Clary: Okay, so I KNOW I promised to do updates during the past month and didn't, and I'M SORRY, I really am, but I had a very good reason that even Lia agrees with, HONEST!
Lia: She's actually telling the truth this time.
Clary: Yeah, see, we were supposed to have the break and everything but OUR EXAMS WERE MOVED to the fucking last week of October and crap it, I was on house arrest and (tears hair out in frustration)
Lia: So we ended up having the break moved, too..
Clary: Damn school, it ruins all my perfect plans~~~~~~ Dangdangdangdangdang. I hate it so much, it should totally fall over and DIE.
Lia: Issa, really. This again?
Clary: I DIDN'T FINISH my Advanced Algebra test, okay? And if that's not bad enough, I DIDN'T FINISH my Calculus test, either, so eff everyone, I will have a crappy Math grade, so there.
Lia: NO ONE finished the Advanced Algebra test, Issa, calm down.
Clary: Did YOU finish it?
Lia: No.
Clary: Did you finish the Calculus test?
Lia: (sigh) Yes.
Clary: ... Fuck you, Lia.
DEATH PLAY
Written by: Clary~
Acknowledgements to: Lia (Clary's not-editor), Alatarielf (:) we're glad you were surprised, ne? Hope you like this one~), lemon-and-chai (we can't believe it took him 13 chapters, either, we planned it for earlier, but... yeah :)), phoenixfirekitsune (haha~ that's actually a very funny story...), Knights of Cydonian Starlight (oh, stay tuned, ne? You are a strong person :)), Quixling (arigato~ it's not a crossover because none of the actual characters from Alice Academy, except Persona, are in the story, so we figured it shouldn't :))
XIV. BETWEEN TWO DEATHS
She used to have dreams and fantasies about happily ever after. She used to have dreams about how someday, some prince from some country that had a grand, pink, sparkly palace would pick her up in his great, handsome white horse and they'd spend the rest of their lives eating candies and chocolates and not thinking about anything (certainly not about death) but each other.
That was pretty shallow, she knew, but she was a kid, and that was all she was aware of before.
It was okay to dream, it was always okay, because she knew that was something she would never have in life, born the way she was, with the responsibilities that came with it. But it was totally okay to hope and wish for things that would never come true.
She'd always liked fairy tales.
She'd always thought they were like life-guides and she believed so badly that if she dreamed and hoped and wished hard enough, no matter how bleak her reality was, she'd get her little happily ever after in the end.
Fairy tales were fucking lies, told to children so they wouldn't be afraid to grow up. (Too bad she realized that only when she was lying on the floor, dying.)
And happily ever after never existed, she couldn't believe she had been stupid enough to believe in those little child-fantasy-happily-ever-after nonsense.
Hans Christian Anderson, you fucking liar.
Even now, when she had wished so desperately for someone, him, to get his happily ever after, it seemed... it wasn't possible, either. At least, not anymore.
There won't ever be happily ever afters.
Just like how she didn't have her happily ever after, he wouldn't have his happily ever after, either.
Black shadows where starting to creep towards her again, and she sighed, knowing what was coming. This only ever happened once before, it was happening again this time, and it will happen again a third time. After that, no more. That was how it worked in Death, that was how it decided to work with him.
... And the Fuji clan thought they knew so much about Death.
They were right about many things, about the Gates, about the rivers, about binding. But they didn't know about this place, the place between the fields of eternal rest and the Ninth Gate. The place where the dead wanting to stay and watch over life would choose to linger. They didn't know about this, of course they won't, there was no one who could've told them. No one alive, anyway.
It was such a very long time ago when she had chosen to linger.
The shadows were forming a solid mass now, first hair, then the face, then the body. Nothing changed about him much. He grew, that's all. But then again, in Death, things like that never really mattered.
"You again," he said, mildly surprised, but more resigned than anything.
She turned and walked away, knowing he would follow. "Would you rather it was someone else?"
There was a short pause, before he responded: "Probably not."
Of course not, she supplied in her head, waiting for him to fill the silence, like she knew he would.
