CHAPTER 14: DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

When he and Hibari returned, he realized that the bride and groom had already cut the cake and everyone was already packing the food away. Tsuna never got the chance to actually sit down and try the food. But his parents reassured him, promising to at least bring some leftovers home with them. Before he jumped into the car Tsuna turned to look at Gokudera, he had followed him to the car, and said, "Gokudera-kun, aren't you going to stay with Bianchi?"

"No, Tenth." He replied with a shake of his head, "They're going on the honeymoon." Gokudera's eyes were downcast.

"Wait…then…that means you're going to be alone?"

For a moment Gokudera was silent, then looked at Tsuna through his eyelashes, and let out a soft, "Yes."

Without another word, Tsuna tugged Gokudera into the car and closed the car door. Yamamoto was already at his side, they were giving him a ride home too. Tsuna smiled at his two friends, "Let's have a sleepover at my house."

Immediately, the atmosphere in the car felt lighter. "That sounds good." Yamamoto said.

Gokudera only smiled in gratefully.

Getting home, Tsuna engorged himself in the wedding leftovers. He finally got to eat a full kabob and eat some cake. Tsuna was pretty distracted the whole time though. He thought of Reborn, the man Gokudera and Bianchi absolutely adored. Tsuna questioned the sibling's sanity. Because, really, that man was so rude! And also he noticed when he came back alone without Hibari, Reborn sent him looks. Well fine. Let him look! Tsuna thought angrily as he stabbed at his slice of cake, he was unnerved that Reborn would ever think that Hibari would hurt him. Sure he looked scary, but Hibari is not and could never be a bad person!

Yamamoto was observing him slowly massacre his slice and laughed.

Tsuna's parents had brought home three slices out of the five-layered cake. He looked at Gokudera, who was playing with his own piece. Not as quite as slaying it as Tsuna was earlier, but slowly torturing it just the same. Gokudera was probably still a bit upset about Bianchi and Reborn. Tsuna took his cup of milk and downed it to craftily hide his scrutiny.

"Hey, Tenth?"

Using his napkin to wipe off the milk at his lip, Tsuna set his cup down, "Yes, Gokudera-kun?"

"I don't mind if Aneki goes off and moves in with Reborn-san anymore."

For a bit, Tsuna didn't know how to reply to this, "Um. What made you change your mind?"

"If…" Gokudera blushed, leaned into the table and buried himself into his arms. He mumbled something shortly after, but came out untelligible.

Yamamoto and Tsuna blinked, not quite understand what had been said. "Gokudera-kun, I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

"I said…" Gokudera's ears, which were visible to the two confused boys, turned a dark red, "As long…as you're here Tenth…and even the jock…then I don't mind if…"

Yamamoto and Tsuna looked at each other. They exchanged a wide smile and scooted their chairs closer to Gokudera and they each slung an arm over his back. Gokudera was just too sweet in the inside. He acted tough, but really, Gokudera is soft inside. "I'm not going anywhere, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna whispered with a smile, "And neither is Yamamoto."

Lifting his head, Gokudera grinned at his two best friends.

—

"So what should we do now?" Yamamoto asked through a frothy mouth. He spat the toothpaste residue in the sink. "Play some games?"

"Like what?" Tsuna asked, drying his hair with a towel. It was even more messier than usual, especially whenever he got out of the shower.

"Video games?" Gokudera supplied helpfully as he safely tucked his rings into his backpack. Right now, the three of them where settling themselves in the bathroom. It seems like they were getting ready for bed but the three were hardly sleepy. Gokudera and Yamamoto were borrowing his pajamas, but they were so small to the point that Tsuna's longest pajamas pants were like floods on them. Tsuna's shirts were being stretched to the point of almost breaking too.

"No! Hide and seek!" Yamamoto grinned.

"What? Are you an idiot? That's for little kids!" Gokudera scowled at an array strand of hair that flopped to his face. Tsuna silently agreed. They were thirteen. A game like that was too childish for them. But really, they haven't played that game in so long. The last time they played that…was the first time Hibari saved him all those years ago when he was just nine.

"Just a thought." Yamamoto laughed, "Hey, remember a long time ago when we played that we lost Tsuna? I hid behind a lampshade!"

"Yeah," Gokudera craned his neck to glare at Yamamoto, "And you led me to the playground so we could look for him when he was here all along. I should've killed you for that."

