How Not To Write Fanfiction Chapter 2, a primeval fanfic

1ce agen man. thx 4 redin thz. u no it sux wen ppl don rite propa.

"LOVINGTHIS! WRITE YOUR AUTHORS NOTE CORRECTLY OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL NEVER COMPLY TO YOUR WRITING EVER AGAIN!"

You wouldn't do that to me.

"Are you willing to risk finishing Points Of Time..?"

Meep! Sorry!

Once again, thank you all for reading this. I hope that, as well as bringing amusement, people are also learning a few of the common mistakes that are made when writing.

Is that okay, Becker, honey?

"Much. And please stop calling me 'honey.'"

Okay, cherry pie!

Enjoy!

Becker was attacking the punch bags like there was no tomorrow. Jess watched on from the ADD as sweat dripped down his face. He had been at it for a good quarter of an hour and she was starting to get worried about him. After the day's events, he wasn't in the best of moods and seemed to be taking it out on the poor swinging bag of stuffing. He heard a cough from behind him and turned to find Rebecca, a new and attractive recruit watching him.

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

She was pretty, it was true. If there was anyone that Becker was going to talk to at the moment, it was her. She joined the ARC only recently but they had found that they both had a lot in common. They went out a lot and Becker was always stuck by how amazing she would look. He looked at her now. She had long shiny hair. She had tied it behind her head. She wore a tight fitting top. Her trousers were like his and she had big boots on.

Becker pulled out an EMD from no-where and shot her.

-/-

BECKER! Stop mucking about!

"Stop writing about her! I don't want you to write a picture!"

What?

"Just… subtly add in these bits about her that you want the reader to know. Pick up on them like you would if you were in the room talking to her. It's really hard to write a good description of someone like that. It takes a very talented author. Otherwise it's just wooden. Take your time to let the reader know everything about her, take chapters, or the whole story if you want."

*Sigh* Would you like to write this?

"I'd do a better job."

You don't have a keyboard. Or access to the real world. Lovingthis maturely stuck out her tongue before remembering that she was doing that in the real world… and Becker was in her head… She pulled a face, then retracted her tongue…

-/-

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

Rebecca smiled, the action lighting up her face. She walked over to him, planning, no doubt, to take his hands and remove the padding, her large boots clacked on the tiled floor.

She tilted her head at him as she grabbed an arm, the loose ponytail of her long hair falling over her shoulder.

Becker remained tense throughout the entire process and she was yet to say a word. Despite his aversion to talking, especially at this moment, he just wished that she would say something, anything. Just to hear her voice, filled with concern about his well being and- more importantly, for him- watch her full, kissable, lips.

As if she knew his thoughts, Rebecca ran a hand through his hair to push if off his face. The sweat caused it to stick in a half upright position and the way she leant up to reach put her mouth within centimetres of his.

Becker blew a slobbery raspberry in her face, spit flying…

-/-

WHAT? BECKER!

Becker wiped his mouth on the back of his wrist and grinned. The arm moved upwards so he could rearrange his hair.

"This is a place for stories. Not for you to write out your fantasies."

What do you mean?

"Tell me, do you have long brown hair that you often pull back into a loose ponytail?"

Ummm….. No? *smiles widely*

Becker raised an eyebrow.

Okay. Okay I do. What of it?

"Keep your Mary Sue ideas in your head. Let your readers live out their own fantasies- or at least write your fantasies in the context of realistic characters. Or don't make an OC- use already defined characters and keep to their personalities. Why couldn't Jess have come to me? Hmm? There's already pre existing chemistry between us and I'm more likely to respond to her than to anyone else. Just because you tell a reader, "Becker trusts her and likes her and-""

Stop making fun of me!

"I'm just saying, Lovingthis, that people aren't going to just sit and smile and go, 'oh okay. Jess and Becker stuff has never happened. Lets ignore that and accept this new ship.' They're going to ask why!"

But I want-

"Yes. And they want realistic. You want reviews. You'll get them if you don't treat them like they're stupid."

So… no writing me in as a character? *mega sadface*

"Write an OC if you want. Even pretend that you are her in your head. Just don't let your readers know that! Make your OC realistic with FLAWS so he/she is an actual HUMAN."

What do you know about humans? Hmm? You're imaginary! You don't even look like you! You look like an actor called Ben!

"Hnn."

-/-

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

Rebecca smiled, the action lighting up her face. She walked over to him, planning, no doubt, to take his hands and remove the padding, her large boots clacked on the tiled floor.

She tilted her head at him as she grabbed an arm, the loose ponytail of her long hair falling over her shoulder.

Becker remained tense throughout the entire process and she was yet to say a word. Rebecca smiled softly at him as she pushed his hair back from his face, the sweat from his forehead causing it to stick in a half upright position.

"Wanna get smashed?"

He scrunched up his eyes. He couldn't doubt that it was a tempting offer; he would do almost anything to erase the memories of earlier that day. Rebecca, to her credit, got the meaning of the action and backed off a few paces.

"Or not?" She gave a small smile before back away further.