"Would you tell me how I got here now? This makes the second time."
She gave him a small smile. "You desired to come here." She held up her hand when he started to open his mouth. "Unconcious knowledge exists in your blood, as in ours. It is such unconcious knowledge that led you here."
He was smart, she knew that, and he nodded quickly, not quite understanding, but saving the memory for perusal later. Her lips quirked up even more.
She saw his eyes narrow in suspicion. "Why are you here?"
"That's not the question you should be asking." She turned and walked away again, her steps slow and sure, following a memorized path in the blankness that surrounded them. "Ask what you desired to come here for, not more."
He sighed, and from the corner of her eye, she saw his anguish as he ran his hands through his hair. She felt more than a little sorry for him, actually, and for him, the person they both loved and she wished she could do something to help them. But this was all that she could do.
For now.
"Today, again. He almost... again."
"I know."
"Did you see it?"
Yes, she did. Always. She watched over them like a hawk, never did she let anyone out of her sight, not for one second. She wanted them to be living the happily ever after she never had, but... happily ever afters were far-fetched dreams.
"Never mind, don't answer that," he sighed. "Is he going to... again.. after.. after this?"
...Love always made you vulnerable. She looked up at the blankness and contemplated whether or not she should answer.
"You know, don't you? Answer the question."
She turned to him sharply, a rebuke on her lips that died out when she saw the tears that rimmed his eyes. She took a deep breath, reached over and enveloped him in a hug she only ever gave to one other person.
"You're cold," he informed her quietly, trying to act like tears were not falling from his eyes.
"Silly boy," she said, patting his head amicably. "The dead are nothing but cold."
"Of course," he replied, eyes far away.
She knew what he was thinking, and she could help but agree with his conflicting little thoughts. But she said nothing.
"Is he going to...?" he asked again, desperate for an answer, a hope she couldn't give.
"There are things that the living are not supposed to know."
"I don't care, I want to know."
"No, he won't. Not anymore," she finally said after a long moment of silence.
It was an blantant lie, she knew it, and he subconciously knew it. But there were times when you have to lie to yourself, even when the truth was staring right at your face.
He smiled at her and said thank you, relaxing in her hold. "I'm glad."
She understood his desperation, she understood that he needed the lie right now, she understood that he refused to acknowledge the fact that she was very well lying to him. So she gave him a little mercy and did what she did best at, she said nothing.
"Your time's up, leave now."
He pulled away, smiling again, though she saw a tiny bit of the future of that smile. And a tiny bit of his broken heart.
"Goodbye," he said, engulfed by his shadows, leaving her alone once again.
"Goodbye," she whispered back to the empty air. "Goodbye, Yukimura-kun."
She turned abrubtly and ran up to the path she never dared to tread.
She had something she must do.
./.
He made it feel so good. Or his alice did. Whatever it was, or whoever it was, it made it feel quite fulfilling, standing against a wall, just standing, thinking of nothing, trying to stay as put as possible, trying to be quiet and not-disturbing.
It felt so damn good.
She didn't tire, she didn't want for anything, which was weird, though strangely not at the same time. Well, whatever.
It felt good, that was what mattered.
It's been such a long time since anything (other than chopping people up to a million pieces and picking up wonderful kimonos and styling her hair and wearing her old geisha ornaments) felt so good to her.
Bah.
As long as it felt...
Chizuru..
Huh. That was a first. It's been so long since she last heard her name. What was it again? Chizuru... Something. M-something. Wow. Does standing for too long erase your memory? Damn, she shouldn't be standing, then. No, wait, she should. He wanted her to, and it still felt damn good.
It was starting to get uncomfortable, though.
Chizuru..
Right, Chizuru. Chizuru.. God, she really can't remember. Fuck. Was she actually getting old? She was an immortal, fuck, she shouldn't be getting old and forgetting things (her name!) and (GOD FORBID) getting wrinkles. Ew.
Geisha are meant to be beautiful, not wrinkle-laden, forgetful old ladies, what the hell are her customers going to think? Oh, god, is she going to start to smell, too? Will she start smelling like rotting fish, like those lousy fishermen's wives in that whatever backwater town that her rich baron once brought her to?
