A/N: If you guys want to know how I'm getting along with my writing go on my profile and check for my updates in my bio. January's one is already up but February's one will be posted soon.

A/N: So this chapter has been a long time coming. I could tell you the billion different things that have happened but suffice to say I have been overflowed with work and have had no time to update but if you're still reading this know that you guys are always in my thoughts and I try to get chapters out as fast as possible.

A/N: I guess in this chapter I want to touch on Rachel's miscarriage. I don't know why but I feel like I've treaded very lightly on it and only skimmed the surface. Someone who is very close to me and dear to my heart had a miscarriage and it destroyed her emotionally and I guess that's when I realised that in my story Rachel's miscarriage was only really skimmed lightly on so I tried to convey some emotion hopefully I didn't suck ;)

…

When Rachel awoke Noah was lying beside her wearing a peaceful expression on his face. He rarely wore one when he was awake and Rachel smiled carefully reaching out and touching the side of his face.

Ever since she met Noah she felt different. She was happier and calmer she hated to use the term on living people but he had fixed her. Her mind was whirring as she realized what that meant. She needed to break down the last wall between her and Noah. She needed to tell him her story and that scared her more than anything Jesse could do…

…

Puck had been awake for a while and he could sense that there was something wrong with Rachel. She was acting very nervous and shaky.

"Rach, something up?" He called nervous she just shook her head "Are you sure? Did Jesse come over while I was sleeping I swear to god I'll kill him!"

"No Noah, Jesse hasn't done anything wrong I'm just a little preoccupied that's all" she waved him away and went back to cleaning the kitchen. Noah wasn't having any of that he knew something was wrong so he stood up and took the wet towel she had in her hand. "I repeat what's wrong with you?"

"Noah you've been completely honest with me" She blurted out

"Yeees" Puck said unsurely

"I mean you told me everything about you, everything"

"Rach, you're acting really weird" He said

"Noah I want to tell you what happened with Jesse" He opened his mouth as if to speak "No, Noah what I've realised is that I trust you completely and because of that I want to tell you"

"Are you sure you're ready? Rach, you know I don't want to pressure you"

"As I'll ever be" She confirmed. Calmly they both walked to her living room where she sat on the sofa faced towards him and he sat beside her. He held her hand as a calming gesture and Rachel took a few deep breaths in.

"When me and Jesse met it was like we were the perfect match, he was like the male me… obsessed with performing and his life's goal was to be on Broadway too, we even met at the audition for a play we we're both doing, I'd never really had much luck with guys so I really thought we were a match made in heaven it just it seemed that way for so long until it just didn't" Noah gave her a puzzled look and she tried to elaborate

"I just, I never realised but Jesse, he was controlling and he didn't like me being friends with anyone else or spending too much time with any of my dance partners, I never noticed really because I was convincing myself that I was happy that I was complete but I reality my dad's and my friends all saw me pulling away" A few stray tears fell across Rachel's cheeks and she rubbed furiously to wipe them. "Anyway so I'd convinced myself this was the perfect relationship and I slept with Jesse" She noticed Puck silently wince and gave him a puzzled look before continuing.

"Everything was fine until one day I couldn't finish my lines onstage and I ran out to puke, I didn't even consider pregnancy… it wasn't even a possibility in my head but when the puking and the fainting carried on happening I, I got suspicious. I went to the doctor and she confirmed it, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I wasn't showing so I hid it from everyone. I was so scared Noah there was a baby inside me, a real living breathing creature even from the beginning when I first knew it existed I wanted it so much"

Her voice cracked and tears began falling at a rapid speed but she struggled on and spoke through them. "I told Jesse a week later and his first question was when are you going to abort it?" Noah felt anger rise up. Even at first when he'd found out Quinn was pregnant from Finn he had never, ever felt the urge to blame or kill the little baby inside Quinn's stomach. His first impulse ad been to care for her and love her even right till the end he'd kept on loving her by giving her to her adoptive parents. Rachel's demeanour had changed to one filled with anger and bitterness

"I told him no, never this was my baby, my baby and it was his too and he just, he just wanted to kill her. I couldn't do it and I told him that, Noah he told me I was on my own if I kept the baby, that he would chase stardom and Broadway and leave me to my own little version of 16 and Pregnant!" A wave of emotion came over Rachel and she held on tightly to Noah until she had regained control

"On opening night he came over and told me that he was changing his mind that he wanted to be a dad then he said that the next day he wanted us to go out together as a couple, I was so happy Noah I finally thought he was accepting responsibility until, until we reached our destination" Rachel's eyes were filled with hatred

"we came to the door and I realised we were at the abortion clinic, he'd booked me an appointment without me knowing, he tried to convince me Noah, that living a life without the thing inside me would be better for us that we could reach our dreams and I just couldn't stand it, we screamed and screamed until I felt light headed and felt the earth around me begin to twist and swirl, I suddenly felt the most awful pain in my stomach and I knew something was wrong, when I woke up I was at a hospital a private one, Jesse had paid just so his dirty little secretdidn't get out" Her voiced was laced with pain and bitterness.

"I knew something was missing, it's like I felt like a part of me had gone and then when the doctors told me that my baby was dead I felt empty, I didn't cry I wasn't relieved or upset just nothing, it was my baby Noah, my baby and it died, I wanted it so much Noah, I just wanted to it breathe, to see the world at least once" Heavy sobs racked her body and Puck own eyes were filled with tears that fell silently and he held Rachel a close and he could in his arms and whispered soothing word in her ears. He knew one thing for sure now. Jesse St. James wasn't just a cowardly bastard he was sadistic and sick too and Noah would do anything to stop Jesse from getting near his girl ever again.

…

A/N: So… how did I do? I really, really hope you guys choose to review as I really need some convincing that this chapter was at least okay. Did the emotions come out well enough? Or were they forced, I thought they were a little forced but to each his own opinion.

A/N: In regards to the whole Rachel tricking herself into thinking she was happy. In season one before Finn dumped her for Brittany and Santana Rachel convinced herself that she and Finn had the perfect relationship so I therefore thought that since my Rachel has elements of her TV show persona she would be capable of this too.

A/N: No fear everyone the drama will come out in full force next chapter.

A/N: And finally I love you all for reading, reviewing, putting this on story alert and favourites!