They laughed, though Tsuna's part in the laughter bordered on hysteria. Why does he have to lie to his friends so much? He hated it. He hated keeping secrets from them when they didn't hide anything from Tsuna. They were always so honest with him, telling him their problems. But that was one of Hibari's perks. He had to lie, and lie, and lie again just to keep him a secret. And to be honest, he had always wanted to tell someone about how special he felt now. I mean, Tsuna thought, Hibari showed himself during the wedding. Would it be so bad…to tell his friends who he really was? That he's known that man for five years? Tsuna recalled having this exact same feeling a long time ago when he was nine. Or was he ten? He was so close to telling Kyoko-chan at that train ride…

Kyoko-chan would never tell anyone about Hibari. And if he asked Gokudera and Yamamoto nicely, they would keep it a secret too. It would be nice to say, 'Hey I'm going to hang out with Hibari so I can't make it!' instead of spinning stories and excuses to add onto the pile. Each time Tsuna lied, he felt he was betraying their trust.

Then…maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he told them, Hibari wouldn't care. He met Gokudera and Yamamoto now. "Gokudera-kun, Yamamoto, actually, I've known Hiba—"

"Hey!" Yamamoto cut in abrupt, breaking his confession, "I gotta idea! Tsuna! Ryohei lives across the street! He plays sports right?" The baseball lover turned to look expectantly at Tsuna.

He must be talking about Ryohei. Tsuna nodded, "Yes, he does. But I really need to tell—"

"Sports again? Get a real hobby!" Gokudera grouched, cupping his chin in his hand.

"Yeah, well, just can't help it! Ok, that's good! I'll be right back! Stay here! I'll get some equipment from him so we can play!" And Yamamoto sped out of the bathroom and out the door in Tsuna's constricting pajamas and all.

Gokudera stretched, nearly breaking Tsuna's shirt. "Let's go in the living room, Tenth."

"Ok." Tsuna smiled. "Wait, let me go to my room for a bit. Go ahead and go on without me. There should be some games or DVDs in the little glass cupboard next to the TV." Gokudera saluted and obediently walked through the hall and down the stairs and into the living room. Tsuna got up and straightened himself before turning off the lights after himself. He should check if Hibird was home yet. He hadn't taken the bird by car. And it suddenly disappeared after he came back. It must've gone with Hibari.

Quietly stepping past his parent's bedroom, Tsuna peeked into his room and whispered, "Hibird?"

Suddenly, Tsuna was pulled in his room by the collar by a pale hand. He struggled against the hold for a bit, until he realized it was Hibari. He let Hibari push him onto his bed. He laid there for a bit and rubbed at his neck. The shirt neck line really, really hurt. It was probably going to be there for awhile. Looking up, Tsuna blinked at the ferocity in Hibari's face before flinching away in fear as Hibari suddenly pushed into close proximity. He hadn't seen Hibari so angry for a very very long time.

"Were you going to tell them?"

Tsuna lied. "No."

"Yes you were." Hibari hissed, the anger outlined further on his face upon discovering Tsuna's deceit. There was tense silent and Tsuna reeled. Unsure of what else to say, it was nearly impossible to lie to his face. Hibari shook himself away, still obviously furious, looking almost-slightly betrayed. He began taking long strides to the closet ready to just up and leave before he scrambled up to stop him.

"Wait!" Tsuna yelled in a whisper.

Hibari turned to look at him.

"Why can't I tell anyone?" The question was so out of place it surprised even Tsuna. He asked another out of pure compulsion, "How are you so strong? Why do you know Reborn?"

Hibari stared at Tsuna, as if unsure on how to reply. The boy never asked questions before. He knew how to deal with an evasive Tsuna, not this suddenly bold one.

Tsuna continued, "Where's a place with no stars like? I asked someone before, but they said it was impossible for anywhere not to have stars. They're always out there, somewhere."

Hibari glared at Tsuna over his shoulder, "Don't ask such meaningless things. Now hurry and return to Gokudera Hayato. He's still waiting for you."

The brown haired boy didn't reply. Taking this as a sign to leave, Hibari reached for the doorknob before Tsuna spoke again, a lot softer, "…It's not meaningless."

Hibari fully turned his body to give Tsuna an incredulous stare, "Wasn't I clear? Can't you for once just listen to me? It doesn't concern children, so just go downstairs—"

"...I'm not a child." Tsuna said quickly, unable to hold back the instinctive reaction.

Hibari almost considered letting his mouth drop open in shock. Was…he backsassing him? He settled with using the parental tone again. Maybe he was just imagining it. "Sawada Tsunayoshi, if you do not leave right now, I will throw you down those stairs myself."

"No!" Tsuna hissed.

This time, Hibari let his incredulity show. This brat is talking back to him!

"I'm not leaving. You never tell me anything!" Tsuna said, his voice was shaking. "And don't avoid it anymore, Hibari-san. Just talk to me."

He cringed at his pleaing, Hibari shook his head, "One day. One day we'll speak about this."

"You're lying!" Tsuna's protest growing louder, "You're never going to tell me are you? Why not?" Tsuna continued, "Why not? Why can't I tell them? What's so wrong about it? I thought,…" Tsuna swallowed the rock in his throat, "…I trust you, Hibari-san. But have you, ever once, just a tiny bit, ever trusted me? I thought…trust was something friends do. I believe that…"Tsuna gritted his teeth to hold the tears behind his voice, "I thought I was your friend."

