Hello readers! First of all, let me just apologize for how long this update took. It's been a chaotic few weeks, and I had this chapter done a few days ago but my internet was down. As a refresher, here are some highlights from the last chapter:

"Remus, baby, I made breakfast," Sirius whispered into Remus's ear the next morning.

...

James arched an eyebrow mischievously. "Did you fuck the guy or what?"

...

"Keep your voice down, Regulus," Sirius said in a hushed voice. After another moment, he said, "Now, what do you mean, you were set up?" Sirius looked clearly skeptical.

...

Now, on to the next chapter. And to make up for the delay, I should have the next chapter up relatively quickly, and it will be a long one! Enjoy!

Chapter 11: Remus's Discovery, Sirius's Confession

Remus slowly rose out of bed and sat up, leaning his back against the large, dark oak head board. After Sirius had left, Remus had made his way back into his bedroom, laid in bed, and stared at the canopy, just thinking about Sirius for a long time. Yesterday felt almost like a dream to Remus. Actually, the last several weeks felt like a dream—a dream that Remus was terrified to wake from. The last thing he wanted was to wake up one day and realize that this was all too good to be true. Sirius was exactly the type of man that Remus had always wanted. Kind, funny, sexy, down-to-earth, and amazing in the bedroom. Sirius was perfect. Except for the small detail that Remus tried to push to the back of his mind.

Remus had never been in a relationship with a married man. He had always been the type of person who longed to be the center of his partner's attention, and usually he was. Even with Severus.

Severus.

His last relationship was a skeleton that was so deep in Remus's closet that even he had a hard time remembering it at times. Everything—even what had happened just a few weeks ago—was so suppressed in Remus's mind that he barely even knew it existed. Yet, it was so suppressed, that at times it would just come blaring to the front of Remus's mind so much so that he could not think of anything else. Remus debated whether or not to tell Sirius about his old lover. He leaned toward not telling him—what good would it do? What was the purpose of revealing a part of his past that would do nothing to advance his relationship with Sirius? At the same time, however, Sirius deserved to know the full reason why Remus had rejected him that night. He didn't want Sirius to think he was some prissy prude who hated drinking—Remus drank. He wanted Sirius to know that when someone was not in their right state of mind, Remus would not go there. Not ever again. Not only that, but the more Remus repressed his memories, the more they threatened to burst to the surface at any time, and Remus would rather tell Sirius about Severus on his own terms rather than after some kind of emotional outburst.

After another moment of deep thought, Remus shook his head lightly and climbed out of Sirius's bed. When his feet hit the soft white carpet of the bedroom, Remus suddenly felt very exposed. Yes, he was clad only in his boxer briefs, but that was not it. Suddenly, he became very aware that this was not his house. It was Sirius's. It was hers.

Without thinking, Remus turned around to one of the bedside tables and opened the top drawer. This was definitely Sirius's side of the bed. The drawer was full of old junk. An empty pill bottle—it looked like Sirius had had sleep troubles in the past. There were a lot of useless things in the drawer that Remus was not even sure why they were there—an old campaign button from a presidential election from a few years back, for instance. Remus smiled at the button. He had supported the same candidate. So had a lot of people, of course, but it just warmed his heart to know that he and Sirius had another connection. It slightly surprised Remus that Sirius had supported this candidate—Sirius coming from a wealthy, slightly aristocratic family. Remus went to close the drawer when something caught his eye. It was a folded up piece of paper that was pushed to the very back of the drawer. Remus had only just caught the corner of it. It was obvious that the paper had been hidden, so Remus hesitated slightly before he slipped it out from under the contents that were piled on top of it.

Remus unfolded the paper slowly and realized that it was a letter. Knowing he shouldn't, he began to read it.

Sirius-

How are you my old friend? I hope this letter finds you well. I thought about calling you, but I realized that dear Priscilla probably would not have liked that much. How is she? I hope you are both enjoying the start of your new marriage. In part, this is a letter of congratulations. I saw your wedding announcement in the paper. I hope you are happy.

