"I know I told you I wasn't gay." Bonnie kept talking quietly, even as she grabbed a cloth and wiped up Joss's spill. She didn't look at the younger woman, but could sense the Montanan staring at her. "I lied. I'm sorry."

"Why did ya lie?" Joss sounded justifiably confused, and a little bit hurt. "Ya knew I was gay ..."

Bonnie shook her head as she rinsed the cloth under the tap. "It wasn't about you. It was about me. About what's up here." She dropped the cloth and tapped the side of her head.

"Hair?" As jokes went, it was a weak one, but the fact that Joss had made the effort made Bonnie feel a little less tense. She gave a slight smile.

"I wish it was that simple." Bonnie moved to the lasagna and put a large slice onto a plate, then added a small side salad. She put the plate in front of Joss, along with a tub of grated parmesan. "Eat. I know your appetite. If you have to wait until I've finished talking, you'll gnaw your own arm off."

Joss inhaled the savory aroma of the meal, then spooned more parmesan on top of it. "Ya don't have ta tell me twice." She admitted, picking up her fork. If she didn't quite meet Bonnie's eyes as she did so ... well, that wasn't unreasonable of her.

"Let me start with my father." Bonnie plated up a smaller serving of lasagna for herself, then joined Joss at the counter. She felt too anxious to really be hungry, but it was probably a good idea to eat something. "One time when I was about six, my sisters were teasing me. After a while, I ran off in tears, and found my father. That was pretty unusual. Normally my mother –" She stopped. "Sorry, unnecessary tangent. Anyway: he sat me down and he told me a story."

"The sea is full of little fish, mindlessly swimming around." Donato Rockwaller told his youngest daughter. "And most of time those little fish are content, eating seaweed and swimming back and forth. But whenever a shark comes along, it chases the little fish, and it eats some of them. What do you suppose happens to the little fish that got away?"

"Do they hide from the shark and never come out?" Bonnie asked. Donato gave a faint smile at her clear and precise speech. Mushy baby-talk was not tolerated in the Rockwaller house.

"Well, some of them might." Her father nodded. "But that's the coward's choice. Actually, what most of the little fish do is get very upset, and say to each other how it isn't fair that the shark eats them. But the thing is that little fish have little brains, and after a while they forget what happened and go back to swimming mindlessly, until eventually the shark comes back and eats them, too."

"Oh." Bonnie wasn't sure she liked this story very much, but it was better than being called names by Lonnie and Connie.

"But!" Her father held up a finger. "That is only most of the little fish. You see, a few of them realize that sharks eating little fish is a natural, normal thing. It's called the 'food chain'. And they realize that they have a choice: they can stay a little fish, and be eaten, or they can grow into a shark, instead." He tilted his finger down until it was pointing at his daughter. "You are a little fish, Bonita, and the world has many, many sharks. Are you going to stay a little fish and get eaten, or are you going to grow up to be a shark, like me?"

Joss gave a low whistle. "How many nightmares did you have from that little pep talk?"

"My father was a great advocate of 'tough love'." Bonnie shrugged. "Honestly, on a scale of one to ten for him, that was only a five or six. As it was, I took him a little too literally at the time. The next time Lonnie teased me, I bit her."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. She still has a scar on her arm, though you can barely see it these days." Bonnie refilled Joss's glass. "But that story was only an example. My father wasn't around much while I was growing up, but when he was, that was the kind of message we got from him. It's a dog eat dog world; survival of the fittest; do unto others before they do unto you. And I bought into it, completely. I mean ... I know better now, but back then, his word was gospel to me. By the time I reached junior high, I was an expert in being 'top of the food chain'. I knew exactly how to act, who to talk to, who to avoid. And I could sniff out weakness like a shark smelling blood in the water. Not that it ever really made things better at home. My sisters still made life miserable there. But ..." Bonnie trailed off. Then she swallowed, and forced out the admission. "... but when they did, I could come to school and take it out on someone else. I ... wasn't a nice person."

