Clary: There are no excuses, I know, but well... I'M SOOO SORRY~~~~~ I meant to update sooner but I had to write a play... so... Death Play has been put on hold for a while. I'm so, so, so, so sorry. You have every right to shoot me. Go ahead. (I'm pretty mad at myself, too, actually.)
Lia's not around, coz she's busy with the play and everything (she's the stage manager) and even though we are in our Christmas break, we're all busy working our asses off for the play, which we have to put up in January. Gah. So yeah, this chapter is untouched by Lia, and I frankly hate it (because it was untouched by Lia, and I'm pretty sure it's awful and would suck.) Please tell me any mistakes so I'll correct them. I spent the entire day reading and rereading the chapter so I get any mistakes (and 'needless profanities' - Lia's words) out, but I can never do it the way Lia does it. Mou.
And I didn't realize how hard Lia's work is. Because fanfiction's formatting is screwed up, and since Lia's not here, I have to do everything myself! And fanfiction is having fun screwing with me :((((((((
(On a side note, I'm watching Prince of Tennis right now, and slacking off of my scriptwriter duties, which will get me into so much trouble with our bitch of a director, but whatever.)
Anyway~ I managed to get this done before Christmas so~~~
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Y'ALL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Although I wish I could give you guys a better Christmas present. This chapter sucks :((( So bad.)
But, please, do enjoy its suckiness.
DEATH PLAY
Written by: Clary~
Acknowledgements to: Lia (the fearless stage manager), Alatarielf (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Your encouragement was what I really needed~~ I'm sorry, but I wish I could've given you something better than this but THANK YOU SO MUCH), phoenixfirekitsune (ehehe... I'm sorry if this is quite late...), lemon-and-chai (-frantic- no, calm down, please.. it's okay :) and I love Yuki, too~ hope you enjoy this chappie's suckiness), Knights of Cydonian Starlight (thank you~ I appreciate it, ne? I hope you're not disappointed in this chapter... –sigh-)
XVI. BLOOD AND SHADOWS II
The day Syusuke was discharged from the infirmary was the day that Tezuka willingly allowed snuggling.
He thought, at the very least, he could give himself and Syusuke the break from all the rules he had unconsciously set up for them. Right then, at that time, they were fresh off of fear and grief, and frankly, having his brother in his arms, alive and well was something that Tezuka needed right then.
Because he was the only thing Tezuka had left.
Tezuka looked down at Syusuke, who was watching him silently with his wide blue eyes. Even now, there was a deep sadness in them that Tezuka couldn't match. Like Syusuke had gone through something similar before, which was silly, because Tezuka had fought tooth and nail just to make sure Syusuke never did.
But the sadness remained, and Tezuka wasn't quite sure what to do with it. He couldn't bear seeing Syusuke like that, deep blue eyes drowned in grief so large it frightened even Tezuka.
"I'm here, you know," Tezuka told him softly, tightening his hold on his brother. "I'll always be here."
Syusuke didn't say anything, his only response was to bury himself deeper and deeper into Tezuka's chest. A few moments later, Tezuka realized he was crying. Again.
Damn it.
"Syusuke, I..."
"Nii-san, I know." Even his voice was choked with grief. And Tezuka was stuck here, stuck to just holding him and whispering words that he knew Syusuke will never take comfort from. Tezuka was never any good at... this... this comforting stuff. It was awkward and he usually left up the task for Syusuke, who was compassionate and kind. All his life, it was only ever Syusuke who was doing the comforting.
Now it was different, and Tezuka hated himself for not knowing what to do.
"I know," Syusuke mumbled into his chest slowly, trembling like a leaf. "I know, but..."
Syusuke wiggled out of his embrace and turned his body away, curling in on himself, hugging his knees. Tezuka, more than anything, wanted to reach out and wrap his brother in his embrace, to protect him from the pain that they shared, to take it away even though he knew he couldn't, to whisper assurances they both knew were lies but that they both needed. Syusuke, more than anyone.
He can't take this. Syusuke shouldn't... He shouldn't be made to suffer like this.
But Tezuka can't do anything, because he was just as broken. So he lay on his back, eyes at the ceiling, hating his helplessness.