Even on paper, Remus could sense the slight resentment.

Anyway, things here are well. I met someone a little while ago and he wants me to move to Oregon with him. He says it's beautiful there. I wouldn't know—I've never been. It's odd. I've traveled so much, but I have seen very little of my own country. I think I'll go. He loves me, and Oregon sounds nice.

Remus noticed that the writer of the letter had not expressed their mutual love for their partner. Interesting.

I have to confess, my darling, and I hope you won't be upset at my confession. It is that I miss you with all of my being. I think of you almost daily. I remember those stolen nights in the library or in secluded places around the outside of buildings. I wish things had turned out differently between us. When I saw that wedding announcement, I tried to imagine what it would look like if my name, not hers, was next to yours. Silly, I know. I know you were probably not expecting to hear from me, but I think about you so much that I had to say something. I had to let you know that you are always on my mind. Despite everything that happened, or maybe because of everything that happened, I still love you. I always will. You were my first real love—the first man to ever see me for the person I truly was. For some reason, I believe that I was that person for you as well. You are an incredible man, Sirius. You deserve every happiness that life has to offer. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently or make you believe differently. And if your happiness means a world without me in it, then that is something that I will have to live with even though it still kills me, even years later.

I don't expect you to reply to this letter, but I know you, Sirius, and I know you will hold it dear. I know your feelings for me are not gone, the same way my feelings for you will never be. Congratulations on the beginnings of your future life. I hope it brings you all you were looking for.

Love now and then,

Andrew

Remus's hands were trembling. From the beginning of his interaction with Sirius, it had been clear that Remus was not his first experience with a man. This, however, was not what Remus had expected. Sirius hadn't just had sex with other men before Remus, it seems that he had been in a full-fledged relationship with a man. From what Remus could tell from the letter, the relationship had been one that Sirius had pursued while he was with Priscilla. And when it had come time to choose, Sirius had chosen her.

For a moment, Remus thought he might be sick. History was repeating itself. Remus would be—he glanced at the letter again—Andrew. He would fall in love with Sirius as he already had, he would imagine a life with Sirius, and when the time came to choose, Sirius would choose his wife. The same way he had then. Remus sat down on the edge of the bed, folded the letter up again, and placed it in the drawer exactly as he had found it. He was about to gather his things and leave when a passage from the letter struck him.

You deserve every happiness that life has to offer. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently or make you believe differently… I don't expect you to reply to this letter, but I know you, Sirius, and I know you will hold it dear.

Just as it had done several times in the past few weeks, that sliver of hope reappeared in Remus's mind. It was clear that Sirius held this letter dear, and from the fold marks on the letter, Sirius had opened and closed it to read it several times. Maybe Remus was Sirius's way of getting the happiness he deserved in life, and maybe this time—just maybe—he would make a different choice. Remus knew it was a childish hope, but for a man he was falling in love with, it was a hope that he could not bear to give up. And in this moment, Remus made a vow that he would stop at nothing to make Sirius realize that he could not live his life without Remus.

With a smile on his face, Remus walked over to his pile of clothing, reached for his cell phone, and made a phone call.

"Remus?" Sirius called into his house when he arrived back at his Brooklyn townhome just a few hours after his talk with Regulus. He had seen Remus's car on the street outside his house (but in a different spot than last night), so he knew the man was here somewhere. "Remus?" he called again when he got no response. He walked through the front hall and down to the kitchen where he saw a pot sitting on the stove with steam rolling out from under the lid softly. He glanced over to the dining room and saw two place settings on the long table. Priscilla usually placed their dinners on opposite ends of the table whenever they ate together, but Remus had set one at the head of the table and one at the spot directly to the right of that spot so that they would seat near each other. Sirius smiled. Not even a moment later, Sirius gasped when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist and a face nuzzle against his neck. At the touch, Sirius felt shivers run through his entire body and right to his core. His smile broadened as he brought his hands up and placed them over Remus's arms that remained wrapped tightly around him.

