Confessions of a Stalkoholic
Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."
Rated: T
Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.
Chapter 2
"Oh, Sakura, you'll just love it!" Ino chirped. She was way too excited to be up at seven on a Saturday morning.
I, on the other hand, was less optimistic about it. I need my beauty rest, and may have been just a teensy bit grumpy.
"Everyone in the group is so nice, it really seems like they don't have problems at all! Except for Lee, but you know, over-enthusiasm is kind of hard to ignore. He's not even going to be here this week though, we finally convinced him to get his eyebrows trimmed. That unibrow was not working for him! The rest of them are really great though, and the building has uber-comfy chairs, which is a plus!"
Why was she still talking?
"And we're getting a new sensei this week! She's our age, so we can really connect to her. She sounds totally nice, from what Kurenai-sensei told us about her last time. She might have been being sarcastic, though, because I think she was kind of bitter about being fired. Still, I'm not very good at detecting sarcasm, like last week I asked dad if I could have ice cream for breakfast-"
"Pull in here!" I yelled over Ino's rambling.
She looked so confused. "But, this isn't the therapy office…" she said.
"I know," I replied. "I need coffee."
"Here we are!" Ino said, looking slightly nervous.
Good. She should be nervous. Nervous that I was about to rip her brains out! She had spent the entire car ride (19 minutes, 31 seconds. Yes, I counted) going on about how great therapy is. And on. And on. And on. Finally, I just turned on the radio.
I think she got the message.
Stepping out of the car, gift box in tow (I wanted to make a good impression!), we walked in to the building.
And holy crap, it was nice for a crazyhouse! Three of the walls were a gorgeous sky blue color, and the fourth was made completely of glass. It looked out into a beautiful tropical garden of flowers I'd never seen before in every shade of pink, blue, yellow, orange and purple.
"Are we having class out there?" I asked Ino, hoping the answer would be a big, fat YES.
She laughed. "Good one, Sakura!"
Then she saw my face.
"Oh, you were serious? No, we don't have class there. That's the meditation area, which is supposed to be open for all, but Jugo pretty much lives there, so if anyone even steps foot in there, he goes all ninja on their ass."
"Jugo?"
"Yeah, he's psycho. I mean, at first he seems like a really nice guy, but piss him off and watch out. He broke the last newbie's arm, just because he didn't say hi to him."
Note to self: Say hi to Jugo.
"Anywho, therapy's down here." She led me to a gold trimmed door, which totally got my hopes up for what was behind it. Holding my breath, I peered in as she opened the door and saw… steps. Lots of them, going down, down, down.
"It's in the basement, isn't it?" I deadpanned. What a buzzkill.
Ino didn't even have to nod. "They have good reasons for it! This way, if someone freaks, they won't break a window and run around terrorizing pedestrians! They would have to get through all of us first!"
That was reassuring.
"Whatever," I said. "Let's do this."
Taking the stairs one at a time (why did I pick today to wear heels? Oh yeah, because I didn't think therapy would involve any STRENUOUS ACTIVITY!) , I could hear voices down below. Well, one voice actually. The monologue went a little like this:
"Hi everyone, I'm your new shrink! I am seventeen years old and go to Konohagakure High School, where I serve as a therapist Monday, Tuesday and Friday. My academics are second best in class, and my name is-"
Wait a minute. Konoha High? Second best in class (after me, of course)? I knew that voice.
"Karin."
And that is precisely what caused to lose my footing and tumble down the last half of the steps, much to the amusement of my new classmates.
Karin. A name I hate with every fiber in my body. A name coupled with a whorish skank, whose red hair is so obviously dyed (unlike mine, which is all natural). A name associated with the sluttiest slut of them all, who played Suigetsu, Naruto, Shikamaru, and every other male in our grade. A name belonging to Sasuke's first and only ex-girlfriend. A name given to the girl that wants him back. The name of the girl who kicked me in the shin in first grade, because I got to read my poem in front of the class, while she was the teacher's second choice. The name of the floozy who has been trying to beat me ever since.
The name of the tramp who was laughing just a little louder than everyone else when I picked myself up from the floor.
Dusting myself off, I was beet red as I took an open seat next to Ino. The gift box I had wrapped remained tucked away in my coat. There was no way I was giving her the diamond earrings, even if they were fake! Mentally, I made a note to wear them to Suigetsu's party tonight. Ino was helping me spiff up after therapy.
Karin, not even bothering to conceal her laughter, turned to me. "Well, so much for a graceful entrance. Don't worry, I'll let you off the hook because you're new."
I hated everyone for laughing. I wasn't about to back down from a challenge, though.
"You're new too." I replied rather snippily.
"Yes, but I didn't publicly humiliate myself five seconds into class."
Ouch. That hurt about as much as breaking a nail. I was the Comeback Queen.
"You're right. You humiliated yourself the moment you walked in the door. News flash honey: that shirt is not your friend."
That's right. Don't mess with Sakura before 10 a.m.
Karin was sputtering now. She looked like a giant fish, and I was laughing my head off.
I could just picture her swimming through the high seas as a chubby little pufferfush, or maybe a manatee (although that's technically a mammal). Glub. Glub. Glub.
"Nice face, Nemo." I called.
That earned me a few titters from onlookers.
Emboldened by their chuckling, I said, "The ironic thing is, that shirt would look better on the fish."
That's when she lunged.
