A/N: So there goes another chapter! I think the next one might be the last… Hope this one's okay!

I don't own them, really.

Chapter 19

It had to be like two more weeks of communicating via a system of blinks and tapping fingers before the doctors finally declared that Benji could breathe on his own.

At one point of those two weeks Brandt witnessed one strange scene which left him slightly worried as he had no idea how to take it. Having finally regained consciousness and the ability to keep his eyes open, Benji turned his gaze to his left arm which was a bit of a tricky task as he was still too weak to lift his head up. He looked at his fingers with an incredible concentration, as if they had been someone else's and he had been trying to move them with the power of his mind.

"What is it?" Brandt asked, and his worry increased when his friend didn't seem to acknowledge those words. "What's wrong? Benji?"

The former technician never stopped looking at his hand. A single tear escaped the corner of his eye and rolled down his face when the fingers twitched slightly. Exhausted by this task, he shut his eyes, looking calmer. The analyst just swallowed, not knowing what to think of it.

Now Ethan, Jane and Brandt all watched the mask being removed from their friend's face as if it had been some kind of an ancient ceremonial ritual. They couldn't wait to finally hear his voice. Oddly enough, they missed even his occasional babbling. They had to wait for a few seconds as the tech was catching his breath, as if having forgotten how to breathe at all. As those painful seconds passed, the team leader finally found his voice.

"How are you feeling?" that was a standard question. It was just equally appropriate and stupid.

Benji swallowed, trying to make his tongue move in the right way to create proper words. Turned out speaking was difficult.

"Hurts," he finally breathed out, sounding nothing like himself. That single word made the agents wince both with slight relief and sympathy. They heard the voice but there was no Benji in it.

"The doctors said it was possible… you haven't healed 100%... the chest pains…" looked like it was Jane's turn to babble now. "I can give you some painkillers…"

Benji shook his head and then had to rest it on the pillow.

"No," he finally managed. "Better this way. I can… deal with it".

All that time Brandt was sitting there in silence, not knowing what to say or where even to begin. He figured that talking about that shooting accident was a bit out of place now.

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Days kept passing. Benji seemed to get better but his lips never even twitched with a slightest ghost of a smile. The other agents decided not to bring it up as none of them could fully imagine what exactly their friend had been through. They were definitely going to talk about it later.

Sometimes Mike came for a visit, flashing the four agents a wide grin. It was one of his visits that changed the calm pace of events.

It was just at the end of a visit. Mike stood up and, just as he turned to the door, stopped and span round.

"Oh, Benji," he paused awkwardly. "I never got to say it… but um… I'm sorry. 'bout your Dad that is…"

There was another awkward silence as the three agents turned their confused gazes to the former technician who bit his lip and nodded weakly, his eyes welling up a bit. Mike returned the nod and headed to the door.

"What was that about?" Ethan asked as soon as the door closed.

"My father died last year," the tech almost whispered, looking anywhere but at his friends and yet still feeling their stares on him.

"Why didn't you say something?" Jane's incredulous voice had some other notes in it. She sounded a bit hurt.

"We were on a mission," Benji's voice was now even lower and weaker. "Pakistan. I didn't want to be a bother".

He could hear his colleagues gasp, as if trying to say something but failing to find the right words. He finally found it in him to look up at them. Jane had tears in her eyes, Ethan was stone-faced and Brandt was looking down so that the former technician couldn't see his expression. It hurt Benji to see his teammates so upset. It was one of the reasons he hadn't told them. He didn't want them to be upset. Summoning all the remains of his strength he tried to smile. It didn't quite work and proved to be really tiring. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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The next time when he woke up Ethan and Jane were gone, leaving only Brandt to sit on his usual spot. Seeing an uneasy look on his friend's face, the English agent decided to start a conversation by himself.

"Are you alright?" he asked timidly.

"Are you serious?" the analyst stood up and began to pace but noticed that watching him took too much of an effort from his friend and sat down shortly afterwards. "First you go missing, then I find you there almost dead, then you lie here unconscious and breathing through a tube for weeks, with no certain guarantee of getting better, then we learn that you've been hiding quite important things from us and now you are asking me if I am alright?"

The look on Benji's face made Brandt feel bad about the outburst almost immediately. It was not just sadness – it was guilt. He saw the Brit open his mouth and knew exactly what he was going to say. The "I am sorry" was written in his eyes before he even let out a sound.

"No, no, no, no!" William rushed to interrupt. "No, Benji, it's me… I'm sorry".

"It's okay".

"No, I'm sorry that I… that I shot you and…"

"And I shot you," Benji was looking right ahead of him, his voice lacking any kind of expression. "Your shot was an accident".

"And you weren't quite in control of yourself," the former analyst reasoned. Benji shut his eyes and nodded.

"The worst thing was that there were those moments of clarity," he suddenly started speaking with his eyes still shut. "When you wake up and begin to wonder what they made you do this time. And then you try to fight it when it comes again. You try to regain control over yourself but you fail. And then, later, you wake up again with the same question in your mind. And you feel so completely numb that you start to wonder whether you are alive at all".

Brandt had a lump in his throat. He had no idea what to say.

"Would it be better without the clarity?" he asked with a bitter irony and began to worry that he said something wrong again when his friend didn't respond at once.

"I don't know," Benji opened his eyes. "Is a slave a slave if he doesn't know he's enslaved?"

Brandt was pretty sure about the answer but never got to say anything as the door opened and the other two agents came in, finally looking quite accomplished.