Holy hell...
Chizuru..
Now that was getting to be really annoying. God, damn it, could that voice just stop talking? She knew her name was Chizuru, okay? She couldn't remember what the other name was and she probably still couldn't if all the stupid voice is keen on saying is-
Chizuru..
See? There. THAT is NOT helping AT ALL. Why can't it shut up?
...
Chizuru...
Damn it, she must be going crazy. Well, at least it was a good kind of crazy. The voice sounded just like Ashikaga-san's warm, rich, deep voice, so silky and caressing.
She gave a soft sigh. Oh, it felt so nice, Ashikaga-san's deep, rich voice. Ashikaga-san's voice.
Ashikaga-san.
Fuck.
Ashikaga-san? Was he calling her?
A picture suddenly surfaced in her mind. Hmmmm... Pretty boy. Delicious to look at. He might even make a good geisha, considering his looks. He'd probably even get a lot of customers. She could be his big sister, and he could be her little brother, and...
Huh.
Figures. Such a waste.
And he was so beautiful, too.
Too bad he was fighting on the wrong side. He could have been a good distraction and a good source of amusement, too.
Maybe even a good lover. (She knew a beautiful thing when she sees one, she was a beautiful thing herself.. Well, unless she got wrinkles.)
Kill.
And that was that. All of a sudden, the instincts came back, her mind dropped down from whatever mind-blowing high it was in, and suddenly, she felt cramped, sweaty and increasingly annoyed.
She couldn't fucking feel her legs, what the hell? Where was she?
She felt more than saw Ashikaga-san's smirk and the things keeping her in place fell away with a satisfying jerk.
She sniffed and felt the air around her. The fuck? What was she doing in the Academy? The last thing that happened was that she was fighting with one of Persona's brats...
Fuck, she was going to kill them. She was going to kill them and stab them over and over and over until she was satisfied. Nobody, nobody made a fool out of Maihara Chizuru (ha, she remembered, she was not growing senile, after all!) and got away with it.
Still, she had to commend their bravery, facing her like that, humiliating her like this and knowing the consequences. Or maybe, that was actually stupidity on their part.
Huh.
Well, whatever. She had a job to do for Ashikaga-sama at any rate.
She didn't know who that kid was, but whoever he was, he was dead.
And then, after that, she'd do the same to that brat, and then, let's see who'll have the last fucking laugh.
./.
The day Tezuka found out about his little brother's alice was the day he actually (really) first killed somebody.
Or something.
Syusuke had a cute blue bird, a gift for his birthday, that Syusuke had loved more than anything, at three. He coddled it, and made sure to always have food in its cage and would eagerly watch with wide, bright blue eyes as it bathed itself in the birdbath they had especially purchased for Syusuke's blue bird, which he had named Tsubame.
(It wasn't a swallow, of course, it was too small to be one, but Syusuke was three and stubborn so if he wanted to call it Tsubame, then, by god, it's name was Tsubame, regardless of the fact that it wasn't anything near swallow-like at all.)
That day, a cat had slinked its way into their neighborhood, and Tezuka noticed it quickly. It was actually hard not to, considering how... ruffled the cat looked, and how it slinked around hungrily, its eyes narrowed into green slits. It did not belong in their neighborhood at all.
Tezuka noticed, but Tezuka did not pay attention.
His mistake.
In fact, the only time Tezuka did pay attention was the time when it was almost too late, and the cat was slinking its way into their house, towards Tsubame's birdcage, eyeing the bird hungrily.
Tezuka had been the only one around, the only one near enough to notice. And in his mind, all he could see was Syusuke's bright, happy countenance when he received the bird and proudly claimed it to be Tsubame, and all he could think of was how devastated his little brother was going to be when he found out that his cute little beloved Tsubame had died.
...Tezuka wasn't about to let it happen. So he did the only thing he could have done, at that situation.
Pain.
