Fight No. Three-Million and One

Tears were welling in my eyes. He wasn't going to win. Not this time. Not now. I was going to beat him... this time. Or so I had hoped.

"When have you ever cared about me?" I screeched, digging my nails into my scalp as I cried out furiously.

"I cared enough to marry you!" he called back, turning around from where he stood in the kitchen, rummaging through a drawer for something.

"Not enough to stay faithful, you dirty cheater!"

"I never loved any of them!" His reply came practically milliseconds after my last syllable, punctuated by the slamming of the drawer being forced to roll shut. "So there was a number of them, then? Is that what you're saying?" I asked, attempting to corner the man known as my husband. You see, this wasn't news to me. I knew he had had more than "an amount" of secret lovers... but playing this card made him have to fix his approach to this particular fight.

"God-dammit!" he shouted louder than ever, and threw the wooden stirring spoon he was holding in his hand to the ground in frustration. He was practically growling as he lunged toward me, grabbing my shirt by the collar and pulling it towards him. The man was acting more like some wild lion on a hunt than like my husband.

Sometimes, he was terrifying. This man was a master of manipulation, a workaholic, and at one point in time he would have sold out any number of his family or friends all for the sake of his band. There was a burning fire in his eyes, and I could tell that that look was screaming that he was ready to hit me.

"Go ahead, do it," I spoke, narrowing my eyes. "Hit me if you want. It won't change the past, it'll only hurt the future." My jeers at him had ceased his growls, but his face was still practically red with fury. "Do it, because I know you won't," I taunted again. At this point, he was pulling me up and almost off the ground. I had to flex the balls of my feet so hard in order to keep a stance on the ground to prevent his grip on my shirt from choking me. Our faces were mere centimeters apart— we were caught in a momentary stalemate.

He was so much taller than me, and so much stronger, too; it wasn't going to be in my favor, whatever it was that would happen now. I watched as his hand lifted up and backwards, and my eyes widened. Quickly, I braced myself, squinted my eyes shut, and let a small squeak of fear escape from my mouth, all before firing one last bullet at him before he blew:

"You're a monster."

And then…

…Nothing.

He didn't move. I opened my eyes to see his hand still raised back, and relaxed my shoulders when my gaze focused in on his, only to see that they had fallen from their rage and were now looking somber at me. I wasn't going to drop my face, though; just because he didn't hit me this time didn't mean I was going to allow this incident to blow over.

"No... I... Nana, please..."

He paused and grew quiet after having raised his voice so high. It was almost as if he had swallowed his pride and frustration in a single gulp, and was trying to drown my protests with false sincerity. He let go of his iron fisted grip on my garments and ran the same hand through his hair, sighing. I fixed the wrinkles on my shirt and held my hand over my neck, wherein it was acting like a safety blanket after that last encounter. I was on thin ice right now. But something was making my blood boil tonight, and that very something wasn't going to let me stop fighting him until I had gotten what I wanted. And what did I want?

Oh, hell if I knew.

Takumi put his hands back into his pockets and stared at me directly. "I love you," he said with an unwavering voice, "And only you."

Something about the sudden care that had taken over his tone… I couldn't buy into it. Takumi Ichinose was not the kind of man who could go from rage to sincerity. In reverse order, sure, that was possible— hell, it happened on a consistent loop with him.

The man I regrettably had to call 'My Husband' took slow step after step as he came closer to me. I fought his subtle advances, as I braced myself, barring him away.

"Get away from me! You're a liar. You're lying to me again, I don't want you to touch me, you dirty liar!" But somehow, I ended up being the one who was lying. I denied his touch, his compassion— even if there was the high possibility that it was just another trick. I hid my head from him, and attempted to rub away my tears. He had always told me my face looked ugly when I cried. Right now was not the time I wanted to hear that. Not even a little bit.

In a single swift movement, he lifted his hands up and grabbed each of my wrists firmly, keeping a locked hold on my arms and not allowing me to move as I struggled against him, pinning me to the wall just outside the kitchen. "I told you to get the hell away from me, Takumi! Damn it, what's you're problem? S— screw off!" I cried out at him, struggling futilely.

