Clary: Lia can't be with me today because LIA IS SICK!

She is seriously sick. She's been sick since that day when we posted the short sidestory and she's not getting any better (damn it)~~~ Aunt Alice is freaking out and is talking about bringing her to the hospital. They just got back from some tests and Lia's platelet count is REALLY LOW...

Waaaaahhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~ (I don't know what I'm gonna do without Lia~~~~~~~~)

I went to visit her this morning though and she glared at me (even if she was feverish and fucking SICK). She asked me what the hell was I doing there (all bitchily but it didn't come out quite right, she hardly had any voice, it was REALLY REALLY hoarse) and so I was like: But Lia~~~~ I'm worried about you~~~~~ And then she was like: No, that's my job. And I was like: You're SICK SICK and you're telling me to worry about me? Fuck, Lia. And she was like: I'm not dying, Issa, so you can stop looking like you have to write a eulogy for my wake, I'm not gonna die.

BUT SHE DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT! She didn't look healthy AT ALL! So I was like: You're lying aren't you? Oh my god, Lia, do you have cancer? And then she looked at me all funnily and then she called me an idiot and said that she'd throw a pillow to my face if she was capable (but she's not, SHE CAN'T EVEN CARRY A PILLOW NOW!). And then she started ranting about me using my free time better (as if WORRYING ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD isn't a productive use of my time) and told me to write this chapter.

I'M DEPRESSED. I'm fucking worried about her but she tells me to write a story. VERY FUNNY LIA. When you get better, I'm gonna STRANGLE you.

So this chapter... is kinda sad and angry and insane because I'm sad and angry and insane. Lia thinks I should see a shrink, she obviously doesn't realize that SHE NEEDS THE HELP more than I do~~~

DEATH PLAY

Written by: Clary~

Acknowledgements to: All the people who stuck with me and Lia thus far, thanks so so much. I'm sorry I can't reply to you guys, because I'm speaking in singular now because Lia is SICK~~~~~~ I can't make review replies without Lia~~~ It's something we do together~~~~ Waaaaaaahhhhh~~~~~

VI. A MONSTER

He knew.

He knew.

Somehow, Tezuka can't seem to comprehend the thought.

He knew.

He knew.

His head was reeling. All of a sudden, his newly-found feelings towards his brother didn't matter, wasn't of consequence, and it didn't even matter that Atobe knew now, nothing mattered, not anymore. He forgot everything, everything but the fact that Persona, standing a few feet away from him, knew, somehow, he knew about Syusuke's alice, somehow he found out about it and he wanted it, just like Tezuka had always known he would.

All those missions, all the many nights he couldn't be beside his brother, all the everything he had done these past few years were suddenly all in vain. It left a bitter taste in his mouth that was very, very hard to swallow.

Because Tezuka had tried his hardest, sacrificed so much, and Persona found out, anyway and... and it wasn't fair.

It hadn't mattered to Tezuka, all those sleepless nights, all those times when he came back to find Syusuke sleeping with homework finished without his help, all those moments he felt so estranged to his brother, all the stress, all the people he'd made to suffer, all the people he'd killed without so much as a second glance, all the retching, they all hadn't mattered. Because at that time, at the very least, Tezuka was protecting his brother, and was succeeding. At that time, at the very least, Persona didn't even acknowledge Syusuke's existence, and Syusuke wouldn't have to be forced to enter Death again, not again, not frequently, so Syusuke wouldn't have to spend his nights throwing up what little he ate, being sick, feeling cold, making Tezuka feel so helpless and so powerless, making Tezuka afraid that one day, his body wouldn't be able to take any more of it and he'll die.

He can't die, he can't, Tezuka won't let him.

Syusuke was all he had left, Syusuke was the only one he'd ever love, and it should have been enough.

It wasn't, and Tezuka suddenly felt like he wanted to throw up.

Persona was looking at him with a very, very knowing smile, edged with the wickedness he knew Persona to be capable of.

Person knew, he knew, and he knew that Tezuka had deliberately hid this information from him, and now, he was extracting his revenge.

Breathe, just breathe.

"Aren't I right, Tezuka?" he was asking, but Tezuka barely heard the words, barely understood it, and he couldn't bring himself to answer.

Persona glanced at him again, and this time, there was a twisted edge to his smile. "Leave us, Atobe," he ordered, and Atobe complied, but not before sparing Tezuka a glance Tezuka barely registered.

"Aren't I right, Tezuka?" This time he was much, much closer, but Tezuka still didn't answer.