Joss reached over and tentatively touched the back of Bonnie's hand. "That ain't you any more."

"Thank god." Bonnie gave a wan smile. "When you realized you were gay ... that you like Saffy as more than just a friend ... did it happen gradually, or was it more of a sudden epiphany?"

"Gradual, I guess." A small crease in her forehead suggested the Montanan was confused by the sudden question, but she gamely played along. "First I just missed her when we weren't together. Then I found myself wanting to touch her. I don't mean anythin' sexy. Just ... contact. Eventually I realized I wanted to hold her hand, and to kiss her. And then, well, you can guess the rest."

"For me it was like a thunderbolt." Bonnie sighed. "I'd had a couple of boyfriends. No-one I was actually interested in, but only losers were dateless, you know?"

Joss shrugged. "I missed the whole high school experience, myself. But I saw it on TV, if that counts. South of Nowhere."

"I don't know it."

"Heretic. No wonder you got hit with a thunderbolt."

Bonnie nodded at the quip. It lacked the Montanan's usual zest, but it was a game effort. "Maybe so. Certainly if pride goes before a fall, I fit the bill. Realizing I was gay ... it completely shook my world. My sisters would torment me endlessly. My father would disown me. I'd become a pariah at school. Everything I'd built, everything I thought was important, would be taken from me." She flicked a glance at Joss. "I know the only one that really means much is what my father would do ... but I was fourteen. Self-absorbed and stupid."

"How did you know? That you were gay I mean." Joss frowned. "You didn't say."

Bonnie had indeed glossed over that detail. She bit her lip. "I fell head over heels in lust."

"Lust? Not love?"

"Definitely not love." Bonnie shook her head. "I mean, there was some infatuation there, sure, but mostly I daydreamed about dragging her into a supply closet and ripping her clothes off." Or being alone with her in the showers after practice. Or any of a dozen other fantasies she'd had.

Joss blinked. "... I guess you didn't have any real confusion about your sexuality, then."

"I never went through the 'am I really a lesbian' thing." Bonnie acknowledged. "Once I knew I was gay, I knew. But I certainly wasn't happy about it. As far as I was concerned, I'd spent years clawing my way to the top of the food chain, and now my stupid libido was putting it all in jeopardy."

"So there were no trips to the supply closet."

The brunette gave a grim laugh. "Hell no. I opted for the other closet. So I went out and got a high profile boyfriend. Brick, you remember I mentioned him?" She waited for Joss's answering nod. "I had no real interest in him, of course. Or in any guy. But I ... felt I had to protect myself, and that was the first step. The second was driving her away. Making her as miserable as I was feeling. I couldn't let her get close. If I did, I'd do something stupid, like kiss her. And either she'd freak out, and tell everyone I was gay, which was a terrifying thought ... or she wouldn't freak out, which was even more terrifying. I figured if I made her hate me, then at best she'd stay as far away from me as possible, and at worst she'd try to fight back. Try to take my place. At the time, that was a fight I was sure I'd win." Bonnie took a deep breath. You have to tell her this sooner or later. May as well get all the secrets out at once. "Though looking back on it now, I was wrong about that ... Kim could have easily taken over as queen of the school, if she'd wanted."

"Kim? What does she -" Joss began, then slowly her eyes widened. "Yer lesbian epiphany was my cousin?"

"It's a small world." Given what had happened in Vegas, a very small one.

"God." Joss sat back, her meal temporarily forgotten. "You and me bein' friends ... is that about Kim? Are you tryin' to make amends with her somehow, or to get close to her through me?"

"I'm friends with you because I like you. It has nothing to do with Kim." Bonnie spoke emphatically. "To be honest, when I found out who you were, I figured it would be best to stay as far away from you as possible. But I enjoyed your company too much to keep to that plan."

"You're sure?" Joss was clearly skeptical.

"I promise." Bonnie made the Pixie Scout salute. "Everything I've said tonight is one hundred percent true. I know I haven't been very honest with you about my sexuality, until now, but that's over. And my sexuality was the only thing I haven't been honest about."

