Chapter Nineteen: Can't

Like he had said, he did wake early. However, she was not beside him. He looked around the room frantically. Her things were gone. She was gone. What in Oz? Fiyero leapt out of the bed and went into the other room, wondering if maybe she'd just decided to get dressed and study on the couch. She wasn't there. Had he said something strange in his sleep? He threw some clothes on and went the first place he could think of to find her.

He knocked loudly on her door. Galinda opened it. "You want to see Elphie?"

Elphie? Fiyero would ask about that little nickname later. "Yes. I do."

"Come in." Galinda stepped away from the door.

Elphaba was, as always, sitting at her desk with an open notebook. The page she was staring at, however, was blank. She looked at him as he entered. "You look flustered. Are you okay?"

She was going to act like she hadn't just up and left him in the middle of the night? "We need to talk."

Galinda grabbed her purse, which was sitting by the door, almost as if she'd expected she'd have to leave quickly. "I'll be downstairs with some friends in room 104 if you need me, Elphaba." And she left.

If you need me? Since when had they become friends? This wasn't the time to ask about that. As the door shut, he turned to Elphaba. "So, what time did you flee last night?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "About twenty minutes after you fell asleep. Why?"

"Why? Because you left in the middle of the night and I want to know why!"

She wouldn't meet his eyes. "I felt awkward staying the night."

"You've stayed before." He paused as a thought dawned on him and he walked up to her and sat beside her. "Did you… were you freaked out because made love, Elphaba?"

"The sex didn't freak me out, Fiyero."

"Then why in Oz did you do that?"

"I'm not allowed to leave?"

"I'd appreciate being told first. Now stop avoiding the question. Why did you leave?"

Elphaba hugged herself. "Fiyero, you can't love me."

It was about that. He should've known. "Obviously I can, because I do."

"And what do you expect to happen with this 'love,' Fiyero?"

"I…" He faltered. That was a good question, one he'd been trying to avoid thinking about because he knew there was no good solution.

"You'll get married. Not to me. And maybe you'll fool around with me, if I'm still there. But you can't love me."

"Why not? We talked about this. You don't care if I have to get married. Why should that stop me from loving you? Why should it stop you from loving me?"

"It's not about the fact that you have to get married, Fiyero."

"Then what is it?"

"You are the crown prince of the Arjiki tribe. I am your family's servant. Yes, you can have your fun with me all you want, but you cannot love me. That's not how it works. You know that."

"What am I supposed to do, Fae? Stop loving you? And where does that leave us?"

"The same place we were before you said that. Lovers. But not that kind of love."

"No." He grabbed her hand. "You're afraid. I understand that. If my parents found out that I actually had feelings for you, they'd send you away. Perhaps have you stoned or exiled. But soon I'll be king and that will be my decision, not theirs."

"I was not sent out to the Vinkus to love you, Fiyero."

"You weren't sent out to the Vinkus to make love with me, either, but you did that last night."

"Yes, I did. And I liked it. I liked it a lot. I don't regret it. I never will. But a servant girl can sleep with the prince if the prince wants her to. She cannot love him."

"Forget that you're a servant for just a minute, Elphaba."

"I can't! Not when it comes down to it. Yes, maybe I can pretend when I talk to you, when you kiss me, when you tease my hair, when you're inside me, but I can't pretend when it comes to this. I just can't."

"We're at Shiz. You're not a servant."

"I will be again. And you know that."

Fiyero cursed whatever powers had made her a servant and him a prince. He would've gladly been a commoner if he could just have her. "I love you."

Elphaba sighed. "Maybe you can, Fiyero. But I can't love you. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't."

He looked at her. She did want to. Maybe she did even love him. But he'd never hear those words from her. Somehow he accepted that. "Will you at least let me love you?"

"I have no choice if you ask me to. I still have to obey you."

He realized this was a way out for her. She wanted to let him, but she didn't feel right about it. She was telling him that she wanted him to force her to. Because then at least she could believe she wasn't doing the wrong thing. "Then let me love you."

"I will do as you ask, Prince Fiyero."

"Don't go back to that, Fae."

"Where did 'Fae' come from, anyway?"

He laughed. "I don't know, it just sounded nice to me. Where did 'Elphie' come from?"

Elphaba flushed and glared at him. "Galinda and I had a talk last night. When I snuck back in here, I wasn't in the best state of mind so I actually talked to her. Now I think I have to be her friend."

Fiyero saw right through that. Elphaba wanted a friend. Not that she'd ever admit it. "You talked to her about us?"

"Yes. Why? You're the one who didn't want us to be discreet."

"No, it's not that. I just… I never thought you'd talk to anyone about us. I can barely get you to talk about us with me."

"Whatever 'us' is."

"Lovers." He liked the word. It at least implied that they were in love.

"Right. Like I said."

"You won't run from me again?"

"I can't promise you that, Fiyero. You always seem to do things that are a little much. But I won't run if you say that again. You're going to insist on saying it and if I have to put up with it, I will."

"Come back with me, then. Let's make up the time we didn't spend together last night."

"We would've been sleeping anyway, Fiyero."

"I think we might've spent some actual time together in the morning."

"You just want me back in bed with you."

He raised his eyebrows. "And if I do?"

"Then perhaps I will have to 'obey,'" she smiled mischievously. "If I can handle it."

She handled it well. As morning turned to afternoon, he lay in bed holding Elphaba. He laughed when she got up and grabbed her sciences book.

"What? I might as well get some studying done." She was not to be distracted.

Fiyero played with her hair while she read her book despite the irritated looks she gave him. After about ten minutes, he got bored. "I don't understand why you need to study when clearly you know more than the entire class."

She barely glanced at him. "If I want to continue to know more than the entire class, I need to study… Hey! Get your fingers out of there NOW!"

"But…"

"Not while I'm studying!"

Fiyero pouted.

"Haven't you had enough, Fiyero? Is that all I am to you anymore?"

Fiyero sat up. "Don't pull that with me. Not after what I said. This is just so new, that's all."

"I was warned that men get like this. Perhaps I should've listened to the maunts and stayed a virgin." Elphaba rolled her eyes.

Fiyero laughed. "They must hate men in that mauntery."

"They weren't too fond of them."

"Well, it didn't seem to stop you."

"I'm not a maunt."

"Thank Oz. I don't know what I'd do if you wouldn't ever let me touch you."

"If you don't let me study, I'll go back and become a maunt."

"I'm pretty sure you have to be a virgin."

"Oh, I don't think so. Not from a few things I heard there. I think you just can't do it anymore."

He sighed and got up to find his own book. If she wasn't going to participate, he'd find a different way to connect with her. Besides, he actually needed to study a little bit. Dr. Dillamond had mentioned a pop quiz. But no class was nearly as interesting to him as the woman beside him.