There were a group of girls outside Snapes office. They were really pissing him off. He was secretly a pedobear and hated it when a piece of choice underage ass decided to hang out in the dungeons after potions. Snape immediately started to fantasize about having hot pedophile sex with the youngest girl, who was no more than twelve. Snape had wanted to molest his students for years but if you want to read about that you're in the wrong story. Go look in the Snape/Hermione section you sick fuck!
Snape was actually pissed off because these bitches were talking about Homestuck, and like most people over age thirteen Severus considered homestuck to be a bunch of bullshit. It was almost as bad as when shit like Twilight and High School Musical infected Hogwarts. Furthermore they were distracting him from the hard work of tracing over anime and uploading it to deviantart.
"SHUTT THE FUCK UP!" he exploaded at the whores. "Can't you see I'm doing something important!"
"No," said the cocky redhaired little bitch.
"Fuck you," He yelled. "8,000 points from Gryffindor!"
"But I'm in Hufflepuff."
"I don't give a fuck get out of my dungeon!"
Once they left, Severus dissovled into hormonal PMS tears. He'd been having a terrible week. To his horror his manhood had suddenly began to shrink. He had no idea why! His little Severus was nearly three inches shorter than on Monday. Snape measured his dick daily and was horrified to find it shrinking. He couldn't discover the source, perhaps he had spilt a shrinking potion on his pants or maybe one of the fucking pricks in Gryffindor had cursed his testicles. All that mattered was they he'd never be able to satisfy Francette's thirst for dick if he was losing an inch a day.
Snape was about to have a good cry when that Hagrid barged in.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH A WOMAN!"