It had been twelve days, twelve long days...; Xigbar was still gone. By the eighth day, Xaldin and Lexaeus went searching for him... and then Lexaeus disappeared. Xaldin said they went their seperate ways, going down two paths, and they never met up. No blood, no footprints, and no sign of any animals or Heartless; There was no sign that Xigbar or Lexaeus had ever been there. It was like they had disappeared into nothingness. Xaldin never heard any screams, no rustling of bushes that couldn't be attributed to the wind, no cries for help; Xemnas said that they should start expecting the worse for Xigbar. Missions were postponed to Fantasia, and search parties were going out tomorrow and the day after tomorrow; If they didn't find Lexaeus after a period of days, they were to stop searching... for both of them. It showed, that Xemnas didn't care whether they were found or not, regardless of their history and their number.
"Oh, god..." Roxas voice cracked as the idea filtered into his troubled head: Could Xigbar have faded? That would explain why he hadn't been found, why there was no trace, b-but... there had to be some evidence, broken branches, bushes missing leaves... Something! People-Nobodies...just don't randomly disappear like that. Maybe he had been mauled by Heartless, fallen down a cliff, just..just-
"No.." Roxas shook his head, letting himself fall back onto his bed from where he was sitting, teeth grit tight. He shouldn't be thinking like that, Xigbar wouldn't want him too. He was completely confident that Xigbar could handle himself, even on a unexplored world. So many times, Xigbar had saved him, he was just that strong, fearless, and caring... Even then, against his will, he could imagine it; Scenes of Xigbar laying in that damned forest, bleeding to death and fading, or maybe his bones were broken... all maybes, but possible. He might have been able to call for help... but Xaldin and Lexaeus didn't hear him if that was true. He wouldn't be able to stamch it, if he was told that Xigbar had died, that he would never come back. It...it would break his heart. They never reconciled, and if Xigbar really liked him back, they would never get a chance to be together. Truly,he cared so much whether they got together, but if they could only forgive each other, he would be satisfied; Only, things were complicated with Axel. He didn't know... whether he should tekk everything to Axel now, or wait, but then again, waiting usually made things worse. Axel seemed so happy being with him; he saw it in the red head's emerald eyes. He was so desperate to be with Xigbar that it hurt, chest aching more and more with each day, in the area where his heart would have been; But he didn't want to hurt Axel... he was torn. Xemnas went on and on with that crap about 'not having a real heart' or 'they don't have emotions'. Now, he wasn't so sure that he didn't have a heart, not with all the pain in his chest- no, his heart.
He turned on his side towards the cot's ornate head board, gripping the pillow and bringing it to his chest. He imagined that it was Xigbar, warm body pressed against his, holding him tight, murmuring that everything would be okay; his eyebrows furrowed, opening his eyes, and the dream fell away.
He felt so guilty now... He should have made a better effort to be with Xigbar months ago, had more courage to flirt with the sniper, maybe they would be together now, and none of this would have ever happened... He would be so confused and guilty, and maybe Xigbar... might be alive now, if he was really dead; Roxas could imagine how the man was feeling. He knew Xigbar wasn't trying to hurt him, he was just angry, probably trying to force him away. Considering how long Xigbar had been part of the Organization, that 'no heart, no emotions' crap was most likely affecting him; He might have been denying his feelings, if he had any, which gave him a little hope, but what now? What could he do? He wanted to explain everything to Axel, but it seemed too soon, and there was no one he could talk to in the Organization except for Demyx, but he probably wouldn't be able help him. He gave a groan; He was really only thinking of himself and Xigbar, not Axel. How would Axel feel if he just suddenly broke up after nearly a month, to go with someone else who may or may not be alive... And that fact that he agreed to go out with Axel even though he had feelings for Xigbar, regardless of whether the sniper returned the feelings; And Axel had no idea. He was letting this relationship continue, and he never truly wanted it; God everything was so confusing! Maybe talking to Demyx would be a good idea... The sitarist was lazy and never did his missions, but he was always nice and could cheer anyone, that wasn't Xemnas or Saix, up; He just needed someone to confess to.
Roxas figured Demyx was most likely in his room shirking his work, so he sat up, tossing the pillow onto his bed as he stood; He straightened his cloak out, opening a portal, from which he heard a soft melody he couldn't identify. As Roxas' boots hit the floor, Demyx jumped, sitar flying out of his hands and onto his bed, yelping.
"Oh..." Demyx panted, holding his chest, then he laughed."I thought it was Saix trying to get me. Hiya Roxas!"
"Hey Demyx... I kinda need to talk to you about something, but.." Roxas whispered, giving a pause, looking away for a moment before letting out a breath; He could do this... "You can't tell Xemnas or Saix.."
"Oh man, is it something important? We better go somewhere else so they can't hear us, just in case.." Demyx whispered back, sending his sitar back into nothingness in a flurry of bubbles.