Tezuka had gotten his alice fairly young, and because they weren't summoned to the Academy yet, he got training from his Father and Grandfather sometimes. He'd gotten really, really good at using it, too, commanding pain and bending it to his will. Unfortunately, his control was... not so good. He was working on it, and he was fairly sure that, with practice, he'd get better, but at that time, at four years old, his control, more often than not, slipped.
As a result, welts materialized themselves physically on the cat, and one moment it was hissing and yowling at the wounds, the next it just stopped.
There was no question in Tezuka's mind that the cat was dead.
And just like any normal four-year-old, when faced by the sudden fact of death, he stumbled back physically, unable to think, unable to wrap his mind around the fact that the cat lying dead right there in their backyard was killed by him.
"Onii-sama?"
He whirled around to see his brother in his favorite white yukata, holding Tsubame's usual small bowl of birdfood, portioned carefully by their mother. Syusuke was smiling up at him expectantly.
"Did Tsubame say hi?"
...Right. He forgot about that. Stubborn three-year-old Syusuke was not only convinced that his bird was a swallow, apparently, it talked, too. Their mother thought it was adorable and didn't have the heart to tell Syusuke again that birds don't talk, sweetie. She even went so far as to glare and threaten off all the boys in the household (yes, including Grandfather) to try to contradict her little, cute, adorable sweetheart whenever he told some story or another about how Tsubame told him this and that.
"I..." He saw the cat at the corner of his eye. "No."
"Oh." For a moment, his brother's face fell and Tezuka wondered if his mother was going to blame him for this disappointment, not that he wasn't in trouble already. He killed a cat.
But Syusuke grinned again. "Oh, well, Tsubame's just shy." Still with the smile, Syusuke moved around him towards a place where the dead cat would be in his line of sight.
He felt more than saw Syusuke freeze.
"Onii-sama? A ...cat?"
He opened his mouth and closed it again, not knowing what to say.
"It's cute! But it's not... moving. Is it hurt?"
Swishing of cloth and Tezuka turned around just in time to see his brother bending over to touch the cat.
"Syusuke, don't.."
But the words died in his lips, because Syusuke was falling, falling, then catching himself in the last second. The same second when, the obviously dead cat let out a loud meow, hissed and pawed away.
Syusuke turned back to grin at him and suddenly, Tezuka just knew what Syusuke just did... that was Syusuke's alice.
Their mother would be so proud.
That night, when Syusuke, once again, snuggled to bed beside him despite having his own room, he said thank you.
"Well, that kitty was cute," his brother mumbled sleepily beside him.
Tezuka resisted the urge to smile. And failed. "Should we tell Mother? She would be so happy you got her alice."
That jolted his brother into wakefulness. "Really?" Syusuke pushed himself up to cover his hazy gaze with wide eager eyes. "Really, really?"
"Yes, really." Tezuka patted Syusuke's head before fixing him with a serious stare and telling him to go to sleep already.
And just when Tezuka thought he was asleep, Syusuke mumbled sleepily once again, "I'm so happy. I'm so happy Mommy could also enter Death. I thought... it was weird."
Needless to say, Tezuka did not sleep that night.
./.
When Yukimura entered Syusuke's room, Kisaragi-chan was gone and Tezuka came in with him. Despite himself (and because Syusuke was sleeping and not there to see it), he scowled and wanted to block Tezuka's entrance to the room.
But Tezuka pretended not to notice, and strolled in anyway, sitting by Syusuke's bed, knowing he was obviously not welcome (well, in Yukimura's mind he wasn't).
He would've been if Syusuke hadn't almost died, or if Tezuka hadn't been brazen enough to almost-rape Syusuke (no, in Yukimura's mind, there was absolutely noway that it had been Syusuke's idea, no fucking way) twice (twice!).
But it all happened and Tezuka, for the life of him, could not take anything back, because no, he didn't have the power to do that, and if he had a hard time getting the 'I-don't-like-you' vibe from Yukimura, then Yukimura was going to help him get it.
"You're a bastard," he said calmly and softly, with a nice sweet smile he especially reserved for bastards (and brats like Atobe Keigo). "You know that right?"
