Clary: Ha! Finally done... Took longer than I estimated.. Wow.

Lia: This is the longest chapter she's ever made, we actually had to break it in two. And the second part's not even halfway through yet.

Clary: Ehe~ It's surprisingly hard to make scenes in the Blood and Shadows chapter... I stared at the computer screen for many minutes before I started writing.

Lia: And that happened EVERY AFTER A SCENE CUT. Plus, she had to keep on deleting sentences, because they 'didn't come out right.'

Clary: Well, they DIDN'T. This is hard... And we're almost done, I can't believe it (sobsob)

Lia: But please, enjoy, anyway :)

DEATH PLAY

Written by: Clary~

Acknowledgements to: EVERYONE~ I'M SO HAPPY, WE'RE ALMOST TO THE END! LOOK FORWARD TO IT, GUYS~~~

XV. BLOOD AND SHADOWS I

Tezuka made sure to school his face into a smile when he saw Syusuke's lashes fluttering. He'd made mistakes, and had let jealousy take over one too many times, but this time, this time, it was going to be perfect.

He was still in the happy place he'd been to, when Yukimura had given his approval (Tezuka had no delusions that he was getting anymore of that) and there was nothing that could stop him from making Syusuke just as happy.

He'd been debating over this for many moments now, and he had decided that this was the right time, the best time, to tell Syusuke the truth. They weren't brothers and he could love Syusuke just as much as he loved him and there wouldn't be any problem. No problem at all. Syusuke could be happy, Syusuke could be free, Syusuke could be loved without any inhibitions.

There was something about being able to do that, being able to love Syusuke, that made him feel liberated.

Or maybe it was just because he wasn't lusting after his brother, after all.

"Nii-san?" Syusuke looked surprised and more than a little confused, and he was probably to blame for this.

But he was going to fix it. And he was going to make it right.

"You're not..."

Tezuka smiled again, though his face muscles protested in the activity it wasn't at all used to. "I'm not what?"

"Well, you're here, so, and I thought you were, but you-"

He was rambling. Normally, that was a good thing, that Syusuke was well enough to ramble, but Syusuke's eyes were looking everywhere but where he was, and Syusuke himself was breathing noisily, which was what he did when he was... less than calm.

"Syusuke." That stopped the ramble, though Syusuke still won't look at him.

"I'm not what?" he pressed, reaching out to hold Syusuke's chin and tilt his head towards him.

"You're not.." Syusuke flinched back from his gaze. "Angry?"

"For what?"

"You were angry the last time." That was spoken barely above a whisper, and Syusuke recoiled physically, as if expecting Tezuka to get mad again.

Last time. Last time, when Syusuke had pushed him away for Meiko, the girl from his class, brazen almost to the point of being outrageous, and annoying as hell. Yes, he had been jealous, and he thought that leaving would be the only way to keep himself from exploding in front of Syusuke. In hindsight, he realized how that must have looked like, from Syusuke's eyes – him leaving, shaking with barely-suppressed jealousy. But then again, hindsight was usually twenty-twenty.

Damn it.

"I'm not angry now," he informed Syusuke, bending down to kiss him in the cheek, playful in the way that he knew would ease his beloved.

"Oh. That's... I guess that's good."

It wasn't the reply Tezuka expected, it wasn't the anything Tezuka expected actually, and that was saying a lot, because he knew Syusuke very well. And when Syusuke was smiling like that (fake, but trying, and eyes tight with suppressed emotion), Tezuka knew there was something wrong.

"Nii-san? Can I tell you something?"

"I have something to tell you, too."

"Okay." And Syusuke settled back, obviously expecting him to go first, obviously hesitant to talk.

Tezuka cocked his head to the side, wondering. "You go first."

Whatever it was, Tezuka knew he could handle it. They would handle it, together, the two of them.

"When you left, nii-san, Meiko asked to date me." Syusuke paused, and Tezuka felt the blow, like it was a physical punch. Of all the things...

(Tezuka let his guard down.)

"And I said yes."

./.

Syusuke didn't know what he was thinking when he told his nii-san what happened after he left, but he knew, he knew, that he wished that his nii-san would say no.