The declaration was shot out to deaf ears and the expanse of his suddenly huge room. With a wordless shrug, Hibari said bluntly, "Of course I never trusted you. I never wanted to be your friend."

Tsuna parroted dumbly, his heart dropping to his stomach, "You…never wanted to be my friend?"

"Yes." Hibari said shaking his head, "Do you get it now?"

He felt suffocated under the weight of this new knowledge. He choked. He felt sick. The boogie man's words cut deep; deeper than any other insults he ever been given from the receiving end. Hibari…Hibari was only playing with him? All this time? All these years? Tsuna slowly got up from the bed. He didn't think of Tsuna as friend…but only something out of his own benefit? Was that why he was around? Because Tsuna was only a weak boy whose emotions gets easily riled up? Was this Hibari's favorite pastime? To see Tsuna emotionally hurt or scared? Were humans really that interesting to him? Tsuna let out a small, "Yeah. I get it." He got it perfectly. Hibari thought he was a game. Always has, always will.

Hibari seemed to approve of Tsuna's answer, eerily in a good mood, Hibari pushed at Tsuna's shoulder urging him through the door. "Then, we'll speak of our personal manners some other time. You have that herbivore waiting—" The curiosity, the secretiveness? What was the point if he could ask? He wanted to know. Know the truth. Then he asked. He knew he was being too nosy tonight. But the curiosity was building up so high it would topple over sometime. Why not now? Why not...tonight?

"—Hibari-san...who are you?"

A man who disappears through tiny places, a man who lives where there are no stars, a man who brings presents of glowing nature, a man who has a affinity for birds, a man with monstrous strength, a man that protects Tsuna with such passion. But really—who was he? Was that all Tsuna was meant to know? Was that all he was only allowed to know about him? For a moment, Hibari looked seriously confused. "Hibari," He answered.

"Is that it?" Tsuna laughed dully. "That's so unfair…Is that all? A face and a name? Well to you Hibari-san, I may seem like weak person. You know everything about me. But to me; well, the truth is that you're a complete stranger."

Hibari gaze was obscure with indigation, unsure of what had induced this bout of deprecation. Tsuna didn't even want to look at him anymore. "Go away please." Tsuna's voice cracked as he looked up at Hibari's still face, not quite making eye contact, "Please just go."

Hibari continued staring into Tsuna's eyes, as if looking could give him an answer, a sign about what just exactly could fix this. Tsuna fixed his eyes at Hibari's feet, determined not to look at Hibari's expression at the moment. Because for sure, if he did, then he would give in and say sorry. This time, he wasn't the one who was saying sorry. Hibari was the one who need to apologize. Tsuna's heart dropped to the floor when he heard Hibari turn around and tugged the closet door roughly open, then paused. The boogie man pulled out a quick hand to stretch out his frozen expression, he huffed darkly and briskly, "The infant was right all along." Tsuna lifted his head to gaze at the broad back of the boogie man. "It would've never worked out."

Tsuna reached out to his back, afraid of the words, yet unable to speak for himself. The boy with an outstretched hand on the bed watched as the boogie man made his way into the closet. And he was gone. Just like that. Just like always. But why did it feel like goodbye?

—

"Tenth. Are you ready yet?" Gokudera whispered, rapping lightly on Tsuna's bedroom.

Tsuna couldn't even remember how long he was sitting there, brooding. But because of Gokudera's relaxed voice, Tsuna could only assume that the whole conversation and his pitiful self-rebutting only lasted up to at least fifteen minutes. Twenty minutes would have Gokudera kicking his door open. Weird. It felt like he was like this the entire day. Gokudera whined, "Tenth! Yamamoto isn't back yet! What's taking him so long? I picked out a movie too. It's starting."

Clearing his throat, Tsuna croaked, "I'll be right there."

"Okay. I'll pop some popcorn!" Gokudera said cheerfully, oblivious to Tsuna's agonizing pain and quietly as he could so he wouldn't disturb the sleeping Sawadas, turned heel and walked back downstairs.

Tsuna listened to Gokudera's attempt on tip-toeing down the stairs before sighing. To him, every footstep seemed louder than Hibari's. He laid flat against his bed, with one arm thrown over his eyes. He shouldn't have said that. He was going too far. But it was fact. Not once, not even once, Hibari told him who he really was, why he was here. Why was he here with him. It hurt Tsuna, Hibari was the one he trusted with his life. But Hibari didn't believe in him. Something about duty. Who cares about duty? Hibari is his friend! He should've trusted him! Five years! And not once! Tsuna didn't care about being selfish. He was sick and tired of patiently waiting for Hibari to tell him. He was tired. He had always wanted to take this feeling out on Hibari, but now that he did Tsuna immediately wished he hadn't.