"Actually, you told me to get away and that you didn't want me to touch you," he remarked with a smirking grin, keeping my wrists pinned on either side of my body. "Because I'm a liar. Right? Isn't that what you just said? Or is your short-term memory really that bad?"

I shot him an expression that I hoped translated into reading, 'This is NOT the time to be in your super specific asshole mode'. Sighing out, he placed his left hand on the side of my face, trailing his fingers down my cheekbone and staring at me, at my eyes, and playing with loose strands of hair. I felt my knees knocking and my whole wall that had previously been blocking the Demon Lord out come crumbling downward under his masterful technique. Even though he only had one hand holding me down, I still couldn't compete against his size and strength.

"No one else... Nana. You are the only one that I truly care about. You and Ren mean the world to me."

I had to stop him, before he got too far.

"Not enough..." I muttered out under my breath.

"What?" he asked, not having heard my incoherent slur of words.

"I said, it's NOT ENOUGH!"

Apparently, I had just tested his temper in a way that he couldn't handle.

Like I said. From anger to compassion wasn't one of his options.

Any other emotion into irrational anger? Well, I thought that was the only way Takumi operated. You would too, if you had lived with him in the last few years.

"Oh yeah? Well I say that it IS enough!" He released his grip on my wrist, only to grab on to my shoulders and slam them against the wall. It didn't kill me, but it wasn't a great feeling, either. I could tell the blunt force was going to give me bruises on my back. Then, Takumi began to yell: "Enough to want you to have my child! Enough to want you to raise my son and enough to want to raise an entire family with you! Enough to care for the two of you, to clothe the two of you, feed both of you, and put a roof over your heads!" he cried out, hands thrown above his head in exasperation. "I could have disowned him and claimed he was a bastard child, or better yet, bribed someone to give false answers to a paternity test! But no, I gave it a shot, I tried to be someone that I have never been. And you know the worst part of it, too, don't you?" he asked, stabbing a finger at me.

"I—"

But nothing came out. He stood, steaming, eyes on fire, practically heaving air he was so frustrated.

"You knew what you were doing. And you knew it was an impossible feat. And yet, you still tried to change me for yourself. You tried to alter the way I act, just to suit yourself."

He had me at a standstill. The saddest part was, he was correct. So I couldn't bring myself to speak after that.

"You are a selfish, self centered, needy, whiny little—" he stopped mid sentence, watching my tears bubble out from my eyes. He let go of a breath of air, forcing himself to relax, and closed his eyes to attempt to regain composure. "But, I can't be pinning all the blame on you…" he muttered, crossing his arms and turning away. "I was the idiot that thought I could meld into your perfect person. But don't expect me to be sorry because I'm not Nobuo, and I don't abandon everything that makes me me just to get with some chick."

I never thought that he actually wanted more of me than just a good romp in the sack (which hadn't happened in a long time, mind you) or a mere trophy wife, a prize from having ripped me out of the lives of all of my friends, because he had me and Nobuo didn't. Because he won, and I gave up everything for him. My impressions were that this man saw me as a prize to be won, and bet all his cards on finding a way to get me. Even worse, he had won. And he collected his winnings a long time ago, before our son was even born.

Because he knew that I loved him so much, I would never leave him, or our five year old child. I was a mother first, now; existing as a human being with emotions and my own wants came second.

"Why are you playing this game?" I asked him, trying to pull away from being sappy and sentimental. I didn't want to get caught in one of his webs— not tonight. Not this time. "You aren't even acting like Takumi right now. Are you even the Demon Lord?"

His eyes had become glassy and glazed over, no longer alight with a burning fire. "Make the deduction for yourself. If I was, wouldn't that change something about our child? He seems to be fine. Some way or another, you've managed to raise him well…" he trailed off, thinking more about Ren.

It infuriated me. I raised him well. Was he trying to degrade me as a person, or change the subject and distract my mind? I couldn't tell. Everything was becoming muddled now. But I clung on to what I could, and dug through to find and fashion from a bunch of bull-shit some form of an argument to keep him away from me.

