He folded the last of his clean laundry, put away the clean dishes, wiped the counters, vacuumed the hallway, straighten up the magazines on his coffee table, and laid his dress uniform on his freshly made bed. It would be easier this way. He walked back into the kitchen and double checked that the titles to his truck and motorcycle were with his Will along with copies of his bank information and his life insurance. All spare keys removed from their hiding spots and tucked into a manilla envelope placed neatly nearby. All his bills were paid in advance to buy them time with his affairs. To simplify it all.
Finally he walked around the space to ensure all was tidy and buttoned up before leaving. On a bookshelf he found himself staring at a picture of Bravo. They were finishing a training exercise and Metal's arm was slung around Clay's neck. Both were laughing. He tried to remember why but like the men the reason was gone. Carefully he set the photo down and walked to the door looking at his home for a final moment before leaving.
The drive wasn't long. An hour west to Shenandoah National Park. A man could get lost there. A walk in the woods he didn't plan to come back from.
He thought of Metal and the letter he left behind, of him dying a team guy, of how Metal's life was full because of the Teams, of his lack of regrets. Decided he was right not to leave a letter. He hadn't earned it.
He thought of Clay planning a future that seemed promised after all he had been through. Of baby Brian only knowing his Daddy through stories. Stories Sonny would tell and Stella would cherish. But the boy would never truly know who Clay was and the thought turned his stomach. Clay was as Sonny had so truthfully spoken 'the best of them.' Sonny must know he was the worst. He had prioritized himself and abandoned them all. He should have been there.
He thought of Jason finally admitting his TBI and risking it all. He thought it may have been his bravest moment. Wondered what his boss would think of his cowardice now.
He parked his truck and sat watching the sway of the trees. He'd always loved this place. Thousands and thousands of acres to disappear into. It seemed fitting somehow to get as lost as he already felt.
He thought of Ray and his undying faith. Of his belief in forgiveness. Would Ray forgive him this? He doubted he deserved it but Ray was better then he was with forgiveness so he might.
Brock wouldn't. Brock would pack his Star Wars figures and model cars. He'd take his books to goodwill, donate his clothes to Ray's Veteran Center, and dispose of everything that needed throwing and Brock would hate him while doing it. He'd deserve it. This walk in the woods would earn him the hate.
He rolled up the window, put his keys on the seat, hit to door lock and slammed the door.
Turning to the forest he exhaled slowly. Felt for the Glock tucked into his waistband. Slowly he took his first step to forever.