I can't really say what it was that made me look through every single thing of my past on that rainy Sunday morning. Maybe it was waking up early, heading over to my daughter's apartment, and finding it abandoned with an index card tacked to the door. It wasn't really anger that had consumed me, but more like shock, and worry- so of course, disregarding that although it was eight in the morning in Japan, it was probably close to midnight in London, the city of my daughter's destination, I called her to make sure she was okay. Of course, upon calling her, I found that she was with people I trusted, people I had known for a long time. But it was her suggestion and her words that had scared me, and caused me to hang up without an answer, not her.
Completely a wreck at the mere thought of going through with what Satsuki had suggested, I holed myself back up in the apartment and thought about everything my life had become. Since high school, since coming to Tokyo, since losing people I cared about, one by one, by no fault of any Demon Lord- only by the fault of my own actions.
And like I always had when my nerves were going crazy like live-wires, I started doing busy work, mindless chores- which turned into cleaning, which brought me to that tall and towering book case. What in God's name caused me to want to organize it? Filled with sheet music, half written lyrics, a collection of various magazines, and countless books I bought, but never actually read. Things in the bookcase belonged to both Takumi and I, and some few precious things of Ren's from when he last lived here. And somehow, by maybe fate's design, I found it- exactly what I needed in order to make up my mind the way I had. The fragile confession I had been staring at for hours, thinking, contemplating- it was funny how some little words like these could change one's thoughts completely.