Chapter Thirty-Three: Direction

He couldn't sleep that night, but neither could she. They tried to keep themselves distracted using each other, but that could only go on for so long. And books weren't doing the trick, either. Eventually, he put his book down at looked at her. "Look, I've been skirting around this, trying to talk about it without being too direct, but for Oz's sake, I can't. I know what's going to happen in that doctor's office, Elphaba. And it makes me sick."

"I told you this already. There is nothing else we can do. And you made the arrangements. You told me that earlier. You said you trusted this doctor from his reputation."

"I do. But I don't trust the procedure."

"There's no other way to do it, Fiyero. I know exactly what has to happen, too. Just because I'll be knocked out doesn't mean I'm exactly happy about the idea of something being stuck inside me and basically tearing out whatever's in there."

He cringed. "You had to put it that way?"

"You said you were going to be direct. Am I not allowed to be?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"That was more graphic than direct."

"Like you haven't been thinking about it constantly for the past three days."

That he couldn't deny. He looked at his hands.

She put her hand on his. "What do you want us to do? Have the child? I'd be exiled and on the streets long before I could give birth. You know that."

He did. But he kept thinking about the child inside of her, the child that was his. They were young, yes, but he wished she could have the child. He wished they could hold the child one day. He wished and wished but nothing would change. "You're just lucky they won't let me in the room when they do it."

"I'm lucky? You're lucky. You don't have to see it. And you'd probably cause a scene and get us kicked out, anyway."

He certainly didn't wish to see it. But if she had to go through it, he should share some of the pain. And he couldn't share it. All he could do was care for her as much as he could. "I just hope it isn't too bad."

"I won't even be conscious. There are potions and spells that they have that will knock me out, Fiyero."

"It'll hurt afterwards. For a day or two. I read about it."

"Of course you did," she almost laughed. "That doesn't surprise me. And I know it will. I'll live. But… Fiyero, I won't be able to, well, you know, for at least two weeks after the procedure."

"I know that. And I would never even think about it until you are ready. If you don't want to for months, I am fine with it. I just want you to be comfortable." He squeezed her hand.

"With you, I'm sure I'll be as comfortable as possible. You make sure I'm taken care of, whether I want you to or not." She smiled.

He smiled back. "Is that a complaint or a compliment?"

"I think it's a little of both."

After that, they were able to sleep. Elphaba woke at the same time as usual on Saturday, and Fiyero a little while after her. It was a lazy day for both of them. They relaxed on the couch and read. Elphaba did a little studying, but for her that was relaxing. He kept his arms around her almost all day and she didn't protest.

That night they made love again. As usual, he felt exhausted afterwards. She got up and made herself something to eat. This was common. He always fell right to sleep, but she was usually starving. Some night she didn't sleep until hours afterwards. Fiyero tried to stay awake to talk to her, but after the long night the night before, he was asleep within half an hour.

The next morning, she shook him awake gently. "Yero, I almost forgot, I promised Dr. Dillamond I'd help him out this morning. He said he thought he was about to have a breakthrough."

He yawned and wiped the sleep out of his eyes. "You'll come back this afternoon?"

She nodded. "I'll see you later."

After she left, she climbed out of bed and began to get dressed. When he went over to his desk, he realized that Elphaba had left her notebook there. She'd need it. He was surprised she had forgotten it. Well, she had a lot on her mind right now. Fiyero pulled a shirt over his head and went to bring her the notebook.

The weather outside was lovely, and he took his time walking towards the sciences building. Still, he found it hard to appreciate the warmth and the beauty of the landscape around him when he thought about what he and Elphaba had to do the coming weekend. He was lost in thought when he entered the sciences building.

For a moment, he didn't realize what he saw when he turned down the hallway that led to the laboratories because he was so distracted. But it finally registered and he dropped Elphaba's notebook and ran down the hall. "Sweet Oz, Fae!"

She was sitting on the floor outside Dillamond's lab, grasping at her bag, muttering. Elphaba was shaking so hard he had thought at first that she was seizing.

He grabbed her, "Fae, what is going on?"

When she looked up at him, her eyes were not completely focused. It took a moment for them to focus on him, and another moment for her to realize her surroundings. Suddenly, tears were in her eyes. "Fiyero, it's Dr. Dillamond… he's…"

"What? What is it?"

"Help me stand up," she said.

He stood up and took her hand, grasping tightly as he pulled her to her feet. "What's going on?" Fiyero repeated.

"You need to see this," she murmured, grabbing for the doorknob of the lab. But she never reached it. Elphaba collapsed to the floor.

Fiyero's eyes widened and he picked her up in his arms. "Fae?"

For a moment, her eyes didn't open and he was about to panic. But they fluttered open and she looked at him groggily. "Yero, please, you need to see…"

"No, Fae, we need to get you back."

"No, you need to see," she insisted.

He sighed and gently sat her down on the floor. "You're staying right here. Don't try to stand up, do you understand me?"

She rolled her eyes but nodded weakly.

When he opened the door to the lab, he understood at once what had Elphaba so upset. There was blood everywhere. Dr. Dillamond's body was slumped, lifeless, over his desk. "Oh my Oz…" He backed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"We need to tell someone," she said as he returned to her.

"No, we need to get you to the infirmary."

"We need to tell someone," she repeated.

He shook his head and made to lift her back up into his arms. "We have to get back to my apartment."

"You are not going to carry me!" Her strength seemed to be coming back, at least in her voice. "Think of what people will say!"

"They'll say you were sick and that was the only way I could get you to the infirmary."

"No. I can walk."

"I'm standing next to you the whole time, then. If I even think you'll fall…"

"Fine."

He helped her to her feet again. "Fae, I'm sorry you saw this, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't." She took a few steps and then looked down at herself, confused. "Um, Yero?"

"What?" He didn't see anything but her plain black dress.

"I take it back. You can carry me."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm bleeding…"