He wished his nii-san would get angry at him for saying yes, that his nii-san would tell him not to go, because Syusuke only belonged with his nii-san and no one else was allowed to have Syusuke.

Even in his head, it was such a long shot.

And no matter how much he wished otherwise, he knew he was right.

He watched the conflicting emotions that crossed their way across his brother's face, in his unguarded moment.

Half a second. That was how long nii-san took to assess the situtation and re-create his mask. A mask that, thus far, he hadn't used to Syusuke. Not when they were like this.

He felt hurt. (Then again, he asked for it.)

"That's... that's good, then." The smile his brother gave was fake, to anyone else, it might have looked real, but to Syusuke, it was plenty fake.

"Good?" Syusuke repeated, feeling even more hurt.

"Yes, good."

"I see."

Just that easily. Nii-san gave him up just that easily. He felt so... insignificant.

Insignificant. That's right. It was good that he remembered his place. He was nothing, after all, just his nii-san's kid brother who happened to loved him a little more than what was allowed.

And nii-san, who probably just didn't want him to get hurt, went and played along.

That hurt so much more than the fact that he was so very easily cast aside.

It had all been fake all along, the kisses, the love, the everything, and he couldn't believe, he couldn't believe that he fell for it. He couldn't believe he let it go that far, he couldn't believe he never listened to the truth that he could never, never, be loved in return. He'd been stupid and foolish and childish.

And he ended up just getting himself hurt.

The small voice inside him that he had thus far, easily suppressed was screaming now, wanting to hurt his nii-san just as much as he was hurt, wanting him to feel physically how Syusuke felt emotionally. (And Syusuke would still hurt far much more, because no one could see, he didn't have scars to show just how much he hurt.) It was just too bad he didn't have his nii-san's alice.

But he had hands.

And for the first time in his life, Syusuke, genuinely angry, raised his hand against his beloved nii-san.

./.

It could be done at any way, she supposed. She didn't have her katana with her (she had to find it, it was irreplaceable and priceless), but she could still summon weapons.

Shuriken?

No, that wouldn't work, unless she really targeted and she wasn't feeling quite so charitable today. Not after what happened.

She raised her legs up and observed them against the light. She'd torn the lower half of her kimono and disposed of it. It wasn't one she particularly cared for, anyway, and it was stained in blood already, so it really wasn't much of a loss. In fact, if it didn't pose harm to her dignity, she'd remove it right now.

She watched shadows frolicking about, and she suspected that they found out already (damn, they were good). But she wasn't going to let herself be found out just yet.

Not until she was done with this first job. Then they could find her, then she would kill them.

Sweet justice.

That said, what weapon was she going to use?

Perhaps she should just do senbons with poisoned tips, that way, the kid would suffer. Judging from the way the shadows were mucking about, that kid was pretty important to that damned shadow alice user, and it would be sweet, sweet, poetic justice to make that brat watch his important person suffer. Hmmm.. That was a good idea. But senbons were just so... Ugh.

A javelin right through his heart? No, too manly, too much effort and she wasn't feeling particularly exhibitionist today. Maybe she'd just slit his throat and let him bleed, like what Ashikaga-san did to his family (well, most of it). But there stood the chance that they could save him. But if she slit right by the carotid... Now that was instant death. And messy as hell.

Ew. She had absolutely no desire to ruin her kimono any more than it already was.

She should just stick to long-distance weapons. Maybe, if she cared enough to aim, she'd still get the sliced-throat-instant-messy-death while maintaining minimal damage to her clothes (not to mention her skin). As an added bonus, she'd get to see the horror on that shadow alice user brat's face.

Then again, that look could be worth getting herself dirty.

...Well, whatever she did, she would have to decide soon. Her target was coming.

./.

"I hurt you."

It was a broken, almost reedy voice, even to his own ears, pitiful and weak, and just as confused as Syusuke felt inside. He didn't know where that anger came from, he didn't know that voice, but he didn't want it and he didn't... he didn't want it.

His hand was still throbbing, the hand he used to hit his own brother, the brother that he loved, and he stared at it like it was some kind of animal not from his own body, not acting according to his own whims. The air was cold around his legs, clothed in flimsy pajamas, but he refused to tremble.