"I missed you," Remus whispered against Sirius's neck, which caused renewed shivers to crash over him. As a means of response, Sirius pulled Remus's arms off him momentarily, whipped around, and brought his mouth roughly to Remus's. Remus sighed and pulled Sirius close when his arms found their way around Sirius's waist again. Sirius brought his hands to the back of Remus's neck and pushed Remus into him as he opened his mouth and deepened their kiss. In mere moments, their tongues were battling and Remus's hands had moved down to cup Sirius's ass. Sirius smiled against Remus's mouth and pushed himself into the man, eliciting a small whimper. Sirius's hands then traveled down and found Remus's belt loops to the jeans that Sirius recognized as his own. Seeing the lighter haired man in his clothes was possibly the sexiest thing he had ever seen, but he longed to get Remus out of those clothes. Priscilla would not be gone forever, and Sirius knew they needed to make the most of their time together. When Sirius began to tug on Remus's pants, Remus pulled away and put his hands on Sirius's chest.

"I made dinner," he gasped out. Sirius smirked at the effect he had on Remus. Remus looked significantly wound up and his lips were red and slightly swollen. It was clear that he also had a slight tent in his pants that Sirius longed to reveal and have his way with.

Instead of ignoring what Remus had said and continue kissing him like he desperately wanted to, Sirius merely smiled at him and walked over to the stove. He lifted the lid off of the pot and saw a delicious looking stew brewing underneath the steam that seemed to seek out his face. He also noticed that there was a loaf of bread baking in the oven. He turned around to face Remus with the smile still on his face. When he was in his presence he never seemed to be able to do anything but smile.

"Looks delicious," Sirius said. Remus grinned and walked up to Sirius.

"Okay, go sit down," he said as he tugged gently on Sirius's arm to move him away from the stove. Sirius obliged and walked over to the table that had been set for a romantic dinner for two. After just over a minute, Remus brought the pot of stew over and scooped some out and into the bowl in front of Sirius, who sat at the head of the table. He then scooped some into his own bowl, brought the pot back to the stove so it could keep warm, and then brought the loaf of fresh bread over to the table and put it in between them.

"How was your day?" Remus asked Sirius after he placed a napkin on his lap. Sirius, who had been looking down at his bowl of stew as he took his first bite, jerked his head up at Remus. Remus tilted his head in shock and knitted his brow slightly. "What?"

Sirius blinked several times and then shook his head with a small grin. "Nothing. My day was fine. I'm having some problems with my brother, but other than it's business as usual." Sirius saw Remus's hand resting on the table and without much thought, he reached up and put his hand on top of Remus's. Remus looked up at Sirius with the utmost love in his eyes, and responded to Sirius's touch by stroking his thumb across Sirius's fingers.

"Okay…" Remus said slowly, still confused about Sirius's earlier reaction, and trying not to get too lost in the feeling of Sirius's innocent touch. The truth was that for a moment, Sirius had felt completely caught off guard. When Remus had asked him how his day was as if the two of them having dinner together after Sirius came home from work was the most normal thing in the world, it had temporarily overwhelmed Sirius. It was just… odd. To sit here by this man who he was completely and totally infatuated with and attracted to as he asked him how his day was like it was completely natural made Sirius feel somewhat out of his body—like he was a spectator looking in on what could be his perfect life. And in that moment, he had known that he needed to touch Remus in any way possible. He had to know that he was real. "Do you want to talk about it?" Remus said referring to Sirius's comments about his brother and breaking Sirius out of his reverie.

For some reason, Sirius had the greatest urge to kiss Remus and to then spill all his guts—every worry that Sirius had had for the last few weeks was begging to come to the surface, and he felt like Remus was the perfect person to expose his feelings to. But Sirius did not say anything about Regulus. Instead he looked at their touching hands and said—

"Talking about that is just going to ruin this amazing dinner." Sirius gave Remus's hand a small squeeze, and Remus felt a swooping sensation in his stomach. "I just want to sit here and look at you while you tell me everything I need to know about you."

