(Still Rick's Point of view)
After the crazy week working with Slaughter, I realized he is too insane for even me. I missed Beckett, as much as if pained me to say it. She opened my eyes on our partnership in a totally different light, I never knew she cared so much, I mean risking her job? Her job is everything… her job is everything.
That thought kept on seeping through my confused brain, making me want to just call her already and say sorry for being a complete ass face.
When I arrived home and Alexis was bundled up on the couch with the College acceptance letter in her hand it made me smile. Knowing that she worried so much about her education and that she tries to hard on everything she does, I can't imagine being any more proud of her then now. She really is something else, I couldn't have asked for a better kid.
"Do you think you'd be better off somewhere else?" I asked hoping everything would fall into place for her, like I wish it did for me.
"I don't know…do you?" Her face seemed so hopeful for the right answer, but the truth is there never is a right answer for questions like that, it's all a matter of what you want.
"I don't know either." Damn, I hate being of no help to my daughter at her time of need. I'll let her ponder on this then. "I guess the question is, do you want it badly enough…." I want it badly enough, I'm not talking about the college either, I'm thinking more on the lines of a special detective that has been really beclouding my vision on our situation. "To get over being hurt.."
Okay who am I saying this to, myself or Alexis?
"You know what I think would help with this decision?" I knew something sweet would get us both in a better mood.
"Ice cream." My daughter and I said at the same time, oh she knows me so well.
"Race you!" I got up and pushed her over on the couch as I passed her, so not cheating.
"That's cheating!" She said between giggles. Oh how I've missed father daughter time.
That night I couldn't stop thinking of her though… Kate that is. The one who normally brings a smile to my face but now is making me doubt myself too much to be sure of anything anymore. What if she does feel the same? Well then why the hell would she lie to me! Maybe she thinks I didn't mean it? No that's ridiculous of course she knows I meant it, how can she not? Maybe I should just text her.. Or call her.. Or go to her apartment? No you idiot just wait till tomorrow. Everything will be different in the morning, I'll make sure of it.
My mind finally settled down enough for me to fade off into a deep slumber. That morning I woke up with a different view on things, I wanted to change my attitude towards her, for the better. She doesn't deserve me treating her like nothing, because she is so much more than just my partner and I need to grow up and smell the damn coffee! Speaking of coffee, I need to make her some of that. When I strolled on into the precinct with two coffees in my hand her face lit up for a moment, but then masked with a solid dull face. Great now she's masking her feelings, if she even has feelings.
"Good morning Detective" I smiled at her trying to make it meet my eyes, but the thought of her keeping the secret kept on creeping back into my head. NO! stop that! You can do this! I kept on mentally yelling at myself.
"Hey Castle, didn't expect you to be in today." She said blatantly with a mono tone voice, seemed un interested in the fact that I'm here, as she shuffles through paperwork.
"And why is that?" I said as I sat down in my usual seat, handing her coffee over to her.
She smiled at that and said thanks, but then turned back to her paperwork.
"Well I don't know, are you here to find out where you can find another detective to shadow?" The coldness to her tone didn't go missed by me.
My smile dropped at that. Damn you! Why have I been such a dick!
"No, you're the only detective that I want….to shadow" My smile came back to my face as I saw the slightest difference to her facial features, she seemed shocked at that.
"Oh Yeah?" She said as she looked up from paperwork "sure you don't need another kick ass partner like Slaughter?" Her eyes held something like anger but also hurt in them. Her words were definitely sarcastic to the highest extent.
"No I'm safer here, besides I have a beautiful partner I'd much rather hangout with all day?" I tried to play back to our old roots, where we could just make a joke about our feelings. She wasn't having it though.
She took a deep breath and crossed her fingers together, having the most peculiar expression dancing across her face.
"Rick I don't know what the hell has been going on with you lately, but your actions have been confusing the hell out of me, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop playing with my emotions." She was about to get up but I wasn't letting her walk away, not when she's let so much slip out already. So I caught her arm just in time before she could fully get up, and pulled her back down in her chair.
"Wow wow, Kate hold on a second." My eyes finally met up with her for the first time in about 3 weeks, and god did I miss those eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Oh you jack ass, you know exactly what she's talking about! Stop stalling!
She nearly glared at me as if I was going crazy for even asking such a question.
"Look" She pulled away from my hold "Forget I even said anything, Okay?" Her voice as cold as ice, she was about two feet from the desk probably making her way to the break room when I was finally done messing around.
"Just like how you pretended to forget what I said to you." I couldn't fight back the anger that was dragged out with each word.
She stopped mid step and turned around to look at me.
"What are you talking about?" She said as she made her way back to me.
"Nothing, don't worry about it, just forget I even said anything, you seem to be good at that anyway." I started to get up to walk past her but she put her hand to my chest pushing me back down into my chair. Now on normal circumstances this would be sexy as hell, but right now too much anger was pent up inside of me to even care.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Her voice was caring and worried all at the same time.
"Like you even care Kate, stop acting like I matter to you, it's insulting." My voice was becoming horse from the thick emotions that were closing up my throat.
"Castle what the hell are you talking about? You know for a fact that this matters to me, of course I care." Her voice cracked a bit at that but she continued "Rick where is this even coming from?"
Where is this coming from, where is this coming from! I nearly wanted to laugh in her face for that. Oh only if she knew where all of this was coming from, she would feel so stupid for even asking me such a naïve question. But she doesn't know that I know, I guess she is going to find out today whether I like it or not.
Hello there everyone! I know I've really been slacking on the writing lately, and I'm really sorry. I just kind of lost the motivation to write I guess. I don't really know, ANYWAY please Review I would really like to know if you guys are happy with where this is going or if I should do something different. Anyway BYE KIDDIES, I'LL BE WRITING MORE SOON! Well if you guys want me to.