He did back away, away from his brother, just away, not minding the pounding of his blood in his ears. He didn't want to be in this room anymore.

But his nii-san's gaze was strong, and it pinned him where he stood.

He wasn't bleeding, at least there was that, he was hurt, but he wasn't bleeding.

Small comfort.

"I let you hurt me."

"Why?" This time, his voice cracked, but he stood still, even if he just wanted to crawl into a corner and disappear because he was such a monster, and he couldn't deal with the monster that he was.

"Because I deserved it? Because you had every right? Because it was completely justified?"

"It wasn't, you liar!" Syusuke shook his head and backed away from his brother's advance. "You... you always lie."

"Not to you." Nii-san's voice was pleading. "Tell me, Syusuke, what do you want me to say? What do you want to hear? Because I'm telling you the truth.

"I let you hurt me because I love you."

Syusuke gasped in a sharp breath that he didn't think he could handle. "No, stop! Stop.. lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are. You're lying right now."

"Syusuke-"

"You don't love me! You can't." And somewhere along the way, he'd lost his voice, so it cracked. Again. "You can't." And there it was, that urge to cry that he suppressed with only much effort. Damn it.

"I can. I do." His brother was close enough now, so close, he could see his nii-san's shoes, dangerously close, Syusuke had to back away again, until his back hit the door. His hands immediately searched for the knob. He can't stay here.

"I can. Because.." Because what? he wanted to say. There was not an excuse in the world that could justify falling in love with your own brother. His nii-san couldn't love him, he couldn't. "We're not brothers, Syusuke. We never were."

That was... unexpected. But it still did a good job of piercing Syusuke right at the heart. They weren't brothers? What kind of lame, sorry excuse was that?

He managed a small smile. "You know, nii-san, if you didn't like me anymore, you could have just said instead of giving some impossible story like that." There, the doorknob, finally. "I would've understood."

Not a lie. Yes, he would have understood. He would've been hurt, but he would've understood. He knew he'd be hurt no matter what, anyway, so what's the point?

"Syusuke." My god, had they been this close? His hand tightened around the knob but it wouldn't turn, what was wrong with it? He had to, he had to get away, he couldn't take this, this..

And then his nii-san kissed him, and he stopped thinking. Because no matter how wrong he thought it was, no matter what protests his mind could come up with, they were all drowned by the sensation, the feeling of being in his brother's arms.

"If I didn't love you, would I do this?" his nii-san asked, in between kisses that left him little room to breathe. He gasped as his nii-san (no, Kunimitsu) trailed kiss after kiss on his jaw, down towards the neck, little smoldering fires that burnt and enflamed his very core.

"Would I kiss you like this?" Another kiss that made Syusuke lose all feeling in his legs.

"Would I be jealous of her like this?" Oh, god, please don't make him stop.

"Would I mark you like this?" Lips on his neck, so, so perfect.

"Would I want you like this?" Kunimitsu pressed their bodies together and he felt it, his desire, Kunimitsu's desire for him. For him.

His eyes flew open to meet Kunimitsu's blazing hazel, so dark, so full of unbridled passion that left him trembling.

And Kunimitsu was smiling. "I can love you, because you are not my brother." A hand smoothed his hair back, gently, gently. "And I am not your nii-san.

"We have different fathers..."

("My pride, my son, my heir. You will grow up to be a great Fuji, my Syusuke.")

"...Different mothers.."

("You don't know how happy I am to be your mother, my darling little Syusuke.")

"...We are not siblings."

("He'd grow up to be a little heartbreaker, someday. Until then, he'll be my Syusuke.")

("You'd have a little brother soon enough, my sweet. Just wait. He'll be perfect, just like you.")

"So I can love you the way I do."

And if Syusuke was there, if Syusuke had heard, he would have been assured, he would've been happy.

But Syusuke wasn't there anymore.

He was in a magnificent household, very much like the Tezuka family home, and yet very different. A household of pale skins and blue eyes. Blue eyes.

"Somebody will attack the Family."