"The Alice of Death," Persona said. "An alice that allows Tezuka Syusuke to walk in death, to bring it upon others and undo it. An alice that may very well come once in a million, maybe more, years. A most precious alice I almost squandered.

"You wanted me to, didn't you?"

There was an edge in his voice that sounded of danger. But when Tezuka found his voice again, he said, despite all the warning bells in his head, "Yes. I wanted you to." And he prepared himself for the strike that was to come.

Instead of striking though, Persona laughed. It wasn't a very comforting laugh, if anything, it put Tezuka more on edge than ever. "Smart and wily. Dauntless, too." He laughed again. "This is why I favor you, Tezuka."

Tezuka didn't respond, didn't say anything, his body still tensed.

"But sometimes," Persona started, lazily caressing his cheek, digging his black-painted nails in. "Sometimes, Tezuka, it is smarter to recognize fear. And feel it." He drew his arm back and slapped Tezuka. Hard.

Tezuka didn't wince, he refused to.

"I'm not going to ask why," Persona said, lips twisting to a smirk, half-feral, half-sour. "Obviously, I haven't beaten your precious morals out of you as much as I thought. Familial values." His tone was dripping with revulsion. "You and your familial values," he paused to give another slap. "Disgust me."

He caressed the face again, seemingly calm now. "I am angry, Tezuka," he said, giving a perverse version of a fatherly smile. "But I am also quite pleased. Tell me, what's your brother like?"

Tezuka didn't answer, he didn't want to. There was no way Tezuka was going to give Persona anything more than what he already knew about Syusuke. What he knew already was more than enough damage, and he wasn't going to say anything else. And Persona merely chuckled. "Okay, wrong question. Rephrase: Do you think he'll survive me?" At this, Persona pinched his cheek hard, his nails digging in again, drawing blood.

Tezuka but his lip to keep from answering back.

"No?" Persona asked, his eyes mocking Tezuka. "I thought not. I've seen him, you know." He paused, watching Tezuka's eyes widen. "So... gentle. So... pure. Pretty, too.

"It'll be an even prettier sight, seeing him broken, don't you think?"

Tezuka's body stiffened. The anger that he had felt before was reaching its peak, and Tezuka didn't know how much longer he could hold it back, but he had to. A rather shaky from anger "No," escaped his tight control, though.

Persona laughed again. "Yes, I know."

Tezuka glanced up in surprise. What did he just say?

"Let me explain this to you in a language you understand," Persona said, with a supercilious tone to his voice. "I want him, Tezuka. I want him very much. And he's more useful to me alive." He let his hand wander from Tezuka's face to his neck, wrapping his fingers around it. "However, I find myself in something of a quandary. You see, keeping away from him was my only means of controlling you. You knew that, didn't you?"

Tezuka merely looked away.

Persona squeezed his neck. "Answer."

"Yes, I did."

"Good, good. Smart, like I said," Persona lessened the pressure, though he didn't let go. "That worked out at first, when I didn't know about his precious alice. But now that I do, it's a hell of a lot harder to stay away."

"It worked out for you before," Tezuka couldn't help pointing out, even though it wasn't the best of ideas. But he was desperate to keep Persona away from Syusuke, to make him forget, just forget, that Syusuke held the Alice of Death.

The pressure on his neck returned. "I just said you were smart, Tezuka. Did you not hear me when I said, I wanted him, and very clearly? I am using words you understand, yes? I want your brother and I very rarely do not get what I want. Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"Very good," Persona said, voice all amiable again, letting go of his neck altogether. "So let's strike up a deal right now. I'll take your brother, Tezuka. And you'll behave yourself the way you've always done these past few years. Is that all right?"

Tezuka opened his mouth to answer, no, it is most definitely not all right, because Tezuka followed Persona only because it kept Syusuke safe. What was the point of following him when Syusuke had to suffer, anyway?

Persona held up a hand. "I'm not finished. I'll take your brother and you'll behave yourself. One toe out of line, Tezuka, one mistake, and I'll break him. It doesn't matter how useful he'll be to me, I'll break him, and I'll do a very thorough job of it. I'll break him and I'll be damned if I don't enjoy every last second. Am I clear, Tezuka?"

It was a threat. He was threatening Syusuke, and Tezuka knew Persona would not hesitate to carry it out. His blood was boiling with supressed rage, but what could Tezuka do, when Persona was threatening his brother like this?

"We've already agreed that seeing him broken won't be a pretty sight, and trust me, Tezuka, if it did happen, you're going to wish I'd just killed him," Persona paused, letting him absorb his words. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Tezuka replied bitterly.

