Chapter Fourteen: Closer

Though she thought it would feel like forever, the month and a half before they were to leave for Shiz went by quickly. Before she knew it, she was sitting in a carriage headed towards Shiz with Fiyero. It made her nauseous to read while the carriage was bumping along so she allowed Fiyero to distract her for a little while. The way he kissed her was sometimes too distracting, though. Her heart pounded and her mind went blank.

Her waist was pulled against his and the contact made her warm, made something pool in the pit of her stomach, something sweet and exciting. She felt like her whole body was on fire, though not a painful kind of fire. Elphaba had heard the maunts warn against this feeling before. She hadn't cared then, and she didn't care now, but at least she knew what it was. She had to stop him after some time, though, because she worried she might act on the feeling, and she couldn't let herself… not yet.

When he pulled away, he smiled at her, gently tucking her hair behind her ears and running his fingers down her neck. She grabbed his hands and moved them away. Any time he touched her neck, she shuddered, and while it was a good shudder, it was not one she needed now. "Let me breathe," she laughed.

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "Sometimes I get so involved I can barely think."

She knew the feeling, though she didn't tell him that. "When do we stop tonight?"

"In a few hours. There's dinner at the hotel."

"About the hotel, Fiyero, we do have separate rooms, right?"

"Yes. Why? Are you worried I'll ravish you in the middle of the night?" He teased.

Her cheeks got hot and she tried to keep the image out of her head. "No! I was just wondering."

"You're welcome to sleep in my room, Elphaba. My parents were probably as inconsiderate as they usually are and booked me a nicer rom."

"They're not inconsiderate, Fiyero. You're the crown prince, their son. I'm a servant. It only makes sense."

"You didn't say if you'd sleep in my room or not."

Why did he always catch her when she avoided him? "We'll see."

"I won't do anything. And if I even think about it, I'll go sleep in your room… and take a cold shower."

If he didn't do anything, maybe she wouldn't have to worry about her own behavior. But she had never shared a bed with anyone before, chastely or otherwise. She liked the idea, but she needed her space, too. It was getting harder and harder not to get so attached to him. To care a little was one thing, even to do those things she worried about. But to care a lot? Then it might hurt if it did last and she had to share him. Not being able to marry him would never bother her. It was the idea that those feelings and things they shared he would share with someone else. Right now she didn't care. But what if she started to? She couldn't. It didn't matter now, anyway.

When they got to the hotel, Elphaba ate a dinner better than anything she'd shared in the kitchens with the other servants (they'd never gotten to eat the same food that the royal family did). Then they went to their separate rooms on separate floors. Fiyero did not ask her to come up to his room again. Maybe he'd drop it? Elphaba sighed, changed out of her day clothes and rubbed oil along her skin. Five minutes after she was in her nightgown, there was a knock on the door. It could only be Fiyero.

"Fiyero, it's getting late…" Elphaba opened the door slowly.

"And that's exactly why you should come sleep. Upstairs. With me. The bed is huge. You won't even know I'm there if you don't want to."

Elphaba had never been in a bed larger than a small twin bed. Nor had she ever been in one that was as comfortable as the bed she imagined Fiyero had in that room. But she was a servant. Well, not exactly, not here. And when would she get this chance again? She was sure the beds at Shiz weren't that nice and she'd never get to sleep in a nice bed at Kiamo Ko. "You'll stand at the door forever if I don't."

He smiled and grabbed her hand. "Let's go."

The bed was so high off the ground she worried she wouldn't be able to climb into it. Once she was on the bed, she felt her body sink into the mattress. This was different than the thin, springy mattress she'd had at Kiamo Ko. Much different. It was dangerously comfortable.

And when he kissed her, it felt dangerously good. Perhaps he had only meant it to be a brief kiss, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, practically falling back onto the bed. He responded eagerly, teasing at her lips with his tongue. One of his hands slid up and cupped her cheek. After a moment it slid down her neck, and lower…

She bit back a moan. Sweet Oz, if it felt this good when he touched her with her nightdress on, she could only imagine what it felt like if there wasn't any cloth between them, or if he touched her even lower. They were finally away from Kiamo Ko, maybe she should just let him. She wanted to. She wanted to badly.

But she wouldn't tell him to. And he wouldn't ever move that fast, even though she knew he wanted to. Because he respected her too much. For once, she wished he didn't. She wouldn't refuse him. Still, she was too afraid to start it herself. So when he smiled at her gently ten minutes later and kissed her nose, she simply smiled back. There would be plenty of time at Shiz.

"Um," he looked at her a little awkwardly, "do you want to sleep close to me or…?"

She didn't know the answer. Did she want him to hold her while she slept? She had never been held like that. How could she know if she would like it? So she said, "I'll go with the first option."

He laughed and pulled her towards him. They were facing the same direction, curled up against each other, his arm around her waist. It felt nice. But it also felt hot. After an hour, she carefully pulled away and moved over a few inches, so she was still close, but not that close. She'd have to adjust.

He didn't say anything about it when they woke up the next morning. She hopped off the bed. "I should go change in my room." Her things were still downstairs.

"I'll meet you for breakfast?"

She nodded.

Breakfast was the second most delicious meal she'd ever eaten, second only to the dinner she'd had the previous evening. This time she ate slower to savor the taste, and to take time to actually have a conversation with Fiyero.

"What classes are you taking, anyway?"

"The basics at first. We all have to take most of the same first-year classes. Unless, of course, we're so smart that we get enrolled in sorcery, the most complicated subject."

Elphaba flushed. She still wasn't sure if she'd actually like sorcery, but she was proud to have been chosen to be in the class. She hoped she was good at sorcery. It was the one thing she knew almost nothing about.

In general, though, she wasn't worried about classes. She was worried about her living situation. She had never even spent any time with girls her own age (not counting the other servant girls, who didn't much talk to her anyway). She didn't know that she liked girls her own age, either, not if they were anything like the servant girls. They were so self-involved. She envied Fiyero and his single apartment. Well, now that she was comfortable sleeping the same bed with him, she doubted Fiyero would object if she wanted to spend the night. At least she'd have somewhere to escape to. But she didn't know when she'd ever really be alone. And she needed that. A lot of that.

"Another day and we're there, right?"

"Yes," he smiled. "Think of all the people we'll meet."

Suddenly she felt… concerned. With all these other people to talk to, why would he have any interest in this mere servant girl? Why did she care? Elphaba shook her head.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." She wouldn't tell him her insecurities.

He cocked his head at her. She knew he didn't believe her. "Really, what?"

"I was just thinking…" Elphaba tried to find a way to word this so it didn't sound like it was just her being silly and girlish. "Maybe we'll find some many people to talk to, we won't want to talk to each other as much."

Fiyero reached across the table and put his hand over hers. "I should hope you wouldn't feel that way. Somehow I don't think any other person at Shiz will have quite the opinion you do, or the personality. It isn't just that you're smart. And I hope for you it's more than that, too."

She felt oddly reassured. Why was she being so ridiculous about this? "It's not."

"Good."

But now she was worried about something else. Yes, she had cared before, but she was starting to realize that she was really caring. That could be a problem.