Nine-year-old Fuji Yumiko's prediction that caused a great uproar in the peaceful household. Nine-year-old Fuji Yumiko, the girl from his dream (nee-san...).

"...No one will run away. We will fight."

"It is our pride, as Fujis."

Determined eyes, so blue like his own. Cries of battle and upholding the family pride.

"Anata, what about Syusuke?"

Fuji Yoshiko's strangled voice. That woman, that woman from his dream (okaa-san...), clutching a small child, blissfully asleep, cradling him against her chest, as if she could protect the child from the world.

"Take him and Yumiko and go. Go to Ayana and stay with her. I will come and get you once this is all over. I want you all safe, Yoshiko."

"I can't. I won't leave you. I won't."

Fuji Yoshiko's choice, that shaped his entire life.

"I want you to be brave, for okaa-san, okay? Be brave."

Fuji Yoshiko giving her child up to a young Tezuka Ayana, tears on her face as she tried to calm her struggling baby. Tezuka Kuniharu was just behind her, holding solemn, one-year-old Tezuka Kunimitsu.

"I'll come back for you, I promise. I'll come back for you, Syusuke." Her last kiss to her first son.

She never did come back.

"...Be brave for okaa-san, okay?"

She never did come back because she couldn't.

"I'll come back for you."

Because she died.

A family. His family. His family that he had lost before he even had them.

He returned to the present with a gasp. Kunimitsu was still before him, loving eyes, loving face. But all he could see, all he could see, were blue eyes, blue, blue eyes.

"I.. I need..." What, exactly? What did he need? He didn't know. He didn't know. He wanted...

"I'll come back for you."

His hand closed around the doorknob and turned, almost desperately. He and Kunimitsu stumbled out into the quiet corridor. Kunimitsu's gaze was questioning, but he couldn't face him just now, not yet, not... not now.

"I'll come back for you."

Kunimitsu was reaching out, reaching...

"No!" It came out much sharper than expected. He saw Kunimitsu's bewildered expression, and he gave a much softer, "No." He shook his head and started to back away again. "I.. I just need..."

And he still couldn't finish.

"My pride, my son, my heir."

"I didn't mean... I just... I can't... I need..."

Against all his everything, he turned and whirled away, away from the sentence he couldn't finish, away from the truth, away from the brother-no-more that loved him.

"You'll grow up to be a great Fuji someday."

But he wasn't. He didn't.

Because he grew up a Tezuka.

"You are perfect, my beautiful Syusuke. My perfect little son. My perfect, beautiful son."

The Clan of Death, he should have realized. Stupid, stupid Syusuke.

"Yumiko-nee-san will watch over you today, ne, Syu-chan? Today, and tomorrow, and forever! Because Syu-chan is my darling little brother and I am Syu-chan's onee-sama, ne?"

Just when he thought he could be happy... The solution that would have made him happy...

"Fuji Syusuke? The perfect name for the next head, Soushu-sama. You must be proud."

Why can't he ever be happy? He'd already lost one family. But this one, this one, the true one... He'd lost it before he even knew he had it. He didn't even...

"Someday, my Syusuke, you will grow up to be the next Fuji Soushu. And you will be a great one, too, just like your father."

The tears fell even before he realized he was crying.

./.

When Yukimura, panting and panicked got to the infirmary, Tezuka was outside, in the corridor, alone. And suddenly, the deep sense of foreboding Yukimura had became much, much, worse.

"Where is Syusuke?" he demanded harshly, not stopping to breathe, knowing that the dark room behind Tezuka was empty.

Tezuka looked up from studying the hallway, looking almost surprised at finding himself outside. Yukimura wanted to shake him.

Tezuka smiled sadly. "I think he needs time to himself."

"No, he doesn't," Yukimura retorted, looking around, feeling fidgety and restless and uncomfortable at staying put. "Not right now, he doesn't." He looked around once again, letting more shadows scour more areas.

"Just let him be for the time being, Yukimura."

God damn fucking dense bastard, he didn't have time for this. "Tezuka, where is he?"

Tezuka took note of his expression, of his tension and finally, finally got it. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have time to explain right now, I need to know where Syusuke is." He tapped his foot twice to emphasize his point. And his impatience. He did not have time to be playing teacher with little bastard Tezuka.

