Chapter Two: The Hardest Thing
Ron blinked, looking at his surroundings. He was back at the Burrow, but honestly had no idea how he'd gotten there. Stranger still, he was outside.
With a frown, he walked up to the house and reached out to open the door. With a feeling of dread, he saw that he couldn't grasp the handle. "Bloody hell," he whispered, feeling utterly confused. He searched his memory, trying to think of what would have happened to cause this.
His last memory was saying farewell to Hermione and kissing her as if his life depended on it. Although he struggled to see farther ahead, he couldn't remember anything else. Had he…?
No, the thought was just too awful to even contemplate. Ignoring how spooky it was, he walked through the door. Suppressing a shudder, he walked instantly to the kitchen, where he found his mum staring out the window.
"Mum," he said, frowning slightly. "I don't understand what's going on."
She ignored him. Ron cleared his throat and repeated his words slightly louder. He started to get really worried when she didn't even acknowledge him.
"My babies!" she cried out suddenly, and it was only then that Ron realized she was crying. He took a step backwards and closed his eyes at the sight.
As soon as he closed his eyes, however, a few more memories came back to him in patches; battling a death eater; seeing Hermione battling Bellatrix; hearing the words 'crucio' and watching Hermione fall under them….
Once again, his memories ended, and as hard as he tried, he could not recall more. He left the room quickly, but found that no one else was downstairs. An increasing sense of foreboding growing inside him, he ran upstairs to Fred and George's room.
As soon as he entered the room, he wished he hadn't. Bill and George sat there, both crying and holding family pictures. "I just…." Bill started, but trailed off.
"I know," George whispered. Ron couldn't take the grief, and so he exited the room, glad to be out.
He skipped Percy's room, although he was certain he heard someone crying inside, and went instead to Ginny's. Upon entering, he noticed that Harry was sitting with Ginny on her bed, holding her as she sobbed into his shirt collar. "Harry, mate…what happened?"
But just as his mom had, Harry ignored him too.
Ron felt as though someone had just stabbed him. What he had feared had just been confirmed; he, like Fred, had died. Feeling overwhelmed, he collapsed to his knees, and listened half-heartedly as Harry and Ginny spoke.
Ron couldn't take any more. He had to find the one person he wanted to see most. Standing up, he walked slowly to his room, as though he knew she would be there. With a slight shudder, he walked through the door.
Sure enough, Hermione sat there, the sunlight pouring in through the open window. Glancing quickly at the clock on his bedside table, he noticed that it was almost four in the afternoon. He heard a sniff and turned to look at Hermione.
She sat on the edge of his bed, clutching his pillow to her chest. He knelt in front of her, and looked into her brown eyes. "The hardest thing is knowing you won't feel my touch," he whispered. Slowly, Ron reached a hand out to her face. Gathering courage – which was laughable, really, given the circumstances – he gingerly touched her face.
She reacted as though he had burned her, and shuddered. Her breathing was ragged, and she was looking at him with wide eyes. "Hermione," he whispered tentatively.
She seemed to register his words on some level, because her eyes darted around the room. "R-Ron?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.
He felt so elated that he started to cry – or at least, he thought he did. "Oh, Hermione, I love you." He waited eagerly for her to say something back, and when she didn't, he felt his spirits drop.
He watched as she clutched his pillow tighter and started crying again. He wished deeply that he could wipe the tears from her face. Instead, he merely sat beside her on the bed as she cried and poured out her heart.
"Ron, I don't know if you're there, but I have some things I'd like to say to you – or would have liked to say." Hermione said quietly. Ron felt chills as he listened to her continue. "What I said back at Hogwarts is still as true now as it was then. I love you for all eternity – I have never loved anyone else, nor will I ever." A small, half smile appeared on her face as she continued. "It was the bloody troll….
"Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was lost from the first day on the train, when you tried that silly little spell." She made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Oh, Ron…you were the only one for me. Thinking back now, I can't believe how neither of us saw it; we're perfect for each other."
Ron found that he was crying – or as close to crying as a ghost can get. A sad smile played across her features. "I know you always felt that you couldn't measure up to Harry, and you felt that compared to a hero like him, you were nothing, but I want you to know…you were my hero. You were always there for me when I needed you, protecting me, helping me. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart." She took a deep breath. "I know what happened at Hogwarts, and I don't necessarily deny that it happened, but I'm not ready. I'm not ready to accept that I'll never see you again, or hear you make silly jokes, or nag you to finish something…" her voice began to break as she started to cry again, "…or touch you, or hold you, or k-kiss you, or be with you…."
Ron simply stared at her, the girl of his every waking and sleeping dream, and wished desperately that he could have been repeating these words to her. "I love you, Ron," she said slowly. "You'll never be dead to me."
Ron watched painfully as she cried for at least an hour. He wanted nothing more than to be able to take her in his arms and kiss away the pain. Unable to, he simply sat there, silent but not forgotten.