shoulder "I kept trying to step up but she kept shooting me down until Amanda, the girl that was with Finn just now, found out. She'd always wanted Finn and now she could have him so she told him the truth I knew i should have been pissed or guilty but fuck I felt relieved I could finally claim my baby girl" Tears began rolling down his cheeks "but then Quinn told me that she was giving the baby up for adoption and how I had no choice at all! I tried to convince her but in the end she convinced me, we weren't ready for a baby Rach but when I saw my little girl Beth all I wanted to do was to take her away and raise her to be the perfect little girl I knew she was gonna grow up to be but her adoptive parents were perfect, they had a house a car all they wanted was a kid but I guess I got lucky it was an open adoption, Beth's gonna get to know me one day but not as her daddy, as Noah" Rachel turned to him

"And that's why Finn is still angry with you" She said and she clasped her hand in his realising that he had just bared his soul to her and she resolved to do the same with hers but she needed time, just a little more…

…..GLEE/IS/EPIC…..

A/N: Thank you for all your kind reviews here are some responses for all of you:

SassyBR: Thanks for all of your kind remarks!

Klainebrittanalove: Your review was epic and long. I'm happy I could help you feel better about your day. Your reviews are so nice. I especially liked this one and I will try to take your comments into account.

sheerlynn: Thanks! :D

twilight2892: I feel sorry for Rachel too! Hopefully you like Puck's reaction.

SuzyQQ: Sadly I have some more Jesse planned for the story, I am still deciding what role he'll play, but I am a sucker for happy endings *hint hint* so don't worry too much. I wanted a unique storyline because the amazing writers in fan-fiction have written all the coolest ones.

tomfeltonlover1991: Thank you!