"Mother said the exact same thing," he heard Syusuke whisper, in the same grief-stricken tone, the same anguish. "And now she's gone... And so is Father... And Grandfath-"
This time, Tezuka did embrace him, cutting him off. Tezuka didn't care if this comfort would be false, he didn't care if all he could say were lies, if they would make Syusuke feel better, if it would erase the sadness from his voice, Tezuka would do it. He'd do anything.
"What can I do?" he asked his brother. Syusuke only had to say the word. Tezuka would do anything.
Anything at all.
"Why are you being so nice to me!" Syusuke's scream was more an exclamation than a question and Tezuka had to tighten his hold against Syusuke's struggle.
"Syusuke.."
"Don't you realize, don't you realize... I could have saved them! I could have... I could have... I could have..." His brother was breathing noisily now, still pushing against his arms, tears still freely running on his cheek.
"I could have saved them! I always thought... I always thought having this... this alice was useless! I couldn't heal anyone, I couldn't protect anyone, I couldn't be just like nii-san and... And the one time – the one time – it mattered, the one time it wasn't useless, I couldn't do it!"
"It's not your fault, Syusu-"
"No, don't tell me! Don't lie! You always lie to me!" Syusuke was struggling harder now, truly fighting against his hold, almost trying to get away, his anger directed towards himself so palpable, stronger than even his grief.
"Mother's hair! That was all I saw! Hair!" A bitter, self-depreciating laugh. "I didn't even... I could have... I could have, don't you see! I could have, but I didn't! I didn't! You... You should be mad at me! You shouldn't be nice! I ki-"
Tezuka had had enough. Using all his strength he struggled against Syusuke, too, and the next few minutes became a tangle of arms and legs, kicks and screams that tore at Tezuka's heart. But he didn't stop.
It took many more minutes to calm Syusuke down. And even then, Tezuka was restraining him, pinning his wrists to the bed, his knees locking Syusuke's tiny legs together. He was panting, he realized, on all fours on top of Syusuke who refused to meet his gaze. And who was still crying.
"It's not your fault!" he growled, tightening his hold on Syusuke's wrists. "Do you hear me? It's not your fault, Syusuke, stop being so selfish! I'm hurting, too, I lost them, too. But there's nothing else we could do but move on. That's what they would have wanted!They wouldn't have wanted us to keep being stuck on the fact that we could have saved them, when we both know.." He paused and shook Syusuke slightly then, the first time he ever did something so violent to his brother. "We both know you couldn't. I know it will kill you."
Syusuke opened his mouth to protest, but Tezuka cut him off. "I know, Mother told me. You're too young, do you get it? You're too young, and you're all I have left! And I am not going to lose you, too." Tezuka enunciated each word clearly, not caring if he was screaming now, too, only wishing that his words would get to Syusuke somehow.
Tezuka was breathing hard, then, and for a very long moment, it was all the sound that could be heard in the large room. Tezuka felt tired, all of a sudden, drained, and all he wanted to do was lie back down and sleep with Syusuke in his arms. But he had to make a point.
And he had to make sure it was clear.
"I love you," Tezuka whispered, dipping his head so it was against Syusuke's own. He meant every word and more. "I love you so much. I won't bear it if I lost you, too."
"Nii-san?" Syusuke's voice was hoarse, but he sounded like the little boy he used to be again. There was no trace of the self-hatred he had in his tone. But he sounded just as tired as Tezuka felt. "Ne, I love nii-san, too."
"Good," Tezuka said firmly, and as Syusuke gave a breathless little laugh, Tezuka let go and settled in beside his brother.
Syusuke threaded their fingers together. When he looked back up to Tezuka, he was smiling. And despite his tear-stained face, Tezuka knew the smile was real.
Tezuka put his arm around his brother, exhausted and relieved. "Now go to sleep."
"Nii-san?" Syusuke called out tentatively, poking his brother's cheek.
Tezuka opened his closed eyes and hummed to show that he was listening.
"Say you love me."
Tezuka blinked in surprise, but his response was automatic. He ignored that part of his brain that was rejoicing. Those were bad thoughts. "I love you."