Persona smiled. "I knew you'd understand. It was a nice chat, Tezuka, I'll summarize for you: I'll take your brother, you'll be bringing him to me-"

"What?" Tezuka cut him off. It was atrocious. Persona had just threatened Syusuke, had just wrenched Syusuke away from the safe world Tezuka had so carefully carved out for him, surely, surely Persona wasn't expecting Tezuka to bring Syusuke to him like a sheep being lead to slaughter?

It was one thing to not be able to protect Syusuke. Now, Persona was asking him to lead Syusuke, all trusting, eyes so, so guileless, to a life he didn't deserve.

He can't.

Persona leveled him with a calm, patronizing stare. "Or would you rather I look for him myself?"

No, most definitely not. As bad as it was having to walk Syusuke up to his death, it was infinitely worse to have Persona, himself, confront him. At the very least, if Tezuka brought Syusuke to him, Syusuke wouldn't be alone, Tezuka would be with him.

So, Tezuka, as he often found himself doing these past few days, picked the lesser of the two evils. "No, I'll.. I'll bring him to you."

"Excellent. I'll be expecting you, then," Persona said, already at the open doorway. "Have a good day, Tezuka."

./.

Syusuke's head was killing him.

It meant, of course, that he was finally getting better, and he didn't feel like throwing up every other minute anymore, but his head was pounding and his stomach was growling. He didn't know how he could fix those two problems at once, considering how dizzy he still was, and suddenly he found himself wanting to go back to weak and retching again.

He'd have to be at least half-crazy to want that.

So now, he was having a very bad headache, he was very hungry and he was half-crazy.

He thought about it, and yes, he decided that weak and retching was very much better.

But then again, he couldn't go back to weak and retching by sheer willpower alone, and he'd have to face the headache-hungry-half-crazy stage sometime, it'd probably be better to not procrastinate.

Nii-san always hated it when he procrastinated.

... Nii-san.

He stumbled awkwardly towards the windows and pulled back the drapes by a tiny inch, just in case he'd slept through the entire afternoon and night and it was morning again, but one quick glance revealed that it was still late afternoon, getting on to the evening.

And nii-san still wasn't here, demanding just what the hell he was thinking, going back to death like that, didn't he know how worried his nii-san gets when he's sick from something that could be prevented?

Perhaps he should be worried.

He didn't know why, but he suddenly had a very bad feeling about everything, and he was always right, whenever he got bad feelings. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was linked to death, but bad feelings were bad feelings and this one, in particular, was really bad.

He stumbled to the bathroom, trying to locate where the hell he'd thrown his bag to, so he could find his phone and check.

If nii-san was okay, and in class, he'd probably get a lecture about propriety, too, later, but he was getting a lecture, anyway, what was one more hour, and besides, he doubted it.

He finally spotted the bag, up against the wall behind his bathtub, and he blindly searched the pocket for his phone.

He flipped it open, and checked.

No messages, no calls.

So, he pressed speed dial one and waited anxiously for his brother to pick up, please pick up.

"This is Tezuka," a curt voice answered, and suddenly, even though he knew this meant a lecture, Syusuke felt very, very happy, thank you, thank you so much that he'd been wrong, and his brother was okay, after all.

"I can't answer the phone right now, so leave your name and message after the beep. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

... Oh. It was a recording.

Syusuke felt like crying. "Nii-san," he whispered hoarsely to the phone. "Nii-san, where are you? Are you okay? I... I... Please, just come home."

He hung up before he really did cry on the phone.

./.

Tezuka was bribing people now.

He didn't even think twice about it, he really, really needed it.

There was an underclassman, probably Syusuke's year, and he was in Persona's inner circle, just like him (just like Syusuke will be... no, shut up) but he had never really paid any attention to him until now.

He had a mission, and Tezuka wanted it.

He didn't even really have to ask twice, and he very much doubted the kid would be coming up to him to ask for whatever Tezuka had promised him in return for doing the mission himself, but bribing was bribing, even if Tezuka couldn't properly remember the bribe.

He needed to get out and vent his feelings on something, or else he'd go crazy.

The people the kid had to assassinate were quite easy to find, and quite easy to isolate and he'd, very easily, disarmed the man who was pointing the gun towards him.

"Did you know?" Tezuka said, grin rivalling Persona's own. "The only people who could shoot are those prepared to get shot themselves."

And he'd made them feel pain. The woman was screaming her throat hoarse, trying to claw her hair out, in an effort to make the pain stop. It didn't, of course. Tezuka only doubled it, and he was disgustedly thinking how weak they all were, crying out from just the mental pain. They were writhing on the ground before welts appeared on their skin, in patterns Tezuka wanted it to. Their blood was soaking the forest floor.