"He.. ran that way," Tezuka replied, pointing down the corridor that would lead out of the building.

Yukimura stared at Tezuka incredulously. "You.. He what?"

"Ran. That way."

"You let him go?"

"I told him the truth."

"And you let him go?"

"What should I have done?" Tezuka asked, with the self-loathing face again, and Yukimura knew he was beating himself up inside. Already. "I would've only made him more upset."

"I don't care, Tezuka, I don't care if he would be mad at you, at anyone for the rest of his life, you don't just let him..." Ugh, there was no time for this.

"Just... just find him, okay?" he told Tezuka, already running down the corridor. Tezuka matched his pace easily, of course he would, and in seconds, he passed Yukimura and took the lead.

"Tezuka!" he called as Tezuka reached the door to the outside, and as he prepared to turn to another hallway, just in case Syusuke might have turned.

Tezuka turned back, not slowing in his movements.

"If he gets hurt, I will never forgive you."

./.

He was even yummier in person. More effeminate than androgynous, and goddamn it, it should be a crime to be that feminine. He was so damn pretty (and he was a guy!), made even prettier by the fact that he was crying. This wasn't what she expected, but the emotion, the sadness was so tangent, she could taste it.

Oh, dear, he was such a waste.

She supposed she could be nice and kill him painlessly.

She supposed.

She let his muscles freeze up, felt every joint locking up, and watched as he, uncaring of his currently paralyzed position, just went on crying.

She jumped down from her position easily, by the front gate of the Academy, surprised he even ran this far. Oh well, at least she didn't need to go far. Another katana appeared in her grasp, different from her favorite six-feet long one, but comfortable. Painless, because he was such a damn waste.

She could be kind, when she wanted to.

She was so close, he didn't even notice, or if he did, he didn't bother. He was still crying.

And through the cold breeze, she heard brief, soft, pained murmurs of "Father" and "Mother". And she froze. Literally, her muscles locked up because that hit very, very close to home.

("Listen, my Yurehime, run. Run fast and hard, and trust no one, not even the Shinsengumi. Mother and Father will have to go now, but remember that Mother and Father would always be in your heart, okay? Mother and Father will never be truly gone.")

And for the first time since the first time she was asked to kill, she hesitated, genuinely hesitated.

Because he was just like her.

He was crying for his family. Many, many years ago, there was a young girl, homeless and scruffy, crying, too, for her family. The family that she lost only because they had been at the wrong place, at the wrong time, fighting for the wrong side.

Like him.

I can't do this.

The sadness she could taste, the tangible pain, so, so much like hers.. She couldn't. And the katana disappeared from her hand. She reached out her arms and wrapped them around the kid who shared the same pain, the same burden she bore. She closed her eyes and tightened her embrace.

He was so cold.

"It's okay," she whispered, even as he tensed against her hold. "It's okay."

And when he relaxed, when he leaned back, it was such a peaceful, beautiful moment, she realized she couldn't. She couldn't kill him. Not a child out of her own heart.

"Syusuke!" The voice cut against the darkness and she glanced up sharply, and saw him. Another one of Persona's brats. What was the.. Oh, yeah. Tezuka Kunimitsu.

And just as she was realizing his alice, pain erupted in the left side of her body, unlike anything she ever felt before. She actually screamed. And there was blood again.

Damn it. She jumped away from the kid to a considerably far position, but enough that he was still in sight. Her blood boiled, and her wavering resolve firmed.

The sad thing was, she was going to let the kid live, too, even if it was against Ashikaga-san's orders, but this.. this Tezuka Kunimitsu just had to come and ruin everything for the child. When the beautiful, blue-eyed child would die (because he would, she'd make sure of it), it was going to be all that Tezuka brat's fault, and she was going to make sure he knew it.

"Whatever you do is futile!" she screamed, making damn sure he heard it. "That kid dies today!"

./.

Those last few moments before death, that's what people usually remember.

./.

Tezuka's face was hot with adrenalin, his blood pulsing so hard in his veins, only seeing Syusuke's tear-stained, delicate, beautiful, beautiful face and the woman behind, too far, but close enough, her weapon poised to kill.

