(Episode 4)

Chapter 1

Okay, you may have figured this out already, but just in case you haven't, I'm just gonna go right out and say it.

I hate my life.

There. I said it.
I haven't exactly had the best life in the universe. Far from it. The two people I loved most in the world had died before I was really aware of what was going on around me. I'd had a really freaky stalker who never passed up on a chance to kill me stalking me for the better part of 9 million years.
My mum had left pretty much as soon as I was born, dumping me on my dad. The only time I'd ever seen her was when she came back 20 years ago to drop off a newly born Kaitlynn. A child that was unwanted by both her and her new husband.
And of course throughout all that time there were the nightmares. Nightmares that put me as an outcast even before I knew what they meant. Nightmares that had Kaitlynn dub me as a psychopath pretty much as soon as she learned to talk. Nightmares that convinced my dad to lock me up in a mental home whenever I admitted that I'd been having them. I'd learned the hard way to keep them to myself.
It was the medic in charge of me at the mental home that finally put everything together and was finally able to tell me what was wrong with me. He'd sworn by Primus that he'd never tell anyone without my permission. Not even my father.
So, yeah. I had a pretty good reason to hate my life.
Starscream hadn't exactly made things easy for me.
Okay. I'll admit something. I was in love with Starscream.
That was the real reason I'd been in Decepticon territory.
I'd been living with him for about 5 years when Optimus had finally found me. 5 years of him beating me up every night, and I was sick of it.
Then Optimus had found me. Suddenly I felt wanted and happy and truly loved for the first time since I'd started having the nightmares about Luke.
Now all of that was gone.
I was stuck in the middle of the forest on Cybertron, tied to a tree, listening to that freaky stalker as he wandered around the tiny clearing, shouting chants at the sky.
I figured it out a long time ago: he's a religious nut.
He's after me all the time because he thinks as the sort-of First Lieutenant for the Rogues I'll make a cool sacrifice.
Luke and Tessa just got in the way.
Most Cybertronians believe in Primus. This guy was one of the few exceptions to that rule. Don't ask me who his god was. I don't have a clue.
So, how did I get here? I'll give you a quick lesson:

Never ever EVER trust Jazz with a teleport.

He didn't know how to get us back to the ship. He started button mashing.
I don't have a clue where the others were, but I was hoping that Jazz was enjoying himself even less than I was. If that was possible.

So, yeah. I was tied to a tree. My swords had been taken off of me, impaled deep in the ground on the other side of the clearing. The only thing I had left at my disposal was Optimus' crystal, still in the sheath around my waist. Great.
Finally I got another idea.
"Hey, bozo!"
Freaky Religious Dude stopped chanting and glared at me.
"What do you want, Rogue?"
It was the first time I'd heard him talk properly. Creepy.
"Don't you think it's a good idea to make sure I'm completely weaponless before you do anything else?"
It wasn't the best idea in the world. I was hoping he'd put his hand in the sheath and get blasted. What I'd do then I had no idea. Of course, it didn't go to plan. He just took my whole tool belt, with the sheaths attached, and threw the whole thing across the clearing. Dammit.
I looked at the sky. Okay, so this next thing probably wasn't gonna work either. It was worth a try. I closed my eyes and blotted out the sounds of the chanting.
So, Primus…I know I haven't actually spoken to you at all except to complain about how terrible my life is. I thought desperately. But please. Please listen to me now. I don't care how I die. You know that. But please, don't let this guy kill me. Please. Or if that's against your will for me or something, then please… I hesitated, then put my whole being behind one final wish. Please just allow me the honour of seeing Optimus one final time before I die. Please.
I lowered my head, not opening my eyes, and repeated my prayer, over and over.
Nothing happened.
Thanks a lot Primus. This is why I accuse you of never listening to me.
I gave up, watching Freaky Religious Dude dance around the clearing. I thought about what I'd prayed for a moment. If that guy suddenly turned into Starscream or Optimus just to kill me, it would just prove something I'd suspected for a while: Primus had a really sick sense of humour.
Then again…
I tried struggling against the ropes, in vain of course, as he drew that hunting knife from the sheath on his back, coming over to me.
This wasn't that illusion Optimus and I had come across in the temple this morning. This was the real deal. This was 20 meters of killing machine, and he wasn't going to back off like the projection. He was gonna stop at nothing to see me lying dead on the floor
Clearly there was no way in hell I was gonna survive this. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, reminding myself to apologise to Primus, and wondering why it was me that he had singled out for such a rotten life. I waited for that final blow, almost relieved that all this was finally coming to an end.
It never came.
I felt and heard something slam into the tree neck to my head, and a hand lay much more gently on my chest, just above my spark, which almost melted in its chamber. It would've, too, only it was too busy jumping for joy. There was only one person in my known universe that could induce that kind of reaction in me.
I opened my eyes.
Sure enough, it was Optimus standing in front of me, his forehead resting against mine, his eyes closed.
"You okay?" he asked me, not moving or opening his eyes or anything.
His weight was on his left leg, and he was leaning heavily on his left hand, which was pressed against the tree for support.
"Yeah."
Optimus was panting harshly, his warm breath flowing over my face. His body was shaking with exhaustion as he carefully cut the ropes binding me to the tree. He'd opened his eyes.
They reflected his body's pain.
His leg was even worse than before, sparking angrily.

He was in all this pain, and it was all my fault.
There were so many times when I could have stopped this.
Back in the temple, I'd been so stupid that I hadn't even noticed the avalanche of rocks I'd been about to be buried under. I'd been such a coward in that forest room that Optimus had almost been killed trying to save me from my own fear. I should've made Optimus stay behind with the teleport while I went in and distracted the Decepticons by myself. It didn't matter if I was killed in all this. Now he'd done himself what could be irreparable damage walking for hours through this thrice accursed forest, looking for me.
"What territory are we in?" I asked him desperately.
Optimus shrugged.
"Rogue, I think. Near the village where your dad is."
I pulled a face.
"Autobot turf would've been better, but Rogue will do. I have to get you over there." I took his weight, my injured shoulder making itself known once again, and I winced as it ached in protest.

It took about twenty stops to get to the Rogue village. I hadn't had a proper recharge since before we left Autobot turf. I was TIRED. No. Scratch that. Optimus was tired. I was exhausted.
It was shock that was keeping me awake. My processors were working overtime yo try and figure out what had just happened.
My most terrible fear, Freaky Religious Dude, was dead. I was finally free from the fear that had plagued me for almost my whole life. I was safe.
That was a weird, new feeling.
But why did I get the feeling it wasn't over?
Meanwhile, my spark was oh-so-innocently jumping around in its chamber at how close Optimus was.
That was another reason I was so shocked.
Optimus actually cared about me enough that he would come looking for me, weak as he currently was, and save me. Again.
And I was doomed.
Seriously.
All the way back to the village I found myself thanking Primus, over and over. I would have a go at the god later for dooming me.
So, we did get to the village.
Eventually.
My dad was making so much fuss over the two of us that I almost collapsed out of exhaustion before he finally thought to send for a medic, half an hour later. The medic arrived and took Optimus off my hands, and the last thing I remember is collapsing on the sofa.