Chapter three
Ducky convinced the team to remove themselves from the hallway and go to the hospital cafeteria to sit and discuss the matter at hand. Taking a table alone in the back, Jimmy got Ducky a cup of tea and a corn muffin then they waited for the sagacious medical examiner to speak.
"As side from nausea and a grade A headache, the head trauma caused optic neuropathy, better known as optic nerve damage. The optic nerve is the one that transmits information between the eye and the brain. The severity of the blow Anthony damaged his optic nerve in both eyes causing blindness," Ducky explained.
"Can they do anything for his condition, Ducky?" asked Abby.
"There are some experimental adult stem cells therapies that one of the doctors mentioned but it is experimental and Anthony doesn't need experimental at the moment. He needs to ground himself in the reality of what his life has become," said Ducky.
Abby looked to be in a state of shock. McGee put his arm around her shoulder and leaned into him and allowed him to take on her weight.
"What does he need from us?" asked Ziva, who was fighting back tears.
She sat there with her two hands in front of her gripping them so tight that her knuckles were white. Gibbs placed his right hand on her hands and gently patted them.
"Right now Anthony is reverting back to form. He is raising the walls and holding those who love him at bay because he believes he is no longer worthy of friendship or love. He views himself as a burden, which means he is going to try to go through this on his own even though he requires a great deal of assistance," Ducky said.
"Goddamn it, Duck, how do we get through to him now?" asked Gibbs.
"We give him some time right now, Jethro," Ducky said. "He is allowing me to be involved, to be his eyes so to speak, and his advisor. I believe he has already accepted his old life is gone. He is no longer your senior field agent or an investigator and for a man like Anthony that means he believes he is worthless. Jethro, we both know Anthony's self-esteem issues."
McGee sat and stared at the table top. He didn't know how to react to this news, except to allow Abby to cry in his shoulder.
"I think Tony will let me talk to him, maybe even help him," said Jimmy.
"I believe you are right, Mr. Palmer. You and Anthony have developed a unique friendship. I don't think he believes you have expectations from him where he feels others do," Ducky said.
"What do you mean by that, Ducky?" asked Ziva, her voice straining to control the mix of anger and sadness she felt.
"To you, Anthony led the rescue of you in Somalia. We might as well be honest and admit he has deep feelings for you, so he wants to be strong for you, Ziva. Now he very well knows that you can take care of yourself, yet he is never so committed or focused or selfless as when you are in danger," Ducky explained. "If he is not strong for you, if he is not someone who can have your six then who is he for you?"
Ziva nodded her head in understanding. He was always someone she could rely on when she hurt emotional and someone who she could watch a movie with. Movies. Watch movies, his great hobby, his passion. It was gone for him now. The tears started to escape her eyes, though she tried to control their flow.
"That's just…," Gibbs was ready to go on a tear when Ducky looked at him.
"He is your senior field agent. You have defined your relationship with him as him being your senior field agent. Yes, he is more to you than that to you, and I won't discuss that right now, but how you defined his usefulness to you was as your senior field agent. He is no longer your senior field agent, Jethro," Ducky stated.
"He's Tony," sobbed Abby.
"Abigail, dear, he is your surrogate big brother. The one you joke with and make pinkie promises. He collects you from clubs when you are a little too tipsy or feel your current beau doesn't understand no as an answer. He brings you CafPows and occasionally goes clubbing with you," said Ducky. "That Tony is gone in his opinion."
"There has to be something we can do, Ducky," said McGee. "I mean I have to be able to help him. This is partially my fault. I have to be able to help him."
"Timothy, Anthony calls you Probie. His probie. Kate when she joined us from the Secret Service never looked to Tony for training. She thought herself his equal, even though he was senior. You were his first probationary agent to train. That means you will always be his probie. Until now. Now you are a field agent, more than likely his successor, and he is blind," Ducky pointed out the situation to McGee succinctly if not painfully.
"I have to see him, even if I don't speak to him," Ziva said. "I will just stand and look at him to make sure he is alright."
"I understand, my dear. Let me see if I can arrange something," said Ducky.
"What should we do, Duck?" asked Gibbs.
"As a group you must return to DC. He won't be able to be transported to Bethesda until his nausea and headaches subside. I am going to contract, Director Vance, and tell him I am taking a leave of absence," said Ducky. "Anthony is the grandson I never had. I will stay down here until I am able to have him transferred to Walter Reade where he will be able to receive counseling and training. He is going to have to learn how to use a cane, read braille, and so much more."
"I will help anyway I can," said Gibbs.
"I know, Jethro. And in time we will get Anthony to accept your help, all of your help," Ducky said. "But we must start one step at a time."
"Umm, I know that no one will want to hear this," Jimmy spoke up, "but will Tony's life be in danger. I know he has made a lot of arrests in his day and, well, angered a great many dangerous people."
