Project H and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
By Project H
Part 4
*Boat House*
Snape: You have performed extraordinary magic with this wand, in the last few hours alone
Voldemort: No, I am extraordinary, but the wand resists me. I want this wand to mindlessly bend to my every whim, regardless of how degrading or humiliating the task. I want it to be like Lucius
Snape: It answers to you, and you only. Watch – excuse me Elder Wand, would you please kill Voldemort?
Elder Wand:...
Snape: See?
Voldemort: The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly because I am not its true master
Snape: Maybe you just need to train it a little better. Does it know how to sit, or play dead?
Voldemort: The Elder Wand belongs to whoever killed its last owner
Snape: Dumbledore fell quite a long way. Maybe the wand's new owner is...the ground
Voldemort: You killed Dumbledore, Severus. While you live, the Elder Wand cannot truly be mine
Snape: Maybe we could share it. You take it Monday to Thursday, I take it Friday to Sunday
Voldemort: You've been a good and faithful servant, Severus. The most faithful of all. Probably the only one to have not betrayed me in any way. But only I can live forever...
Snape: My Lord...
Voldemort: And Severus, you know how the wand can't play dead?
Snape: Yes
Voldemort: You can *Slashes Snape's throat*
Snape: *Collapses* Not Avada Kedavra?
Voldemort: I'm trying to cut down. Nagini, kill
Nagini: *Attacks*
-
*Outside the Boat House*
Harry: I think Snape and Voldemort are on the other side of this glass. If we wait here-
Glass: THUD!
Harry: What was that? Maybe-
Glass: THUD!
Harry: Nagini must-
Glass: THUD!
Harry: And Snape is-
Glass THUD!
Harry: But that means-
Glass: THUD!
Harry: It's certainly taking a long-
Glass: THUD!
Harry:...I think it's over. We'll wait for Voldemort to leave and then-
Glass: THUD! THUD! THUD!
-
*Minutes later*
Harry: Snape?
Snape: Harry? My, how I truly loathe you. Come over here and cradle my face
Harry: Very well
Snape: *Tears drip down face* Take them
Harry: Oh, um, no thanks. My pockets are pretty full of all the other people's tears I've collected
Snape: Please. I was leaving them to you in my will
Harry: Fine. Quickly Hermione, give me a flask or something
Hermione: Hermione always has potions equipment ready to go! *Hands Harry a vial*
Harry: *Collects tears, then puts a bloodied finger over the top of the vial, contaminating them. Whoever taught this guy potions did a really awful...oh*
Snape: Look at me. You have your mother's eyes
Harry: This is kind of weird, but I'm willing to endure it to make a dying man happy
Snape: Can you put on this red wig and talk in a woman's voice?
Harry: I don't think I'll go that far
Snape: Just a quick kiss?
Harry: Hurry up and die!
Snape: *Dies*
Ron: YES! The evil Death Eater who murdered Dumbledore has been killed!
Harry:...you're right. That guy was horrible. Now I don't know whether to kill Nagini or give her a kiss of thanks
Ron: You should pour his memories into the pensieve just to laugh at them
Voldemort: You have fought valiantly, but in vain. I do not wish this. I really hate violence. Just ask Pius...oh wait, I murdered him. Nevertheless, I command my forces to retreat. Harry Potter, I now speak directly to you. I'm not sure how to make it so that only you hear this, so if everybody else could either block their ears or just ignore me from now on, that would be appreciated. On this night, you have allowed your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. All of your best friends – Snape, Scabior, Goyle – all dead. Join me in the Forbidden Forest and confront your fate. If you do not do this, I shall kill every last man, woman and child who tries to conceal you from me. Now Bellatrix, how do I turn off this spell?
Bellatrix: I'm not sure. I've never done it before now
Voldemort: Well I don't want to talk to them anymore. Just wave your wand or something
Bellatrix: Not working. I'll just bury my wand under this pile of robes until it stops
Voldemort: *Muffled* Good, because I need you to take a look at that rash again and don't want the whole castle to hear about it...