Syusuke's smile widened. "Then, if it's okay, from now on, nii-san..." Syusuke was looking straight at his eyes, squeezing his hand eagerly. And all of a sudden, even though Tezuka knew that it was a bad time, and these were bad thoughts, he was assaulted by a great rush of love for his brother. And he found himself thinking that Syusuke had never been so beautiful. And he found himself wanting to kiss Syusuke.
"From now on," Syusuke repeated, eyes large and blue. "Nii-san, I'll live for you."
Tezuka's response was to crush his brother to his chest, heart tightening almost painfully, eyes beginning to burn with tears Tezka would not allow himself to shed. He just focused on Syusuke, on his beautiful little brother, his beautiful, beautiful brother, and focused on trying to make them become, physically, what they were, truly.
One existence.
(When Tezuka finally found his voice, he whispered, finding it hoarse and thick with unshed tears. "And I for you.")
./.
In Death, there was chaos. The waters were splashing every which way, the waves were huge, and the dead that had lagged in the water, the dead that were now part of his Army were screaming once again, shrinking back from the pulsing light of the barrier. It was obvious something was happening in life, and he had to smirk, because he knew it was Chizuru.
And that meant that that troublesome Fuji heir, his first and his last miscalculation, was being taken care of.
He loved it when he won. He laughed aloud, giddy with the feeling of almost-victory.
Morto's form, beside him, was rippling and solidifying all at once, but the eyes were trained on him, and his laughing form.
"My Lord, you are quite sly, aren't you?" he asked, in a tone that suggested that he had a newfound respect for his master.
He could only smirk at the pulsing light, at his apparent success.
First the dead Fuji, and then the entire Academy.
Revenge was sweet. He'd have to remember to give Chizuru a little something later. A kimono, perhaps? One from that old woman who had lived before, during the time that Chizuru had enjoyed, who made the kimonos that Chizuru loved wearing.
She was quite fast, if he had to say so himself. Just a few hours or so, and he'd already have the death of the Fuji heir that had eluded him, and the destruction of the Academy that had fucked with him.
Morto was laughing, a grating sound like gravel against gravel, but was music to his ears.
The Greater Dead's eyes were trained on the bright, pulsing light, already beginning to dim, muttering to himself, fully solidifying his form.
"It seems, my Lord, that... Well, it is more than enough."
And before he could ask for any explanation, Morto had gathered up all of his inky darkness and rushed towards the dimming light. His eyes followed the Greater Dead, feeling victorious at the fact that now, the light didn't even make the creature flinch.
Really, Persona could have done a whole lot better. Who thought, that after all this time, all Persona had up his sleeve for a last desperate defense against him and his entire Army was a clueless, helpless little kid?
The very least he could have done was keep the kid protected.
Which he obviously didn't do. Oh, well. It was just like Persona to be arrogant. And what does it matter, really. It just meant that he won all the more easily. He'd have great fun destroying the thrice-damned Academy and hell, if Persona wasn't there to gloat to.
Persona would definitely be there, and he'd definitely gloat. But that would be for later.
For now, Persona's brats could suffer.
He laughed again, his laughter echoed by Morto.
And even against all the noise, against the screaming and the thrashing, the sound of something breaking was victoriously loud.
./.
Persona watched the front of the Academy with almost practiced calm. His mind was whirring a hundred and one miles per hour, because watching the fighting figures by the gate made it easily known that the time was up.
Slight miscalculation. He thought that the Fuji kid could've at least bought them more time. Or keep Ashikaga at bay entirely.
He should've done something about the Tezuka kid, he supposed that was the reason why it came to all this, this quickly.
Oh, well, he couldn't do anything about it at all right now.
It was a pity, the Fuji kid would have been really useful, too. The last alice of death there would ever be, and he'd only used it all of once.
Ah, regrets.
Well, he could regret later. Right now, what he really needed to do was to make ready. He suspected that Ashikaga's army would be coming in soon.
(He had no intention of fighting yet, of course, why would he?)
He glanced at the student waiting for his orders behind him, expression as blank and as bored as his. He liked this student, cocky as hell, yes, but the alice and the potential more than made up for it. He was new, just came in the Academy this year, but he was damn good, and Persona liked that he was damn good, although he didn't like him enough that he actually knew him as well as the Tezuka kid and all the others. (What was his name again? Echigo.. Echinen.. Echi-something.)