"I'm sorry, Rebecca. I would of like to but," Becker rolled his head as he suppressed a shudder and growled in his throat in annoyance before he continued, "after today…"

Umm… Becker, sweetie?

"Yes?"

I don't recall asking you to suppress a shudder..?

"That's because you made me say 'would of.'"

Ye-and?

"It's 'would HAVE.'"

No… I used it only earlier. My flat mates asked me if I wanted to go out and I side I would of but I needed to revise- I ended up writing this.

"You didn't say 'of.'"

Yeah, I DID!

"No, you said you 'would've.'"

You what?

"You would have like to have gone, yes?"

Yes.

"Exactly. You 'would have.' 'Would've' is the same thing as 'would have' because of the apostrophe."

Lovingthis tried it out. Would have. Would've. Would of. You can see where people go wrong.

"But you're not going to again are you?"

No, Becker. I won't, Becker. Can I have a reward, Becker? Lovingthis smiled innocently.

"Nope." He popped the 'p.'

YOU'RE MEAN!

"You're stealing words from Jess."

Nuhuh! I'm just telling the truth. And you do have lovely hair. *Smiles*

-/-

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

Rebecca smiled, the action lighting up her face. She walked over to him, planning, no doubt, to take his hands and remove the padding, her large boots clacked on the tiled floor.

She tilted her head at him as she grabbed an arm, the loose ponytail of her long hair falling over her shoulder.

"Wanna get smashed?"

"Or not?" She gave a small smile before back away further.

"I'm sorry, Re-re. I would've like to but" he pulled a face "after today… Seriously, my author- Lovingthis- she's getting on my nerves. She doesn't seem to know how to punctuate at the end of speech."

BECKER!

"It's true!"

For… ARGH! WHAT THIS TIME?

"Always, always, put a form of punctuation before you close speech brackets."

Okay. So "I would've liked to but." he pulled a face-"

"No, Lovingthis. You weren't finishing the sentence after 'but' so it's a comma. If it was the end of the sentence the next word should have had a capital."

Oh… So… Do I need it before speech too? Becker nodded. So… "I would have liked to but," he pulled a face, "after today…"

Perfect!

Lovingthis smiled. Yayyy! You think I'm perfect! *squeals in glee*

"Umm… Yeah… but that's because you're writing me."

Oh hush you! I'm happy! *drifts off into la la land* Becker thinks I'm perrrrrfect.

-/-

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

Rebecca smiled, the action lighting up her face. She walked over to him, planning, no doubt, to take his hands and remove the padding, her large boots clacked on the tiled floor.

She tilted her head at him as she grabbed an arm, the loose ponytail of her long hair falling over her shoulder.

"Wanna get smashed?"

"Or not?" She gave a small smile before back away further.

"I'm sorry, Re-re. I would've like to but," he pulled a face, "after today…" "I understand." "I should hope so. She's mucked up our speech again."

FOR GODSSAKE BECKER ! ! ! !

"Yeah, you can take off the excessive punctuation too."

Well, you're annoying me! ! ! ! !

"There's still no need to go over the top."

BECKER! WHAT IS IT? ! ? ! ? !

"Lovingthis! Chose an exclamation mark or a question mark. I'd let you get away with one of them followed by one of the other (! ?) in a non serious story. But in a serious one don't."

Grrrrrrrrr.

"And when you do speech. There's a simple rule: a new line for a new speaker."

Kinda like what's going on here?

"Yep. You got it!"

Giggles.

-/-

She had obviously made the noise to get his attention and was making no effort to hide the fact. Turning to fully face her, he suppressed a sigh at the intrusion.

"Yes?" He asked shortly, not really wanting to invite conversation.

Rebecca smiled, the action lighting up her face. She walked over to him, planning, no doubt, to take his hands and remove the padding, her large boots clacked on the tiled floor.

She tilted her head at him as she grabbed an arm, the loose ponytail of her long hair falling over her shoulder.

"Wanna get smashed?"

"Or not?" She gave a small smile before back away further.

"I'm sorry, Re-re. I would've like to but" he pulled a face "after today…"

"I understand."

"I don't think you do." He started to cry. Tears streamed down from his face, spit fell from his mouth and he threw himself onto the floor wailing and sobbing and...

Wait a second! WHAT?

"I don't do crying, Lovingthis. I figured that if we were going out of character I may as well go the whole hog." As he spoke, he turned from his position on the floor to lie on his back, arms crossed behind his head.

You don't do crying? Oh wait a sec… you actually don't do you? WOOPS! That would've been a fail if I put that in the story! Sorry! I won't make you go all OOC again.

"You know, I really do appreciate you listening to me, Lovingthis. It's nice that you're learning and trying to describe the real me. You're not just trying to write what is convenient."

You can reward me later. *winks*

Hehe okay! Well I'm a bit worried seeing as YouHaveLovelyHair has informed me that my Becker and her Becker were down the pub the other day! God only knows how THAT conversation went! :)

I'd love any more ideas!

Thanks for such great feedback from the first chapter! I can't believe it was such a hit!

Please, do continue to let me know what you think!