"So? I may be the one to raise him well… but we both know that as soon as he grows up, you'll probably just take him away and leave me here to die!" I cried out, tears trembling over my lower eye lids.

Maybe I was over reacting, but, no cards were off limits in this argument. But Takumi refused to say anything. He kept his lips sealed up and his hands in the pockets of his suit pants, unmoving. "And you won't even say anything! You're the worst husband in the world! The absolute worst! I thought I'd be able to grow to love everything about you, but there's some things I just can't stand!" I cried, thrashing my fists about and pounding them against his chest. "Why won't you just... say something... please," I begged, letting a few tears fall as I dug my nails into him. My frustration with how this argument was going had become paramount. I knew that I wasn't going to win now; now, I just wanted to be consoled.

"It would be impossible anyways."

"—the hell are you talking about?"

He leaned in closer, whispering with his seductive tone into my ear: "If I am the Demon Lord, and you are my wife, that makes you just as evil. Better yet, our son— who came from your womb— is the Son of the Demon Lord. You delivered him— that makes you just as guilty."

His logic was sick, twisted. Takumi's composure never faltered; once he jumped on to an argument or playing along with something, he wouldn't stop until he had won. But he had never played along with my games before, and now he was using my own scapegoat against me.

"What's wrong with you?" I hissed. "Can't you act like an adult for five minutes? I thought being a father was supposed to transform boys into men, but clearly that program didn't work out that well for you."

"Maybe it wasn't the program that failed, but one of the players of the game," he retorted, staring me down. My lips tightened and my mood changed from misery and having a hissy fit to stone cold and hurt.

Maybe it wasn't the program that failed, but one of the players of the game.

Was he saying I was a failure? That I was defective as a wife?

"It's not my fault I couldn't put up with your bull shit after three years of asinine behavior from you!"

What happened to me? What happened to the Nana that was so devoted to her husband that she cared not for his infidelity or his lack of interest in her, but loved him regardless? Where was the sweet woman who waited patiently for him for days on end, when he would up and vanish away, and she would have to explain to Ren some made up lies that didn't tie together because she was so worried about the man she was so in love with? She wasn't here right now. Right now, I was letting go. I was trying to finally win one, but of course, that wasn't going to happen. I had dug myself a hole that I couldn't get out of. Of course, not unless Takumi decided to pull me out himself. Otherwise, I was out of luck.

"I— I'm sorry," I mumbled out. My eyes dropped and stared only at my hands, which I couldn't keep still as they fumbled around, not doing anything in particular except making me look like a fool. "Don't take this out on Ren. It's not his fault. I put too much pressure on his existence. We didn't raise him right," I began to tear up, and lose the composure I had tried to keep, "We raised him trying to be the solution to our own problems. We're not adults, we're each children ourselves, using another child as a pawn to try and force the other into submission."

And you're the one winning, I thought. Because I'm the one most hurt when you attack Ren.

Takumi stayed silent for a few moments. Contemplating… something. But I wasn't able to look him in the face, so I couldn't even try to figure out what. I turned to leave, to retreat away from the house, to grab my coat and my purse and my keys and to leave.

But he wouldn't let me.

Grabbing my wrist, his hold was not tight and oppressive, but firm and more… protective than anything else, I decided. "Please, just let me go now," I whispered, sobbing silently.

"...then let's have another one." I looked up and into his eyes, not sure if he was being sarcastic or not, and let my mouth hang open.

"Eh?" was all I could muster out.

"Kaa-sama... what's going on?"

A sleepy little voice made itself heard in the small room, and the owner stood in the doorway rubbing at his eyes, standing no taller than three quarters of a meter. It was our little son, Ren.