He spared the figures by the gate one last dispassionate glance before he turned away. They could take care of it, it was just a girl. And they had better do it fast, because he needed them in the front lines, fighting the Army. It was the only way his plan would work.
They could all grieve later. They could grieve for days, for all he cared, he had Echigo. Or Echinen. Whatever.
He glanced at the cocky brat with blazing gold eyes. "Make ready and tell the others," Persona told his student. "I want you in the front lines, Echigo-kun." Screw the name.
A hand shot out before he could continue walking. He paused, raised his brow and met the kid's cocky gaze.
"My name, old man, is Echizen. Echizen Ryoma." A smirk that Persona really didn't feel like returning. "You'd best remember it."
And his student was gone.
Persona had to grin. Great potential, indeed. Not enough that he could replace the Fuji kid, but great all on his own way. Perhaps, after all this was over, and when Tezuka-kun was done grieving, he'd let Tezuka-kun train the brat.
It would take the Tezuka kid's mind off the not-brother that Persona could never use anymore.
If he was really lucky, maybe, Echizen Ryoma would even replace the Fuji kid's place as his leverage over Tezuka. (He doubted it, and shit, he'd have to look for another leverage over the Tezuka kid and fast, because grief-stricken kids were the most unpredictable. Especially since Persona would be half the reason why the Fuji kid was lost... Then again, maybe Persona wouldn't have to, and Echizen would take the Fuji kid's place. Persona was really lucky, after all.)
Well, he'll just have to see.
./.
It was a clean, strong shot.
And had it been any other situation, Tezuka would have admired the skill of the shooter. But it wasn't any other situation, and Tezuka was busy feeling pain, cutting it off, focusing on the woman and his bleeding Syusuke all at the same time.
Syusuke was limp in his arms, almost doll-like, but he couldn't be dead, because he couldn't.
He couldn't.
He couldn't.
He was alive, Tezuka was sure. He couldn't be anything else. Syusuke was alive, he was alive, he couldn't be anything else.
He couldn't be dead.
Tezuka bit back tears, frustrated with himself. Why the hell was he crying? Syusuke wasn't dead, he was just... just a little hurt, that's all.
That. Was. All. Syusuke had been a little hurt a few times before, but he never died. He never died. Never. He always got better, always came back to Tezuka, smiling and healthy and alive.
Syusuke wasn't dead.
He couldn't.
He couldn't because many years ago, Syusuke had promised – promised! – that he'd live for Tezuka. Tezuka... Tezuka was still living and breathing and alive, so that meant that Syusuke was, too. Right? Right. Syusuke never broke his promises.
So he wasn't dead.
Of course not, it was silly of Tezuka to even think that.
He hastily removed his uniform top, ignoring the pain, trying not to wince, wiping away the tears that had clouded his vision. His hands were shaking as he folded his top up and pressed it against Syusuke's back, trying to stem the blood flow. The arrow had disappeared almost after it hit, but.. No.
He was just a little hurt. Just a little. That's all. Syusuke wasn't dead. He wasn't.
He couldn't.
Tezuka's breathing was ragged. And he blinked back more tears. No. He shouldn't be crying, because there was nothing to cry about. Nothing at all. He turned his uniform over, already saturated with blood, and pressed it harder against Syusuke's back. The blood wasn't stopping. See, he wasn't dead. His blood was still flowing. That meant his heart was still beating. Right? Right? He couldn't remember.
Damn it.
"Syusuke," he whispered, pressing his lips to a cold forehead. His voice sounded raw. "Syusuke, please. Wake up." Don't die. Don't leave me.
"Oh, got hurt, did you?"
The woman assassin's voice cut through his thoughts, and he looked up and glared at her, his blood suddenly boiling, his vision suddenly red.
"Don't bother, I'm just checking to see if your little precious Syusuke is really dead," she said, arrogant both in stance and tone. "I'm not here for you."
Tezuka saw the shadows shifting.