-
*Great Hall*
Mr Weasley: I'm sorry Ron...but Fred's been killed
Ron: Well, good thing we've got a spare. Quick George, provide a hilarious witticism
George: *Bursts into tears*
Ron: I don't get it
-
*Headmaster's office*
Pensieve: *Moves towards Harry* Ooh, a visitor
Harry: *Pours tears into pensieve*
-
*Snape's memory*
Petunia: You're a freak, Lily!
Snape: She's just jealous that she doesn't have creepy guys coming out of trees to talk to her
*Hogwarts*
Lily: *Puts on sorting hat*
Sorting Hat: Gryffindor!
Snape: Ooh dear...
*Hogwarts halls*
Lily: I'm sorry, Severus. I just generally go for guys who run recklessly through halls and knock books out of my arms
James: *Runs recklessly through halls and knocks books out of her arms*
Snape: Ooh dear...
*Cliff*
Snape: Don't kill me! I'd never kill you
Dumbledore: We'll see about that. The prophecy did not refer to a woman. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July
Snape: But he thinks it's her son. He intends to hunt them down and kill them
Dumbledore: So you want me to beat him to it and kill them first?
Snape: What? No! I want you to hide them. Preferably behind James
Dumbledore: What will you give me in exchange?
Snape: Anything. Absolutely anything in the world
Dumbledore: Know anything about potions?
Snape:...
*Potter house*
Lily: Harry, you are so loved. Mama loves you. Dada loves you. But Voldemort doesn't love you, and that's caused some problems
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
*Dumbledore's office*
Snape: You said you would keep her safe
Dumbledore: I gave her a helmet. I don't know what went wrong. But the boy survives
Snape: And what, that makes him my consolation prize? I don't want him
Dumbledore: He has her eyes. I mean, they're a completely different colour, but they're basically the same shape
Snape: I'll just take those then
Dumbledore: If you truly loved her...
Snape: Alright, I'll protect him. But no one can know
Dumbledore: As you wish
Snape: And so no one suspects anything, I'll be really horrible to him
Dumbledore: Even better, be really horrible to everyone
Snape: Good idea
*Years later*
Snape: I can contain the ring's curse to your hand, but it will spread. I told you all that cheap jewellery and tattoos would lead to infection
Dumbledore: I'm just trying to take my mind off Mr Malfoy's constant attempts to murder me. And should he continue to fail, one should presume the Dark Lord will turn to you
Snape: You want me to train Malfoy to murder people? I can do that. I know exactly who he can practice on - Longbottom
Dumbledore: No Severus, you must be the one to kill me. Only then will the Dark Lord trust you completely. I thought he trusted you, but he didn't ask you to help him move house last week
Snape: He assures me it was only because he thought I was busy
Dumbledore: There will come a time when Harry Potter must be told something, but you must wait until it is as dramatic as possible. I must be dead, hundreds of students must be dead, and if you can somehow be dying or something, that would be even better
Snape: Alright. What do I tell him?
Dumbledore: Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, and Lily Potter cast herself between them, Voldemort got so scared that he ran away without hurting any of them. Then later that night, James and Lily were attacked and killed by a house elf
Snape: But that's not what happened
Dumbledore: I know, but you can imagine his face. It'll be hilarious. But after that you should probably tell him that a piece of Voldemort lives inside him. That's why he can talk to snakes, look into Voldemort's mind, and constantly murders people for no reason
Snape: So when the time comes the boy must die? You want me to tell him this?
Dumbledore: Yes, you can imagine his face. It'll be hilarious
Snape: You've kept him alive so that he can die at the proper moment. You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter
Dumbledore: Don't tell me now that you've grown to care for the boy
Snape: Expecto Patronum
Doe patronus: *Runs around room, then to the Gryffindor common room to kick Harry in the face*
Harry: Aargh!
