Chapter Sixteen: Composition
That day with Alice and Esme was exactly what I needed. We didn't move from our spot on the couch the rest of the evening. We only ended up watching "A Walk to Remember" because of time constraints. No men were allowed in the living room and even though I missed Edward terribly, I needed some girl time to just forget everything and watch a movie.
We all were blubbering by the end of the movie. It felt nice not to be the only one crying for once.
Alice sighed as the credits began to roll and stood up, stretching. Her eyes were red and her face was slightly blotchy.
"I hate that movie." She mumbled.
Esme laughed. "Then why did you pick it?"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Because it's an amazing love story and because Landon Carter is hot. The ending just sucks."
Esme and I giggled as Alice ranted. I couldn't help but think of Alice as a sister and Esme as well…my mother. What we did tonight only showed me what I had been missing all of those years, but now it felt like I had it. I had a mother and a sister to share things with.
But as soon as all the goodnights were said and we departed, I couldn't help but let my mind drift to the question of the day.
I was apparently good enough for Esme…why wasn't I good enough for Renee?
Esme's story did help me a lot. I guess in a lot of ways, it was better the Renee did leave. If she had stayed, there would have just been more fighting and more problems. But that didn't stop me from resenting her. She still left me without a word, not even telling us where she was.
And now that fact that Mr. Monroe was involved in this…he housed her after she had left. He helped her get away with it. And then he has the nerve to sit in class and stare at me each day when he saw what Renee did to me. And to know that he helped…it disgusted me.
I tried to shake the thoughts, determined to keep the lightheartedness of tonight on the forefront of my mind.
When I made it to the top of the stairs, I peeked in Edward's room. His door was open a crack, so I could see him on his bed. He still had on his earphones and was plucking away on the keyboard, so I decided it was best if I didn't annoy him. I quietly slipped into my bed room and crawled into bed, exhausted from a day that was overall exhausting.
But the peace that sleep normally brought did not find me tonight. I woke up several times with nightmares and was unable to shake the feelings they gave me. It was one of those nightmares that even though you wake up, the moment you fall back asleep, you start right where you left off.
By the time I looked at the clock and saw that it said 3:00am, I decided it was time to call it quits. I wasn't getting sleep anytime soon.
I got out of bed quietly, grabbing my most recent read, and headed down stairs. It was extremely dark as I made my way down stairs, the clouds covering up the moon that would normally illuminate a path for me. I held on to the railing for dear life and sighed in relief once I finally made it down the stairs.
I went into the living room and curled up in a chair near the back of the room. This was the spot I normally read whenever I read in the living room. It was in the corner near a window, so I had natural light during the day, but there was a lamp next to it that I could flick on at night. I grabbed a blanket that was slung on the back of the couch and took it back to my chair. I curled up, threw the blanket on top of me, and then opened my book and began reading.
About five chapters later, I heard someone else start moving around the house. I heard a door open and then I listened as it clicked shut. A moment later, I heard another door open and after a few seconds, I heard it click shut too. Then I heard footsteps heading down the stairs and after a few long seconds, I saw Edward's figure illuminated in the dim light of the living room.
He looked like he hadn't slept at all either. There were purple bags under his eyes and they were slightly bloodshot. His hair was even more tousled then usual as if he had been running his hand through it repeatedly. But besides the bloodshot eyes, he looked energized. His eyes were sparkling slightly.
"There you are. What are you doing down here?" He asked as he kneeled in front of me.
I sighed. "I couldn't sleep, so I can down here to read for a while. Why are you still up?" I demanded.
He smiled. "I've just finished the song that I've been working on." He said, holding up a few pieces of paper. "Are you ready to hear me play?"
I smiled. That explained the excited sparkle in his eyes. "Yes." I said excitedly.
He stood up and extended his hand to me. "Let's go down to the basement then." He said as he pulled me to him. He kissed me on the forehead and I couldn't help but melt into him for a moment.
"Let's." I said.
He held my hand as he led me down to the basement of the house. I had only been down here once briefly during my stay. The laundry room was down here also and I had tried to wash some of Alice's clothing until Esme caught me and insisted on doing it herself. Now that I actually got a chance to look at it, it was quite nice. It was furnished and had a beige plush carpeting that felt very soft against my feet. There was some older looking furniture around the room. None of it really matched, but it looked good together in a strange way. There was also a decent sized TV along with a few crumpled up chip bags and random pop cans.
"Emmett." Edward explained. I nodded in understanding.
And in the far right corner of the room, slightly segregated from everything else was a beautiful baby grand piano. I smiled as I watched Edward spread out the music he had been carrying, putting it in the correct order for playing. He sat down on the bench and then patted the spot next to him.
I sat down and looked over the music, but I couldn't figure out what it would sound like in my head. I looked at him, anxious for him to begin.
He smiled. "Be honest. If you don't like it, tell me." Despite the smile, his eyes were serious.
I nodded. "I promise."
He nodded, taking a deep breath. And then he put his hands on the keys.
The music swirled around me in an intoxicating melody. I watched as his hands flew across the keys and was amazed by the talent that he possessed. It felt like all the notes were significant and meant something to him. It seemed familiar in a strange way. It felt like he had written it for me. It felt like he had written it about me…
He had written it about me.
As I listened, I heard all the emotions I had ever felt. I heard the way it felt when I cried. I heard the way it felt when I smiled, when I genuinely smiled. I heard the anger and betrayal I had felt when I spoke to Renee for the first time in 8 years. All those emotions were portrayed in the melody. The song didn't need lyrics. It was expressive enough without them.
The song ended on a very poignant note. I could hear the sadness in the conclusion, but there was also an undercurrent of hope. An undercurrent of love.
And I couldn't hold back anymore. I was done holding back.
"I love you." I found myself saying. And it felt right. It felt more right than anything I had ever said.
The ending of his song-my song-was still hovering in the air as well as the words I had just uttered.
And the fact that there was no response right away made me hold my breath and made my heart start to break.
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