"I'm aware." Tezuka turned to him with a gaze so, so full of self-loathing that for one moment, Yukimura almost pitied him. And then Yukimura remembered everything that happened and he hated Tezuka all over again.
It was not in Yukimura's nature to pity bastards.
"You're a bastard and a jerk, and yet, he still loves you."
Tezuka gave a wry kind of smile that would have looked sad on anyone else. "I wouldn't be so sure of that."
"What, you're dense, too?" Yukimura's smile sharpened, losing what mask of sweetness he had managed to place.
Tezuka sighed and moved to caress Syusuke's face. Yukimura had half a mind to slap his hand away.
"I know I don't deserve him-"
"That's good. Because you don't." This time, Yukimura did slap the hand away. "What were you playing at, anyway, Tezuka? Did you think, did you think for one second, that I was just going to stand here and watch as you slowly walk him to his death?" He took a deep breath to rein in the tears, he would be damned before he would let Tezuka Kunimitsu see him cry. "He's all I've got left. And if you don't love him enough, then leave, because there are people who hurt when he's hurt and there are people who love him-"
"I love him, too."
"Really?" Yukimura pretended to look surprised. "Really, Tezuka? Because, you know, I don't see it."
"He does."
That brought Yukimura up short. And for many seconds, he didn't have anything to say, nothing at all, because well... What could he say? (Resentfully, he admitted inside that Tezuka was right, Syusuke did see, and that was enough, because Syusuke was the only one who needed to see. But it doesn't mean he liked it.) So he stood there and held Tezuka's hard, determined, strong gaze and for one moment, a very small one, he could actually see why Syusuke chose him. And then the moment passed, and Yukimura was back to wondering how anyone sane (and without martyrdom tendencies) could let himself fall in love with a bastard ice block like Tezuka.
He supposed he'd never get the answer.
He looked away, and took a really, really deep breath, because this went against all his principles and all his... everything. But he could do it, he would, not for Tezuka's sake, but for his cousin who deserved to be happy.
He shifted uncomfortably, trying to push aside the itch, the disturbance of the shadows in his mind, because he was doing something important here, shut the fuck up for a moment, why don't you?
There, nice and quiet.
Another deep breath. And, without flinching, he took hold of Tezuka's hand, splayed out on the bed by Syusuke's.
Tezuka met his gaze, and there it was again, that... that moment.
He turned his head to the side and almost grudgingly, said, "I don't often give second chances. So don't squander it this time."
He felt more than saw Tezuka's small smile. "Thank you."
"I still hate you, Tezuka. I still don't like you, and I still think you're a bastard who doesn't deserve even a single strand of Syusuke's hair. But he loves you and," Yukimura shrugged. "And Syusuke's always been wiser than me, so... So there. I'm not going to interfere with his choices anymore."
"You are kind."
Yukimura rolled his eyes and smirked. "Please, Tezuka, stop. You and I both know you're not a very good liar."
./.
Chitose did not like not knowing things. He'd been using his alice ever since he could walk and talk, and his alice helped him understand things. He was never clueless or confused and even though sometimes, he was, that was fixed, and very, very quickly.
Which was why he was in the dank prisons (or whatever) that Persona had gotten for their well.. prisoners, because he didn't like not knowing anything.
Persona had been tight-lipped and since they weren't exactly buddy-buddy, he couldn't just stroll in and ask. All Yukimura had to say was Syusuke entered Death, period (and fuck if he believed that), when there was so obviously more to it than that, Persona wasn't the type of person to call in students for demonstrations. Tezuka had been more or less unreachable ever since Syusuke's almost-death, he'd been un-anything, actually, and the teachers who were brave (stupid) enough to call him on it had gotten a whole new meaning of fucked up shit (Tezuka got away with it, of course, because if there was one thing good about being Persona's student, it's that everyone usually lets you get away with things, though it resulted to a serious lack of teachers in the Language department, Keigo had been ecstatic to find out that his German sensei was one of the stupid ones).