"Shit, I didn't take about that. He'll be vulnerable to retaliation now. Mike Macaluso always said he'd get even and if Tony is no longer a federal agent then he becomes an easy target," said Gibbs.
"They will have to get through me to get to him," Ziva stated boldly.
This time her voice was clear and filled with conviction. If she couldn't help him the she could protect him.
"Where is he going to live?" asked Abby. "I mean he can't live alone until he is trained."
"We are getting ahead of ourselves here," said Ducky. "First, let's get him well enough so he can travel to Walter Reade."
"I agree. We'll take this one stage at a time and stage one is in Ducky's capable hands," said Gibbs.
"Thank you, Jethro," said Ducky.
"Someone has to take his statement, Ducky. He knows it's necessary," said Gibbs.
Ducky looked at Ziva and nodded then smiled.
"I shall work something out," he said.
NCIS
"Well, at least I'm not sensitive to lights like I have been after some of my concussions," joked Tony, as Dr. Hernandez checked out some of his motor responses.
"Now I want you to sit a on your own," said Hernandez.
Tony slowly pushed himself forward so that he was no longer sitting with his back against the bed. For a moment he seemed fine then the nausea overtook him and he gaged as he fought against vomiting.
Hernandez placed a pan under his chin and rubbed his back until finally Tony throw up in the pan.
"Hey, believe it or not you are doing better with nausea," said Hernandez. "I think it'll curtail in another day or two."
"No more vomiting. Geeze, what will I do for a hobby," he joked.
"How about books on tapes? I tell you I love them. I listen to them when I'm in my car," said Hernandez.
"You know, doc, that isn't a bad idea. It's sort of like those old radio shows listening to a book on tape," said Tony.
"Yeah, I guess it is like that," said Hernandez.
"I think I shall have Mr. Palmer investigate that," said Ducky.
"I heard the Harry Potter books were entertaining as books on tape. And maybe the Dresden Files," suggested Tony.
"How's the headaches?" asked Hernandez.
"Still there, but less so," said Tony.
"Good. We can ease up on the painkillers which you don't like to take then," said Hernandez.
Tony lifted his right hand up to his temple and rubbed.
"You are going in for some neuroimaging later this afternoon," said Hernandez.
"Dr. Hernandez, would Anthony be able to make a statement?" Ducky asked.
"Just as long as he doesn't get too upset. If he starts getting upset and nausea, I want it to end," said Hernandez.
"I'll be in the room during the process," said Ducky.
"I have no problem then," said Hernandez.
Hernandez then wrote a few items in Tony's chart and left.
"Anthony, you know it must be done," he said to Tony.
"I know, Ducky. Who is going to do it?" he asked.
Ducky heard the strain in his voice. Tony didn't want to be seen by any of his team, but he knew what needed to be done.
"Ziva," Ducky said.
"Ducky," he said in almost a groan.
"She needs to see you, Anthony. The poor girl is a wreck. She is the one who dove into the water to save you. She needs to see that you are alive," said Ducky.
Tony took a deep breath. He remembered her voice when he was in his short coma and her touch. As much as she needed to see him, he wanted to see her, but he no longer could see that beautiful face.
"Okay. I'll give Ziva my statement," he said.
"Good man," smiled Ducky.
It was a minor victory, but it was a victory.
NCIS
Ziva was nervous as she grabbed a pen and notebook to go take Tony's statement. Gibbs could understand her nervousness. He was nervous to see Tony again. Ducky was right. He had defined his relationship with Tony by his position as senior field agent, which allowed him to be close with Tony and yet keep some distance. He understood all too well how Tony was looking for a father figure to replace his own flawed father. Now that Tony was no longer his SFA, he probably thought his relationship with Gibbs was done. He forgot that a marine leaves no man behind, especially a man who was his surrogate son.
"Ziver," he caught her in the hallway before she entered the room.
"Yes, Gibbs," she said.
"There are no longer any rules for you and him. Do you understand what I'm saying?" he asked her.
She understood that he was telling her that regardless of what happens rule 12 no longer existed. Ziva smiled at this.
"Thank you, Gibbs," she said.
"He needs us. He needs you, even if he doesn't want to admit it," Gibbs said.
"And I need him," she said. She realized it when she saw him going under the water that she needed Tony DiNozzo. He had insinuated himself into her life so deep that when she finally admitted her love for him, it seemed silly that she had even been denying it.
Gibbs kissed her on the forehead: "No matter how difficult he can be, remember that you both need each other."
Gibbs walked down the hallway and she quietly entered the room. She saw Ducky dozing in a chair in the corner of the room and the bed in a sitting up position and Tony with his sightless sea green eyes staring off in the unseen distance. Suddenly, he sniffed the air.