"You know what's the best part of all this?" she asked conversationally, making no move towards them at all, even though she had just said she was checking if she had accomplished her mission. Of course she wouldn't. She obviously expected Syusuke to die.
Tezuka laid Syusuke gently on the ground, watching as the shadows slowly, erratically, crept up Syusuke's back, pressing against the gaping wound. He touched Syusuke's serene face briefly, and felt grief slash his heart once again. He ignored his own wound, almost similar, bleeding even now.
It was just his left elbow. It wouldn't kill him. (Though he hoped it would. But after. Later. First, he needed revenge.)
"The best part," she continued, laughing, sneering. "Is that it's completely your fault why he's dead."
From the corner of his eye, he could already see Yukimura falling to his knees by Syusuke's unmoving form. He was crying, hard, and his movements were almost frantic, his voice shrill as he talked to Syusuke, who wasn't responding.
And he never would.
Tezuka refused to be sad. He could grieve later. For now, for now, he'd satisfy himself by taking his revenge from Syusuke's killer.
He leapt toward her, his entire mind set on her death.
So what if she was immortal.
Tezuka would find a way.
She would be so sorry she decided to cross Tezuka this way. Tezuka would never forgive her, and he'd never stop until she, too, was dead, unmoving and cold.
./.
"Ne, Seiichi, I love you!"
Yukimura didn't care about the fight that was happening.
He didn't care about Tezuka, whose left arm was bleeding like crazy and who was fighting an immortal woman right now.
He didn't care about the fact that more and more Dangerous Ability students were gathering before the gate, studiously, a defense against the zombies that have suddenly appeared in front of the Academy. He knew, he knew that this was what Syusuke was protecting them from, what Syusuke had risked his life for.
Syusuke.
He cradled his cousin gently in his arms, and started crying all over again.
He'd tried so hard.
"Ne, Seiichi, I love you!"
And then, after everything, after all his effort, he could never ever hear Syusuke's voice again, or see Syusuke's eyes or... or...
... She'd told him no more. She told him to his face that this wasn't going to happen again.
She was such a liar.
He dropped his head to Syusuke's unmoving chest, wishing there would be a heartbeat once again. He knew that asking for it was too much, but he wished, anyway, to whatever diety was there, listening to him.
He wouldn't ask for anything else, he promised, nothing at all. Just as long as Syusuke was alive. Just as long as he lived. Just as long as Syusuke woke up, and looked at him with his large blue eyes once again.
Just as long as his heart continued beating.
Yukimura wouldn't ask for anything else.
Nothing else.
Just please, please, let Syusuke live once again, and he wouldn't ever ever ask for anything else.
Please.
But of course, even that was too much to ask. And Syusuke remained motionless and cold.
He looked up dimly to realized that Tezuka had just plunged the woman's own katana right through her heart.
It was no use. She was immortal, she'd just wake up again afterwards. She'd just heal and revive and she'd wake up and live again.
Unlike Syusuke.
He clenched his fist and he sent a shadow shooting towards them, climbing up her figure until it twirled around her little neck. Yukimura squeezed, tightening his grip almost painfully.
And he did nothing to calm the little bubbling of satisfaction he had when Tezuka pulled out the katana, and she revived not a few minutes later, flopping like a little fish, gasping for air, clutching her neck like it would stop him.
He couldn't kill her, she would never die in his hands.
But he could make her wish she had never been born.
For Syusuke, you bitch.
He felt something cold touch his arm, a fluttering touch that he didn't pay any attention to, until he realized that the immortal woman had died.
And had stayed dead.
Yukimura's eyes widened, glancing at Tezuka who was frozen in his spot, staring at him with surprise.
He looked down, looked at his supposedly dead cousin.
"Seiichi," Syusuke greeted in a breathy, whispery voice. "Seiichi, I met Yumiko-nee-san." His eyes were fluttering open and close, as if he had a hard time keeping himself awake, a flush was forming on his cheeks, and frost was starting to cake the ground all around them, but he was smiling, and he was alive.
"You're alive," he breathed.
Syusuke blinked up at him, struggling not to fall asleep. "Well, I always 'die' when I go to Death and I-" He cut off when Yukimura hugged him, tight, and something in his back hurt like hell, he had to wince.