He'd like some answers sometime in the next hour or so, and he'd like to talk to someone who'd actually give him damn straight answers when he wanted them to, and not the avoid-and-evade strategy that had always worked so damn well for Yukimura. (At the end of their conversation, Chitose was almost all the way convinced that there was no problem and it was all just his imagination. And then, for the briefest of moments, Yukimura's eyes tightened and he knew everything Yukimura had spouted was fucking bullshit. Fuck bitches and their way with words.)
And there happened to be one very convenient person around who could do just that. And the fact that she was possibly involved in all of this was just an added bonus.
What was her name again?
...Maihara Chizuru.
Pretty enough girl, nice face, sexy body, and if it wasn't for the fact that she worked for the wrong person, then maybe he could have overlooked that she was probably a hundred-year-old-something immortal (who happened to have a sadistic, psychotic murder streak).
But she did and oh, well, regrets.
Maihara Chizuru, who he was damn sure was placed in this fucking room.
Except she wasn't.
He backed out of the room, closed his eyes, did a go-around (three times) and came up short. She wasn't here. And, to his knowledge, no one had been ordered to move her, either.
Damn. Persona would be so fucked-
He stiffened.
What was that?
He sensed a presence behind him that he was sure was not there before.
He took a deep breath and opened his senses. Right? No, to the left, from the entrance. The steps were measured and soft, barely noticeable, and distinctly geisha-like. Shit. His eyes darted around the room once again, looking for possible weapons. There weren't any, of course, they wouldn't be stupid enough to leave weapons behind in the prison of an enemy. Shit, he hated fighting bare-handed. That sucked. Next time he was going in here, he was gonna bring a fucking gun.
...Not too far now, and he didn't have too many choices. Go back and fight, or ambush? No, she probably already noticed him by now (shit, man this was so fucked up). Okay, okay. So go back and fight (bare-handed, damn it) and get her under his control again (how the hell did she break free in the first place?). It would take just a second, he just had to meet her gaze and he could...
A whoosh of air and he whirled around, mind already prepared, body pumped with adrenaline, drew back his fist (shitshitshit, he hated fighting bare-handed) and made contact.
...
With an impenetrable wall of shadows.
"Fuck, Chitose, what the hell?"
"What, it's my fault?" he pulled his hand back and shook it. "You're the one who stalked in here like some damn thief, the fuck did you expect me to do?"
"I come down a place reserved for enemies and you expect me to be belting out show tunes?" The wall disappeared to reveal a smiling Yukimura, though the raised eyebrow showed he, too was ticked off.
Chitose rolled his eyes and huffed. Prissy bitch princess.
"Well?"
A very large part of Chitose wanted to say well what? just to annoy the guy, but he held it off, and instead jerked his head to Maihara Chizuru's prison. "We have a problem."
"Yes, I see that," Yukimura replied, walking towards the room, and reaching out to touch the shadows on the wall.
Snippy, prissy, smart-ass bitch princess.
"Hmmm." Yukimura turned back to him, though his hand remained stationary. "Sense anything?"
Chitose scowled. "No," he admitted unwillingly. "She was smart this time."
"She was." Yukimura was frowning, too. "I can't get..." Then his eyes widened, and Chitose knew there was more trouble.
"Shit."
Clary: I actually intended to double post this with the next chapter, but... LITTLE BROTHERS ARE DEVILS, lemme tell you.
Lia: No comment.
Clary: Of course you don't have a comment, you have Rien and Rien is a nice older brother. Nate, meanwhile, is a little devil who erases documents from his sister laptop without ASKING!
Lia: Still no comment.
Clary: Aghhhhhhhhh... (where is the SYMPATHY, LIA~~~~~~~~?)
Lia: Oh, my gosh, Issa, I'm so sorry you have such an awful brother who erased your file for the story (because SOMEBODY was dumb enough not to save it, of course it was erased).
Clary: FUCK YOU, LIA.
Lia: Sure.
Clary: (WHATEVER, bitch) Anyway~ I'd probably be able to upload the next tomorrow (I'm halfway through rewriting it already, I didn't know rewriting stories could be such a pain in ass, but it IS), so~ Review, okay~