Hey guys!

Thank you all so much for the great revs! I love you...

Which is why here's the next chapter, just for you people who keep reading my story! GO YOU!

And let me warn you, this is a chapter that will probably cause arguments. Will you love it? Will you hate it? I have to say I have no idea. Maybe some will love it, maybe it will even make some cry, and others might laugh about how I write stupid stuff only a teenage girl could think of. But either way, you're gonna be needing a biiiig something. So make yourself a biiiiiiig cup of tea, get yourself a biiiiiig candy bar or whatever and READ!

Enjoy,

Coco

************************************** ZPOV*******************************************

„Zack!?"

The voice coming from somewhere behind me nearly gave me a heart attack. I jumped to my feet immediately – well, I tried to. Instead, I slipped on the pen I'd dropped and my head smashed against something hard… my bed, I assumed.

"Ow", I said and pressed both hands to where the pain came from. I'd hit the wood quite hard; I was probably going to have an impressive bump.

The pain distracted me for just a brief second before I hesitantly looked up to see who had entered the room. It was Cody, and for some stupid reason I actually felt better by just looking at him at first. He had the most angelic face and the most beautiful voice… even when he squeaked. Like he did now.

It wasn't till then that I started to wonder why he hadn't helped me. He wasn't looking at me but at something to my left. I closed my eyes, imploringly wishing that this was just a nightmare and I was going to wake up any moment. I didn't.

So I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again to see the face I loved, blemished by an expression of shock with a hint of horror to it, slowly turning into hysteria as his wide-eyed gaze finally met mine, no doubt looking just as horrified.

I desperately searched for an explanation, some lie that would make him feel like a fool for even briefly suspecting the truth. I had always considered myself a good liar, but now that I really needed a convincing story, my mind was completely blank.

After a minute of staring and back-staring, Cody spun around and ran out of the room. I let out a heavy sigh and got to my feet. After all, I wasn't really caught aback. Somewhere deep down, I'd known this would happen some time. Although I still didn't like it.

What was I supposed to do now? Go on like before, pretending everything was alright? Talk to him and tell him I loved him while he was screaming at me? Jump out the window? It all seemed like quite equally bad choices to me.

I ran my fingers trough my hair and let my hand rest in my neck. Dammit. Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I just be a normal 15-year-old? Why had I had to move on from that crush on Maddie I'd once had? It had been embarrassing, right, but nothing compared to this.

It was very hard to make myself leave the room to find a deserted suite. Cody wasn't there. Maybe he'd gone to the library. He always went there when he wanted to avoid me, and it definitely worked.

***************************************CPOV******************************************

It took some time until I had calmed down enough that I was able to leave my hiding place behind the X/Y bookshelf without shouting at innocent people. I started walking around, taking a book from its shelf now and then, not even reading the titles.

When the first wave of horror was over, it left me feeling awfully fragile. I wanted so badly to press the 'stop' button on the TV, to shut the book and hide it at the very back of my shelf.

You're hyperventilating over this, I told myself. Probably it doesn't mean anything. Probably he was just trying to prove someone he could draw. Probably he meant to do a self portrait and got it wrong.

That sounded like a rational explanation. It sounded like Zack. I was already feeling like an idiot for jumping to such a conclusion - Zack was weird sometimes, but not that weird…. So I told myself. But my subconscious kept telling me something entirely different, something I actually knew and just didn't want to face. And I could see its point.

Because there was something about the explanation that didn't work out. Since when did my brother listen to soft pop music, yet sing it? He owned a couple of CDs, and they were all full of macho-music… That 'Yeah, Babe' kind of music. It fit him… unlike this new music.

The hysteria was taking control again, washing through me with cruel intensity. No, no, no!, I cried to myself, Someone stop that! I tightened my grip and my fingers left deep marks in the cover of the book I was holding. I didn't even notice.

Suddenly, I was way beyond thinking rationally. There was no explanation for me to find. There was no 'stop' button to press. There was nothing but the inevitable truth – a truth I really didn't want to face. I wanted a lie! I wanted someone to lie to me, to tell me everything was okay.

I was thinking in circles, rationally, irrationally, rationally, irrationally. The horror didn't ever fade away. Instead, it seemed to grow stronger, and every time it came back it was more unbearable. But the periods of rationality got longer and thinking became easier. It was evening when I dared to go home.

*************************************** ZPOV******************************************

Mom totally freaked when I told her that I hadn't seen Cody since noon and had no idea where he'd gone; she was sick with worry that he might get beat again. She phoned all of his friends' mothers, even though she knew exactly that every single one of them would have called her minutes after Cody would have entered their houses.

She was about to call the police when he came back, a pile of educational-looking books in his arms. He threw me a nervous look, but besides that, he acted completely normal. I was really impressed by his acting ability; I hadn't known he had that much talent in him. He told Mom he had been to the library and forgotten time.

I noticed a few things about him that gave him away – how crossed his arms in front of his chest too tightly, how he didn't look at me often enough, how his jaw was too tense – but Mom didn't. Now that he was safe, she yelled at me until we were all nearly deaf. Then she made us dinner.

