Twenty-Four: Jealousy?
After inspecting the floor carefully to make sure there were no glass remnants likely to stick into her feet, Elphaba went to the schoolroom to see what progress Fiyero's little siblings had been making in their studies. It was before the children were there and only Sister Aloise was there, standing behind a desk in the front of the room, looking stern as ever.
"Miss Elphaba?" Sister Aloise gave as much of a smile as a maunt ever could. "I had heard that you and the crown prince had returned. I didn't know if I would see you."
"Well, I'm here. How are the children doing?"
"I never thought I'd hear you ask about children. You never seemed to be fond of them."
"I just like to know where they are in their studies. That's all."
"They are fine. They've been a little distracted since the queen had her baby. All Rienna wants to do is play with the little child. It's hard to drag her away when afternoon lessons begin."
Elphaba supposed it would be her job to teach the new baby. By the time the little girl was old enough to learn, she'd be back from Shiz. And Fiyero would be married… not that it mattered. "Like her brother, I see. The crown prince is very easily distracted from his studies as well. I believe that's part of the reason they sent me out there with him, to keep him focused."
"I'm sure. With men and women on that campus all at once, it must be very hard to concentrate. I'm sure all sorts of sins are being committed all across that campus. You must hear talk of fornication. I hope you have been able to ignore it."
Elphaba hoped she wasn't flushing. She was one of the students committing the sins. Ignoring the talk wasn't even a concern. If Sister Aloise only knew what had gone on in her bedroom the previous night… and they hadn't even been in the bed. "I don't much care."
"I know that. You never much cared whether or not something was a sin, either. Still, I pray for your soul and I hope you at least have the morals not to behave loosely."
"Do I seem like a girl who would fornicate, Sister Aloise?" Elphaba demanded, unable to straight out lie to the nun.
"You never seemed the type, no. But life outside the mauntery is different."
"That it is. I'd best be getting to the kitchens." Elphaba was still expected to work in the kitchens while they were on winter break.
That night, she hadn't even changed her clothes when Fiyero snuck in. "I wanted to tell you something."
Elphaba cocked her head. "What?"
"My father called me into his study this morning. I'm to meet Sarima tomorrow."
"Oh." Elphaba felt… no, it wasn't jealousy. It couldn't be. She did not care for jealousy.
"I think my father is hoping I'll show some interest. He kept telling me how beautiful she was."
"I'm sure she is very beautiful," Elphaba said softly, "or else she wouldn't be engaged to the crown prince."
He looked at her strangely. "Are you okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know."
"I don't know why you bothered to tell me this at all. What does it matter to me?" Elphaba snapped, trying to pretend it didn't matter to her.
"I just thought you'd want to know. That's all. Don't get upset."
"I'm not," she insisted. Elphaba knew the other reason he had come to her room. And she knew the way to distract both him and herself from the subject at hand. She grabbed his hand and drew him towards the bed.
For some reason, it hurt when he left that night. She hadn't cared the night before, but tonight it was different. He'd be able to spend every night he wanted to beside his perfect pretty little wife when he was married, but he'd never be able to sleep beside her like that. She got up from her bed, shaking her head and grabbed some sleeping draught. She took a small, small sip and crawled back into bed, trying to keep her head clear until she fell asleep.
The next morning, the servants were busy cleaning the castle and preparing elegant snacks and tea. Sarima was expected at around eleven. Elphaba would be one of the servants actually serving the food. She was almost thankful for that. She wanted to know what this girl looked like – merely out of curiosity, of course.
When Sarima arrived, Elphaba crept quietly towards the front hall, wanting to get a glimpse of her as soon as possible. She saw Fiyero kneel down and kiss the young woman's hand. He'd never done that to her… she was just his plaything. Sarima was lovely. She was voluptuous and her hair, though short, was curled in perfect ringlets (a little like Galinda's curls, actually). Her nose sloped gently, unlike Elphaba's very determined bend. Her eyes were purple. They went well with the purple ovals on her skin. Just then Fiyero spied her and she fled back to the kitchens.
She tried to keep her mind clear as she focused on preparing the tea and cookies. When she went to serve them, she noted Fiyero sitting relatively close to Sarima – he'd never be allowed to sit that close to her in public. His parents sat across from them. She placed the tray in front of Fiyero and Sarima, smiling falsely. "Here you are, ma'am." Elphaba's voice was dripping with disdain, but no one seemed to notice except Fiyero, who raised his eyebrows at her. Of course, she had to behave in front of his lovely little princess. He wouldn't like it if she didn't.
That was all she had been required to do. She begged out of the kitchens claiming a headache and ran to her room. But once she got there, she didn't know what to do with herself. Her books had been read ten times over. Usually reading them again was enough, but she found she couldn't focus. She practiced her spells, but quickly found herself wondering what the spell that lit candles would do if she lit the bottom of Sarima's dress instead of a candle wick… Elphaba took a gulp of sleeping draught, much more than she had the night before, and crawled into her bed.
She only awoke when Fiyero shook her awake that night. When she sat up in alarm, he placed a hand on her cheek. "Calm down, Fae, it's only me."
"Oh," she forced a smile. "I'm sorry."
"Have you been sleeping all afternoon?"
She nodded. "I was… tired."
"I'm glad. That means you can stay up with me tonight. I don't think anyone will be checking on me tonight. It's been such a long day."
"How late is it?" Elphaba wiped her eyes.
"Later than usual. You never sleep all day like this, Fae, no matter what kind of day you've had. Even if you've been up all night," he added, teasing.
"It's nothing," she waved it away. "Did you enjoy your visit?"
"Not particularly."
"You acted well, then. Could've fooled me."
Fiyero grabbed both of her hands in his. "That's what this is about. That's why you slept all day. I thought maybe… but it didn't seem like you to be jealous."
"Jealous?" Elphaba rolled her eyes.
"Elphaba, I love you. You know that, right?"
"You certainly say it enough."
"And you won't even say you love me. But still you're jealous?"
"I am not."
He was almost smiling. "You are. You love me, Fae. And so you're jealous."
Elphaba turned away. Somehow denying that she loved him felt like lying. It wasn't like she did love him, was it? "I…"
"It's okay. But you realize that I only acted that way because I was instructed to. I had to be polite and sweet."
"Clearly. You never act that way otherwise."
"Do you want me to bring you flowers and kiss your hand, Fae? I would if I thought you'd like it. But you really just don't seem the type."
He was right. And maybe she was the slightest bit jealous. Elphaba's cheeks were a deep crimson. She hated him for turning the lights on – he could see. "She's very pretty."
"Stop it." Fiyero squeezed her hands. "I never thought I'd have to tell you this. I didn't think you cared, and even if you did, I thought you knew well enough that I wouldn't have to say it. There is something special about you, Fae. Your looks, your personality. You don't even compare to anyone else. Maybe Sarima is pretty. I don't even know. It's not the kind of pretty I like. You are what I like. You are what I love. Today was awful. I wish I never had to see her again."
"But you do have to see her again. You have to marry her."
He sighed. "And you have no idea how much it kills me."
"No, I think I do." She hated admitting that.
"If this is too hard, we can stop. I can let you go. It will hurt me more than anything in the world, but I can if you want me to. If it's what you want, I'll do it, Fae."
"No, don't." Suddenly she was afraid. "Don't do that. Please."
"I won't if you don't want me to. I love you so much. You can't even understand."
"I…" Elphaba knew it was going to spill out, she tried to fight it, but it wouldn't stay in the back of her mind anymore. It came tumbling out of her mouth. "I love you, too, Fiyero."