Another parody, this time it's Blame It On The Alchohol. Thanks for all of the reviews so far. Also, thank you so much for all the love for PREACH! It's not big or clear but my friend and I's new favourite game is to casually put this into every conversation.

Principle's Office

Principle Figgins (PF): Will, it has come to my attention that we have not discussed the important message of alcoholism in teenagers for almost two years. Alcohol kills (pauses to allow message to sink in). This must be addressed immediately! Look there's a wasted fat kid to prove my point.

Will: Okay, I guess, but I mean there are other teachers at the school. I'm not solely responsible for the kids here.

PF: Yes, I suppose but then we'd have to make up names for teachers we'd never see again and it would pointless. Besides I'm offering you the chance to learn another life lesson Will! It's been a whole 2 weeks since you learnt one of those!

Will suspicious Wait. Is it a life lesson of my own or one I'll teach to the kids?

PF: Well, we do work in a school William, it is about the kids.

Will shrugs, dejectedly.

PF: Besides what else have you got going on other than crying over Emma?

Will: I'll do it! That reminds me. I'm in love with Emma! I should get a vest with that on or something.

Will runs out of office to staff room.

END SCENE

Will: Emma!

Emma: Hi Will! Emma brings his face up close the show him her ring. Remember, Will, I'm married. So, are you dating anyone? Pulls strange sadistic smile.

Will: Do you have something in your eye? You look weird.

Emma: I'm trying to casually flirt, Will! Have you seen my ring?

Will: Yes. Quick question, that I usually ignore because I love you so much. Do you eat anything but fruit?

Emma: I don't know what you're talking about. Emma picks up bag. Unfortunately it breaks and 23 orange, 7 apples and 12 separate tubs of green and red grapes tumble out.

Will: Hang on! Your grapes are separated again!

Emma: Fine, I may have forgotten that I'm cured! It's only relevant when I'm trying to make you jealous Will!

Will: Oh okay…so anyways. Let me tell me about Glee kids…

Emma: WOAH! Will, shut up about the kids! Let's talk about something else.

(Both are silent as they try to figure out something to talk about)

Emma: Did I show you my ring?

Will bangs head on table.

END SCENE

Finn and Rachel are in choir room. Finn for some reason is holding a laptop, even though he probably doesn't know how to turn one on. They hug.

Brad: For fucks sake, will you two just get a room already!

Finn: What are you going on about? Everyone knows I'm in love with Quinn. Oh that was last week, only not to be mentioned ever again it seems. Well still, I'm so not in love with Rachel!

Rachel: And I'm independent so there! I don't need a man!

Brad: How exactly are you independent? Finn gives you the same motivational speech each week and you just sniffed him. You actually just smelt Finn.

Finn: I happen to be really good at motivational speeches, okay? Geez! Rachel, I believe in you. It was my idea for you to write this song because I have so much belief in you. I just can't explain how much belief I believe I have in you.

Brad: Just do the song already! Chill dude!

Rachel sings 'My Headband'

Rachel: It was difficult to write, as I wasn't sure if you truly believed in me but I think I did okay.

Finn: What the fuck? Why is this song not about me? I'm not going to get back with you at Regionals if you don't sing a heartfelt love song about losing me, making me suddenly come to my senses!

Brad: I did tell her that, but she wouldn't listen.

Rachel runs out the room. Finn makes wildly sexist remark about not getting past 2nd base with Rachel and pats himself on the back.

Brad: Dude, that's low.

Finn: It's been five minutes of me smiling at Rachel, I need to remind everyone what a douche I can be. I can't just go around delivering motivational speeches you know.

Artie wheels into the choir room.

Artie: PREACH!

Artie wheels out of the choir room.

END SCENE

Rachel's Basement. The Party.

Rachel: Hi everyone, I'm sorry I didn't have time to get changed so I just threw on my grandma's nightgown.

Finn nods. Finn takes out his 'Things to ask Rachel (the 'after we stop making out part' is crossed off) and ticks off: First the sailor outfit and now this dress? Are you actually insane?

Rachel: Anyways, have 2 wine coolers. Because you can't get drunk off 2 wine coolers.

Quinn: Totally!

Rachel: Didn't you get so drunk you fell pregnant off 2 wine coolers Quinn?

Quinn: No Rachel, I pretended to be drunk, as an excuse, so I could ignore Puck for the next two years! Duh!

Puck: Shouldn't we bring that up already?

