Dedication: to "Strong Enough" & Emily for talking to me about the nature of love (which will be applied in a separate drabble!).
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the copyrighted material (i.e. characters from The Infernal Devices).
Notes: I should start this off by saying that The Pause Before The Trigger's Pulled will be a series of vignettes. I have yet to decide whether they'll all take place in the same verse or whether, from this point on, they're different deviations from the end of Clockwork Prince. This will be answered in the future.
NotesB: I finished Clockwork Prince really early this morning. To me, it clarified several points that make my theories for Clockwork Princess much more likely. I really do think one of two things: somehow Will & Tessa end up together (whether Jem dies or their feelings for each other will be revealed first is up in the air, but I do think they will both happen. Then again, maybe there is a cure for the demon drugs.) or Will will end up with Tatianna. Why? Because of the genetic color combination in the Lightwood family in the future (though, if Will/Tessa happens, my bet is that Cecily ends up with Gabrial).
Enough theorizing – time to get on with the writing, right?
She has taken to avoiding the drawing room lately, he's noticed.
It's the kind of steady avoidance that makes his mind bring up a picture of her pale face and those wide gray eyes, her lips bit in determined concentration-
He derails the thought as soon as the word "lips" and hers – parted and a pale pink, with a little bit of tempting tongue behind it - start dancing in his mind.
It's a dangerous way to go.
The most disastrous bit, of course, is how clueless she is as to how seductive she could be. If this was her power without her dark-haired mind actually putting effort into it, she will destroy him before he could have time to say, "Take me."
Not that he will ever say that, of course.
Maybe make her say it…
Will shakes his head, cursing when a strand of black hair made its way into his eye.
The things she does to him.
He thinks that's why he asked her to meet him up here, in their special place. She's his demon drug, leeching him of his blood before filling him up to the brim with its poisoned salvation. It's wrong and bad and it does the job, sending him off on a high greater than that of the ifrit powder he had taken before her brother died.
Whether the cure or the disease will kill him first, he doesn't know, but he's scraping the barrel with her now.
She sits across from him in a comfortably worn green armchair. Since Jessamine had been taken to the City of Bones, Tessa has found her own things to wear, he's noticed. No more letting out the bodice of all of the dresses; gone are the flowery and proper mundane dresses of the old days.
Here is a simple cream dress that emphasizes the simple streamline of her form, stiff as her arms are. Mouth pursed into a thin line, she stares at him with that inquisitive look that just wants answers. She looks even more serious than usual, though it's eclipsed by how tense her shoulders are.
He wants to rub her shoulders till they're loose and she says his name in that gasp she used on Benedict Lightwood's balcony.
All she gives him is a clear look at the jade pendant resting on top of the Mechlun lace of her dress and his heart twists.
Will has taken to wondering if, every time he sees that thing and his chest feels like it's being gripped tightly, his parabatai can feel it, too. Jem had mentioned it off hand once, that when Will had gone missing into the ifrit den, he'd felt that something had happened.
Does he know his sin?
"Will."
Looking up from the pendant, he stares into the blasted girl's eyes. Her face is flushed, probably from his intent stare. Shadows from the flames flicker over her face and he has this insane urge to kiss her.
She's Jem's, he tells himself sternly. Get ahold of yourself because that ship has more than sailed.
And you can only blame yourself for being a nitwit and caring for someone else's happiness more than your own.
"Yes, Tessa?"
He has to remind himself that she is Jem's Tessa now, not Will's Tess. Through it, maybe he can talk himself down and out of love with the shadow world's wild card.
"Are you simply planning on looking at me like I just grew a tail or is there a purpose in you telling me to meet you here?" Her London gray eyes are honestly curious and curiously honest; so much so that Will looks past the grate into the fireplace to her right.
"I keep thinking... if we could have had it all, would you have me?" The unsayable words are tacked on to the back of his throat, stuck there by some kind of human magic or foolery, so he just smiles.
"You've been avoiding being alone with me for a while," is all he says. Reaching back, he takes out a book he had picked out of the library. "Thought you'd like this, and we could bond over it. Even if…"
Will bites back bitter words at the last second, instead giving her what he hopes is a crooked grin.
"… our friendship has changed a little bit. We're both close to Jem and it would be a pity if we didn't get along."
His Tes- Tessa gives him a small little smile, but there's something darkening her eyes – something she isn't telling him, but he's wary of getting his hopes up.
"Thanks." Her voice is quiet. "I'd like that."
This is how, in the shade of a looming matrimony and hidden feelings, they rebuild their friendship and dodge everything they cannot explain.
They hide because they never meant any of this.
They hide from the world.
They hide from each other.
But, most of all, they hide from themselves because, if they convince themselves they're lying, they'll be telling each other the truth.