Hey everyone! Another chapter up:) I'm pretty proud of myself!

Just so everyone knows, this will NOT be one of those stories where Bella will forgive people immediately. Renee will not be let off the hook easily, but some sort of small truce needed to be made. Just so you all know :)

Anyways...on with the chapter.

Chapter Twenty-one: Shades of Gray

We sat at the kitchen table staring at each other, not saying anything. The only sound to be heard was the giggling from Lizzie upstairs who was playing with Alice.

We were sitting at the table in Charlie's kitchen. Renee and I were sitting at the heads of the table. Edward was sitting to my right, his chair as close to mine as possible. One arm was around my shoulder while his other hand was on my knee, giving me the comfort that I needed. Phil sat closely to Renee and their intertwined hands rested on the table.

The silence was uncomfortable and strained, but to Renee's credit, she didn't try to break it. She allowed me to get my thoughts in order and decide what I wanted to say. I didn't want this to be another screaming match. I wanted it to be somewhat civil this time.

I looked over at Edward, sure that worry was written all over my face, and he smiled at me and squeezed my knee. I sighed and turned to Renee and Phil again.

"When you came here…I still don't quite understand what you expected."

Renee looked down at her and Phil's hands. "I heard what happened with Charlie and I didn't know who you would go to or what you would do. I know you don't believe me Bella, but even though I left, I still cared for you. I wasn't ready to be a mother when you came along. The only…out I saw was leaving. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but I can't regret it."

I sighed, trying to ignore how much that stung. But I just shook it off. I concentrated for a moment on Edward's arm around my shoulder, the warmth that it gave off, and then continued.

"Well what did you honestly expect, Renee? For me to run into your arms and act like nothing ever happened. I might have done that when I was younger, but not anymore. I know what happened and I had to deal with it on my own." I said. I was surprised how calm I kept my voice.

"I'm not going to lie, in my mind I still imagined you as that young girl." She said as she smiled wistfully. "And I don't think my mind ever fully comprehended that you wouldn't be that same little girl when I came back. I was just as shocked to see you as you were when you saw me. I couldn't believe that you had grown up."

I looked down at my lap. "People grow up, mom. I was going to grow up with or without you. Nothing stopped when you left. You can't just press pause on life and come back when you're ready. It doesn't work like that." I looked back up at her and met her sad eyes.

"I know that now."

I thought for another minute. "What if nothing would have happened to Charlie? What if he had never gone into rehab and no one ever found out about his condition? Would you have ever of come back?"

She hesitated. "I think I would have. I don't know if I would have let you see me, but I would have come back to see how you were, to make sure you were ok." She had the decency to look ashamed.

I looked over at Phil. "Did you tell him about your letter?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, still looking ashamed. "Yes. I did. And he understands that I was…a different person then. That I wasn't a grown up yet."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "At least he knows." I mumbled

It was quiet again for a few moments as I decided what else I wanted to ask.

"How long do you plan on staying?" I asked her.

"That depends." Renee said, trailing off.

"On what?" I asked.

She shrugged. "On what happens today, on what we resolve to do here."

I couldn't promise her anything. It was going to be a long road to forgiveness-if I ever decide to forgive her-and I couldn't honestly see myself spending much more time with her on this visit.

"What about Charlie?" I asked.

Her face paled slightly. "What about him?" She asked, avoiding the subject.

"Are you going to go see him? You owe him a lot of explanations, Renee. Even more than you owe me." I said quietly.

"I don't know. I haven't decided if that would be the right thing to do. I don't want to hinder his recovery." She said with nervousness.

"Charlie is a good man. He might not want to face you, but he knows that he needs it. He has a lot of unresolved issues to take care of, and a lot of them concern you."

Renee sighed, nodding. "I'll go see him eventually." She promised. "Just not now."

I decided to let the subject drop, not wanting to push it any further anyways. I did think that it would be good for Charlie It would give him his chance to say what he wanted to say and that's something I think he needed.

I racked my brain, thinking of the last important question I wanted to ask her. There were a million things I could ask her-did she ever miss me, did she ever think of me, did she take any pictures of us with her-but those weren't important right now. I had one more important question that I needed answered.

"Do you regret it?" I asked her as I looked straight into her eyes.

"I already told you that I can't regret-"

"Not that." I interrupted. "Do you regret coming back?"

Her eyes were fierce as she answered me. "No. I am glad that I did. I'm proud of the woman that you have become and I'm happy I got the chance to see you. No matter what you may think of me, Bella, I love you. You are my daughter and I will do anything to make this better."

I sighed. "That's all I needed to know."

That night as I lay in bed, my mind quickly scanned through everything that had happened today. Renee and I weren't close to having the mother daughter relationship that I had always craved-if I had that with anyone, it was Esme-but it was better than before. I didn't know if I could forgive her and even if I did, I knew that I could never forget what she did.

For the longest time, I saw the world as black and white, dark and light. There was no in-between. I was miserable all the time, so I considered my life in the black section. When the Cullen's came into my life, they were the white, the good. I was still in the black, but they gave me a glimpse into what the light could be like, but I couldn't seem to grasp on long enough to be completely engulfed by the light.

But lately I've learned that there is an in-between between the black and the white. There are so many different shades of gray. And I was in the gray. I wasn't completely lost to the darkness anymore, and my goal was to someday make it into the light.

It would take a while for me to make it into the light, but another thing I'd learned is that I'm strong, but I can also lean on people when I need to. I can always lean on my family-as in the Cullen's-and maybe one day, I could lean on Charlie too.

But for now, I was fine in the gray. It was lighter than the darkness and it meant progress. And for now, that was enough.

Well, there ya go! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please-REVIEW! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! I love you all for it! :)