"Ren-kun!" I exclaimed suddenly, wiping the tears from my eyes, hoping he wouldn't notice. I turned to go shoo him off to bed. It was past eleven already, and he had to get his rest, otherwise he'd never be able to get up in the morning. I tried to get out of Takumi's grip, but I just couldn't get him to let go. "Ren sweet heart, why are are you still up this late?" I was trying to use my doting mother voice, but it was cracked and broken from my crying and screaming before. Surely, it had been my fault that he had woken up. How much had heard? I began to wonder. What of it did he understand? Was he old enough to know what fighting was? Dammit Nana, what kind of question was that, that might as well be all he knows from the way you and his so-called father behave with each other!

"..." he stayed silent for a minute before answering. "It's too loud for me to sleep. Everything's all noisy... just like Kaa-sama's face," he said flatly, pointing a single finger up at me. My mouth dropped open in shock.

With his son's utterly hilarious interjection, Takumi seemed to be unable to maintain his composure per usual around Ren, and began to burst out laughing.

"It's not funny you piece of crap! That doesn't even make sense! Why you insolent little child..." I hissed to Ren whilst Takumi dropped my wrist and guarded his stomach with his arms as he laughed.

"What's 'crap' mean, Tou-sama?" the sleepy five year old asked.

"Ren-kun, let me tell you a little story of Kaa-sama from when I first met her..." Takumi snickered as he walked over to the boy.

"You're worse than he is!" I groaned as my husband continued to poke fun at me with our son. "Don't you dare go and teach him foul language and foul ways like you and run away from this fight, Takumi Ichinose!" I spat out accusingly. It seemed odd how quickly this fight of tears had gone from a screaming match, to an odd proposal from my husband, to hiding our marriage problems in front of our half-asleep son. "But it's too unfortunate. He really is your son, isn't he..." I grumbled.

"I'll just take him back to bed, ne?" he smiled fake and forced, but Ren couldn't pick up that much of our discussion. I sighed and knelt down to meet eye to eye with him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay Ren, promise me when Tou-sama takes you back to your room you'll go back to bed, ne?" I tapped lightly on his little child's nose, smiling.

His silent treatment really was starting to bother me, but I didn't hint at it any.

My son's eyes darted to the side before he mumbled out, "Maybe if Kaa-sama and Tou-sama stopped fighting all the time... then I'll go to sleep."

Takumi was caught by surprise just as badly as I was, and let his mouth hang open a centimeter or two, losing his stern yet fatherly smile. His arms were open, ready to pick his son up to bring him back to his room, but clearly the boy wasn't going to accept that.

Ren looked at both of us in a way that only the child of Ichinose Takumi would be capable of doing so, and shook his hand out of his father's grasp. "Good night," he said in his best 'serious tone'. Without another word, the little boy exited the parlor room and retreated back into his bed room, slamming the door shut behind him.

For some reason, I looked over to Takumi in defeat, saddened, trying to seek comfort or any type of answer, really. Having her child point out a flaw in herself was a mothers worst nightmare— too bad I didn't realize it until that very moment.

"Well, back to the earlier conversation..." he said, passing over what Ren had just spoken with ease. He stood up and walked over to the balcony, opening the sliding glass door. "What do you think?" he asked, pulling out one white stick from a pack of his all too familiar Gitain brand cigarettes and lighting it.

"I thought you were kidding," I said in shock, walking out on to the balcony with him.

"Why would I ever joke about that?" he asked, cancer stick dangling out the side of his mouth. He didn't bother to close the door behind him as he was power smoking his cigarette, probably to hide his nerves. But I noticed it, how he was tapping the ashes off on the side of the ceramic dish that rested on the railing faster than normal.

"Are you serious? You... you want another kid? Didn't you hear what Ren just said?" he stared at me blankly. "We're not good enough parents to raise our first child, let alone a second! He just told us we fight too much!"

"Remember how we were when Ren was born?" he asked sweetly, reminiscing.

I blushed thinking about it, all the times he held me in his arms as I held our baby, all of the surprise visits from work to make sure both of us were okay, how he'd actually spend time at home with me, just the two of us. He would spoil me rotten, and let Ren go out with people like Yasu and Naoki so we could have time alone together. We tried to use him to fix the problems we knew we both had with one another. And for just a little while… it worked.