"Ow…." I murmured, holding an icepack (courtesy of Ino) up to my swollen cheek. Karin may be small, but that girl can slap.
"Sakura Haruno, what is your problem?" Ino asked angrily. "We arrived two minutes ago, and you've already made everyone else think you're psycho!"
"Right, because I'm the psycho one! At least I didn't break someone's arm!"
"No, but you did break Karin's wrist!"
"So? Who needs wrists? Birds manage without them!"
"WE. AREN'T. BIRDS."
"Minor detail." I muttered under my breath.
Ino sighed. "Look, I know you don't like Karin."
I snorted. Can you say understatement?
"But, I need you to be nice, or you can't come back. And trust me, you need help. Will you please just try?" Ino was pleading using her puppy dog eyes, the ones nobody can resist.
Nobody but me.
"No." I said. "That whore is going down."
"Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."
There was a chorus of hellos and how-do-you-dos following this statement. Honestly, the whole scenario seemed straight out of the movies.
Everyone seemed nice enough, but I think they were all afraid of me, 'Sakura the Slapper,' as they've dubbed me. It was better than 'Karin the Krusher', though. That chick was crazy enough to be a Kardashian.
A little boy raised his hand.
"Yes?" Karin asked.
"What's a stalkoholic?" he inquired.
"What a good question!" Karin cooed in a disgusting baby voice. The boy looked about 14. I would hope he wasn't in diapers anymore. "What is a stalkoholic, Sakura?" She asked with poorly concealed malice.
"Well," I began, "It's someone who follows someone else around. A lot. Like, a lot a lot."
"That's weird." Said the boy. I didn't like this kid.
"Yes, it really is." Karin answered. I glared at her.
"Not as weird as dying your hair tomato red." I snapped.
"You're one to talk, pinky!"
"How dare you?" I roared, fingering my pink strands. "This is all natural!"
"Okay!" Ino cut in. "Why don't we get back to introductions?"
"No!" The boy retorted. "Let 'em fight!"
I whirled around. "Listen kid." I spat. "I don't know who you are or what you're name is, and honestly I don't really care, but one more sassy remark out of you and I will personally make sure you won't be able to sass anyone ever again, because your tongue will be missing! Are we clear?"
He nodded.
"Now what do you have to say for yourself?"
A moment of silence passed, and I was suddenly aware that everyone in the room was watching us. And when I say everyone, I mean all of seven or eight people. Still, I could tell just looking at them that these people had serious issues.
There was a freaky man wearing a blue shark costume, with a berth of about five empty seats on either side of him. I pegged him as mentally unstable.
I also noticed a young man a little older than me, playing with a pot full of sand, watching us intently. Just playing with it. Though I tried to guess what his problem was, I just couldn't figure it out. He seemed fine. Maybe a little more bloodthirsty than most, and it wouldn't kill him to lay off the eyeliner (seriously, he looked like a panda), but he kind of reminded me of… me. Maybe we were distant cousins or something. He has the prettyprettygreen eyes too!
"Well?" I demanded, raising one eyebrow and expecting an apology.
Instead, the little smart-alek said, "My name… is Konohamaru."
Funny.
I was so proud of myself for not killing him right then and there, and it took every ounce of my strength to restrain from actually ripping his tongue out.
I'm definitely not a morning person.
In what I hoped was a sneaky way, I held my hand behind my back and flipped him off, hoping no one would notice.
They noticed, all right. The looks of disapproval on their faces said it all.
Really, though? The guy was a teenager, he could take it! These people have obviously been having trouble adjusting to the 21st century. It's publicly appropriate to be rude now! Just ask the man behind me last week at the stoplight! He was definitely being creative with his language.
Slowly, I lowered my hand, and slouched back to my spot next to Ino, who looked positively mortified.
Getting help was going to be harder than I thought.
I groaned, turning on the air conditioning. "That was awful."
"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad." Ino soothed.
"Not that bad? Everyone hated me!"
"Not Hinata! She just strongly dislikes you!"
"What? Who's Hinata?"
"Hinata Hyuga. Purple hair, lavender eyes, goes to our school. She's working on her stutter. Ring a bell?"
"No."
"But she goes to our school!"
"Her and 2,000 other people."
"Well, I guess I'll have to introduce you two at Sui's tonight."
"Sui?" I asked with incredulity. "Sui? Are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you?"
"I swear!" Ino claimed, clearly upset. That girl goes through mood changes faster than you can say pms. "God, we're just friends!"
"Really good friends, apparently," I replied, waggling my eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood.
"Leave me alone!" she returned. She looked ready to cry.
"Chill. I was joking, geez. I know there's nothing."
But I didn't, not really. Ino was acting weird, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.
Ino pursed her lips. "Whatever. Let's just get you ready. You're going to adore the dress I got for you! Oh, that reminds me, you owe me about $200."
"Where'd you get the dress? Tiffany's?"
"No, but the necklace came from there. Sakura Haruno, I am going to transform you into a princess."
I could deal with that, as long as Sasuke was my Prince Charming.
I just want my Happily Ever After.
A/N: So there you go! Hope you liked the chapter, I had fun writing it. Finally, there's going to be some SasuSaku interaction next chapter, and of course you have the party to look forward to! Thanks for anyone who reviewed or alerted or favorite the story, I'm really happy with the reception I'm getting, considering this is my first fic. Stay tuned!