They walked without speaking until they reached Alexander's tent. Alexander pulled the flap open and motioned Hephaestion inside, following him in. Bagoas was pacing around the room, obviously anxious for Alexander to return. Alexander chuckled softly and looked at Hephaestion, who smiled and shrugged in return.

"Al'skander! You are back! I have been worried about you."

"I am fine, Bagoas. I have been dining with my men, but I'm sure you already know that, don't you?"

Bagoas blushed. Of course he knew. He had followed Alexander to keep an eye on him all evening.

Alexander laughed and gave Bagoas a quick hug. "Thank you, Bagoas. You do take good care of me. Would you do something for me please? Would you prepare a bath? If you would do that, and bring us some wine, I would be most appreciative. After that, I want you to go to your tent and get some rest. You still looked tired."

Bagoas bowed slightly. "Yes, Al'skander. I will do as you ask." He was disappointed that he was not going to be staying with Alexander tonight, but he knew his king would not be alone. It was obvious from the body language and looks being exchanged that Hephaestion would be keeping him company. He grudgingly admitted that he trusted Hephaestion and would therefore not have to worry so much about Alexander. He set about preparing the bath, making sure to lay out robes and towels for both of them. "I will go and get your wine, Al'skander. Is there anything else you require?"

"No, Bagoas," Alexander said gently, "that will do. Just bring the wine and then you may go."

Bagoas left quietly. Alexander then turned to Hephaestion, who had been leaning against a tent pole, silently watching his king. The look that passed between them was smoldering. "Come Hephaestion, have a bath with me." He held out his hand, which Hephaestion gladly took. He led them towards the bath, stopping to pull Hephaestion into an embrace. Alexander tangled his fingers in Hephaestion's long hair and drew him in for a deep kiss. "Gods, Hephaestion," he said as their lips parted, "it has been so damned long."

"I have missed you, my Alexander" Hephaestion whispered. "By Zeus, I have missed you."

"Be still, Phai. Let me undress you."

Hephaestion stood still as Alexander slowly and carefully unfastened the pin that held up his chiton. He had worn it with one shoulder bare all evening, just the way Alexander preferred. The blue linen fabric slid off Hephaestion's body and pooled at his feet. Alexander felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight before him. Even though his beloved had lost a good deal of weight, he was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Alexander eased the robe from his own shoulders and let it fall away, standing naked before his lover.

Hephaestion bit back a moan at the sight of Alexander's body. Despite the scar on his chest, he was still perfect in Hephaestion's eyes.

Alexander stepped into the bath and held out his hand. "Join me, Phai."

Hephaestion climbed into the bath and sat opposite his king, leaning back against the side of the tub. He sighed and closed his eyes, the warm water easing some of the tension from his sore muscles. He groaned with pure pleasure as Alexander took a bath sponge and began washing him tenderly. His lips curved into a smile and he leaned into the touch. Alexander tilted Hephaestion's head back and washed and rinsed his long hair, kissing the tip of his slightly upturned nose as he sat back.

Hephaestion took the sponge and returned the favor, massaging Alexander's scalp as he washed his hair and drawing a soft sigh from him in return.

They sat back and simply looked at each other for a few moments.

Bagoas returned, placing a carafe on the bedside table and bringing them both a golden cup filled with sweet wine. He bowed slightly, smiling at them both, and left silently. He understood what Alexander needed, and this time it was not him.

They drank their cups of wine without speaking. Hephaestion took the cup from Alexander and set both of them on the floor beside the tub. He really did not need to drink any more tonight.

Alexander reached for Hephaestion's hand and kissed his knuckles. "How long has it been, Phai? I have missed you so much."

"It has been much too long, Alexander. I have missed you as well. I have spent many nights dreaming of this. I am grateful that you asked me to come here tonight."

Alexander shook his head. "Grateful? Hephaestion! You sound as if I am granting you some sort of favor! That is not how it is at all. I love you, Phai. I regret that we have not been together more, but you know how things have been. You have been away on your own missions, then we were dealing with that damned jungle, then the desert…we either have not had the time, or have been too tired or too ill to think about being together like this. Believe me, I have dreamed about it as well." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I should have taken time for you. Another thing I regret these days."

Hephaestion wrapped his arms around Alexander, who buried his face against the general's neck. He felt so tense still, despite the warm bath and the relaxing meal they had shared. Hephaestion leaned back and looked into dark, troubled eyes. "What is it, Alexander? What troubles you?"

"It is as I told you before. Regrets, doubts, 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'. I have had to be strong for everyone for so long now. If I had given in to my own fears and doubts, we would all have been doomed. No, I dared not show any weakness, save weeping over our dead and when I thought the fleet was lost. I have pushed my feelings so deep down that now I am just numb. It isn't that I do not know what I feel, but that I feel nothing at all. " He smiled wistfully at Hephaestion. "You are the only one I dare to share this with. I trust you, and I love you."

Hephaestion could feel the tension thrumming through Alexander's body. He searched Alexander's face, trying to read the emotions he saw there. He saw a deep sadness, and longing. And love. Yes, that showed even through the other emotions.

"Alexander, what do you need of me? What can I do?"

Alexander slid his hands to Hephaestion's shoulders, and up to hold his face gently. "I need you, Hephaestion. That is all. I need to feel again. Please, take me. Make me feel."

Hephaestion was quite surprised. Yes, it had been many, many months since they had been intimate, but many more since Alexander had wanted him to take him like that. "Are you sure, Alexander? It has been so long…I do not want to hurt you."

Alexander shook his head. "It is what I want, Phai. I need to feel you. I need to feel connected, grounded. Even a little pain would be better than the nothingness I feel right now. Please…I need this."

Hephaestion nodded. He understood, and he would do everything in his power to help Alexander heal, for his scars ran much deeper than the ones on his flesh. "Come then, the water is cooling." He stood and offered his hand to Alexander and they both stepped out of the bath. They dried each other, their eyes locked the whole time. Hephaestion felt tension thrumming through himself as well, but for entirely different reasons. He wanted Alexander very much, but more than that, he wanted to ease the worry lines from that beautiful brow. He wanted the haunted look to leave Alexander's eyes. Alexander was putting his total trust in him to do those things. It was an awesome and almost overwhelming responsibility.

He took Alexander's hand. "Come here, Alexander."