Chapter Twenty-Nine: Broken Dreams

He had plenty of things to do during the days. Fiyero followed his father around, learned more about hunting, about fighting, about war strategy. But still he yearned for a different type of conversation. Elphaba, however, still refused to speak with him much. And he missed more than just the talking. Once or twice he'd been watching her serve dinner and the neckline of her dress would dip just the slightest bit and he'd catch himself craning to look. Just the way she walked aroused him now. Did she have any idea what this was doing to him?

Fiyero was relieved his father did not insist on having Sarima over for tea again. He couldn't stand it, and he knew Elphaba wouldn't much like it, either. But his father did constantly remind Fiyero how lovely Sarima was. Two more years of Shiz and then he had to marry her… and still he had no idea what he was going to do about it.

He had tried to sneak into her room once, but she hadn't reacted very favorably.

"I'm locking my door from now on," she said, barely looking up from the book she was reading.

"Fae, I miss you."

"I'm in the same castle as you, Yero, stop being ridiculous."

He climbed into the bed and tried to kiss her. She pushed him away. "Please," he begged.

"No."

"How do you stand it, Fae?"

"I read."

"You don't want to at all?"

She finally looked up at him. "Of course I want to." He saw something in her eyes change, but she swallowed hard and shook her head. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to be stupid about it."

"I checked. Everyone's asleep. It's late. I seriously doubt my sister is going to come bothering us." He wasn't ready to give up.

"Your sister is not the only danger, my love. Your parents, the other servants… Yes, they may be asleep now. But people get up in the middle of the night."

"But they wouldn't come in here. Besides, I locked the door behind me."

She kissed him softly. "You know I want to. And I do miss you. I love you, Fiyero. But we just can't. Not even a month now before we head back to Shiz. Can't you survive that long?"

"Not without at least talking to you more than I have been."

"Fiyero, it is very clear to me that you want much more right now than just to talk."

"But…"

"Please, Yero, go. I love you. If you love me, you'll listen to me."

He sighed heavily. Fiyero leaned in and kissed her deeply, hoping maybe she'd change her mind and tug him back onto the bed. He felt her hands clench as she fought off the urge and then he let her go. "I love you, and you know that. Good night. I hate this."

"I'm not exactly fond of it, either, Yero. Have a good night."

"It can't be a good night without you."

Elphaba rolled her eyes as he walked out the door. "You're pathetic, my love."

"Only because I love you." He shut the door behind him and dragged himself back to his room unhappily. He shouldn't have expected her to give in, but he had still hoped.

He had to content himself with watching her from afar. But even that was not acceptable to her. A week after that, she snuck into his room. "Fiyero, you are going to get me killed."

"You just walked in here and I'm going to get you killed?"

"We're lucky if your parents haven't noticed the looks you've been giving me, Yero. Please, stop."

He sighed and thought about pretending he didn't know what she was talking about, but he knew she had a point. "I'm sorry, Fae."

"Then don't do it again." Elphaba made to leave the room.
"Don't go! I mean, since you're here, we might as well take advantage of it."

Elphaba cackled softly. "Oh, Yero, you are incorrigible. And believe me, if I thought we wouldn't get caught, I'd be just as bad, but no." She shut the door as she left, smiling gently at him.

He checked the hall a few minutes later and snuck into the library. Fiyero couldn't sleep. He'd been having a lot of trouble with that lately. Instead he read some books on sorcery. He wanted to understand exactly what it was Elphaba did in her classes. It was hours later when he finally closed his eyes.

"Son?"

Fiyero jumped and a book toppled from his lap. "Sorry, Father, I... what time is it?"

"You missed breakfast."

He had missed one of the three times a day when he got to see Elphaba, whether or not he got to do anything about it. "Oh, oops."

"You've been acting strangely this summer, Fiyero."

"I have?" Fiyero gulped. Elphaba had been right. He was giving it away, wasn't he?

"Does this have anything to do with that Gillikun girl sending you letters?"

Fiyero had to bite the bottom of his lip to keep from laughing. "No. She's actually one of Elphaba's friends."

"Then why is she writing you?"

"She's not." He figured he might as well tell the truth. "She's writing Elphaba. I wasn't sure if Elphaba was allowed to get mail so I told her to send the letters to me instead."

Fiyero's father chuckled. "I see. Well, if you wanted to know, you could've asked. Elphaba is welcome to receive the occasional letter. There are one or two of the stable boys who get letters from their mothers every week."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"It's very kind of you to help her so much," his father said, clearly somewhat suspicious.

"She helped me get into Shiz," Fiyero replied defensively, "it's the least I could do."

"Fiyero, when you asked that she attend Shiz with you, I warned you not to get too attached to her…"

"I'm not!"

"Have you slept with her?"

"What? No!" Fiyero hoped he was convincing.

"I didn't really think so, mostly because she seems a little frigid."

Fiyero resisted the urge to argue with his father on that. "She is in no way interested. And neither am I."

"Then what is it that has gotten you so distracted?"

Fiyero decided to be as honest as he could. "After meeting Sarima, Father, I just… is there any way I don't have to marry her?"

His father's face darkened. "What is the problem with her, Fiyero? She was polite, quiet, lovely and very obedient. Why can't you just be satisified with her?"

"Because that's not what I want!"

The door to the library opened and Elphaba stood there. "Oh, sorry, I just wanted to grab a book on… actually, Prince Fiyero, you're holding it… I'll come back…" She shut the door and her footsteps echoed down the hall.

"Let me guess, what you want is something more like that."

"I told you, I haven't…"

"Just because you haven't doesn't mean you don't want to. It just means she won't let you, which is a little vexing because she's supposed to obey you, but in this case I think it's perfectly acceptable."

"I don't want to. I don't know what I want. I want time to figure out what I want."

"You have two years. And then you have to give it up and marry Sarima. We already made the arrangements. There's no other option here. Now go get dressed and get to your fighting lessons." His father left the room.

Fiyero sighed as the door slammed shut. He had harbored some hope that perhaps his parents would be flexible and give him the choice. It had been a naïve and clearly unattainable dream, but he'd still given it thought. His father had just crushed that hope.