While we were eating – Cody nearly inhaled the food; he claimed he was hungry because he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, but I could see he had to force it down – the two of us were very careful not to look at each other. I saw him flinch a few times and assumed that Mom's leg had touched his under the table. That stung.

Mom was chattering all the time, so all we had to do was to nod every now and then and look interested. After that, she had to leave for another show. When she was gone, Cody immediately escaped to our room so I had to do the dishes. It took me quite a long time because I wasn't used to it.

After that, I stood in the living room for a while, trying togather the courage to talk to Cody. When I noticed that I had started to chew on my nails I finally gave myself a kick in the butt and walked into the bedroom. When Cody noticed me, he looked at me with haunted eyes for a moment, then he got up, took his homework and left, muttering something about the light being better in the living room.

After a few minutes of sitting on my bed and continuing the nail-chewing, I got up and left again. I didn't look at my brother, even when I felt his eyes burning painful holes in my back. Instead, I grabbed a blanket and settled into the old chair on the balcony, closing the curtains and the glass door behind me so he didn't have to see or hear me.

I started shivering seconds after that, but I just wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and tried to think of something else. I felt bad for hindering Cody, and I wanted to help him avoid me. But thinking wasn't a good thing to do, as it only made me more aware of his presence behind the thin curtain.

So I started humming to myself again, nearly inaudibly. It was a harmless song this time, one that I had used to like some months ago.

When you're sittin' on the top, it's hard to hear you from way up here

I saw you tryin' to act cute on TV; just let me clear the air,

We missed you on the charts last week, damn, that's right you wasn't there…

The words and the rhythm brought memories with them, a lot of memories. Memories of Zack Martin. Of what I used to do, what I used to act like, what I used to be like. But yeah, it was memories now. I had changed. Maybe not in every way, but I was definitely someone else than I had been when I'd heard this song the last time.

As I sat out here, on the 23rd floor, stars twinkling above me, Boston twinkling beneath me, I felt the sudden urge to cry. I couldn't put my finger on the reason - I wasn't happy, of course, but I wasn't too sad either. Plus, I hadn't cried in forever. I was a big boy now. I didn't cry.

I tried to force the childish tears back into my eyes, but that didn't work. I had to use the back of my hand to wipe them away. I hated that; it felt like a symbol of weakness to me. I didn't want to be weak… but I was. Too weak to stand up for myself. Afraid to talk to my twin brother.

That thought made me angry. I wasn't afraid! I was… okay, well, I was afraid. Afraid of what he would say. Afraid to hear the words I'd heard so many times in my head. You're such an idiot, Zack. You are disgusting. Honestly, Zack, you need to see a doctor. You're sick.

I bit my lower lip with such force that I tasted blood. I was a wimp, wasn't I? Even thinking of what Cody could possibly say made me cry… Only then did I realize that I was now definitelycrying. Silent tears were running down my cheeks. I wiped them away, but new tears followed.

Crap. I couldn't even seem to find the strength to be furious at myself for crying. I wrapped my arms around my legs and curled up into a tiny ball so I could press my face into the blanket to muffle the sound in case I started sobbing, too.

***************************************CPOV*****************************************

I couldn't concentrate on my homework. It was the first time ever, so it really irritated me. I wanted to work; I wanted to hide somewhere beneath forms and highly complicated charts, where my brother would never, ever find me or even come looking for me.

But all I could think about was him. I hated the thought of him sitting out there in the cold, with nothing but a thin blanket to warm him. But I really didn't feel like talking to him right now. Maybe he'd try to explain. Maybe he'd want to talk about it. I wasn't sure if I could deal with that yet.

Furthermore, he'd closed the curtains behind him so I couldn't see him. Probably he didn't want to talk to me at all. Probably he would be mad at me if I tried. Probably. It was a pleasing thought to think. I returned to my work half-heartedly with a slight feeling of guilt.

The glass door that led to the balcony seemed to call to me. You are so egoistic., it told me. What kind of a brother are you, Cody? He'll catch his death of cold out there! And somehow I felt like there was something behind that door that needed to be seen by me. Something I needed to see.

I finished my science essay and read it a second time. Just by scanning, I found so many mistakes it could have been Zack's. Oh. My. God. I couldn't leave it like that – that would jeopardize the A+ for science in my report card! With a sigh, I balled the essay up and threw it into the trash can.

I took another piece of paper and held my pen over it, but I couldn't think of a proper beginning. "Damn", I murmured and then gasped. Had I just cursed? Oh no. No, no, no no no. I was Cody Martin, the top student of the Buckner Middle School. I didn't curse. Something was definitely exerting bad influence on me.

Finally, I got up and slowly crossed the room. By the time I reached the balcony door – it took me a very long time to get there – my whole body was trembling. I pressed my lips together and balled my fists. This was so ridiculous! I wasn't going anywhere dangerous. I was just going to speak to my twin brother!

Before I could change my mind, I removed the curtains and opened the door. It squeaked quietly, but Zack didn't react in any way. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad sign. I was grateful for the temperature that was so cold it gave me a good excuse for why I was shivering.

