Project H and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
By Project H
Part 2
*Hogsmeade*
Alarm: *Makes high-pitched, irritating squeal*
Harry: Ginny? Is that you?
Man 1: They're here!
Man 2: Search everywhere!
Man 3: Oh sure, when it's my turn for charades, everyone needs to run off!
Harry: Remember guys, the streets are swarming with Death Eaters. Don't trust anyone
Aberforth: In here, Potter
Harry: Certainly *Goes inside*
Man 1: Find him?
Man 2: No. How about you?
Man 3: You know what I can't find? Some decent friends
-
*Aberforth's House*
Hermione: Harry, I can see you in this man's mirror
Harry: Must be the Mirror of Erised. Remember, Hermione, it shows only you're deepest desire
Ron: I can see you too, Harry
Harry: Inappropriate, Ron. Wait a minute...Hermione, you're in my mirror too. I think the mirrors want us to kiss
Aberforth: You bloody fools
Harry: Bloody? What are you, Ron's grandfather or something?
Aberforth: More like the brother of an idiot former headmaster
Harry: Weird. Hermione never said she had a brother
Aberforth: Dumbledore! I'm Albus Dumbledore's brother. Or at least I was, until you stood by and watched him die. Tell me, what happened to Dobby?
Harry: He was Dumbledore'd
Aberforth: Him too? And let me get this straight – people want to be your friend? Seems like a death wish
Hermione: Do you hear from the others much? From the Order?
Aberforth: I hear their screams of agony from time to time. It's nice to keep in touch
Harry: We need to get into Hogwarts, tonight. Dumbledore gave us a job to do
Aberforth: Was it to die? Because I reckon the ginger kid will do great at that
Ron: That's the first time anyone has ever shown faith in me
Harry: We've been hunting Horcruxes, and we think the last one's inside the castle
Aberforth: That's a suicide mission. Or genocide, in your case, since I imagine you'll be taking all your loved ones with you. Do yourself a favour, boy, go home. Or live here with me. You can be my cleaner. The girl can cook for me, and the ginger kid can die
Ron: I've never felt more accepted
Aberforth: What makes you think you can trust Dumbledore? In all the time you knew him, did he ever mention my name? Well, presumably he did, since you all seemed to know who I was when you came in here. But it probably wasn't anything good
Harry: He may have mentioned the goat incident
Aberforth: Oh please, that only happened one and a half times. Allow me to tell you the lengthy story about myself and my brother. It all started-
Harry: I'm not interested in what happened between you and your brother
Aberforth: What? But it explains-
Harry: Don't care
Aberforth: You need to know about-
Harry: Bored now
Aberforth: I was in storyteller mode and everything. It's incredibly important that-
Harry: Quiet! I trusted the man I know. Maybe he didn't tell me everything, but you make it sound like he's raised me as some sort of pig for slaughter. Like his plan this whole time was for me to eventually die. And that's just downright crazy. We need to get into the castle tonight
Aberforth: *To the portrait of Ariana* You know what to do
Ron: I sure do, Aberforth. I'll go into the castle and die to make you proud. I love you, Abby
Aberforth: This guy helps you find Horcruxes?
Harry: He serves more of a moral support role
Hermione: That's your sister Ariana, isn't it?
Aberforth: You know about Ariana? Geez, was Dumbledore ever not talking about us? But I will tell you this, Mr Potter, my brother sacrificed many-
Harry: No stories!
Aberforth: Let me speak!
Harry: STOP SHOUTING!
Aberforth: Ariana was devoted to my brother. He gave her everything...even death. Especially death. It was the most enduring gift she ever received from him
Neville: *Appears in portrait*
Hermione: Neville! You look-
Neville: Like hell, I reckon
Hermione: Actually I was going to say 'fantastic'. The year has been good to you
Neville: They starve us and force us to run naked through thunderstorms for hours
Hermione: Well whatever you're doing, it's working. Ron, have you considered re-enrolling at Hogwarts for the rest of the year
Harry: How bad is Snape as headmaster?
Neville: Remember Pizza Thursdays?
Harry: Of course
Neville: He moves it to Mondays
Harry: Bastard!
Neville: And it's the Carrows you need to watch out for. They like punishment. They cancelled all our exams and replaced them with torture. It's been great. Let's have a little fun...
*Dumbledore's Army Headquarters*
Neville: Bad news everyone, we've just received news that Harry's been killed...
Student 1: No!
Student 2: It's all over!
Student 3: *Kills self*
Neville: Uh oh, um, I meant he's right here behind me
Harry: Hi there
Sheamus: Hermione! Thank goodness. We've got a year's worth of homework we need your help with
Neville: Nigel, inform Remus and the others
Nigel: Certainly. *Turns on radio* River, DA calling. Lightning has struck. And the troll and the flobberworm are with him
Neville: What's the plan, Harry?