Quinn: No.

END SCENE

Finn and Rachel are dancing. Rachel is very drunk.

Finn: Man, look how drunk Kurt is, dancing like that! Fail!

Kurt: Hey, they're my actual dance moves!

Finn: Oh, sorry dude. Look how wise I am, not drinking. Pats self on back again.

Rachel: Finn I know I'm independent but for the 7th time please get back with me! I NEED YOU!

Finn goes to kiss her. Wait! How am I supposed to win you back if you keep forgetting to be independent! Aren't you supposed to be on a journey of self-discovery in time for Regionals?

Rachel: Oh yeah.

Finn checks watch. Man you're so needy, not cool!

Rachel: You're being mean again!

Finn: Sorry, five minute rule. He shrugs.

Mercedes: Hell to the nah all! Girl why can't you be the violent drunk? If you punched him in the face you'd get so many fans. Seriously, there are so many people wanting to punch Finn right now! DO IT!

Finn: Err hello I'm awesome, I believe in Rachel! Do you believe in Rachel?

Mercedes: I believe that you keep being a frickin douche to Rachel! She punches Finn in the face.

Mercedes: Now sort out if you are likeable or douchey and stick with it man! I can't deal with this.

Finn: Ouch! So anyways! I'm going to tell you about the archetypes of different drunk women in a slightly sexist way. So Santana….

Mercedes (interrupting) Now we're supposed to believe you know what archetypes mean? Not cool bro! Mercedes punches Finn in the face. again.

END SCENE

The Glee club are performing 'Blame it On the Alcohol.' They are totally drunk, even if it is 36 hours after the party.

Will: Its okay, I guess. To be honest guys, I'm just hanging around until it's time to learn my lesson. This assembly idea is ridiculous; every performance we have done has ended in disaster, so why are we being asked again? Although your peers wildly applaud, you still get mocked the next day anyways.

Artie: PREACH!

Still drunk, Santana burst into tears. Rachel starts straddling Finn. Puck throws up, Brittany falls on the floor.

Will looks up from his marking and starts to applaud.

Will: Great job! Class dismissed!

END SCENE

Kurt and Burt in the kitchen. Kurt is wearing his favourite 'WOE IS ME!' T-Shirt.

Kurt: So if Finn has a girl over that's not allowed. But if I have a guy over that's not allowed too! You are such a hypocrite! Do you understand how difficult my life is? It took me 7 weeks to work out where I'm living and now this! Now go and research about it so we can have more of these ridiculous conversation.

END SCENE.

Choir room, Will is lecturing the club about drinking.

Will: I am so glad I….oh I mean, you have all learnt your lessons. I mean sure I saw the signs, I should have acted on them .Like the fact Finn was wearing another douche hat…

Finn: Err I was sober the entire time, Mr Shue. I just really like hats all of a sudden.

Will: Really, because that would have explained a lot about your behaviour recently. Oh, okay, or the fact that when Brittany sung her voice sounded like it had been altered by a computer.

Brittany: It always does that.

Will: Okay, well Sam and Santana being together! Another sign!

Sam: We've been going out for two weeks Mr Shue!

Will: Oh forget it! Just don't drink okay!

Quinn: Aren't you kind of a hypocrite?

Finn and Quinn high five.

Will: Seriously, you two are accusing other people of being hypocritical?

Finn: We haven't learnt our lesson about that yet! I mean we could talk about the fact that I can forgive Quinn but not Rachel if you'd like?

Will: Oh sorry guys, that's in a few weeks! My bad!

Brittany: Can we address the fact I don't know how babies are made and sex education?

Will: All planned for next week Brittany. We may even get a pregnancy scare!

Brittany: Awesome!

Kurt: When am I coming back?

Will jumps, startled. Kurt shrugs.

Kurt: What? I've been here the whole time. There's no point staying at Dalton now Blaine's not interested.

Will: You can't just keep coming back Kurt, we'll deal with you after Regionals.

Kurt: Oh okay. I'll just wait here in the meantime.

Finn and Rachel, forgetting they're not together, start to smile at each other.

Will: Finn, Rachel, please stop confusing us. Sit separately or you'll keep forgetting you can't get back together. Sure, people say it could happen next week but it might not be until the end of the year. Deal with it. No remember, this message only applies until Nationals. After that, I don't care how drunk you guys get!

END SCENE

So that's it! If you enjoyed, please send a review my way! PREACH!