My brother was curled up in a ball on the ancient chair mom had placed there in order to throw it away some day. His head was resting on his knees, face turned away from me. He looked… helpless. Breakable. Something inside my chest ached at the sight.

"Zack," I whispered.

He didn't move at all. I grabbed his shoulder and shook him gently. "Zack!"

This time, he jumped and turned his head around. When he saw me, he turned it away again and I was strangely grateful for that. I took a small step back.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"How do you think I feel?" He snapped. His voice was defiant, but I noticed a hint of something else in it. I bit my lip. Okay, stupid question.

"Mm… You want to come in? You'll freeze to death out here, you know."

He snorted. "Ain't gonna disturb you," he said. "You finish whatever it is you're doing."

"You'll come in here right now or I'll make you!" I threatened.

"Oh, now I'm afraid!" He said sarcastically, shivering exaggeratedly. At that point, he'd gotten me mad again.

"Fine! Then stay here and become an icicle. I care not!" I turned around and stumped towards the door.

Suddenly I heard his voice from behind me. It was different from before – unsure, fearful, like a frightened child. "Cody?"

I froze. There was no way ignoring this kind of voice, especially not when it was your twin brother who was talking. "Yes?"

"Please… don't go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you. Please, stay."

Who was I to leave him alone now? I sat down on one of the armrests hesitantly. He moved away from me to sit at the opposite edge of the chair. I frowned, but when he moved, something lighted his face and I gasped, completely distracted.

"You cried!" Well, that was a bad sign. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen him cry, but I was sure it had been a long, long time ago. I waited for a defiant 'Did not!', but it didn't come. There was another brief flash of light and I noticed that his eyes were all red. I reached out to hug him, but he got up and moved towards the wall where I couldn't see his face in the shadows.

Now, that was odd. Wasn't I supposed to be the one flinching away from him? I frowned again. "Why won't you let me touch you?" I wanted to know. He'd never been bothered by such things before. What was this about?

He stared at me. "I'm not forcing any contact on you, neither social nor physical." His voice had changed again. It sounded hard now, with a decent touch of dry bitterness to it.

"But we're twins!" I argued. "It'll be pretty hard to avoid contact, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well, I guess there isn't much we can do about school. Maybe we can ask somebody to switch places in the few classes we sit next to each other," He replied. I studied his face but didn't find anything that would have told me he was joking. He looked perfectly serious, and that scared me.

"Why the… Zack, why do you want to avoid me? I'm sure we can find another solution!" I really didn't understand what his behavior meant.

"Me?" For some reason, he seemed to find that incredibly funny. He even laughed, but it wasn't the happy laugh I was used to. It was bitter, like the voice. I didn't like it at all. "I don't want to avoid you, Cody! You're the one who wants to avoid me!" He claimed. I shook my head in incomprehension.

"I don't want to avoid you," I told him. "Why would I want that? You are my twin brother and I love you!" I realized my mistake the moment the words left my mouth, but his expression didn't change in the slightest.

"I mean," I continued hastily, "I don't… I wouldn't… You…" Since I sensed I wasn't helping, I moved on. "Look, I know there is a… problem, but it'll be okay. I'm not saying it will be easy, especially not for you, I guess, but there's got to be a way. Listen, Zack, I've once told you that we'd always stick together, no matter what happened. That I'd always be there for you… And I meant that. I don't care what happens. I don't care what others would think if they knew. I just don't want to lose you!"

"You don't understand, do you? You don't understand what I did. You…" His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them and looked straight at me. "Cody, I love you. No, wait," He added when I wanted to say something, "That's not the right word. It's… Oh, damn, Cody, I'm in love with you!"

Time seemed to stop. I swallowed hard, once, twice. I had tried to prepare myself for this moment. I had tried to imagine it before. But it turned out I was completely unprepared. Hearing him speak the words… It made them so final. I struggled to keep my face smooth.

"Yes", I said, trying to sound normal. "I know. I mean, not only now. You see, I think I've known it for a long time. It's not like I'm totally surprised. You've been a little… weird during the last months and I was already wondering… But I'd never have…"

He locked his eyes to mine in a painful, merciless way. He seemed to see everything. Everything I had ever thought or felt. Everything. Now he would see my shock, my stupid prejudices, and he would hate me. His eyes were hard as ice.

And then he smiled.

It wasn't the smug smile I had seen so many thousand times. It wasn't the huge grin he used to smile when he saw something he liked, mostly girls. It was a small, shy smile, and yet it seemed to light his face up from the inside.

"You don't hate me?" He said it unbelievingly, but you could hear how much he wanted to believe it. "You don't think I'm … sick?" His eyes now looked like they had melted. I could see that he tried to contain his reaction, but it still showed. Maybe I just knew him too well.

"No!" I assured him. "Did you really think I'd hate you just because of that?"

When he dropped his eyes to the ground, his face expressing half contriteness, half overflowing happiness, I stepped forward to wrap my arms around him once again. This time, he let it happen, and I felt hesitant arms around my torso. For some reason, it didn't feel strange at all. I had never felt so right before.

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Soo....???? *annoying London-voice* Did'ya love it? Did'ya hate it?