Tsuna got up, using the reflection in his window to check out his eyes. Gross, Tsuna thought with a grimace, they were all puffy and red. Tsuna looked to the closet. The same closet his friend would walk in and out of for so many times in so many years. Tsuna approached it very cautiously with a outstretched hand, as if he expected Hibari catching him in the act.

He wondered…if he could follow Hibari.

He never tried it once. It seriously worried him why he hadn't thought about it before. He could bring Hibari back, tell him he was sorry. Then they could worry about this little topic later. He had gone too far about pushing. Tsuna was aware of this, about how Hibari had not yet looked ready to tell him anything. But its been five long years he's waited. Still, it was no excuse to chase him out just because of that. Gokudera and Yamamoto can wait a while longer downstairs. It's time he fix things. He grabbed the flashlight on the bedstand. With an odd sense of déjà vu, Tsuna took a deep breath as he opened the door and flicked on the flashlight.

"I got it, pyon!"

Tsuna screamed as something grabbed at his wrist and tugged at him. His mind went blank with fear. He felt dizzy with the spike of pure adrenaline. He struggled against it out of pure instinctive adrenaline, pulling with all his might against its strange momentum, knowing something about this was definitely wrong. Slowly, the pure unadulterated panic began to sink in. Oh god, Tsuna thought nearly hyperventilating, What was this! He thrashed himself against the hold. Scream! He told himself, breathing heavily and shaking his head wildly in a cheap attempt to calm himself. Forcing himself to look straight at his capturer, all he could see was a hole in the dark closet's floor. That definitely wasn't there. That definitely wasn't there before. This must be where Hibari went? And he could hear distant voices…Voices were coming out of the hole.

There was the sound of two running footsteps against hard pavement. "Run for it, pyon!" A male's voice said, with an edge of hysteria. His voice was rambunctious-sounding.

"Ken, do shut up, we're fine." A second voice said. Another young man, calmer and quieter than the first.

"No you shut up Kakipii! You piss me off! Are you blind? You have fucking glasses! They're right behind us!"

A woman's voice shrieked off in the distance, "Theieves! Help! I've been robbed!"

"Just give it to that kid. We'll come back to retrieve it."

The first male growled, but didn't go against the second boy's suggestion,"Here! You! Hold this for us, pyon!"

"Whuh-?" Tsuna ceased his struggling briefly in shock. That was his voice! The echoey-Tsuna continued, "Wait! No! I can't! I gotta go home!"

Ok, he had enough observing. Shadow appendages, black holes, and strange voices were becoming a bit too much. He wanted to get out! This was too creepy and weird! He tried pulling himself free by grabbing at the things holding him but they only passed through his hands like smoke. The smoke felt strangely hot and warm, which made Tsuna slip in surprise. He grabbed at the clothes on the hangers, trying to get a good grip on something. Unable to withstand Tsuna's hard tugs, the hangers snapped fell, tumbling into the gaping hole. Tsuna stared at the naked closet, contemplating quickly on what to do next.

"No!" Tsuna cried as he sunk deeper into the hole, reaching for the doorknob in a desperate attempt to keep himself tied to his home. "No! No!"

He could hear his dad, calling his name wildly in panic and kicked and punched at the obstruction that was his door separating them both. There was a loud crash of a foot meeting a door and his bedroom entrance flew off its hinges. Iemitsu immediately leaped inside, looking erratically around the messy room. "Tsuna!"

"Dad!" He managed to scream before he was completely pulled inside the closet, it shut quietly after him, but not quickly enough; he was able to see Iemitsu's petrified face looking straight at him as he watched Tsuna get sucked into the hole.

Then it was all dark.

Just empty, quiet darkness. It reminded Tsuna of nightmares. This was the part where Tsuna would beg and cry to be free. He was scared. So scared. Why did he have to go after Hibari? This was probably his punishment from god since he was so nosy and hurt Hibari's feelings. Why didn't he just go down stairs like Hibari told him to? Why didn't he just have fun with his friends but decided to pick a fight instead? Tsuna looked around, wanting to find a good bearing of where he was but was too scared to reach out for a solid surface. His mind reeled, was this part of his imagination? Of course it was. It had to be. This was just some crazy dream. Because there was no such things as black holes in closets and mist that grabbed you. It was just impossible. They don't exist.

But then, if that's true, neither do boogie men.

AN: I'm probably going to get a lot of Tsuna-hate comments in this chapter. But I promise it'll get better. I'm trying to work on that character build-up thing. All this time, Tsuna's been a sheltered kid. But what if that shelter isn't there anymore? I've been waiting for this moment since chapter one, so yeah I actually have been following a plot all along. It just took so darn long with the childhood.