Gopher Gulch, Wyoming…
1850
"To my dearest husband, Okey Homa--[STOP].
Long have I pined for your tender touches at night, the way your fur rubs against mine as we pitch woo to one another--[STOP]. Once this infernal war you men are participating in ceases, I intend for this courtship to begin once more--[STOP].
Love, your sweet honey bun,
Folky Homa--STOP."
The war against the currently-unseen native gophers had gone on for far too long; thought Sgt. Okey Homa, an upright-standing, talking coyote, as he read another telegram from his wife.
"Oh Folky..." Okey sighed wistfully. As much as the Sargeant enjoyed being out in the open wilderness, he, unlike the Colonel (and others with the same opinion), thought that the natives should be left alone, since they owned that land first after all.
"--SERGEANT! WHAT PART OF "COVER ME" DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!" The also anthro-coyote Colonel in charge of the whole operation, Kit Beauregard Jubal Stonewall Tecumseh Coyote the IX, esq, showed up, looking positively steamed at Homa, perhaps either due to the way his face was becoming red with anger, or the fact that his entire rear end was now covered with flaming arrows.
"AAGH--Terribly sorry, Colonel..." Okey saluted briefly, then proceeded to pull the arrows out one by one. "I'm still gettin' letters from Folky."
"BULLY! Sargent, I never let my guard down ONCE for any distractions--AAAGH!" Kit exclaimed as Okey pulled a particularly large arrow from his backside. "Not even for--GAAAAAGH! Not even for a woman..."
As Okey pulled the last arrow from the Colonel's rear (much to his displeasure), he had an idea...
"Colonel?" Okey called out. "Begging your pardon, but I have a solution that may be beneficial to this conundrum..."
"What might that be?" The Colonel asked.
"Have we even SEEN what the enemy looks like before?" Okey pondered.
The Colonel paused a moment, since he knew his Sargent was correct.
"--Cause I suggest we pay a visit to these "Indian Gophers" and learn their ways so that we can better--" The coyote paused to cough; "uh "destroy" them..."
"BULLY!" The Colonel exclaimed in disbelief. "And again, BULLY! Whoever heard of such a ridiculous idea--"
The Colonel ended up following the Sergeant on a trek to the gopher tribe camp that same day.
A/N: I am not in any way associated with Total Television Productions, I am just trying to remake this old cartoon into something cooler (and not racist). The gophers in this version are depicted as Sioux, due to the story taking place in Wyoming, and please forgive me if I get anything inaccurate.