Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

Chapter 1

"So," I said, closing my locker with a click, "I hear you hooked up with Suigetsu this weekend."

"What?" Ino hissed. "Who told you?"

I shrugged. "Naruto, Tenten, Hinata, Lee, Tsunade-sensei…" Seeing her expression made me trail off. "Wait… it's not true, is it?"

"Of course it isn't! I'm not one of his sluts!" I knew there was something she wasn't telling me, but something in her expression made me drop it. Behind her luscious blonde hair and baby blue eyes, Ino was fragile.

"I've been thinking," I began, wondering how to best bring up the whole, I-need-an-in-to-your-therapy/sorority-group thing. It didn't matter anyway, though, because she cut me off (in typical Ino fashion). Spinning on her ridiculously high heels, she asked me the question I'd been dreading.

"Why are you talking to me?"

Well.

"Sakura, we were best friends for ten years and suddenly you just decide you don't have enough time for me because you would rather spend your time stalking some guy who barely knows your name?"

Straight to the point, I see.

"It's not stalking!" I shouted, starting to get flustered. And it's not. I don't stalk Sasuke. I study him. Like a scientist studies a bug, only I study a boy. At least, that's what I tell myself.

"Not stalking? That's rich! You know everything about him, Sakura! You probably know what color boxers he wears to bed on Mondays!"

It's purple. But I wasn't about to say that out loud.

Ino was yelling now, red in the face. I expected her to punch me, or kick me, or mutilate me in some sort of way. I didn't expect her to cry.

As the first tear slipped out of her mascara coated eye (she picked the right day to wear waterproof!), I watched, entranced, as it gracefully followed the slope of her cheek. When I cry, it's the blotchy, puffy, awkward-looking meltdown tears. When Ino cries, she lookstragic, and heartbreaking, and oh-so-beautiful.

I. Am. So. Jealous.

I'm also a terrible person.

"Oh, Ino." I whispered, grabbing a tissue out of my pocket. Three years as a girl scout teaches you to be prepared. Handing it to her, I murmured, "I am so, so sorry."

"It's fine." She replied curtly, putting on her brave face. "See you later, Sakura."

I felt awful as she turned to walk away.

"Wait!" I cried, running up to her. "I'm sorry. Pinky swear! I shouldn't have abandoned two years ago so I could," I flinched as I continued, "stalk the boy of my dreams. But if it makes you feel any better, you're still my best friend. Always."

I made sure she was looking into my eyes (totally my best feature!) as I asked, "Will you give me a second chance?"

She hesitated.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Ino's face broke in to a grin. "Sure."

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I am 99.9% sure that I emitted a sound only describable as a squeal when she said this, then pulled her in for a hug.

And of course, that was when Anko-sensei walked by. "NO PDA!" she barked.

I can't remember ever laughing so hard.

Of course, Ino's "new best friend" was the hot topic of conversation for the next week. I wasn't surprised, though. Ino couldn't pick up milk from the store without someone knowing.

I was invited to all the hottest parties, got to sit at the popular table at lunch, and could finally walk through the hallways without running into someone every five seconds.

I hated it.

People kept trying to take my notebook!

Finally, after Neji asked what I was writing for the fifth time that day, I lost it. In retrospect, punching him probably wasn't the best move. His icky nose blood got all over my shirt! I walked around the rest of the day looking like my period exploded all over me.

So, of course, EVERYONE was interested in said notebook.

You'd think punching someone in the nose would at least HELP to get the message across!

The.

Notebook.

Is.

Mine.

The only person I let anywhere near the notebook is Ino, and that's because she already knows what's inside. And it worries her.

Worries her!

There's nothing wrong with having a notebook filled with a person's each and every move… or 38 others just like it. Speaking of, I need to remember to get another. There are only five pages left in dear-old 39! I'm thinking leopard print on the cover… or maybe zebra. Zebra. Yessssss.

That reminds me, I really need to ask Ino about that therapy group. I don't know when this obsession turned from cute to creepy. Probably fifteen notebooks ago.

Sakura Haruno's Amazingly Fantastirific To-Do List!

1. Take out the trash! It's getting smelly in the kitchen!

2. Homework. Lots of it.

3. Write about Sasuke….*sigh*

4. DO NOT WRITE ABOUT SASUKE! THAT WAS WRITTEN OUT OF HABIT AND I CAN'T FIND AN ERASER!

5. Get help.

6. Seriously, you need to take out the trash. It smells really bad in here. Kind of ruining my appetite for this lovely donut.

7. Pick out your outfit for Suigetsu's party tomorrow! Look hawt.

Alright, Sakura. You can do this. You can dooooo this. YOU CAN DO THIS! Mentally, I prepared myself for what was sure to be the hardest two minutes of my life.

Pick up the phone. Closing my eyes, I cautiously reached for the phone. Just doing so hurt.

Good girl! Now dial the number. Dial it! Why was I talking to myself like a puppy? This girl is a homo-sapien, thankyouverymuch.

I uncrumpled the napkin and puched in the number written on it in Ino's elegant, loopy handwriting. Double checking that I had entered it correctly (I've been down wrong-number lane way too many times before), I paused.

Deep breaths, Sakura, deep breaths. Take all the time you need.

More deep breathing on my part. Sucking in a huge gust of air, I pressed the button.

Ring…

Rinng…

Rinnng…

Rinn-

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was female and sounded about my age, which was comforting.

"Hi!" I pipped, then cringed at my cheeriness. I sounded like Elmo on drugs.

"Can I help you?"

"Is this the Unique Problems Support Group?" I asked.

"Special treatments for special people!" The lady chorused back.

Special people. That was me. Special.

Great.

Steeling myself, I uttered the hardest words I have ever had to say in my life.

"I'd like to join."

A/N: And, I do believe that concludes Chapter One. Next chapter: Sakura's first therapy session! And if you can guess who her instructor is, I will give you a virtual hug. Review!