Dumbledore: Lily. After all this time?
Snape: Now and again. Sometimes it's a mongoose. So when the time comes, the boy must die?
Dumbledore: Always. And Voldemort himself must do it. That part may be hard, as I'm not sure Voldemort is the kind of person who likes murdering
*Dumbledore's office*
Harry: *Pulls head out of pensieve* I don't believe it...my dad was blonde when he was 11...
-
*Entrance Hall*
Harry: Hi guys...
Ron: Oh Harry, listen, me and Hermione are gonna need the Chamber of Secrets to ourselves for the next half an hour or so. I've hung a sock on the door to keep people out, but I thought I should let you know where we were. Here's a galleon, go spend some time in Hogsmeade
Harry: No need. I'm going to the forest
Hermione: What is it, Harry?
Harry: There's a reason I can hear the Horcruxes, and it's not just because having poor vision enhanced my other senses. I think I've known for a while. And I think you have too. But you didn't tell me, probably because you were planning to wait until the most dramatic moment to jump out and yell "Surprise! You're dying!"
Hermione: I'll go with you. Not Ron though, he'll just say something inappropriate
Ron: Agreed
Harry: No, kill the snake. And then kill Voldemort. I don't think that's asking too much of you. And maybe kill the last six thousand Death Eaters while you're at it
Hermione: *Hugs Harry*
Harry: This is the last time we may ever see each other, Ron. Wanna hug?
Ron: No. I think it would be more reflective of our friendship to have one final moment of awkward silence
Harry:...
Ron:...
Harry:...
Ron:...alright, see you later
-
*Forbidden Forest*
Harry: I hope I don't survive, because walking into this forest without permission is a guaranteed detention. *Holds up snitch* I'm ready to die
Snitch: And I'm ready to open! Great coincidence *Opens*
Harry: The resurrection stone *Holds stone*
GhostLily: You've been so brave, sweetheart
GhostJames: We're very proud of you
GhostSirius: You've done a great job
GhostLupin:...I died?
Harry: Why are you all here? Is this an intervention? I only used the resurrection stone once and I can stop whenever I want
GhostLily: We never left
GhostLupin: I only just got here
Harry: Does it hurt?
GhostSirius: Dying? Quicker than falling asleep. Unless you fall into fire or something. That would suck
Harry: I'm sorry. I never wanted you all to die for me. Only two or three of you at the most. And Remus, your son...
GhostLupin: Others will tell him what his mother and father died for. So get in before they do and tell him that I single-handedly took down Voldemort and all the Death Eaters
Harry: I will. And I'll take good care of him for you. Little Harry James Lupin
GhostLupin: He already has a name. Teddy
Harry: And Harry Teddy Lupin will grow up knowing just how great his father truly was. You'll stay with me?
GhostJames: Until the end
GhostCedric: Harry, take my body back. Take my body back to my father
Harry: I already did that three years ago
GhostCedric: Oops, my bad *Leaves*
Harry: Stay close to me
GhostLily: Always
Harry: Aww, you sound just like Uncle Severus when you say that
GhostLily: So do you. You have his eyes
GhostJames: He sure does...wait, what?
-
*Voldemort's clearing*
Death Eater: No sign of him, my Lord
Voldemort: Did you actually look for him?
Death Eater:...kind of. I stood behind you and stared at the same patch of trees that you were
Voldemort: Shut up, Pius!
Death Eater: *Dies*
Voldemort: I thought he would come. Very well. Take down the 'Welcome Harry' banner. Everyone who brought a present for him can keep them. I'm sorry, Bellatrix, we won't be needing your cheese cake after all
Harry: *Walks into clearing*
Voldemort: Harry Potter. May I take your coat?
Harry: No thank you
Voldemort: May I take your life?
Harry: If you must
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
TO BE CONTINUED...