Harry: Gave up on those long ago. We need to find something in the castle, but we don't know what it is or where it is
Neville: Well that rules out...Ron
Harry: I think it has something to do with Ravenclaw. It'll be small and easily concealed
Cormac: I don't have anything small and easily concealed, if you know what I mean
Harry: Wow, Dumbledore's Army has really lowered its qualifications since I left. Does anyone know what we might be looking for?
Luna: Well, there's Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem
Harry: How on earth did you get back in to Hogwarts? Why did you come back to Hogwarts? That's insane. You're going to be killed!
Ron: Hehe, classic Luna
Luna: The lost diadem? Hasn't anyone heard of it? It's quite famous. Not defeated-the-Dark-Lord-as-a-one-year-old famous, but quite well-known
Cho: Yes, but Luna, there isn't a person alive today who has seen it. No one breathing, able to eat, or containing colours other than white and transparent. That rules out presumably everyone
Ron: Can someone tell me what a bloody diadem is?
Cho: It's sort of a crown. You know, like a tiara
Ron: A tiara? Voldemort made Horcruxes of a tiara, a ring, a diary, a necklace and a pretty cup? He must have been the happiest teenage girl in the world.
Ginny: *Runs in* Harry!
Harry: Eh...uh...
Ginny: Ginny
Harry: Ginny, that's it. You look well. It's been so long since I've seen you, I have so much I want to say...
Ginny: Snape knows
Harry: That wouldn't have been at the top of the list
Ginny: He knows Harry was spotted in Hogsmeade
Harry: Well that's officially killed the mood. I was hoping to greet you with my new pick-up line 'My virginity is a Horcrux, can you help me destroy it?'
Sheamus: You realise you're saying this in front of the entire DA, right?
-
*Great Hall*
Snape: Many of you are surely wondering why I have summoned you at this hour
Student: We just assume it's always for torture
Snape: Earlier this evening, Harry Potter was spotted in Hogsmeade
Student: We're still pretty sure we're here for torture
Snape: Any person found to have knowledge of these events who fails to come forward will be treated as...
*3 hours later*
Snape:...equally guilty. Now then, if anyone here has any knowledge of Mr Potter's movements this evening, raise your hand now
Harry: *Steps forward* It seems, despite your exhaustive defensive strategies-
Snape: Two Death Eaters
Harry: -you still have a bit of a security problem, headmaster
Snape: Mr Potter, if you don't raise your hand, I can't hear you
The Order: *Forgo the element of surprise to make a dramatic entrance*
Harry: Tell them how it happened that night!
Snape: You stood to the side and did absolutely nothing as you watched Dumbledore die
Harry: Stop telling them how it happened that night!
McGonagall: Severus, remember that time I asked you for a raise and you didn't give it to me?
Snape: Vaguely
McGonagall: Bad move *Casts spell*
Snape: *Casts spell*
Carrows: *Knocked out*
Snape: *Flees*
Student: So we have to torture ourselves?
Voldemort: I know that many of you will want to fight. Some of you may even think that to fight is wise. But most of you will decide to cry and wet yourselves
Ron: Way ahead of you
Voldemort: Give me Harry Potter. Do this and none shall be harmed. Except Harry Potter, of course. I am gonna harm the hell out of that kid. You have one hour
Pansy: What are you waiting for? Someone grab him!
Ginny: With pleasure
Pansy: To hand over to Voldemort
Ginny: No one's stopping you Pansy. Give it a try
Pansy: Eh, well...
Ginny: Crucio!
McGonagall: Mr Filch, would you please lead Miss Parkinson and the rest of Slytherin House from the hall. The dungeons will do
Filch: The dungeons? Where their common room is?
McGonagall: Sure. They've worked hard and earned themselves a break. Well done, Slytherin House. Potter, what do you need?
Harry: Time, Professor
McGonagall: Of course. We'll use a time-turner to go back to before Voldemort's resurrection and prevent any of this ever happening. We'll save thousands of lives!
Harry: Nah, I need an hour to find a tiara
McGonagall: Oh...good
-
*Outside Hogwarts*
Flitwick: You realise we can't keep out You-Know-Who indefinitely?
McGonagall: Don't fret, Filius. We're the people who protected the Philosopher's Stone
Flitwick: The same stone that three 11-year-olds were able to get to
McGonagall: Well, we also-
Flitwick: A basilisk attacked students until a 12-year-old stopped it, dementors invaded the castle grounds until a 13-year-old chased them off, and this year when a certain 17-year-old didn't come back to school, Death Eaters took over
McGonagall:...we're screwed
TO BE CONTINUED...