Remus blushed a deep crimson. Even last night when he had been completely nude in front of Sirius, he hadn't felt as exposed as he did in this moment while Sirius bore his gaze into him. Remus cleared his throat and looked down at his stew, making sure that his hand never left Sirius's grip.

"There's not much to know about me," Remus said in response as he continued to stare down at his stew. He took a few bites of bread and stew before he said anything. Sirius did not say anything; he only watched Remus. The silence was comfortable, and their fingers had begun to intertwine and play with each other lightly. Eventually, Remus looked up. "You'll want to eat that before it gets cold."

Sirius looked down at his stew with a smile and began to eat it slowly. He wanted Remus to open up to him, but he knew he would have to do it on his own terms. Sirius was the same way.

After a few more minutes of silence, except for the clanking of their spoons against their bowls as they ate, Remus spoke. He did not look at Sirius.

"My ex-boyfriend was a drug addict."

Sirius looked up at him. What? Sirius could hardly believe his ears. Was he hearing things? Remus's ex was a drug addict? Sirius could not imagine that. He could not imagine anyone less than a king being worthy of being with Remus. And then, it hit Sirius.

"That's why—"

"Yeah," Remus said before Sirius could continue. He knew Sirius had realized why he had rejected him that night. Remus continued to eat, but Sirius only watched Remus again. Remus had revealed a very intense part of his past just so Sirius could know him a little bit better, and for that, Sirius thought Remus was very brave. Despite the night they had shared last night, they still barely knew each other, but Remus had still revealed a secret about his life. Sirius felt the only way to be fair to Remus and to show him how much he cared about him was to do the same thing.

"I cheated on Priscilla in college."

Now, Remus looked up to meet Sirius's eyes. They looked at each other for a while, but neither spoke. It was clear that each of them was dying to ask more questions, but they didn't. It wasn't time for that yet. What Sirius didn't know, however, was that Remus knew a bit more about that cheating than Sirius realized. Their fingers still continued to roam each other's.

"When I'm a little older I want to move out of the city," Remus said after just a little bit more silence. "I want to live somewhere that I can see the stars at night."

A moment later: "I've seen The Lion King on Broadway six times."

At that, a disbelieving smirk broke across Remus's face and he tilted his head to the side to regard Sirius.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I love that show. I have since I was a little kid," Sirius said with a shrug. When Remus continued to stare at him with raised eyebrows, Sirius laughed. "Don't sit there and judge me. That's a great show."

Remus shrugged and went back to eating his food right after he briefly glanced at his and Sirius's hands. "I've never seen a show on Broadway." Sirius coughed and nearly choked on the bite of stew he had just taken.

"What?" he nearly shouted. Sirius shook his head in complete disbelief. "Oh, now that you're with me, that's definitely going to change." Sirius didn't seem to notice his own words, but Remus definitely had. Now that you're with me… "We're going to see a show as soon as possible. How have you been able to live your life in New York without seeing at least one Broadway show?"

Remus chuckled and shrugged. "We didn't have much money when I was growing up… The business had just gotten started and my dad had a lot of business loans to take care of. My mom's a teacher. And when I got older, I just never had the time."

Sirius looked at him. Remus could not tell what the look on his face was. It may have been pity or amusement, or simple curiosity. Remus couldn't tell. Suddenly, a flash of Sirius's letter came to the forefront of Remus's mind. I think of you almost daily… I wish things had turned out differently between us. He forced it out.

"I'm having dinner with a friend of mine next Saturday night," Remus said when Sirius did not say anything. "I know this might seem too serious, but I was hoping you might meet us for drinks afterwards," he said shyly. "You can bring James."

Sirius smiled at Remus's nervousness as he leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. He held Remus's hand even tighter. "I wouldn't miss it."

Remus sighed in relief.

"What's your friend's name?" Sirius asked.

"Lily."

TWO previews for next chapter (because I feel so bad for taking forever):

A moment later, there was a thud, and Sirius looked back and saw his lover in a heap on the floor.

...

"Oh, my god. Remus John Lupin, you have a boyfriend," she said. He had never been very good at hiding things from Lily.