Tezuka screamed again. "Move, Syusuke!"

./.

The killer remembers because.

The widened eyes, the surprise, the last words, even the last sounds of the heartbeats. Those are the remnants of the life he has stolen, the remnants of the person he has deprived of the privilege to live. It clings to the killer, like a lost soul, a mark of darkness. And even though he might not feel remorse...

The killer will never forget.

./.

Maihara Chizuru smirked at the running kid. A futile effort, she has her target already frozen. She was an effective assasin because of this, and no matter what, no matter how much he will struggle, that boy, her target, would die. The wounds he had given her were healing already, and would hinder nothing, and she was going to make sure that this was extra painful because that brat had the gall to actually wound her while she was busy with someone else (while she was busy deciding not to kill his oh-so-beloved Syusuke).

She positioned herself in the stance she wanted, and her favorite bow materialized in her waiting hands, an arrow already strung. The arrow would disappear once it hit, of course, but it wouldn't change the fact that she hit.

And the wounds and the blows it would cause would be real.

./.

The spectator remembers because.

A life given was a gift, a life taken was a tragedy. A life taken in front of his own eyes, would be a tragedy forever. The wilting of a soul, like the wilting of a flower, slow, slow torture that would engrave itself into his very core, a sadness that will be his to bear, forever. And no matter how much the grief...

The spectator will never forget.

./.

Tezuka ran, and he didn't think he could go faster, but he had to. Yet, everything seemed awfully slow, awfully, awfully slow. His footfalls couldn't match the racing of his heartbeat, but matched the ticking of the clock, and every second lost was lost too soon.

Syusuke wasn't moving, but realization was making its way to his face, darkening his eyes, a sight that will forver bury itself in Tezuka's mind. Syusuke wasn't meant to feel this way, he wasn't meant to... God knew just how hard Tezuka tried to let him be happy.

They could be happy now.

They could genuinely be happy.

From the edge of his vision, Tezuka saw the arrow release, and he told himself to run faster.

But Syusuke, unmoving, beautiful Syusuke, slowly stretched his lips in a sad, sad smile. His eyes were clear, blue like the serene sky, and he shook his head, as if telling Tezuka no.

Tezuka only tried harder.

./.

The dying remembers because.

Those last few moments, no matter what it was, will be the best few moments of his life. His senses would heighten, and everything would be so, so clear, as he tries to hold on to the last strand of life, even as it is cut and wrestled away from his grasp. And even as he floats towards the Gates that would close his life forever...

The dying would never forget.

./.

Syusuke knew it was childish, but he wished it wouldn't hurt. He'd been to Death many times, he wasn't scared of that, and his only regret was that he never realized the truth sooner.

He looked up again, to his nii-san-no-more's beautifully handsome face. The tousled hair, the high cheekbones, the perfect nose, the beautiful mouth. And the bottomless hazel eyes that drowned Syusuke with their love.

"We're not brothers, Syusuke. We never were."

And they could have been so happy.

...But at least, at least, he'd have this. Even if he died, he'd have this. He'd have his Kunimitsu's love, he'd have the knowledge that he was loved completely, wholly, by his Kunimitsu. He'd have the memory of those eyes so, so full of love, and those kisses so, so full of the promise of the passion they could have shared.

At least, he had that.

...He wished it wouldn't hurt so much. They had hurt enough.

The blow sent his head reeling, and he stumbled back physically, trying to keep his balance and failing. He gave out a gasp, he couldn't help it, and Kunimitsu's face was in front of his own, so clear, sharp and in focus. There was a desperation in him that Syusuke couldn't stand to see.

"Kunimitsu..."

Then the blood poured out, soaking his clothes, blooming like a flower even though he couldn't see, and he looked up, back at his beloved's face, and he felt the roaring waters of Death.

And he started to cry.

./.

Those last few moments before a death, the tears, the blood, the shadows, those are the last few moments that people will never forget.

Clary: Reviews are my inspiration, guys~ So please indulge me and review, kay~~

Lia: We have short notes because this chapters so long.

Clary: Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. And I wrote it.. (Ehe~)