He stood, fixing his mohawk-mullet combo briefly before he opened a portal to his favorite world: Atlantica. No one else in the Organization liked Atlantica, too much singing and merriment if you went close to the city. Demyx opened a portal, water spilling into the room and he went in, and Roxas followed, water engulfing him though he could breath. The portal closed, and Roxas looked down at his body. He was a golden seahorse, with white and maroon stripes and a frilly tail and spines, on his back was a small yellow fin; Of course Demyx took him to Atlantica... He looked around the light blue ocean, in the distance was Atlantic City, and even from their far distance, he could see the lights of the castle and surrounding city. Above him, the sunlight filtered into the water and below, was a ship's wreckage, brightly coral reef in nearly every color imaginable, rocks, and thousands of fish, from rabbitfish to Dottybacks. Demyx lower half was that of a dolphin, bright cornflower blue, with a fin on his back as well.
"Now, what did you wanna tell me, Roxas?" Demyx questioned, swimming closer to Roxas, who crossed his arms in embaressment almost. Roxas had seemed so ... agitated lately. Not to mention Axel had spoke to him about how the teenage was acting, about their relationship, and that he had told Axel about how Xigbar and Roxas were almost together... Now he felt that the the redhead might do something to Roxas... or Xigbar, if the man ever returned. If Roxas did like Xigbar... the fact that the sniper was missing must be pure torture.
"Well, I just need to talk to someone about what's going on... I'm just...so.." Roxas trailed off, holding himself as he looked away from Demyx; It was hard...to even think about what was going on, let alone to talk.
"I kinda already know Roxas... I saw the way you and Xigbar looked at each other before you and Axel.. y'know, kinda went together. I've talked to Axel too. C'mon, talk to me Roxas, you can tell me anything, I won't say a thing." Demyx said softly, placing a hand on Roxas' shoulder in support, a serious expression gracing his face for once.
"Okay.." Roxas agreed, exhaling, brows furrowed. "E-Ever since I came to the Organization, I've... kinda had a crush on Xigbar, but he never returned what little advances I made... Then he saw me and Axel kiss about a month ago or something and he started acting strangely. I tried to talk to him but he was so angry and so he slapped me! And then Xigbar disappeared and now Lexaeus, and I'm just so guilty about everything! That I started a relationship with Axel when I like Xigbar and that I didn't try to be with Xigbar more, and that Xigbar may like me back! I won't let Axel touch me and when he does I imagine it's Xigbar, and even then I still have a tiny bit of feelings for Axel, but I'm just so confused!"
Roxas hadn't realized that with every word his tone and emotions escalated, and by the time he was finished, tears like crystalized pearl were pricking at the corner of his cerulean eyes and he was almost screaming every word as he clenched his hands into fists, not caring about the burning pain. He couldn't control himself and the pearly tears began to fall down his pale cheeks, dispersing into the ocean water. Demyx stared at the pained teenager in front of him, and abruptly, he hugged Roxas, because he knew deep down the teenager needed a hug from someone that wasn't on his agitated mind; Roxas gave a muted sniff, bearing his head in Demyx's neck. It wasn' Xigbar, but he was so grateful, even if it was just a simple hug.
"I-I just want to be with X-Xigbar so bad... But I don't w-want to hurt A-Axel! I don't e-even know if Xigbar's s-still alive and I-I keep seeing scenes of him d-dead! If only I c-could s-see him a-again, w-we could f-forgive e-each o-o-t-ther!" Roxas let out a deep sob, all of last weeks pain and anxiety coming out in tears that faded into the salty water, fish swimming below and above them ignoring the unfamiliar beings. He couldn't handle it, he had never experienced anything like this! He couldn't remember if anything like this had ever happened, these intense feelings akin to these of agory, regret, and ardor tearing around in his chest, in the heart he knew he possesed.
"Roxas..." Demyx said in a soft tone, patting Roxas' back soothingly, sensing the pain eminating from the tiny blond."I gotta tell you... It's not your fault, Roxas, it's not... You aren't really with Axel, you just went with him because you were vulnerable, and 'cause you couldn't be with Xigbar... I've talked to Xigbar, he just... has a problem with relationships and he was concerned that you were too young since he's twenty seven. He didn't want me to say, but he was sorta scared.. I think he really, really likes you, Roxas. Xigbar has problems with his feelings... Like I said, we do have hearts.." Demyx responded softly, holding his friend close. Xigbar was his best friend, and before Roxas came, the sniper always talked to him. It lessened when Roxas arrived, most likely because the sniper was preoccupied with his growing feelings for the blond, but they still found time to talk away from the Organization during missions. Xigbar would always talk about how much he liked Roxas... or the little moment when the Keyblade wielder would sit close to him or brush against him; Some would say something was truly wrong, but Roxas was eighteen and legal age, and he was mature. He could imagine how Axel would feel if Roxas suddenly left for someone else.
"I-It is.. it is..." Roxas repeated, sniffing and coughing and he wiped his eyes and nose. He let Demyx hold him for a moment more before he finally sighed and moved away.
"No, it's not Roxas... I think you need to talk to Axel, tell him what's up. And if you want to, join the search of Xigbar and Lexaeus..." Demyx suggested, and Roxas turned to him.
"I think you're right... Earlier I thought I should wait... but it's time. Thank you Demyx, from the bottom of my heart.."