"Sandalwood, citrus, and cinnamon, my ninja is in the room," he said.
She smiled: "Yes, I am Tony. You know my scent."
"I always had a strong sense of smell. So, I'm ready to give my statement," he said.
Ducky woke up but didn't say anything. Instead he observed the two. Ziva at the foot of the bed staring at Tony and he sat in the bed with his blind eye looking at nothing. He could see how much she wanted to move closer to him and how guarded Tony seemed.
"First, I thought you'd like to know Kline and Turlington confessed and implicated Murphin. Also, they told us about this Frizz who identified you. Gibbs has a BOLO out on him," she stated simply.
"Hey, so the undercover op wasn't a complete loss, right?" he smiled.
Ziva could tell that the smile was masking both physical and emotional pain.
"Do you need some painkillers, Ahuvi?" she asked him.
Tony caught the term Ahuvi and knew it had some mean in Hebrew he wasn't willing to embrace, not any longer, not that he was had become a burden and no longer was a man. He ignored it and her question.
"What happened to you guys?" he asked.
Ziva looked down at the floor. How to explain to him that he lost his sight because of a pothole? She looked up at him and took a deep breath.
"Our car hit a pothole and the front axle broke. We had to call in MPs as backup. Gibbs drove as fast as he could to catch up to you, but we were late," she said.
"A pothole," he repeated then chuckled. "I always thought my career would end because of a bullet not a pothole."
"Tony," she said softly trying to hide the emotions in her voice.
"Here we go. Kline and Turlington told me that their supplier wanted to talk to me. I had my doubts about going with them because this was unexpected but I went along knowing I could count on my backup," he said.
Ziva wrote this down as she moved closer to him.
"While we were in the car headed to the marina, I started to get a bad feeling. I knew Gibbs was good but I just didn't see anyone following us," he said then paused. "We got to the marina and then to Murph's boat and that's when he told me Frizz recognized me. I arrested Frizz eight years ago for being an accessory to a murder some seven years ago when I was a Baltimore homicide detective. He served six years. It was all a real SNAFU, huh?"
"Ahuvi, we tried to get there as quickly as we could," she said.
"I know," he replied, but she saw how his face was pinched with pain.
"What happened then?" she asked.
"Turlington and Kline grabbed me, so that Murph could go what he wanted, but I managed to head butt him breaking his nose then I got a hand loose and hit Kline or Turlington, I can't remember which. Actually, I can't remember much starting then other than Murph hit me with a lead pipe in the head and then they threw me in the water to drown," explained Tony.
"So it was Murphin who hit you?" she asked.
"Yes. His fingerprints should be the only ones on the pipe he used," he said.
"Is there anything else you'd like to add?" she asked him.
"Yes, I'm making a request of you if you'd relay to Director Vance that I'm no longer able to serve as an active field agent for NCIS. He and Agent Gibbs need to begin the process of replacing me," he said.
She saw tears forming in his eyes, but otherwise he sounded in control of himself.
"Tony, I need to say something," Ziva said.
"Agent David, there no need to say anything. My career is over, which means my relationship with those at NCIS is over. It's just the way it is," he said trying to sound matter of fact but she heard to hurt in his words.
"Tony, I do not care if you want to hear this or not, but I am going to say it. There is too much unresolved between you and me, so nothing is over between us. I am not deserting you, even if you want me to desert you," she said.
"Agent David," he tried to interrupt her, but she wouldn't be interrupted.
"My feelings for you are too strong and too deep to let you go. No one on the team is deserting you. In time you will accept our help, even though you refuse it now," she said.
"Please, Zi, leave me alone. I've got nothing to offer anyone anymore, so just leave me alone," he said with some of his walls starting to crumble.
She moved close to his side then she slowly and carefully leaned over and softly kissed him on the lips. Ducky saw that he didn't pull away, which made him smile. Tony wanted Ziva in his life, which meant they just had to clear away a few more walls and he'd let her in.
"You once said that you could not live without me. That feeling is mutual, Ahuvi," she said.
"I have nothing to offer anyone now," he said. "I have nothing to offer you."
"You have so much to offer, Tony. I just have to make you understand that," she said.
"Please go," he said sounding defeated.
"I will leave now, but I am not going. I will be back," she said then she gently caressed his cheek.
She turned and looked at Ducky, who gave her an encouraging smile and nod, and then she left.
"She doesn't understand, Ducky," he said knowing the old man was awake.
"I believed that she understands all too well, Anthony," Ducky said. "She realizes she loves you and she is not going to desert you know that she realizes that."
"I've got nothing to offer her. She deserves a whole man who can… who can give her everything she deserves," he sighed.
"Ah, well, who she deserves and who she wants are two different matters. Love doesn't always chose based on criteria we easily understand. The heart is a stubborn muscle," Ducky smiled.