"Don't ask me that. Of course I remember. Don't think for a second I don't wish things could be like that again," I said quietly, looking at my feet. Takumi stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, reaching around me to the ash tray and tapping off just a bit more of his cigarette before inhaling deeply, only to breathe out and let the smoke furl out of his mouth and around me, making my vision hazy and my eyes feel a tingling sensation that wasn't quite making them water. He couldn't see me as I lost my cool, but he could absolutely feel my pulse quicken as he kept his hold on me from behind.

"We could be like that again... it would be so easy. I would stay with you during the pregnancy this time... and it'd be a good excuse for a vacation... just the two of us. Like how we ended up with Ren... and after all, we do have such a beautiful name with no owner to speak it as their own..." his words were seductive, alluring. Some people wouldn't be able to stand the breath of a smoker, but with him, with Takumi, it was different. It wasn't like he let the scent of the nicotine he regularly took into his body over take him, but he overtook the scent instead. It reminded me of those first nights we spent together, and how wonderful he made me feel. It's like I was addicted to his cigarette breath, even though it was terrible for him and for me, for Ren. It had taken a toll on his vocal cords over the years and turned his voice raspy. But something about it, and about the way his tongue hung on to the last letters of words ever so slightly; it was so sexual to me I couldn't stand it.

"How would you be so sure it'd be a girl next time?" I hissed with a scowl, trying to hide my thoughts from him.

Ichinose Satsuki. That was the name our baby was supposed to have. The 'beautiful name' Takumi was referring to. In the beginning, I had long believed the baby that was in my womb was going to be a baby girl. But, as it turned out, that baby ended up being a boy. His birth occurred not a month after the unfortunate and far too soon passing of his namesake, Honjo Ren.

Ren had been the lead guitarist for Trapnest, Takumi's former band, as well as the fiancé of my first Tokyo room mate and the woman who shared my name- Osaki Nana. Before his fame, he had left the Black Stones- affectionately referred to and known as BLAST by their die hard fans- as their former bassist.

So much had happened in the short six months I spent in apartment 707 with Nana. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here today. If it weren't for her and for Ren, I would have never met Takumi or fallen in love with him so easily, for real... if it weren't for either of them, our baby Ren wouldn't even be alive. That was why we named him for Ren. I wanted a three character name for my baby from the start, and, it was one of the very few suitable flower names for young boys.

"I have a feeling," he whispered into my other ear, his breath still hot from the burning cigarette that had been dangling from his mouth. He was so close to me, I felt like every place his skin touched mine was another explosion that I couldn't overcome. I was going to succumb to temptations again... but I didn't want to. He nibbled on my ear loosely, his breath hot on my skin, his chin resting on my shoulder as he nuzzled into me. He spoke more words of love and compassion, words that were constantly absent from our day to day lives as a married couple. "But of course... it wouldn't hurt to keep trying until we do have a girl."

"Nn... PERVERT!" I shouted, jamming down on his foot and elbowing him backwards. His hands had made their ways up under my shirt and were probably aiming to unlatch the hooks on my bra, hence why I decided I had to try and stop him. "Takumi, cut it out!" I yelped, turning around so that I was facing him, pushing weakly against his body. "You know, just because you're suddenly horny and want to do it doesn't mean you can use the excuse of wanting another kid with me! I'm not sleeping with you just because of that!"

"So sure about that?" he asked, facing me. His mouth held some kind of flat smirk, but his eyes said otherwise in what he wanted from me. I bit my bottom lip, looking up at his all-too-perfect features. His large hands, the long hair that danced around his face, and the eyes anyone could become lost in. I was weak and helpless against him. The last time he had cheated- the last time I knew about, anyways- was before Ren had been born. Having a son, and naming it after the band member whom Trapnest had lost, had put an end (to my knowledge, at the very least) to his womanizing ways. I know that he still had cheated on me, when I was pregnant with Ren and all... but why was it that after knowing him seven years, I still had no will power against him? Why was it that I still couldn't say no?

"Well... maybe not..." I mumbled out. With one hand on the side of my face, he brushed his thumb across my bottom lip as I flinched at the movement and felt more color than ever rush into my cheeks.