More welts, more blood.

It was a very pretty sight, but it didn't alleviate Tezuka's anger, Tezuka's despair one bit.

The woman was screaming again, and Tezuka disgustedly kicked her body away from him. "Shut up," he said, and the woman did, she had no choice, because her throat was suddenly cut open.

The man was begging with what breath he had left, begging, begging.

Tezuka didn't listen.

He intensified the pain even more, listening to his scream, watching the woman choke on her blood. There was a perverse kind of satisfaction gained from strength that came from fear, that came from despair. And Tezuka liked it. He liked the satisfaction of having people whimpering at his feet, having them screaming for his mercy, and because he can't do this to the person he truly wanted to do it to, he let them whimper and scream, pretending they were him.

He stood above their writhing bodies, feeling superior, feeling strong, masking the fear and the despair he felt with the facade of strength.

A face flashed into his consciousness.

"Nii-san!"

Syusuke. Syusuke with his bright, trusting, loving, wide blue eyes, his face always ready with a smile for him, lightening his day, making him forget everything, every problem, every worry, everything but how much he loved him, and how beautiful he was, smiling for him like that.

A smile just for him.

...

It was very dark when he came to himself, staring at the ground so filled with blood. But there weren't any bodies anywhere, and Tezuka wasn't bleeding himself, so where did all that blood come from?

Tezuka didn't know, and he couldn't find the strength to care. Then, the next thing he knew, he was in the Academy again, in the forest of trees near his dorm.

There was blood soaking his uniform, but he wasn't bleeding.

How?

He reached into his pocket and felt for his handkerchief. Instead, there was his phone.

He held it up blankly, and found a call reverted to voice mail.

From Syusuke.

He played it.

"Nii-san. Nii-san, where are you? Are you okay? I... I... Please, just come home."

It could barely be heard, his voice was so hoarse. He must have been crying.

Syusuke... Syusuke...

I'm so sorry.

And then, he suddenly felt all the afternoon's events catch up to him, Persona taunting him, threatening Syusuke, him torturing and killing those two people.

It was the last recollection that made him wince.

He... didn't... just... He did. He'd tortured them and killed them, and he'd been laughing the entire time.

He couldn't breathe.

He clutched his phone tightly, and played it again.

"Nii-san. Nii-san, where are you? Are you okay? I... I... Please, just come home."

Syusuke's voice was so gentle, even hoarse like this. He was worried about him. Syusuke was worried about him.

He played it again, and the message dutifully repeated itself.

"Nii-san. Nii-san, where are you? Are you okay? I... I... Please, just come home."

He could see the dorms in the distance, but he let himself stay in the cover of the trees. He leaned against one and slid down slowly, playing the message again.

He played it again and again the entire night, listening to his brother's voice he loved so much, wondering, thinking how Syusuke could love, how he could expect Syusuke to love, how he could expect Syusuke to receive love from a monster like himself.

Clary: I MISS YOU LIIIIAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everybody wants you to get better, don't they? Don't you everyone?

Rien is going crazy. He's in Germany and he called here spending I don't know how much money just so he could yell Elle's (and my) ears off. He wants to get the next flight here and 'monitor Lia's conditon' but Lia told him that it was 'unnecessary' and that if he does it anyway, Lia's not going to be talking to him ever again for spending money over such 'unnecessary' things.

Rien listened to her of course but when we went outside to talk to him, he started yelling at me and Elle, going "WHO THE HELL TOLD LIA SHE WAS UNNECESSARY?", sounding extremely fucked off and ready to drag said person to hell and back. I swear, Rien loves his sisters (especially Lia, who's the youngest) very much, it's illegal. If he ever gets married, his wife would have to share him with at least two other girls (Elle and Lia, but mostly Lia).

It's so UNFAIR! Why is Rien all loving and protective with his sisters while Nate is... not? I want a brother like Rien~~~~

GET WELL SOON, LIA. I'M NOT GONNA WRITE ANOTHER DAMN WORD UNLESS YOU GET BETTER, and fuck do I mean it. I even made an effort to lessen my profanities so you better GET BETTER bitch, I'm not going to forgive you EVER if you die, damn it. I'm not going to make a fucking eulogy and spout the 'she was such a good friend' crap during your wake because if you died, you aren't much of a good friend AT ALL, are you? So get your ass BETTER.

... Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~ Liaaaaaa, get better PLEASE~~~~~~

Everyone please let's all tell Lia just how much we all miss her~~~~~~~~