"But it was... the arrow..."
"Kunimitsu, he..."
Yukimura looked up to Tezuka, kneeling down to where they were crouched on the ground, smiling gently at Syusuke.
"Syusuke," he greeted warmly, looking at Syusuke like the sun rose and fell with him and Syusuke looked back, with the same distinct expression. Yukimura suddenly felt like he was intruding on a moment that was both private and intimate.
But he couldn't look away.
"Idiot," he heard Syusuke say, still weak, still soft, but dictinctly reprimanding. "You... you let your... Your arm."
"It's nothing, Syusuke."
"Kunimitsu, your arm!"
"I wouldn't have stood there and let you die."
"It's still bleeding!"
"I thought you died."
Syusuke looked away, biting his lip. Yukimura tightened his hold, mindful of Syusuke's injury. They really shouldn't be staying here and risking Syusuke's health further. Not especially since they were so near the battlefield. He could hear the fight outside the Academy starting. Chitose and (wince) Atobe were out there, fighting. Even Shiraishi was fighting.
(And as usual, it surprised Yukimura how he could stand to lose such great amounts of blood and still croon out, "Ecstacy~")
(Kisaragi-chan was there, too, and he felt more than saw her eyes constantly straying to them.)
"I... I was trying to keep the barrier."
"Were you?" There was an edge in Tezuka's tone that Yukimura could forgive him for. He had been scared shitless, too.
"I... I didn't want this to happen!" Syusuke's cry was plaintive. "I didn't want you to be fighting this Army.. I..." He bit his lip again. "This wound isn't fatal," he said, whispering again, his body relaxing in Yukimura's arms. "Because your arm..."
"It's not your fault."
Syusuke managed a smile. This time, his eyes closed for a few minutes before he opened them again, blinking. "I knew you would say that," he murmured to Yukimura's shirt.
"I'm so tired," he told them.
"Then sleep," Yukimura told him, firm and commanding. "But come back to me."
Syusuke's head dropped to Yukimura's chest, smiling.
Yukimura observed his serene smile. "You blocked the arrow with your arm." It wasn't a question.
"It wasn't enough. It still hit him."
"But not his heart."
"No."
Yukimura didn't really like this feeling, because well, he was supposed to hate Tezuka because Tezuka was a bastard and wasn't worth even the smallest part of Syusuke's time and affection. He couldn't very well hate Tezuka (and think of him as a bastard) when he'd saved his cousin's life. (Or maybe he could. Tezuka was the bastard who saved his cousin's life. He could deal with that.)
"So why did you think he was dead?"
Tezuka averted his gaze, almost embarrassed. "His heart stopped, so I thought..."
"It seems we know very little about Death Walkers." Yukimura smiled, affectionately tucking Syusuke's hair behind his ear.
"Ah."
Yukimura glanced at the fight against the Dead, watching closely, knowing just how little their odds were.
But knowing they will fight anyway.
"Thank you," he whispered grudgingly.
"Ah."
"I'll bring him to the infirmary. You?" He looked at Tezuka's left arm. (He wasn't worried, mind. It was just that... well, it was bleeding.)
"I'll fight. The arm is nothing."
"Your choice," he said, sinking down into the shadows with Syusuke.
Tezuka stayed behind, looking at the spot Yukimura and Syusuke had just occupied. He glanced at the fight going on outside the Academy, and he knew they will lose.
But Syusuke would be protected by Yukimura, he knew. And Syusuke would live.
Even if Tezuka wouldn't.
And it was enough.
I wish you happiness, Tezuka told the empty spot, wishing he had given Syusuke something, anything so he would, at the very least, have something to hang on to when Tezuka wasn't there to show him anymore, just how much he was loved.
I wish you happiness. He just wanted Syusuke to be happy, just happy, even if it wasn't in his arms. So he would do this one last sacrifice for Syusuke's happiness.
"I'll live for you."
"I love you, too," Tezuka said aloud, before he rushed onward, towards the fight he could never win.
Clary: Go ahead, hit me. But please do it by reviewing. Reviews are inspiration~ (I will go and finish the last few scenes of the play now, so I will get on to writing Death Play faster, ne~~~)
PS: Lia says hi~