"If there's one thing I miss about you the most..." he started, laughing lightly, "It'd have to be how shy and timid you act with me in the beginning."

"How can you miss me?" I grumbled, "I sleep next to you every night, don't I?"

He let out a low chuckle. "But you don't sleep with me every night, now do you?"

My face flushed and my body stiffened. "Are you trying to blame me for a lack of sex right now?" Geeze, what was his problem?

"No, no," he laughed, still playing with my hair. "I'm only trying to seduce you right now, because I can't go another night without holding you again." He was speaking so seriously about it, I couldn't help but feel woozy. "I want to love you, Nana… will you let me do that again?" It was just another lie, I told myself, a fake. Don't fall for it, I told myself over and over again. Don't fall for it, I told myself I wouldn't fall for it.

But, nevertheless, I did. Just like seven summers ago, that very first time we saw each other when he leaned over in his car at a red light to kiss me. He leaned in after grabbing me by my chin, and that was exactly what he did.

He leaned in, and he kissed me.

It started as something innocent and sweet, reminiscent of what a young love had been. I stumbled backwards until I bumped into the wooden railing that kept me from falling off the edge.

His lips pulled away from mine for just a moment as he perched his fingers on the edge of the ceramic ash try, and I couldn't help but whisper to him, "Why did you have to stop?"

I wasn't referring to that exact moment necessarily... I was also referring to the action he had taken in stopping kissing me like that. As much as I tried to hate him, and as much as I had fought with him today, I missed his kiss, his touch and embrace, his warm love, and even the harsh love he would sometimes show in moments of fervor and anger. Whatever the emotion behind it, whether it was passion, jealousy, lust, or another— I just missed his love, and anything about it.

As soon as I spoke, his fingers crushed the cigarette's glowing embers out in the bottom of the dish, and his eyes grew with some kind of lustful, sexual hunger. He pulled me close to him, away from the edge, so my back was against the wall of the building. Takumi lunged forward, pressing me against the wall and kissing my neck, probably leaving a hickey where he held my skin captive between his lips for more than a reasonable amount of time for 'just a kiss'.

"This time, I won't," he whispered lustfully. His mouth intertwined with mine, and I couldn't help but kiss him back. I mirrored what his tongue did as it danced around inside my mouth. I couldn't breathe. He could have cared less. His hands were traveling up my shirt now, grabbing me over my bra. "Nana," he moaned out as he perched the bridge of his nose against mine.

My face was flushed, hot in temperature from his actions, and also embarrassed.

'Get it together!' I shouted to myself. "Stop that!" I verbalized with a squeak, coming out weak and flimsy, unlike my original expectations. I couldn't handle it when he touched me like that. I couldn't let him arouse me! I had to employ patience. I had to employ restraint. I had to keep myself together.

"Nana..." he sighed, laughing at me as I blushed a deeper red and stormed back into the apartment. "Just where are you going?" I ignored him as I walked towards our spa sized bathroom and turned on the lights in there. "Nana?" he asked again, calling out only my name and not trying to reason with me. That was probably the smarter thing to do.

"I'm taking a bath!" I yelled finally, as I began to draw the hot water. Not caring about modesty or that my curtains were wide open and anyone could see me, I striped off my clothes and threw them down with disgust and rage— which was really my poorly disguised sexual frustrations.

He began to walk back into the house, smoking yet another cigarette, headed from the bathroom door. Quickly, I tied my robe over my naked body, and met him at the door to block his entry. "Without you!" I screeched through gritted teeth, slamming the door shut and locking it, just for good measure. I was thinking about myself and myself alone right now; I'd have to apologize to Ren in the morning if I had disturbed him again. Maybe bribe him with candy, or ice cream? Well, I had time— I might as well mull it over in the warm waters of my bath for now. Untying my robe and letting it fall to the ground, I didn't even bother pinning up my hair as I slid into the steaming water and turned the faucet off. Burying my face into my knees, I let out a groan of exasperation and began to replay the last hours events through my mind, over and over again.

"I swear, being married will be the death of me."