Joss looked at her for a long, silent moment, as if trying to read the truth in her expression. Finally, the Montanan sighed. "You sound sincere, but we've been friends fer six months and I had no idea ya were gay, so what do I know?"

"I wish I hadn't lied to you." Bonnie said, quietly. "I wish I'd had the courage to be open about my sexuality six months ago, or at any time in the last ten years. But I didn't. I'm sorry."

"... so yer mystery Vegas lover was a woman?"

"Yes." Bonnie nodded, then felt she needed to add more. "She was someone I met in the UK last year. She came over to the States for a convention, and suggested we catch up while she was here." She paused, then continued. "Vegas is actually the reason I suggested we have dinner tonight."

"How so?"

The brunette gathered her thoughts. She'd dumped a lot on Joss in one evening, and she hoped this wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back. "Chahna and I ... Chahna's the woman I was with, obviously ... we talked about a lot of stuff on the weekend. Like me, she's in the closet, so one of the big things we talked about was why we'd never been 'out' about our sexuality, and whether we felt ready to take that step. She wasn't. But I am. I think." Bonnie paused and gave a short laugh. "Of course, since I've now told you, and Andy always knew, and I came out to my family at Christmas, I guess the main part of coming out is done, now."

"At Christmas ... oh!" Joss exclaimed. "That's the real reason yer father cancelled yer flights, isn't it?"

Bonnie nodded. "I think so, yes. I ... I thought about telling you then that I was gay, but you and Reba had just broken up, and I wasn't sure you needed any more stress in your life."

"I guess I can see that." Joss nodded slowly. "But I don't understand why it had to be t'night. We were gonna have dinner on Wednesday, anyway. Why didn't you wait 'til then?"

"Lorraine. She was in Las Vegas on the weekend, too. She saw me with Chahna. And since she'd always thought I was straight -"

"She blamed me fer it." Joss snorted, then ran a hand through her hair. "Well, at least her little rant at me this mornin' makes some sense now." She paused, looking thoughtful. "Ya were gonna tell me on Wednesday, right? Yer not only tellin' me now because Lorraine knows?"

"I'm telling you tonight because Lorraine knows. But I was planning to tell you on Wednesday. I'm through with lying to you about this. With lying to anyone. Lorraine came to see me after she saw you. I gave her an earful and made it quite clear that my liking women was not your doing."

They both sat in silence for nearly a minute. Finally, Bonnie could take it no more.

"Are we okay? You and me, I mean? Still friends?"

Joss sighed. "It's gonna take me some time to get used to this." She ran a hand through her hair again. "I'll be honest; it hurts that ya lied ta me about this fer so long."

"I'm sorry. Anything I can do to make up for it, I will."

"Just ... give me some time to adjust. I gotta admit, I'm not really sure how this goes. I've never really had a friend who was a lesbian. Unless they were more than just a friend, I mean." Joss suddenly flushed. "Shit. That wasn't meant as a pick-up line, I promise."

"I'll take your word for that." Bonnie kept her voice casual, even as she felt a small twinge of disappointment. Joss remained a friend, and someone she cared about, but there was also no denying that the Montanan was easy on the eyes. Don't go there. You just told Joss you've been lying to her for the last six months, and she broke up with someone only four weeks ago. This was not the time to listen to her oft-neglected libido. Repairing her friendship with Joss was what mattered. She summoned up a smile and pointed at Joss's now empty plate. "You want seconds? Or would you prefer Tiramisu?"

"I can't have both?"

"Why am I not surprised you asked that?" Yes, that's better. We should just let things get back to the way they were before.

Author's Note: Man, this chapter was harder to write than I expected. Silly chapter. But at least Bonnie's finally come out to Joss. Now they can repair their friendship and everything will go back to how it was before, right?

Updates over the next couple of months are likely to be a bit less regular than they have been. I'd like to do Nanowrimo this year, so - in theory at least - that will take priority. And then we'll be in the silly season.